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(The Consumerist)   If you are pooping on the top of trains as they pass by, the Massachusetts police would like you to stop   (consumerist.com) divider line 81
    More: Sick, defecations, Uxbridge, trains  
•       •       •

6062 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jul 2014 at 6:18 AM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



81 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-07-12 01:13:53 AM  
Everybody knows this is Cleveland behavior.
 
2014-07-12 01:21:34 AM  
Trainspotting?

/Toilet training?
 
2014-07-12 01:23:35 AM  
Was that wrong?  Should I not have done that?
 
2014-07-12 01:28:19 AM  
if it's wrong to poop on moving trains, then i don't wanna be right.
 
2014-07-12 01:30:14 AM  
Prime Suspect


i65.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-12 01:49:29 AM  
You can't just stop someone from pooping if they're mid-poop.  If you've already started pooping on top of a Massachusetts train, please continue to empty your bowels or intestinal damage may result.
 
2014-07-12 02:04:10 AM  
Out of one caboose, onto another.
 
2014-07-12 02:10:08 AM  
 www.decorandmore.com

I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN.
 
2014-07-12 03:10:46 AM  

GreenAdder: Everybody knows this is Cleveland behavior.


Are you sure it isn't Kansas?  I think they call it a Brownback.
 
2014-07-12 03:20:57 AM  

doyner: GreenAdder: Everybody knows this is Cleveland behavior.

Are you sure it isn't Kansas?  I think they call it a Brownback.


Depends on what you eat. Eat enough leafy vegetables, and it becomes a Greenback.
 
2014-07-12 06:27:25 AM  
"I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!"
 
2014-07-12 06:31:57 AM  
Translation: You're in for a REAL shiatstorm if you're caught in the act, "taggers"!
 
2014-07-12 06:39:19 AM  

syrynxx: You can't just stop someone from pooping if they're mid-poop.  If you've already started pooping on top of a Massachusetts train, please continue to empty your bowels or intestinal damage may result.


The condition known as "blue bowels".
 
2014-07-12 06:41:27 AM  
FTFA: "At times the trains passing through carry hazardous materials, and if the train gets derailed it could cause a HUGE problem." 

I wasn't aware that feces could derail a train. I mean, it's not rhinos doing it.

/Now I have a mental image of a rhino pooping on train tracks burned into my brain.
 
2014-07-12 06:45:00 AM  

GreenAdder: Everybody knows this is Cleveland behavior.


It's more of an India thing.
 
2014-07-12 06:45:46 AM  
Next your going to tell me to stop using dump trucks.
 
2014-07-12 06:55:56 AM  
This makes the list of "things I never wanted to do until I was told not to do it."
 
2014-07-12 06:58:39 AM  
RR does not stand for restroom
 
2014-07-12 07:06:02 AM  
Tail Gunner!.
 
2014-07-12 07:06:56 AM  
The first question that comes to mind....how do these people wipe? Do they take TP with em or do they just wonder home with a shiatty a$$?
 
2014-07-12 07:16:50 AM  
Dave Matthews Band Express?
 
2014-07-12 07:17:22 AM  
Uh, they're mooning the trains, not shiatting on them.  How would that even work?  You sit around hoping you have to take a shiat at the exact time the train comes by?
 
2014-07-12 07:18:52 AM  
Not to be confused with the MBTA's usual shiatty service
 
2014-07-12 07:18:55 AM  
...more like the Scattanooga Choo Choo.
 
2014-07-12 07:21:56 AM  
What kind of Masshole would do such a thing? Though police have narrowed the search to this suspect:

splitsider.com
 
2014-07-12 07:28:13 AM  

Straight Outta Wells Branch: doyner: GreenAdder: Everybody knows this is Cleveland behavior.

Are you sure it isn't Kansas?  I think they call it a Brownback.

Depends on what you eat. Eat enough leafy vegetables, and it becomes a Greenback.


Drink a whole bottle of Welches grape juice and report back tomorrow.
 
2014-07-12 07:40:13 AM  
Sounds like the guy has a real loco motive

/I'll show myself out
 
2014-07-12 07:42:10 AM  

doyner: GreenAdder: Everybody knows this is Cleveland behavior.

