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(MLive.com)   GOP candidate with felony record for masturbating and joyriding (at the same time) might not be disqualified from elected office, but he's quitting the race because he's out of juice   (mlive.com) divider line 35
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679 clicks; posted to Politics » on 10 Jul 2014 at 4:20 PM (28 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



35 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-07-10 11:48:11 AM  
He just loved America too much.
 
2014-07-10 11:58:09 AM  
 
2014-07-10 12:08:26 PM  
masturbating and joyriding (at the same time)

If you're not doing them at the same time it isn't a joyride...it's just a ride.
 
2014-07-10 12:14:33 PM  
♫ Who-o-o-o-oa... fappin' down the highway... ♫
 
2014-07-10 02:04:31 PM  
Those little teeth are going to give me nightmares.
 
2014-07-10 03:29:19 PM  
imgick.mlive.com

He's less creepy looking in his mugshot. That's...not normal.
 
2014-07-10 04:12:14 PM  
He's proven to be a multi tasker.
 
2014-07-10 04:14:57 PM  
Those are not the eyes of a sane man.

Also, 24? Damn, dude... damn.
 
2014-07-10 04:27:47 PM  
The party of "family values" strikes again!
 
2014-07-10 04:30:34 PM  

what_now: [imgick.mlive.com image 620x396]

He's less creepy looking in his mugshot. That's...not normal.

secularnerd.com


www.wildsound-filmmaking-feedback-events.com

Today I learned that excessive wanking blunts your teeth and gives you the major malfunctions.
 
2014-07-10 04:31:43 PM  

Calmamity: Those are not the eyes of a sane man.

Also, 24? Damn, dude... damn.


They DO seem narrower than his earlier mug shot.

Perhaps he's turning Japanese (I really think so).
 
2014-07-10 04:31:59 PM  

AeAe: The party of "family values" strikes again!


1.  Looks like a true leader and not a creepy weirdo at all.
2.  Strong family values
3.  Is uncomfortable with the proximity of the current POTUS

I like 'em.  He got hisself some bootstraps!
 
2014-07-10 04:32:26 PM  

what_now: He's less creepy looking in his mugshot. That's...not normal.


Looks like someone beat him with a sock full of soap.
 
2014-07-10 04:33:05 PM  

born_yesterday: AeAe: The party of "family values" strikes again!

1.  Looks like a true leader and not a creepy weirdo at all.
2.  Strong family values
3.  Is uncomfortable with the proximity of the current POTUS

I like 'em.  He got hisself some bootstraps which he used to asphyxiate himself to orgasm!


FTFY.
 
2014-07-10 04:33:40 PM  
Sounds like he's just been working on his basic GOP qualifications for public office.
 
2014-07-10 04:41:43 PM  
Cranking is not a thing and stop trying to make it be.
 
2014-07-10 04:43:49 PM  

Dancin_In_Anson: Nothing new here.


I love PJ Orourke but it is a narrow set of circumstances in which I vote for a guy that breaks into cars and tries to steal them while jerking off (potentially in my car). And though it should not matter- this kid looks creepy- like the kind of guy that would try to steal my car while jerking off in it.

Yuck
 
2014-07-10 04:46:32 PM  

Sin_City_Superhero: masturbating and joyriding (at the same time)

If you're not doing them at the same time it isn't a joyride...it's just a ride.


Well done sir- you win the boner- I mean bonus point
 
2014-07-10 04:50:14 PM  

illogic: Sounds like he's just been working on his basic GOP qualifications for public office.


You mean masturbating furiously while dismantling something and trying to operate it in a dysfunctional manner.
 
2014-07-10 04:53:28 PM  
OH GREAT...so now driving STICK is a criminal offense...


thanks a lot Obama.
 
2014-07-10 04:56:56 PM  
The guy is from Saginaw. He is right on track for being dead by 30.
 
2014-07-10 05:02:26 PM  
Where does the GOP get these guys?
 
2014-07-10 05:05:47 PM  

smellysocksnshoes: I love PJ Orourke but it is a narrow set of circumstances in which I vote for a guy that breaks into cars and tries to steal them while jerking off (potentially in my car).


I didn't get past the Fark headline before that article popped into my head. Didn't bother with the rest of the article.
 
