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(Yahoo)   Headline: "Confessions of a Fed-Up Bartender: 15 Things I Hate About You." How it should read: "I Hate My Job But Here Are 15 Reasons Why Its Your Fault and Not Mine"   (yahoo.com) divider line 197
    More: Asinine, confessions  
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12920 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jul 2014 at 10:06 PM (15 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-08 06:45:50 PM  
From "The Fourth Profession" by Larry Niven

"There's not a bartending course in the country that will teach you to leave the sugar out of an Old Fashioned during rush hour."
"What did you say?"
"It depends on the bar, of course. No posh bar would let itself get that crowded. But in an ordinary bar, anyone who orders a complicated drink during rush hour deserves what he gets. He's slowing the bartender down when it's crucial, when every second is money. So you leave the sugar out of an Old Fashioned. It's too much money."
"The guy won't come back."
"So what? He's not one of your regulars. He'd have better sense if he were."
 
2014-07-08 06:58:22 PM  
Is that true? Barmen/maids are not paid a wage in the US? All barmen/maids? The only money they ever get on a shift comes from tips alone?   Serious question.
 
2014-07-08 07:04:15 PM  

colinspooky: Is that true? Barmen/maids are not paid a wage in the US? All barmen/maids? The only money they ever get on a shift comes from tips alone?   Serious question.


No.  A great many get some wage.
 
2014-07-08 07:47:25 PM  
Where I worked (back in the '70s) the bartenders were paid 15% of what they rang, plus tips. They were amazingly honest.

The customers didn't have a lot of money, and most of them really couldn't afford much.
 
2014-07-08 09:08:20 PM  
FTA - "Bad enough I've got to make time-consuming classics all night, like the Old-Fashioned (thanks, Don Draper), but the bar manager has also been perusing antique recipe books, and he wants me to manufacture these long forgotten delectables.  When I get several orders for a handful of six ingredient-cocktails, I'm in the weeds. When I'm in the weeds, I can't make money. I hate that. "

1) Old-Fashioneds are delicious, you don't have to watch mad men to enjoy them.
2) Don't want to make extravagant cocktails? Don't work in a bar that serves them.
3) Quit or die, i don't care. Just don't blame customers for ordering off of the menu, jack ass.

/tips well
//will order appropriately for the type of bar I'm in
///slashies
 
2014-07-08 09:22:28 PM  
#1, 3, 4, and 5 happen because you aren't paying attention or focusing on certain customers (friends, hot girls) while ignoring others. Do your farking job correctly and you'll drastically cut those down

I don't even know what #2 means.

#6, 7, and 8 are what get you tips and explain why you're biatching in #12-15

#9, 10, and 11 are your farking job. Yes it sucks when people ask you to make a cocktail you've never heard of, but take 5 seconds to hear the ingredients and whip that shiat up. Biatching about it is what causes you to (again) biatch in #12-15.

What a whiny tool.
 
2014-07-08 10:01:36 PM  
FTA: "I'm married to a real doll, but she works overtime to support the family."

A Realdoll? I guess it's a step up from a body pillow.
 
2014-07-08 10:03:28 PM  
Fu*king whiner. Take my loose change and shove it up your ass. Your choice--a couple of dollar bills or a shiatload of quarters and dimes. It all adds up the same way. And besides, last time I checked, bartenders don't get waitress pay, i.e. tips are a LOT more important to the latter.
 
2014-07-08 10:08:01 PM  

scottydoesntknow: #1, 3, 4, and 5 happen because you aren't paying attention or focusing on certain customers (friends, hot girls) while ignoring others. Do your farking job correctly and you'll drastically cut those down

I don't even know what #2 means.

#6, 7, and 8 are what get you tips and explain why you're biatching in #12-15

#9, 10, and 11 are your farking job. Yes it sucks when people ask you to make a cocktail you've never heard of, but take 5 seconds to hear the ingredients and whip that shiat up. Biatching about it is what causes you to (again) biatch in #12-15.

What a whiny tool.


That's what I was thinking.  I mean, tipping bartenders is always confusing, are you supposed to do a buck per drink, or do it as a percentage?  I mean, it takes more effort to pull a $2 draft beer than it does to pour a $20 glass of scotch, why should the latter deserve more of a tip than the former?

Tipping more for cocktails that take some work makes sense - you're showing your appreciation for the time and skill of the bartender there.
 
2014-07-08 10:11:06 PM  
i1079.photobucket.com
"Anyway, whacking a surly bartender ain't much of a crime."
 
2014-07-08 10:12:52 PM  
If I leave part of the change you just gave me on the counter as part of my tip I am an asshole? Also that humble brag about how much cooler he is than these "celebrities" was awful.
 