Are you sure it isn't Kansas?  I think they call it a Brownback.


http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Cleveland+Steamer
aka cleveland steamroller
 
2014-07-12 07:46:42 AM  
Someone has a grudge against trains....
 
2014-07-12 07:55:02 AM  
In before "OWS poops on cop cars, therefore Libs approve".
 
2014-07-12 08:00:30 AM  
How do they time it?
 
2014-07-12 08:11:22 AM  

mcnguyen: Uh, they're mooning the trains, not shiatting on them.  How would that even work?  You sit around hoping you have to take a shiat at the exact time the train comes by?


Uhhhg....Uggghhhh.... Come On 10:15! Come on! Ughhhhhh!
 
2014-07-12 08:16:30 AM  
BUTTGHAZI! Thanks Bowelrack Poopain Obuttma
 
2014-07-12 08:17:20 AM  

gggoddammitt: FTFA: "At times the trains passing through carry hazardous materials, and if the train gets derailed it could cause a HUGE problem." 

I wasn't aware that feces could derail a train. I mean, it's not rhinos doing it.

/Now I have a mental image of a rhino pooping on train tracks burned into my brain.


Thanks for the warning.
i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2014-07-12 08:18:27 AM  
So that's why the Acela smells like ass, fella!
 
2014-07-12 08:37:05 AM  
Yeah, when the train
Left the station
There were two loads
On behind.
 
hej
2014-07-12 08:53:45 AM  
Looks like I got exactly the response that I wanted.
 
2014-07-12 08:57:09 AM  
Should apply regardless of what you're dumping.
static.guim.co.uk
 
2014-07-12 08:58:37 AM  
Poop train sounding louder, everybody get on the poop train.
 
2014-07-12 09:02:31 AM  

BalugaJoe: How do they time it?


Exactly. I smell a conspiracy.

media.salon.com
 
2014-07-12 09:11:43 AM  

MBooda: Should apply regardless of what you're dumping.
[static.guim.co.uk image 657x480]


Great film, such a slow burn leading up to frenzied end.
 
2014-07-12 09:15:50 AM  
Uxbridge, MA?  It that even a real place?  *googles*  well, bless my buttons, it is a real place.

maybe they need to spend 2 billion dollars to spur economic development so the yutes have something better to do.  surely they can find the money to stop the train poopers.
 
2014-07-12 09:16:30 AM  

no icon tact: MBooda: Should apply regardless of what you're dumping.
[static.guim.co.uk image 657x480]

Great film, such a slow burn leading up to frenzied end.


what film is that?
 
2014-07-12 09:19:14 AM  
Sorry but I just don't see the possibility of an empty rattle can derailing a freight train if run over.

/Conjunction, junction- what's YOUR function?

blogs.montclair.edu
 
2014-07-12 09:21:47 AM  

danno_to_infinity: no icon tact: MBooda: Should apply regardless of what you're dumping.
[static.guim.co.uk image 657x480]

Great film, such a slow burn leading up to frenzied end.

what film is that?


The Ladykillers (1955), the original Ealing classic, not the meh 2004 Tom Hanks remake.

For years I had nightmares about Alec Guinness's face in The Ladykillers. The nightmares went away in the 1970's, the Star Wars was released and the nightmares came back.
 
2014-07-12 09:26:31 AM  

NutWrench: "I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!"


Have you been spying on me? I always yell that very saying when I am about to... uh, nevermind.
 
2014-07-12 09:32:49 AM  

BalugaJoe: How do they time it?


Trains are pretty long. You can start to poop at the beginning of the train and have it hit the middle. The trick is to find one of the elusive buggers. Every time people are hit by one you hear about how it came out of nowhere. This must be why they are so sneaky.
 
2014-07-12 09:40:14 AM  

Divinegrace: The first question that comes to mind....how do these people wipe? Do they take TP with em or do they just wonder home with a shiatty a$$?


Funny enough that was my first question to. Mabey they pre shiat in a brown bag and simply dump it as the train passes.
 
2014-07-12 09:40:27 AM  

peewinkle: Sorry but I just don't see the possibility of an empty rattle can derailing a freight train if run over.