2014-07-10 05:15:02 PM  

what_now: [imgick.mlive.com image 620x396]

He's less creepy looking in his mugshot. That's...not normal.


Those photos were taken one year apart.  One.  I have a gallon of milk that's aged more gracefully.
 
2014-07-10 05:46:12 PM  
 I do this, not because I no longer think Saginaw needs a constitutional conservative candidate, but out of deference to those candidates I would consider my friends.

Stop lying.  You don't have any friends.
 
2014-07-10 05:53:24 PM  
Are all perverts republicans, or are all republicans perverts?
 
2014-07-10 05:58:59 PM  
I have to confess, I'm actually amazed this guy isn't their Presidential front-runner.  Is there some issue we're unaware of that he's reasonable about?  Did someone catch him on tape saying, "I dunno.  I guess, hypothetically, that rape could occasionally be bad."?
 
2014-07-10 06:03:02 PM  

smellysocksnshoes: Dancin_In_Anson: Nothing new here.

I love PJ Orourke but it is a narrow set of circumstances in which I vote for a guy that breaks into cars and tries to steal them while jerking off (potentially in my car). And though it should not matter- this kid looks creepy- like the kind of guy that would try to steal my car while jerking off in it.

Yuck


This guy takes it to a new level; he pulls off a spark plug wire or two and beats it while the engine is misfiring.

/subby
 
2014-07-10 07:06:26 PM  

LibertyHiller: smellysocksnshoes: Dancin_In_Anson: Nothing new here.

I love PJ Orourke but it is a narrow set of circumstances in which I vote for a guy that breaks into cars and tries to steal them while jerking off (potentially in my car). And though it should not matter- this kid looks creepy- like the kind of guy that would try to steal my car while jerking off in it.

Yuck

This guy takes it to a new level; he pulls off a spark plug wire or two and beats it while the engine is misfiring.

/subby


It is hysterical but too way too gross to vote for-...

Well if you think about it, ripping out my spark plugs, stealing my car, and leaving it spunk stained is actually less damaging than what the Average elected official does to us daily.

I am pretty sure the last time Obama visited MN he took a nasty dump in my bathroom, wiped with the good hand towel, and didn't light a match
 
2014-07-10 07:16:06 PM  
pure Michigan

/I should get a stamp of that
 
2014-07-10 10:42:03 PM  

smellysocksnshoes: LibertyHiller: smellysocksnshoes: Dancin_In_Anson: Nothing new here.

I love PJ Orourke but it is a narrow set of circumstances in which I vote for a guy that breaks into cars and tries to steal them while jerking off (potentially in my car). And though it should not matter- this kid looks creepy- like the kind of guy that would try to steal my car while jerking off in it.

Yuck

This guy takes it to a new level; he pulls off a spark plug wire or two and beats it while the engine is misfiring.

/subby

It is hysterical but too way too gross to vote for-...

Well if you think about it, ripping out my spark plugs, stealing my car, and leaving it spunk stained is actually less damaging than what the Average elected official does to us daily.

I am pretty sure the last time Obama visited MN he took a nasty dump in my bathroom, wiped with the good hand towel, and didn't light a match


W left me a top-decker the last time he came through town.
 
2014-07-10 11:32:52 PM  

Dancin_In_Anson: smellysocksnshoes: I love PJ Orourke but it is a narrow set of circumstances in which I vote for a guy that breaks into cars and tries to steal them while jerking off (potentially in my car).

I didn't get past the Fark headline before that article popped into my head. Didn't bother with the rest of the article.


Of course you farking "didn't"
 
2014-07-10 11:34:22 PM  

what_now: He's less creepy looking in his mugshot. That's...not normal.


There's a real tooth:gum ratio problem.
 
2014-07-11 09:33:24 AM  

BSABSVR: Dancin_In_Anson: smellysocksnshoes: I love PJ Orourke but it is a narrow set of circumstances in which I vote for a guy that breaks into cars and tries to steal them while jerking off (potentially in my car).

I didn't get past the Fark headline before that article popped into my head. Didn't bother with the rest of the article.

Of course you farking "didn't"


Being a faithful Fark Independent™ requires not reading most of the things you comment on.
 
2014-07-11 01:18:12 PM  

dstrick44: Are all perverts republicans, or are all republicans perverts?


Basically.
 
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