2014-07-08 10:14:21 PM  
... and it's "derring do", genius.

that's probably why you're still a bartender, you live in the "over-priced outer boroughs" and have a wife that's working hard, too. Just a tip... OH WAIT, no I think I won't.
 
2014-07-08 10:15:15 PM  
16.  I'm pissed that you have a real job with prospects to better yourself, and I don't.
 
2014-07-08 10:16:10 PM  
1. I'm posting on a website that SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS
 
2014-07-08 10:16:22 PM  
He did not pay me for the provolone.
 
2014-07-08 10:17:03 PM  
...not sure if article is serious because they used the fake name of Mickey Finn, the dude who slipping someone a mickey is named after, or not...
 
2014-07-08 10:17:44 PM  
"...And that dollar a drink thing went away with the 1970s. Dig a little deeper."

Wow, this guy thinks a buck a drink is being cheap? Jesus farking christ, even a slow night he probably averages 20 drinks an hour, what the fark.
 
2014-07-08 10:18:00 PM  
Dear schmuck, you earn less than minimum wage because you are ever so easy to replace. Shut the fark up and fetch my drink. If I was concerned about what annoys bartenders, well... I wouldn't be.
 
2014-07-08 10:19:24 PM  

scottydoesntknow: #1, 3, 4, and 5 happen because you aren't paying attention or focusing on certain customers (friends, hot girls) while ignoring others. Do your farking job correctly and you'll drastically cut those down

I don't even know what #2 means.

#6, 7, and 8 are what get you tips and explain why you're biatching in #12-15

#9, 10, and 11 are your farking job. Yes it sucks when people ask you to make a cocktail you've never heard of, but take 5 seconds to hear the ingredients and whip that shiat up. Biatching about it is what causes you to (again) biatch in #12-15.

What a whiny tool.


this. What a turd.
 
2014-07-08 10:21:30 PM  
eh, just seems like a bunch of pretentious half-trolling shiate
 
2014-07-08 10:22:53 PM  

scottydoesntknow: #1, 3, 4, and 5 happen because you aren't paying attention or focusing on certain customers (friends, hot girls) while ignoring others. Do your farking job correctly and you'll drastically cut those down

I don't even know what #2 means.

#6, 7, and 8 are what get you tips and explain why you're biatching in #12-15

#9, 10, and 11 are your farking job. Yes it sucks when people ask you to make a cocktail you've never heard of, but take 5 seconds to hear the ingredients and whip that shiat up. Biatching about it is what causes you to (again) biatch in #12-15.

What a whiny tool.


Pretty much this. Yes, I've been ignored, yes, I've left many bars because of it. If they don't want to follow a line, then fark 'em, someone else will get my money. There's plenty of bar space in Old Town Scottsdale....
 
2014-07-08 10:23:01 PM  
This guy is a shiatty bartender. If people are taking orders for others who were waiting longer, it's because you suck at observation.
 
2014-07-08 10:23:18 PM  
FTA:

his quite frankly too casual t-shirt

Protip: if you ever type or say this sentence without irony, you are in fact, a douche.
 
2014-07-08 10:24:20 PM  

socodog: Dear schmuck, you earn less than minimum wage because you are ever so easy to replace. Shut the fark up and fetch my drink. If I was concerned about what annoys bartenders, well... I wouldn't be.


If he was that easy to replace, you'd make all your own drinks at home instead of typing out a response about how hard you don't care.
 
2014-07-08 10:24:55 PM  

colinspooky: Is that true? Barmen/maids are not paid a wage in the US? All barmen/maids? The only money they ever get on a shift comes from tips alone?   Serious question.




There is minimum wage and service industry minimum in the US
 
2014-07-08 10:25:10 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: I mean, it takes more effort to pull a $2 draft beer than it does to pour a $20 glass of scotch, why should the latter deserve more of a tip than the former?


Exactly.

My favorite bar closed...damn, must have been 7 years now. Always $1/drink at the bar for tip. Serve a drink every two minutes and that's some decent take-home. A few times had a more elaborate evening with friends (dinner, drinks, for 8+ people) and would tip something like 30% on a few hundred dollar tab, but never took individual drinks into account.

I remember one night when some idiot from a wedding party dropped an entire tray of melon balls, something like 16 drinks. $100+ into the carpet. I still don't know whether the bar tried to make it right for them just to be nice.

Most unreasonable thing I ever encountered at a bar was one time when I ordered VSOP cognac, and they tried to claim they'd served me XO and tried to charge several times what they should have. They got no tip. Granted, I wasn't paying for those drinks, but still...
 
