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(Foodbeast)   STOP THE PRESSES: Hostess is bringing back the CHOCODILE--NATIONWIDE   (foodbeast.com) divider line 139
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8385 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Jul 2014 at 2:31 AM (6 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-10 12:32:29 AM
Meh.  Couldn't care less about Chocodiles.  Now if they bring back Choco-Bliss, that would be X-O.
 
2014-07-10 12:39:40 AM
I thought hostess, the company, went out of business.  They aren't bringing back jack shiat.  Someone who bought the brand license is bringing it back.
 
2014-07-10 01:10:44 AM
But on top, I ate the chocodile. And ever since then I got disseminated.
 
2014-07-10 01:50:16 AM
You mean the assholes who gutted the company to break the union bakers, pocketed a ton of cash, and then re-formed the company?

fark them.
 
2014-07-10 02:13:50 AM
Does it still have lard in it?
 
2014-07-10 02:16:45 AM
Why isn't The Asylum cashing in on this??
 
2014-07-10 02:35:16 AM

mamoru: But on top, I ate the chocodile. And ever since then I got disseminated.


Came for this.
 
2014-07-10 02:35:48 AM
Bah, if I want a real treat, I get this shipped from the UK!

static.guim.co.uk
 
2014-07-10 02:36:11 AM
Hostess are pretty amazing at trolling it up, discontinuing nostalgic products, then bringing them back in a show of mercy to the unwashed lardass masses just on their hands/knees/fatrolls begging for it. See also: twinkies.
 
2014-07-10 02:39:40 AM
American Krokodil.
 
2014-07-10 02:40:55 AM
Oh my god, these Chocodiles. These Chocodiles, oh my god.
 
2014-07-10 02:41:01 AM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-07-10 02:47:25 AM
"Miniature?" Go old school or go home. Frozen HoHos FTW
 
2014-07-10 02:47:44 AM
Normally, this would excite me.  When I was a kid I loved those chocodiles.  Unfortunately, I have yet to eat a product in 2014 that even closely resembles what I bought as a kid (late 70's, early 80's).  When Hostess cakes came back on the market, I picked up a box of Twinkies and Ding Dongs thinking I could share the joy with my kids (who had never had them).  We threw out the boxes after everyone had one of each.  Nasty, nasty, nasty.  There is no chocolate, only brown wax.  There is no cake, only sugar-coated sponge-like membrane held together with coagulated bull cum.  There is no creamy filling - only chemically bonded white shiat blended with refined sugar and guano to make it stick.  These damn things are chemical creations with no limit on shelf life.  I don't even see how they can be sold as "food".
 
2014-07-10 02:52:45 AM

Bucky Katt: Does it still have lard in it?


Yep
 
2014-07-10 02:58:57 AM
Didn't Chocodile Hunter die?
 
2014-07-10 03:01:15 AM

Too Pretty For Prison: Normally, this would excite me.  When I was a kid I loved those chocodiles.  Unfortunately, I have yet to eat a product in 2014 that even closely resembles what I bought as a kid (late 70's, early 80's).  When Hostess cakes came back on the market, I picked up a box of Twinkies and Ding Dongs thinking I could share the joy with my kids (who had never had them).  We threw out the boxes after everyone had one of each.  Nasty, nasty, nasty.  There is no chocolate, only brown wax.  There is no cake, only sugar-coated sponge-like membrane held together with coagulated bull cum.  There is no creamy filling - only chemically bonded white shiat blended with refined sugar and guano to make it stick.  These damn things are chemical creations with no limit on shelf life.  I don't even see how they can be sold as "food".


That's why you tested positive for PED's.
 
Ral
2014-07-10 03:25:13 AM

Too Pretty For Prison: Normally, this would excite me.  When I was a kid I loved those chocodiles.  Unfortunately, I have yet to eat a product in 2014 that even closely resembles what I bought as a kid (late 70's, early 80's).  When Hostess cakes came back on the market, I picked up a box of Twinkies and Ding Dongs thinking I could share the joy with my kids (who had never had them).  We threw out the boxes after everyone had one of each.  Nasty, nasty, nasty.  There is no chocolate, only brown wax.  There is no cake, only sugar-coated sponge-like membrane held together with coagulated bull cum.  There is no creamy filling - only chemically bonded white shiat blended with refined sugar and guano to make it stick.  These damn things are chemical creations with no limit on shelf life.  I don't even see how they can be sold as "food".


