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(Bay News 9)   Couple calls 911 after being trapped inside a room by their cat. This is not a repeat from a couple of months ago   (baynews9.com) divider line 53
    More: Florida  
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6130 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jul 2014 at 4:11 AM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
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2014-07-08 12:23:06 AM  
6 votes:
I've been to the hospital twice after two attacks by the same cat (once for cellulitis, once for stitches) but even at his absolute worst he never made me cower in a room and call the cops.  WTF are these people doing wrong?

I think meth.  These people must smell like meth, and it really pisses the cats off.  Or something else equally offensive to their reptilian brain.  When a normal cat feels threatened by an animal much larger than itself, or two, it attacks until it can get away, and then it runs. Maybe the cat keeps smelling something it can't get away from.  It doesn't sound like a predatory attack, it sounds like the cat was trying to defend itself from something.  From what?

Or rabies, but that big ass cat from a few months ago didn't have rabies, did it?  Something these people did made that cat think trying to kill them, however fruitless an endeavor, was preferable to running away.
2014-07-08 05:59:33 AM  
5 votes:

tjsands1118: karmachameleon: tjsands1118: I have a 105lb giant schnauzer mutt, if he ever turned on me I could have a real problem, I'm not worried about that as he's slightly less vicious then a butterfly. But the biggest domestic cat I've ever encountered was probably around 30lbs and that was mostly fat, I just can't see being bullied by something the size of a cat. I know they can scratch pretty good and sometime bite, but anything that isn't venomous that can be flung with one hand doesn't really seem that dangerous.

I'd hate like hell to face your dog in an agitated state.  But can your dog jump 10-15 times the length of its own body from a standing-still position?  Can it maneuver so quickly that it can catch a darting squirrel on the run, or sneak up on a bird and kill it with one bite to the neck before the bird even knows there's danger in the vicinity?  Does your dog have claws as sharp as any knife in your kitchen, and teeth to match the claws?  Can your dog move so fast that you can't even lay a hand on it, much less catch it and - lol - "fling it with one hand"?

Big strong dogs present serious dangers when provoked.  But remember Yoda's lesson - size matters not, not when you're dealing with an animal with all the above abilities.  A pissed-off fighting cat will fark you up big-time, and anyone who doubts that has never met one.  This thread will be full of such falsely confident people, and I sincerely hope they never have the personal experience to prove them wrong.  Can it kill you?  Probably not.  But it'll cause real carnage, and more than likely get away afterwards.

[terrymalloyspigeoncoop.files.wordpress.com image 470x297]

Well he can jump high enough to reach my face from a seated start, I'm 6'3" by the way. He's catch two squirrels so far and probably a lot more if I hadn't stopped him, he hasn't catch a bird though he doesn't really try be he does know how to hide and wouldn't need to bite the neck as his mouth is bigger enough to eat most birds in on ...


Like I said, I wouldn't want to face your angry dog either, but for entirely different reasons than not wanting to face an angry cat.  Cats have abilities dogs simply don't have, so if you don't own any cats, and have never seen a truly enraged cat in action (and I don't mean a simple angry cat, or even a cat that's on the attack - I mean a howling and enraged cat in full-on bouncing-off-the-walls fight mode), then you simply don't know what you're talking about.

The dead giveaway of the feline ignorant - and all you guys do this - is the talk of merely grabbing it and throwing it.  rofl...not happening.  Cats on the move are so fast you barely stand a chance of laying two fingers on it, and if by some dumb luck you do happen to catch it, it'll squirm out of your grasp faster than you can say "Crisco".  It's hard enough to grab and hold a cat that simply doesn't want to be held.  An angry cat?  You better be wearing protection and you better have restraints at the ready.  Yes, towels and pillows are good tools for this purpose.  It's still a task to catch that cat even when well equipped.

My point is that some of you think only a fool would call the cops for help when faced with a violent cat, but it is completely understandable if you know cats and what they're capable of doing.  You guys literally don't know what you're talking about, full stop.  Sorry.
2014-07-08 04:32:30 AM  
5 votes:
Normal people can live with cats just fine.  I think there is something wrong with these people.