2014-07-08 10:25:28 PM  
Approves of whiney bartenders

www.giantjapaneserobot.com
 
2014-07-08 10:25:42 PM  

John Buck 41: Fu*king whiner. Take my loose change and shove it up your ass. Your choice--a couple of dollar bills or a shiatload of quarters and dimes. It all adds up the same way. And besides, last time I checked, bartenders don't get waitress pay, i.e. tips are a LOT more important to the latter.


Also, when you count out the till at the end of the night with the manager, you can generally just swap the change for bills just as easily as you swap singles for larger denominations. Isn't that basically food/drink service 101?
 
2014-07-08 10:25:48 PM  

jasonvatch: From "The Fourth Profession" by Larry Niven

"There's not a bartending course in the country that will teach you to leave the sugar out of an Old Fashioned during rush hour."
"What did you say?"
"It depends on the bar, of course. No posh bar would let itself get that crowded. But in an ordinary bar, anyone who orders a complicated drink during rush hour deserves what he gets. He's slowing the bartender down when it's crucial, when every second is money. So you leave the sugar out of an Old Fashioned. It's too much money."
"The guy won't come back."
"So what? He's not one of your regulars. He'd have better sense if he were."


---
*if he was a smart bartender he wouldn't be using sugar to begin with - he'd be using simple syrup.

/ never heard of that book by Niven - is it part of an anthology?
 
2014-07-08 10:26:04 PM  

colinspooky: Is that true? Barmen/maids are not paid a wage in the US? All barmen/maids? The only money they ever get on a shift comes from tips alone?   Serious question.


As I understand, they do get a wage, but federal minimum wage for bartenders / waiters is a lot lower than the regular minimum wage (like $2 - $3 an hour), and it often doesn't get raised when the regular minimum wage gets raised.
 
2014-07-08 10:27:11 PM  
Wow, subby out trolled the troll article. Your troll-jitsu is strong.
 
2014-07-08 10:27:44 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: socodog: Dear schmuck, you earn less than minimum wage because you are ever so easy to replace. Shut the fark up and fetch my drink. If I was concerned about what annoys bartenders, well... I wouldn't be.

If he was that easy to replace, you'd make all your own drinks at home instead of typing out a response about how hard you don't care.


It's much cheaper to make drinks at home, and most aren't that difficult.  Sure, maybe you want some cocktails that require exotic ingredients that aren't practical to stock at home, but that isn't the typical bar patron.

You go to a bar for the social aspect.  The bartender just serves to provide the social lubricant.

That isn't to say that there aren't very good and very bad bartenders, but for the vast majority of people going to the vast majority of bars the skill of the bartender doesn't warrant consideration.
 
2014-07-08 10:28:38 PM  

ReapTheChaos: "...And that dollar a drink thing went away with the 1970s. Dig a little deeper."

Wow, this guy thinks a buck a drink is being cheap? Jesus farking christ, even a slow night he probably averages 20 drinks an hour, what the fark.


That was the point where I clicked off the article and onto this thread to type 'Wow. fark that whiny little biatch.' So what's the tip on a $3 draft or a call of bourbon rocks? A fiver? I think a buck is fair enough.

I'd probably pay a five if he could manage to make one of those chick drinks my wife likes without flaring his nostrils in disgust over the thought of having to make a chick drink which is the job he was hired to do.
 
2014-07-08 10:29:05 PM  
Well now, this pretty much sums up why I rarely go to bars. Both sides of the counter are populated with people I'd rather not be around.

/I can pour my own damn beer
//or mix my own drink
///and I'd rather be sitting around a fire or in a hot tub...
 
2014-07-08 10:31:49 PM  
YOU WANT SOME MORE
 
2014-07-08 10:33:19 PM  
#6, #7

I know the names of all my local spots' bartenders, managers, and some other staff.  They also know my name.  If you want regulars to keep coming back (you know, what keeps you in business), we want a little bit of that Cheers atmosphere, else if I want to sit in a cone of silence drinking beer on a hard stool I can just stay home.  Hey, I might even make myself a mixed drink without getting sneered at.  Don't these guys go to school to master mixology?  Yet they are content snapping caps off beer bottles all night?

This guy is a tool, and that's one of a brazilion whiney douche articles by bartenders.
 
2014-07-08 10:33:35 PM  

Fano: Wow, subby out trolled the troll article. Your troll-jitsu is strong.


Thank you.

/subby
//this article made me much more angry than it should've so I don't know if that makes you right or not
///i need a drink
 
2014-07-08 10:34:19 PM  

nanim: never heard of that book by Niven - is it part of an anthology?


It was in some collection of his work. The story is here http://bookre.org/reader?file=263875 if you want to read it.
 