Christ you are so right.  Unfortunately it's been crap for a long time.  Every once in a while I buy a couple of Ho-Hos (because I loved them in the 80s) and every time I am so terribly disappointed.  There's no chocolate flavor.  The hard coating on the outside is nothing but brown wax.  Absolutely disgusting.  Keebler's cookies are all like that, too.  I tried some of their "Reese's peanut butter and chocolate chip" cookies.  If you had blindfolded me and given me one, I would not have guess peanut butter to be among the ingredients, much less Reese's peanut butter.
 
2014-07-10 04:01:09 AM
So this is the Age of Aquarius the 5th Dimension was talking about.
 
2014-07-10 04:11:33 AM

Ambivalence: I thought hostess, the company, went out of business. They aren't bringing back jack shiat. Someone who bought the brand license is bringing it back.


This.
 
2014-07-10 04:17:37 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: Why isn't The Asylum cashing in on this??


You sir, are a genius.
 
2014-07-10 04:20:57 AM

Too Pretty For Prison: Normally, this would excite me.  When I was a kid I loved those chocodiles.  Unfortunately, I have yet to eat a product in 2014 that even closely resembles what I bought as a kid (late 70's, early 80's).  When Hostess cakes came back on the market, I picked up a box of Twinkies and Ding Dongs thinking I could share the joy with my kids (who had never had them).  We threw out the boxes after everyone had one of each.  Nasty, nasty, nasty.  There is no chocolate, only brown wax.  There is no cake, only sugar-coated sponge-like membrane held together with coagulated bull cum.  There is no creamy filling - only chemically bonded white shiat blended with refined sugar and guano to make it stick.  These damn things are chemical creations with no limit on shelf life.  I don't even see how they can be sold as "food".


Hostess has been tasteless waxy garbage forever. I only ever thought it was good because mom said we couldn't have any.

I once ate a Twinkie that was older than me. Tasted the same as any other Twinkie.
 
2014-07-10 04:38:04 AM

phillydrifter: Ambivalence: I thought hostess, the company, went out of business. They aren't bringing back jack shiat. Someone who bought the brand license is bringing it back.

This.


Yeah, it did.  One union of 13 that had contracts with the company threw a temper tantrum, and now all those those union employees are unemployed. They lost their pensions and jobs. It was a great day for labor - 800 people put a company of 13,000 out of business out of greed.
 
2014-07-10 04:40:04 AM
 
2014-07-10 04:49:44 AM

Lsherm: phillydrifter: Ambivalence: I thought hostess, the company, went out of business. They aren't bringing back jack shiat. Someone who bought the brand license is bringing it back.

This.

Yeah, it did.  One union of 13 that had contracts with the company threw a temper tantrum, and now all those those union employees are unemployed. They lost their pensions and jobs. It was a great day for labor - 800 people put a company of 13,000 out of business out of greed.


Clearly the workers who don't want to have their wages cut to the point that they're making less than unemployment benefits would provide are to blame for the demise of the company. If only they were willing to live in poverty. Clearly it's the workers fault that the company can't keep its promises.
 
2014-07-10 04:54:44 AM
img.fark.net
 
2014-07-10 05:24:28 AM
More like  Chalkodile.
 
2014-07-10 05:25:00 AM
TastyKake has them beat out behind the woodshed on every account. Too bad, so sad.
 
