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(The Consumerist)   If you are pooping on the top of trains as they pass by, the Massachusetts police would like you to stop   (consumerist.com) divider line 82
    More: Sick, defecations, Uxbridge, trains  
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6038 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jul 2014 at 6:18 AM (23 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



82 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-07-12 09:47:25 AM  

lack of warmth: peewinkle: Sorry but I just don't see the possibility of an empty rattle can derailing a freight train if run over.

/Conjunction, junction- what's YOUR function?

[blogs.montclair.edu image 250x210]

The only chance of derailment is see, is if the can gets in the rail switches and don't let the switch close enough.


I used to work on the railway and I have taken apart and replaced a set of points. If a pigeon can be sat there and the points STILL close enough to allow a train past (leaving half a pigeon sat there almost perfectly split) then I think they will be ok with a bit of poop.
 
2014-07-12 09:49:37 AM  

lack of warmth: peewinkle: Sorry but I just don't see the possibility of an empty rattle can derailing a freight train if run over.

/Conjunction, junction- what's YOUR function?

[blogs.montclair.edu image 250x210]

The only chance of derailment is see, is if the can gets in the rail switches and don't let the switch close enough. be


If someone's dookie is hard enough to jam the switches, they have bigger issues to worry about, like laying off the damn fiber already.
 
2014-07-12 10:01:25 AM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Sounds like the guy has a real loco motive

/I'll show myself out


No, no you should stay. That was one of the funnier comments so far.
 
2014-07-12 10:07:11 AM  

teenage mutant ninja rapist: Divinegrace: The first question that comes to mind....how do these people wipe? Do they take TP with em or do they just wonder home with a shiatty a$$?

Funny enough that was my first question to. Mabey they pre shiat in a brown bag and simply dump it as the train passes.


The smart money is on plastic, for people on the runs.
 
2014-07-12 10:11:16 AM  

skinink: What kind of Masshole would do such a thing? Though police have narrowed the search to this suspect:

[splitsider.com image 375x281]


came for this
 
2014-07-12 10:11:47 AM  
That's just a request, right?
 
2014-07-12 10:14:59 AM  
i291.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-12 10:18:07 AM  

zamboni: ...more like the Scattanooga Choo Choo.


That seems more of a Florida thing...

d1kcl3yiuixneo.cloudfront.net
 
2014-07-12 10:26:35 AM  
New item added to bucket list.
 
2014-07-12 10:46:28 AM  

i1123.photobucket.com

Unavailable for comment.
 
2014-07-12 10:50:53 AM  

mcnguyen: Uh, they're mooning the trains, not shiatting on them.  How would that even work?  You sit around hoping you have to take a shiat at the exact time the train comes by?


If a train leaves the station heading west at 45 mph, and you're sitting on the edge of the bridge 20 feet over the track and start pooping when you see the train begin to pass under you, how many cars in length must the train be to ensure that your poop lands on it? Show your work.
 
2014-07-12 11:26:42 AM  

Theaetetus: mcnguyen: Uh, they're mooning the trains, not shiatting on them.  How would that even work?  You sit around hoping you have to take a shiat at the exact time the train comes by?

If a train leaves the station heading west at 45 mph, and you're sitting on the edge of the bridge 20 feet over the track and start pooping when you see the train begin to pass under you, how many cars in length must the train be to ensure that your poop lands on it? Show your work.


Uxbridge is full of physics geniuses!
 
2014-07-12 11:29:55 AM  

mcnguyen: Theaetetus: mcnguyen: Uh, they're mooning the trains, not shiatting on them.  How would that even work?  You sit around hoping you have to take a shiat at the exact time the train comes by?

If a train leaves the station heading west at 45 mph, and you're sitting on the edge of the bridge 20 feet over the track and start pooping when you see the train begin to pass under you, how many cars in length must the train be to ensure that your poop lands on it? Show your work.

Uxbridge is full of physics geniuses!


Um...
content7.flixster.com
 
2014-07-12 11:41:35 AM  
i.imgur.com

R.I.P. TAKE THE POO TO THE LOO
 
2014-07-12 11:51:49 AM  

dready zim: I used to work on the railway and I have taken apart and replaced a set of points. If a pigeon can be sat there and the points STILL close enough to allow a train past (leaving half a pigeon sat there almost perfectly split) then I think they will be ok with a bit of poop.


vegas_greaser: If someone's dookie is hard enough to jam the switches, they have bigger issues to worry about, like laying off the damn fiber already.