2014-07-08 10:35:22 PM  
As someone who worked in the service industry, have your farking ID. It's the law and they have to check it. Stop complaining that you're X number of years over 21.

And a dollar per beer is fine in a bar. I tip that and add a little extra because I'm paying with a card. The extra covers the bar's cost on the credit card machine and that the bartender has to declare that income (he should, but cash tips tend to get "forgotten")
 
2014-07-08 10:36:07 PM  
BummerDuck:
///and I'd rather be sitting around a fire

this is why we don't want you in our bars either
 
2014-07-08 10:36:30 PM  

colinspooky: Is that true? Barmen/maids are not paid a wage in the US? All barmen/maids? The only money they ever get on a shift comes from tips alone?   Serious question.


It depends on the state, but there's a separate lower wage for tip-earning positions. If your tips don't equate to a salary at or above the normal minimum wage, the restaurant or bar must pay the difference.
 
2014-07-08 10:36:36 PM  
I don't care your job is to be a aid to my enjoyment not an impediment.
 
2014-07-08 10:37:43 PM  
As a former longtime bartender, this is bullshiat.  I fully understand that you will "get me later" lots of people tip at the end of the night.  And gin and ginger? Sure, that's simple.   And yes, I'd prefer you to know my name rather than yell "hey dude!"

/bitter much?
 
2014-07-08 10:37:45 PM  
An old fashioned is whiskey, simple syrup, bitters with a cherry, maybe an orange slice. I could mix that one-handed in half the time it takes to pour a Guinness. Wtf is this twat whining about?
 
2014-07-08 10:38:01 PM  

Fano: Wow, subby out trolled the troll article. Your troll-jitsu is strong.


3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-07-08 10:39:17 PM  

scottydoesntknow: #1, 3, 4, and 5 happen because you aren't paying attention or focusing on certain customers (friends, hot girls) while ignoring others. Do your farking job correctly and you'll drastically cut those down

I don't even know what #2 means.

#6, 7, and 8 are what get you tips and explain why you're biatching in #12-15

#9, 10, and 11 are your farking job. Yes it sucks when people ask you to make a cocktail you've never heard of, but take 5 seconds to hear the ingredients and whip that shiat up. Biatching about it is what causes you to (again) biatch in #12-15.

What a whiny tool.


Agreed.  Furthermore, if you leave out a crucial ingredient of a well known drink, then you should be fired, farktard.  I don't give a shiat if you are busy.  I'm sorry you got a low SAT, but thems the breaks when you party all through high school.  Not my problem.  Now get me my damn martini that I've been trying to order for the last 15 minutes while you stare down that sluts low cut top.
 
2014-07-08 10:39:48 PM  

hogans: YOU WANT SOME MORE


i291.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-08 10:39:55 PM  

GhettoWinter: FTA - "Bad enough I've got to make time-consuming classics all night, like the Old-Fashioned (thanks, Don Draper), but the bar manager has also been perusing antique recipe books, and he wants me to manufacture these long forgotten delectables.  When I get several orders for a handful of six ingredient-cocktails, I'm in the weeds. When I'm in the weeds, I can't make money. I hate that. "

1) Old-Fashioneds are delicious, you don't have to watch mad men to enjoy them.
2) Don't want to make extravagant cocktails? Don't work in a bar that serves them.
3) Quit or die, i don't care. Just don't blame customers for ordering off of the menu, jack ass.

/tips well
//will order appropriately for the type of bar I'm in
///slashies


encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com

"Why don't you make us all some Old Fashions?"
"Old Fashions"? Do you think you oughta drink while you're flying?"
"Well stop kidding, will ya, and make us some drinks! You just press the button back there marked 'booze'".

"It's the only way to fly!"
 
2014-07-08 10:40:33 PM  

GhettoWinter: Fano: Wow, subby out trolled the troll article. Your troll-jitsu is strong.

Thank you.

/subby
//this article made me much more angry than it should've so I don't know if that makes you right or not
///i need a drink


Starting with #2 above the fold I had a hankering to get a cricket bat and play whackamole with his nutsack. Apparently he doesn't like all the celebrities that try to keep a low profile in his bar, or give him wads of money, or anything. Off to check out the flight attendant list, because Mickey Finn should be calling Moe Syzlak with his phony name and getting prepared to be killed by a real bartender. Like Moe.
 
2014-07-08 10:42:26 PM  

SacriliciousBeerSwiller: This guy is a shiatty bartender. If people are taking orders for others who were waiting longer, it's because you suck at observation.


This but why is a bar the only place without an explicit area to order? Hardly anyone sits at the bar. Put up a sign.
 
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