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(Vocativ)   Dear FIFA, since Qatar will be part of our Islamic Caliphate in 2022 we suggest you select an alternative location for the 2022 World Cup, otherwise we'll blow you up with our SCUD missiles. Love, ISIS   (vocativ.com) divider line 49
    More: Unlikely  
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1678 clicks; posted to Sports » on 10 Jul 2014 at 12:11 PM (2 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-07-10 09:05:00 AM
If Qatar is part of the Caliphate by then, why would they need to hit it with their missiles?
 
2014-07-10 09:42:59 AM
I'm not sure if I should root for ISIS or FIFA here.
 
2014-07-10 09:44:56 AM
100 degree(F) heat and no beer and sharia law.  Sounds like a great vacation spot.
 
2014-07-10 09:51:11 AM

oldernell: 100 degree(F) heat and no beer and sharia law.  Sounds like a great vacation spot.


Reminds me of this. (Skip to 5:28)
 
2014-07-10 09:52:28 AM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: I'm not sure if I should root for ISIS or FIFA here.


This is a tough one for FIFA.  They're usually on the receiving end of the bribes.  Having to give some might just blow their little minds.
 
2014-07-10 09:59:18 AM
OK, well, that settles it. Time to move the Cup.

C'mon, Sepp- it's a perfect opportunity.
 
2014-07-10 10:39:35 AM
So they plan to be within this area and alive in 2022?

maps.google.com
 
2014-07-10 10:41:25 AM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: I'm not sure if I should root for ISIS or FIFA here.


I'd go with ISIS, if only because they have a code of ethics.
 
2014-07-10 10:42:05 AM

zedster: So they plan to be within this area and alive in 2022?

[maps.google.com image 600x500]


They'll be done taking back Spain by then so that should be no trouble at all.
 
2014-07-10 11:54:06 AM

DjangoStonereaver: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: I'm not sure if I should root for ISIS or FIFA here.

I'd go with ISIS, if only because they have a code of ethics.


At least militant Islam is an ethos.
 
2014-07-10 12:14:20 PM
Dear ISIS,

We want to make sure we understand your concerns, so we are sending a Team of European Football Negotiators to discuss your objections.

Regards,

FIFA


PS-Team of European Football Negotiators = 10000 Violent Football Hooligans. May Allah be with you.
 
2014-07-10 12:17:42 PM
Good luck trying to hit the Brazil goalie!
 
2014-07-10 12:29:03 PM

bighairyguy: Good luck trying to hit the Brazil goalie!


LOL! Well done, sir. Well done.
 
2014-07-10 12:29:18 PM
It sounds like ISIS wants to create a danger zone.
 
2014-07-10 12:32:16 PM

zedster: So they plan to be within this area and alive in 2022?

[maps.google.com image 600x500]


You do realize that multiple warheads with smaller yields give a better result.
 
2014-07-10 12:32:33 PM

mr_a: Dear ISIS,

We want to make sure we understand your concerns, so we are sending a Team of European Football Negotiators to discuss your objections.

Regards,

FIFA


PS-Team of European Football Negotiators = 10000 Violent Football Hooligans. May Allah be with you.


"Infidel fool, be warned. You have declared war upon the ISIS."

"THIS IS NOT WAR. THIS IS PEST CONTROL."

"We have a Middle East full of the faithful. How many are you?"

"TEN THOUSAND."

"You would destroy ISIS with ten thousand hooligans?"

"WE WILL DESTROY YOU WITH ONE WEST HAM FAN. YOU ARE SUPERIOR IN ONLY ONE RESPECT."

"What is that?"

"YOU ARE BETTER AT D-Y-I-N-G. RAISE COMMUNICATIONS BARRIER AND START SINGING 'ONE ANDY CARROLL, THERE'S ONLY ONE ANDY CARROLL'..."
 
2014-07-10 12:34:33 PM

The_Sponge: It sounds like ISIS wants to create a danger zone.


static.tvtropes.org

"Ahmed. AHMED! TELL THESE TWO SMOKING HOT BABES WE'RE BOTH ISIS AGENTS..."
 
2014-07-10 12:39:29 PM

Smeggy Smurf: zedster: So they plan to be within this area and alive in 2022?

[maps.google.com image 600x500]

You do realize that multiple warheads with smaller yields give a better result.


they said Scud, a Scud-D has 700km range, so I drew a 700km circle around Qatar
 
2014-07-10 12:50:47 PM
I like that they included a map with a section marked "too small to read so couldn't translate."* and also noted that the map was included despite being "widely debunked".