/Conjunction, junction- what's YOUR function?

[blogs.montclair.edu image 250x210]


The only chance of derailment is see, is if the can gets in the rail switches and don't let the switch close enough.
 
2014-07-12 09:45:06 AM  

BalugaJoe: How do they time it?


Exactly, must be an inside job. Trains never run on time...
 
2014-07-12 09:47:25 AM  

lack of warmth: peewinkle: Sorry but I just don't see the possibility of an empty rattle can derailing a freight train if run over.

/Conjunction, junction- what's YOUR function?

[blogs.montclair.edu image 250x210]

The only chance of derailment is see, is if the can gets in the rail switches and don't let the switch close enough.


I used to work on the railway and I have taken apart and replaced a set of points. If a pigeon can be sat there and the points STILL close enough to allow a train past (leaving half a pigeon sat there almost perfectly split) then I think they will be ok with a bit of poop.
 
2014-07-12 09:49:37 AM  

lack of warmth: peewinkle: Sorry but I just don't see the possibility of an empty rattle can derailing a freight train if run over.

/Conjunction, junction- what's YOUR function?

[blogs.montclair.edu image 250x210]

The only chance of derailment is see, is if the can gets in the rail switches and don't let the switch close enough. be


If someone's dookie is hard enough to jam the switches, they have bigger issues to worry about, like laying off the damn fiber already.
 
2014-07-12 10:01:25 AM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Sounds like the guy has a real loco motive

/I'll show myself out


No, no you should stay. That was one of the funnier comments so far.
 
2014-07-12 10:07:11 AM  

teenage mutant ninja rapist: Divinegrace: The first question that comes to mind....how do these people wipe? Do they take TP with em or do they just wonder home with a shiatty a$$?

Funny enough that was my first question to. Mabey they pre shiat in a brown bag and simply dump it as the train passes.


The smart money is on plastic, for people on the runs.
 
2014-07-12 10:11:16 AM  

skinink: What kind of Masshole would do such a thing? Though police have narrowed the search to this suspect:

[splitsider.com image 375x281]


came for this
 
2014-07-12 10:11:47 AM  
That's just a request, right?
 
2014-07-12 10:14:59 AM  
i291.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-12 10:18:07 AM  

zamboni: ...more like the Scattanooga Choo Choo.


That seems more of a Florida thing...

d1kcl3yiuixneo.cloudfront.net
 
2014-07-12 10:26:35 AM  
New item added to bucket list.
 
2014-07-12 10:46:28 AM  

i1123.photobucket.com

Unavailable for comment.
 
2014-07-12 10:50:53 AM  

mcnguyen: Uh, they're mooning the trains, not shiatting on them.  How would that even work?  You sit around hoping you have to take a shiat at the exact time the train comes by?


If a train leaves the station heading west at 45 mph, and you're sitting on the edge of the bridge 20 feet over the track and start pooping when you see the train begin to pass under you, how many cars in length must the train be to ensure that your poop lands on it? Show your work.
 
2014-07-12 11:26:42 AM  

Theaetetus: mcnguyen: Uh, they're mooning the trains, not shiatting on them.  How would that even work?  You sit around hoping you have to take a shiat at the exact time the train comes by?

If a train leaves the station heading west at 45 mph, and you're sitting on the edge of the bridge 20 feet over the track and start pooping when you see the train begin to pass under you, how many cars in length must the train be to ensure that your poop lands on it? Show your work.


Uxbridge is full of physics geniuses!
 
2014-07-12 11:29:55 AM  

mcnguyen: Theaetetus: mcnguyen: Uh, they're mooning the trains, not shiatting on them.  How would that even work?  You sit around hoping you have to take a shiat at the exact time the train comes by?

If a train leaves the station heading west at 45 mph, and you're sitting on the edge of the bridge 20 feet over the track and start pooping when you see the train begin to pass under you, how many cars in length must the train be to ensure that your poop lands on it? Show your work.

Uxbridge is full of physics geniuses!