2014-07-10 05:44:27 AM

Too Pretty For Prison: Normally, this would excite me.  When I was a kid I loved those chocodiles.  Unfortunately, I have yet to eat a product in 2014 that even closely resembles what I bought as a kid (late 70's, early 80's).  When Hostess cakes came back on the market, I picked up a box of Twinkies and Ding Dongs thinking I could share the joy with my kids (who had never had them).  We threw out the boxes after everyone had one of each.  Nasty, nasty, nasty.  There is no chocolate, only brown wax.  There is no cake, only sugar-coated sponge-like membrane held together with coagulated bull cum.  There is no creamy filling - only chemically bonded white shiat blended with refined sugar and guano to make it stick.  These damn things are chemical creations with no limit on shelf life.  I don't even see how they can be sold as "food".


Glad it's not just me. "Product Reformulation" is one of the greatest blasphemies the modern world has ever experienced.
 
2014-07-10 05:55:39 AM
I dunno.  I like the chocolate covered strawberry things that Bimbo has put out in the past few years.  The name escapes me and I think that Bimbo is owned by Hostess, or viceversa.
 
2014-07-10 06:02:55 AM

specialkae: I dunno.  I like the chocolate covered strawberry things that Bimbo has put out in the past few years.  The name escapes me and I think that Bimbo is owned by Hostess, or viceversa.


Bimbo is a Mexico based company. The own various labels but Hostess in not one of them. They also have a horrific human rights record.
 
2014-07-10 06:06:18 AM

Lsherm: phillydrifter: Ambivalence: I thought hostess, the company, went out of business. They aren't bringing back jack shiat. Someone who bought the brand license is bringing it back.

This.

Yeah, it did.  One union of 13 that had contracts with the company threw a temper tantrum, and now all those those union employees are unemployed. They lost their pensions and jobs. It was a great day for labor - 800 people put a company of 13,000 out of business out of greed.


That "temper tantrum" was over illegal activities by the company. Governments are allowed to not fund their pensions. Hostess decided to not fund theirs, and instead pocketed the money. The workers still get their pensions because all non-government pensions are required to pay into a pension guarantee fund administered by the federal government. When the workers made a stink over the pension funds being looted, the company decided to fold rather than to repay the pensions.

Pensions are a part of compensation. Because the government administers the pension guarantee fund that pensions pay into as a required backstop, companies feel they can just walk away from pension obligations and file bankruptcy when their shenanigans are revealed. And the companies get away with it every time, leaving stockowners (if they are stock-owned) and employees in the lurch. Just file bankruptcy, chapter 7 if necessary, and screw anyone who gets hurt.

If I had to choose between defined benefits (pension) and defined contribution (401(k) and IRA) I'd choose defined benefits every time. Except that defined benefits plans put you at the mercy of the company. All the little financial statements they send out are meaningless if the money isn't actually there, and pension obligations are treated like regular, unsecured debt in bankruptcy proceedings. Nobody goes to jail for looting the funds. So then you have to go hat in hand to the government hoping that they accept that your pension claims are upheld by the administrator. Claims against that fund drive up the cost of the guarantee, so every remaining pension program has to absorb higher administrative costs and makes it that much easier for company executives to decide to raid the money that is "just sitting there."  What is conceptually a fantastic planning aid (you KNOW that you will get x amount, and so you can have other retirement investments that perhaps are a bit riskier but have a higher upside) and one of the "three legs of retirement" (Social Security, pension, other investments) is actually a horrible thing to bank on having because there is no accountability when those funds vanish.

Pensions are earned compensation and should be protected from corporate looting as strongly as regular paychecks are. But instead when unions take steps such as striking to bring attention to the fact that their retirement accounts have been emptied, they are evil and greedy. Someone steals a thousand a month for twenty years from me (retirement is projected to be at least 20 years long now for people who live to age 65) then I'm certainly not going to keep working for them. I'm going to want those bastards sitting in jail where a thief belongs. If I'm working for them, I'm going to loudly stop working, and prevent others from working for him as well because they too will be ripped off.  The guarantee fund being there does not negate the theft, just like having insurance on a $60,000 necklace does not mean that the guy who steals it didn't commit a crime. It means a theft occurred and we are all going to pay a little more because of it. But because of how the laws are structured, it isn't legally a theft. It is nonpayment of a debt.
 