/* egg will be on my face if 'too small to read couldn't translate' ends up being the name of the place.
 
2014-07-10 12:54:27 PM
FIFA's greed has come back to bite them in the ass?

i306.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-10 12:59:36 PM
ISIS needs to field their own team.

Gonna be hot in those black unis.
 
2014-07-10 01:00:40 PM
When you are an offshoot of Al Queda and they disavow all ties to you then you know you have gone a little too far. This is a classic example of criminal sociology. I covered this in college. When a terrorist organization splinters the group that breaks away will always be more militant the the parent organization. This has happened numerous time throughout history. The best example is IRA.

The world might not get too involved in local brown people killing brown people type stuff, but if the World Cup does stay in Qatar and you try to bomb it, you better believe the world will biatch slap you so hard that your grandkids will feel it. People of this world care a whole lot more about the World Cup than they do your Islamic beliefs. Whether you agree with it or not that is the case. Dropping a Scud on the World Cup directly attacks 32 countries. Many of those countries have standing a standing military much better than your 20 year old gun mounted on the back of a pickup truck.
 
2014-07-10 01:03:49 PM

zedster: Smeggy Smurf: zedster: So they plan to be within this area and alive in 2022?

[maps.google.com image 600x500]

You do realize that multiple warheads with smaller yields give a better result.

they said Scud, a Scud-D has 700km range, so I drew a 700km circle around Qatar


I like my idea better.  Sure it messes things up for a bit but the long term good will far outweigh the short term nuclear winter
 
2014-07-10 01:12:36 PM
Want to play a game?
pc-museum.com
 
2014-07-10 01:21:43 PM
Their map is more ambitious than the Roman empire.
 
2014-07-10 01:26:29 PM
Qatar even getting the World Cup seemed strange to me. $ounds like FIFA got a little gift in order to award them the World Cup.

Also, SCUDs? Oh crud.
 
2014-07-10 01:30:09 PM
I loved the map they posted showing their anticipated zone of control. I don't know which is funnier - controlling eastern Europe or Crimea. I'm really looking forward to the Kurds killing these assholes. The Iraqi government doesn't seem capable of it.
 
2014-07-10 01:52:33 PM

coldcuts: /* egg will be on my face if 'too small to read couldn't translate' ends up being the name of the place.


That's hilarious.

How come the "Islamic State of Iraq and Syria" would keep the name Iraq, but lose Syria?
/I wonder if calling the location of Israel "sham" was intended to be about their current legitimacy.
 
2014-07-10 01:55:37 PM
Don't worry, people. He's got this covered:

thesource.com
 
2014-07-10 02:05:41 PM
 
2014-07-10 02:15:39 PM

mr_a: Dear ISIS,

We want to make sure we understand your concerns, so we are sending a Team of European Football Negotiators to discuss your objections.

Regards,

FIFA


PS-Team of European Football Negotiators = 10000 Violent Football Hooligans. May Allah be with you.


You do realize that FIFA hates football hooligans and actively tries to prevent them from attending the World Cup, right?
 
2014-07-10 02:19:03 PM

Summoner101: Good luck with that

[upload.wikimedia.org image 850x553]


Meh, it took one decepticon about 5 minutes  (including Slow-Mo shots) to wreck that shiat up back in 2007 according to a documentary movie I saw directed by an M. Bay
 
2014-07-10 02:20:28 PM

phalamir: mr_a: Dear ISIS,

We want to make sure we understand your concerns, so we are sending a Team of European Football Negotiators to discuss your objections.

Regards,

FIFA


PS-Team of European Football Negotiators = 10000 Violent Football Hooligans. May Allah be with you.

You do realize that FIFA hates football hooligans and actively tries to prevent them from attending the World Cup, right?


Only because they beat up the bookies and bribe-takers when they lose
 
2014-07-10 02:25:09 PM

madgonad: I loved the map they posted showing their anticipated zone of control. I don't know which is funnier - controlling eastern Europe or Crimea. I'm really looking forward to the Kurds killing these assholes. The Iraqi government doesn't seem capable of it.


I chuckled about ISIS planning on controlling the Balkans. Do they not remember what happened in the 1990s, and what ethnic/religious group bore the brunt of the bloodshed?

Also lol'd at Crimea too. Because the Russians are totally cool with Islamic extremists. Totes cool.