READ THE ARTICLE.  Later in the article, they were mentioning the derailment possibility from graffiti taggers tossing their paint cans onto the train tracks.  The metal can plus mixing marble is much harder than fecal matter or a pigeon.
 
2014-07-12 11:53:12 AM  
I gotta say that the idea of someone shiatting on a moving train makes me laugh my ass off.
 
2014-07-12 11:53:39 AM  
cue the lawyers.  eventually some idiot will fall to their death while shiatting on trains and the rail system will be blamed for negligence.

/dnrtfa
 
2014-07-12 12:08:22 PM  
I'm on the Poop Train
Bottoms up
I'm on the Poop Train
Fill my cup
 
2014-07-12 12:09:41 PM  
Don't ask me silly questions; I won't play silly games
I'm just a simple choo-choo train, and I'll always be the same
I only want to race along beneath the bright blu sky,
and if you shiat upon my back I'll watch your children die.
 
2014-07-12 12:51:40 PM  

gggoddammitt: FTFA: "At times the trains passing through carry hazardous materials, and if the train gets derailed it could cause a HUGE problem."

I wasn't aware that feces could derail a train. I mean, it's not rhinos doing it.


No, that was about leaving spray cans on the tracks after painting graffiti.
 
2014-07-12 12:52:42 PM  

SDRR: NutWrench: "I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!"

Have you been spying on me? I always yell that very saying when I am about to...


orgasm?
 
2014-07-12 01:01:13 PM  

BitwiseShift: BalugaJoe: How do they time it?

Exactly. I smell a conspiracy.

[media.salon.com image 750x500]


This thing stinks to high heaven!
 
2014-07-12 01:27:18 PM  
You're supposed to time it so it hits the windshield.
 
2014-07-12 01:58:18 PM  

Theaetetus: mcnguyen: Uh, they're mooning the trains, not shiatting on them.  How would that even work?  You sit around hoping you have to take a shiat at the exact time the train comes by?

If a train leaves the station heading west at 45 mph, and you're sitting on the edge of the bridge 20 feet over the track and start pooping when you see the train begin to pass under you, how many cars in length must the train be to ensure that your poop lands on it? Show your work.


That's a fargin' trick question!
 
2014-07-12 04:00:49 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-07-12 05:04:20 PM  
Railroad people like to tell the same kind of lies cops do.

That could derail the trail.
That could cut your head off if you don't wear your seatbelt.
A penny on the tracks can do millions of dollars in damage.
That 22 round in your pocket could have taken my head off.

All bullshiat.

Am I the only one who would never try to bullshiat people like that?

In the early 90's the kids from Shattuck School piled a few tons of RR ties on the tracks at 14th street. My dad saw the train hit it full speed. Sadly no video. Also, no derailment.
 
2014-07-12 06:09:46 PM  
Homesick guy from India?
 
2014-07-12 08:35:57 PM  

dolphinsgonwild: zamboni: ...more like the Scattanooga Choo Choo.

That seems more of a Florida thing...

[d1kcl3yiuixneo.cloudfront.net image 612x612]


Oh my god... you can't be serious that someone didn't see that.  LOL.
 
2014-07-13 12:08:32 AM  

Loren: gggoddammitt: FTFA: "At times the trains passing through carry hazardous materials, and if the train gets derailed it could cause a HUGE problem."

I wasn't aware that feces could derail a train. I mean, it's not rhinos doing it.

No, that was about leaving spray cans on the tracks after painting graffiti.


I know, guy. I was making a joke and trying to spread the joy. The mental image of a rhino shiatting on trains tracks is something I thought worth sharing.
 
2014-07-13 01:25:10 AM  
Let me tell you about the town of Uxbrdige Massatooshiats
they've got three stop signs, two police officers and one police car...........
 
2014-07-13 10:44:21 AM  
2 girls 1 train?
 
2014-07-13 02:02:40 PM  
Really, a can of paint can derail a train? That sounds safe.
 
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