2014-07-10 06:32:05 AM
Ral:

Christ you are so right.  Unfortunately it's been crap for a long time.  Every once in a while I buy a couple of Ho-Hos (because I loved them in the 80s) and every time I am so terribly disappointed.  There's no chocolate flavor.  The hard coating on the outside is nothing but brown wax.  Absolutely disgusting.  Keebler's cookies are all like that, too.  I tried some of their "Reese's peanut butter and chocolate chip" cookies.  If you had blindfolded me and given me one, I would not have guess peanut butter to be among the ingredients, much less Reese's peanut butter.

Stick to Little Debbies.
 
2014-07-10 07:07:29 AM
Pensions always seemed like a bad idea to me. You're tying your retirement funds to the health of the corporation which seems risky. What if the company goes under or gets bought out? And they have ways of skipping out on their obligations.

And why would a company opt to burden itself financially this way? Pensions seem outdated and make no sense to me.
 
2014-07-10 07:15:50 AM

Pointy Tail of Satan: Bah, if I want a real treat, I get this shipped from the UK!

[static.guim.co.uk image 460x276]


Look like a cream cheese stuffed Slim Jim
 
2014-07-10 07:19:54 AM

Ambivalence: I thought hostess, the company, went out of business.  They aren't bringing back jack shiat.  Someone who bought the brand license is bringing it back.


And I sampled some of their "after we flipped the joint" cakes and, frankly, while it was a small sample, they are pretty crap now, IMHO.
 
2014-07-10 07:22:26 AM

MechaPyx: Pensions always seemed like a bad idea to me. You're tying your retirement funds to the health of the corporation which seems risky. What if the company goes under or gets bought out? And they have ways of skipping out on their obligations.

And why would a company opt to burden itself financially this way? Pensions seem outdated and make no sense to me.


So which is it?  "Kick those boomers to the curb and get them out of our way so we can have OUR jobs" or "let them work until they fall over"?  Cause you can't have both and if your society has to put everybody over 50 on an ice floe in order to have people under 25 pay bills, your society is an outhouse.
 
2014-07-10 07:25:06 AM

bunner: MechaPyx: Pensions always seemed like a bad idea to me. You're tying your retirement funds to the health of the corporation which seems risky. What if the company goes under or gets bought out? And they have ways of skipping out on their obligations.

And why would a company opt to burden itself financially this way? Pensions seem outdated and make no sense to me.

So which is it?  "Kick those boomers to the curb and get them out of our way so we can have OUR jobs" or "let them work until they fall over"?  Cause you can't have both and if your society has to put everybody over 50 on an ice floe in order to have people under 25 pay bills, your society is an outhouse.


What's wrong with 401k and IRA plans? Those transfer with the person.
 
2014-07-10 07:25:47 AM

Therion: You mean the assholes who gutted the company to break the union bakers, pocketed a ton of cash, and then re-formed the company?

fark them.


Got a link?
 
2014-07-10 07:29:30 AM

BolloxReader: Lsherm: phillydrifter: Ambivalence: I thought hostess, the company, went out of business. They aren't bringing back jack shiat. Someone who bought the brand license is bringing it back.

This.

Yeah, it did.  One union of 13 that had contracts with the company threw a temper tantrum, and now all those those union employees are unemployed. They lost their pensions and jobs. It was a great day for labor - 800 people put a company of 13,000 out of business out of greed.

That "temper tantrum" was over illegal activities by the company. Governments are allowed to not fund their pensions. Hostess decided to not fund theirs, and instead pocketed the money. The workers still get their pensions because all non-government pensions are required to pay into a pension guarantee fund administered by the federal government. When the workers made a stink over the pension funds being looted, the company decided to fold rather than to repay the pensions.

Pensions are a part of compensation. Because the government administers the pension guarantee fund that pensions pay into as a required backstop, companies feel they can just walk away from pension obligations and file bankruptcy when their shenanigans are revealed. And the companies get away with it every time, leaving stockowners (if they are stock-owned) and employees in the lurch. Just file bankruptcy, chapter 7 if necessary, and screw anyone who gets hurt.