/totes mah gotes
//so sorry
 
2014-07-10 02:25:16 PM

phalamir: You do realize that FIFA hates football hooligans and actively tries to prevent them from attending the World Cup, right?


All the better reason to sent them to "negotiate" with ISIS.
 
2014-07-10 02:26:31 PM

madgonad: I loved the map they posted showing their anticipated zone of control. I don't know which is funnier - controlling eastern Europe or Crimea. I'm really looking forward to the Kurds killing these assholes. The Iraqi government doesn't seem capable of it.


/|\ This; and add the Sikh's; they'll help!

PS:  Already signed up for the Abraham Lincoln Brigade to go fight against international Islamism in Spain, especially at Costa del Sol and on Majorca!
 
2014-07-10 02:29:17 PM
I live in a city where during the summer, it consistently gets up to 120 degrees.  I wouldn't scratch my ass under the sun, let alone run full speed for 90 minutes.  Qatar is hotter than that.  They're also oil rich, and with the labor laws they have (or do not have, really) they can get tons of infrastructure built to host such an event.

Yup.  Someone got paid off big time.
 
2014-07-10 02:37:10 PM
Ra Ra Ra!

/Ra Ra Rass!
 
2014-07-10 02:40:26 PM

Jackpot777: The_Sponge: It sounds like ISIS wants to create a danger zone.

[static.tvtropes.org image 510x518]

"Ahmed. AHMED! TELL THESE TWO SMOKING HOT BABES WE'RE BOTH ISIS AGENTS..."



I chuckled.
 
2014-07-10 02:57:01 PM
I know FIFA is corrupt and all, but seriously, people around the globe love their soccer/futbol. Threatening to nuke a bunch of nations' soccer/futbol players is going to piss off approximately a metric farkton of those people.

www.quickmeme.com
 
2014-07-10 03:26:50 PM

Serious Black: I know FIFA is corrupt and all, but seriously, people around the globe love their soccer/futbol. Threatening to nuke a bunch of nations' soccer/futbol players is going to piss off approximately a metric farkton of those people.

[www.quickmeme.com image 625x468]



It'll be the first worldwide military operation the US won;t even have to lead much less join.  You wanna see Global jihad?  Tell central america and Africa their soccer tournament is off
 
2014-07-10 04:03:41 PM

sovietski: I chuckled about ISIS planning on controlling the Balkans. Do they not remember what happened in the 1990s, and what ethnic/religious group bore the brunt of the bloodshed?


Yeah, that made me laugh, too.

I would like to see them get that far. They'd have to go through Turkey first, because they sure as shiat aren't going through Ukraine or Israel.

Best of luck, guys.
 
2014-07-10 04:43:32 PM
ISIS miscalculates if they think they can threaten FIFA.  FIFA does not respond to threats.  FIFA only responds to kickbacks, boodle and outright bribery.  This will truly be a clash of cultures.
 
2014-07-10 05:09:23 PM
Well, you certainly can't fault ISIS for lack of optimism.
 
2014-07-10 09:48:12 PM
Weren't we pulling for these arseholes in Syria at one point?
 
2014-07-10 10:06:35 PM
The next two World Cups are I'm Russia and Qatar...FIFA sure knows how to pick em!
 
2014-07-10 11:16:31 PM

WhiskeySticks: ISIS needs to field their own team.

Gonna be hot in those black unis.


The regular black away kit or the slightly darker black home kit?
 
2014-07-11 06:21:26 AM
Between the bribery to get it landed in Qatar, followed by the numerous human rights violations during the preparations for it, it almost seemed like a good idea to yank them from Qatar and tell Miami, Dallas, Pasadena, Boston, Washington and NYC to clear out a few weeks on their 2022 summer schedule.
Now, it makes FIFA look like their caving in to terrorists.
 
2014-07-11 03:49:36 PM

Polish Brainiac: Between the bribery to get it landed in Qatar, followed by the numerous human rights violations during the preparations for it, it almost seemed like a good idea to yank them from Qatar and tell Miami, Dallas, Pasadena, Boston, Washington and NYC to clear out a few weeks on their 2022 summer schedule.
Now, it makes FIFA look like their caving in to terrorists.

<tinfoil-hat>
Maybe Sepp's in cahoots with ISIS.  He bribes them to threaten the Qatar Qlusterfark, he gets an excuse not to move the Cup.
</tinfoil-hat>
 
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