Um...
content7.flixster.com
 
2014-07-12 11:41:35 AM  
i.imgur.com

R.I.P. TAKE THE POO TO THE LOO
 
2014-07-12 11:51:49 AM  

dready zim: I used to work on the railway and I have taken apart and replaced a set of points. If a pigeon can be sat there and the points STILL close enough to allow a train past (leaving half a pigeon sat there almost perfectly split) then I think they will be ok with a bit of poop.


vegas_greaser: If someone's dookie is hard enough to jam the switches, they have bigger issues to worry about, like laying off the damn fiber already.


READ THE ARTICLE.  Later in the article, they were mentioning the derailment possibility from graffiti taggers tossing their paint cans onto the train tracks.  The metal can plus mixing marble is much harder than fecal matter or a pigeon.
 
2014-07-12 11:53:12 AM  
I gotta say that the idea of someone shiatting on a moving train makes me laugh my ass off.
 
2014-07-12 11:53:39 AM  
cue the lawyers.  eventually some idiot will fall to their death while shiatting on trains and the rail system will be blamed for negligence.

/dnrtfa
 
2014-07-12 12:08:22 PM  
I'm on the Poop Train
Bottoms up
I'm on the Poop Train
Fill my cup
 
2014-07-12 12:09:41 PM  
Don't ask me silly questions; I won't play silly games
I'm just a simple choo-choo train, and I'll always be the same
I only want to race along beneath the bright blu sky,
and if you shiat upon my back I'll watch your children die.
 
2014-07-12 12:51:40 PM  

gggoddammitt: FTFA: "At times the trains passing through carry hazardous materials, and if the train gets derailed it could cause a HUGE problem."

I wasn't aware that feces could derail a train. I mean, it's not rhinos doing it.


No, that was about leaving spray cans on the tracks after painting graffiti.
 
2014-07-12 12:52:42 PM  

SDRR: NutWrench: "I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!"

Have you been spying on me? I always yell that very saying when I am about to...


orgasm?
 
2014-07-12 01:27:18 PM  
You're supposed to time it so it hits the windshield.
 
2014-07-12 01:58:18 PM  

Theaetetus: mcnguyen: Uh, they're mooning the trains, not shiatting on them.  How would that even work?  You sit around hoping you have to take a shiat at the exact time the train comes by?

If a train leaves the station heading west at 45 mph, and you're sitting on the edge of the bridge 20 feet over the track and start pooping when you see the train begin to pass under you, how many cars in length must the train be to ensure that your poop lands on it? Show your work.


That's a fargin' trick question!
 
2014-07-12 04:00:49 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-07-12 05:04:20 PM  
Railroad people like to tell the same kind of lies cops do.

That could derail the trail.
That could cut your head off if you don't wear your seatbelt.
A penny on the tracks can do millions of dollars in damage.
That 22 round in your pocket could have taken my head off.

All bullshiat.

Am I the only one who would never try to bullshiat people like that?

In the early 90's the kids from Shattuck School piled a few tons of RR ties on the tracks at 14th street. My dad saw the train hit it full speed. Sadly no video. Also, no derailment.
 
2014-07-12 06:09:46 PM  
Homesick guy from India?
 
2014-07-12 08:35:57 PM  

dolphinsgonwild: zamboni: ...more like the Scattanooga Choo Choo.

That seems more of a Florida thing...

[d1kcl3yiuixneo.cloudfront.net image 612x612]


Oh my god... you can't be serious that someone didn't see that.  LOL.
 
2014-07-13 12:08:32 AM  

Loren: gggoddammitt: FTFA: "At times the trains passing through carry hazardous materials, and if the train gets derailed it could cause a HUGE problem."

I wasn't aware that feces could derail a train. I mean, it's not rhinos doing it.

No, that was about leaving spray cans on the tracks after painting graffiti.


I know, guy. I was making a joke and trying to spread the joy. The mental image of a rhino shiatting on trains tracks is something I thought worth sharing.
 
2014-07-13 01:25:10 AM  
Let me tell you about the town of Uxbrdige Massatooshiats
they've got three stop signs, two police officers and one police car...........
 
2014-07-13 10:44:21 AM  
2 girls 1 train?
 
2014-07-13 02:02:40 PM  
Really, a can of paint can derail a train? That sounds safe.
 
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