If I had to choose between defined benefits (pension) and defined contribution (401(k) and IRA) I'd choose defined benefits every time. Except that defined benefits plans put you at the mercy of the company. All the little financial statements they send out are meaningless if the money isn't actually there, and pension obligations are treated like regular, unsecured debt in bankruptcy proceedings. Nobody goes to jail for looting the funds. So then you have to go hat in hand to the government hoping that they accept that your pension claims are upheld by the administrator. C ...


rekt
 
2014-07-10 07:31:08 AM

MechaPyx: What's wrong with 401k and IRA plans? Those transfer with the person.


It's 2014. Google isn't hard, dude.
 
2014-07-10 07:31:53 AM

MechaPyx: What's wrong with 401k and IRA plans? Those transfer with the person.


Did you not read any newspapers the year that Wall St., leveraging crap loans into derivatives and foisting them off ass assets, tanked enough 401k plans to start a new Somalia?  The less people getting a cut of the pie and the more linear capital moves through the chain of wealth creators, job creators and suppliers of labor and resources, the less of it ends up in some fat prick's Caymans account as a bonus for stealing it.
 
2014-07-10 07:35:04 AM

verbaltoxin: MechaPyx: What's wrong with 401k and IRA plans? Those transfer with the person.

It's 2014. Google isn't hard, dude.


5. Sub-Par Investment Plan Designs and Marginal Quality Investment Options

That's code for junk stocks and bonds and sh*t that pays off 7% over thirty years and the company goes tits up in five.
 
2014-07-10 07:37:44 AM

bunner: verbaltoxin: MechaPyx: What's wrong with 401k and IRA plans? Those transfer with the person.

It's 2014. Google isn't hard, dude.

5. Sub-Par Investment Plan Designs and Marginal Quality Investment Options

That's code for junk stocks and bonds and sh*t that pays off 7% over thirty years and the company goes tits up in five.


There's that but a prescient point in TFA I linked was the management. The guys managing your fund right now won't be doing it by the time you retire. That means they give 0 f*cks about how well your 401k does past their next bonus check.

We have an IRA now, and honestly I'm considering how much better I could be managing my 401k money on my own, if I had it in a different vehicle. The company match though is hard to beat.
 
2014-07-10 07:38:05 AM

bunner: MechaPyx: What's wrong with 401k and IRA plans? Those transfer with the person.

Did you not read any newspapers the year that Wall St., leveraging crap loans into derivatives and foisting them off ass assets, tanked enough 401k plans to start a new Somalia?  The less people getting a cut of the pie and the more linear capital moves through the chain of wealth creators, job creators and suppliers of labor and resources, the less of it ends up in some fat prick's Caymans account as a bonus for stealing it.


Admittedly I didn't pay much attention to the finer details beyond the fact they were up to all kinds of shenanigans.
/doesn't have a 401k
 
2014-07-10 07:38:37 AM

verbaltoxin: The company match though is hard to beat.


If it's there in twenty years.
 
2014-07-10 07:40:55 AM

MechaPyx: dmittedly I didn't pay much attention to the finer details beyond the fact they were up to all kinds of shenanigans.


I suppose tanking an entire economic sector, making 3 trillion dollars disappear up the ass of bad debt, telling the treasury to replace it or the economy is f*ked and then demanding bonus checks from the ransom money could be called "shenanigans".
 
2014-07-10 07:46:16 AM
I didn't know those ever existed. Not much of a sweets guy though. But If I do, I'm going star crunches or nutty bars.
 
2014-07-10 07:47:38 AM
Remember when it was "ZOMG!  Hostess is gone, there will never ever be another Twinkie!"
 
2014-07-10 07:56:41 AM
I don't want to steer too far from the joy of a junk cookie farm getting rolled over and reviving the brands they bought, but in re the last few posts, brokers and investment bankers will shake your hand, steal your wallet, sh*t in your mouth and smile while they do it.  The best way to manage your money is DIY, IMHO.
 
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