Also if you come out of a fight with a cat with more than a few superficial scratches your cat either has super powers or you are an idiot.

I got into a fight with my cat once.  I won, but I didn't feel good about it.  I made her stay in the bathroom all by herself for an hour, but she scratched me pretty good.  Most cats know when they're not going to win a fight.  Most humans are 10-20 times the weight of a cat - the cat can scratch and bite, but ultimately you're a pussy if you can't control it.

It looks like the cat got one good bite on his hand, but nothing I would go to the ER for.  It doesn't even look like the cat was trying that hard.  How the fark do these people make the news?  Or Fark.

Take the cat away from this asshole and give it to someone who cares.
2014-07-08 04:59:39 AM  
4 votes:
>They declined treatment
>the cat has never had any shots or vaccinations
the problem with rabies is that once you show symptoms, it's too late for treatment. only 3 people have survived an infection.
2014-07-08 05:51:58 AM  
3 votes:

gfid: That said, I've seen cats in batshiat crazy mode. It's different than play-fighting. It's a farking cat - probably weighs less than 15 pounds - pick it up and take a few scratches and control it.


It's so obvious which of you are not cat owners.  What, you think it sits there and just swats its claws while you can reach around the back and merely pick it up while taking a few scratches?  lol...if a cat doesn't want to be picked up, believe me, you're not picking it up.  It's not a matter of being scratched, it's a matter of you being much slower and less agile than the cat.
2014-07-08 05:39:42 AM  
3 votes:
Grab the scruff with one hand, grab the hind legs with the other hand, hold all claw and teeth bits away from you and throw it in a room until it can calm the fark down.  Yes you'll probably get scratched and/or bit before you can get that first hold, but you can't let the cat intimidate you.

The key, is to be mindful of your cat's body language before it ever gets to that point.  Know when your cat is unhappy and wants to be left alone and then leave it alone.  Make sure escape routes for your cat are not blocked and that it's not cornered.  Also make sure ambush points ARE blocked (if the cat is ambushing you). Most cats won't fight unless they feel they have no choice.  Take the time to find out what the trigger for your cat's agression is (another cat, a dog, a child, you, etc) and either remove the trigger or find the cat a new home where the trigger doesn't exist.  If the cat doesn't like being nudged with your foot when it's in the middle of the hallway, don't do that.  If your cat doesn't like having its belly rubbed, don't do that.  If other pets are nagging the cat, separate them.  Don't escalate.
2014-07-08 04:56:03 AM  
3 votes:

tjsands1118: I have a 105lb giant schnauzer mutt, if he ever turned on me I could have a real problem, I'm not worried about that as he's slightly less vicious then a butterfly. But the biggest domestic cat I've ever encountered was probably around 30lbs and that was mostly fat, I just can't see being bullied by something the size of a cat. I know they can scratch pretty good and sometime bite, but anything that isn't venomous that can be flung with one hand doesn't really seem that dangerous.


I'd hate like hell to face your dog in an agitated state.  But can your dog jump 10-15 times the length of its own body from a standing-still position?  Can it maneuver so quickly that it can catch a darting squirrel on the run, or sneak up on a bird and kill it with one bite to the neck before the bird even knows there's danger in the vicinity?  Does your dog have claws as sharp as any knife in your kitchen, and teeth to match the claws?  Can your dog move so fast that you can't even lay a hand on it, much less catch it and - lol - "fling it with one hand"?

Big strong dogs present serious dangers when provoked.  But remember Yoda's lesson - size matters not, not when you're dealing with an animal with all the above abilities.  A pissed-off fighting cat will fark you up big-time, and anyone who doubts that has never met one.  This thread will be full of such falsely confident people, and I sincerely hope they never have the personal experience to prove them wrong.  Can it kill you?  Probably not.  But it'll cause real carnage, and more than likely get away afterwards.

terrymalloyspigeoncoop.files.wordpress.com
2014-07-08 04:35:52 AM  
3 votes:
Take sheet or blanket, throw over cat.


/Then elbow drop the lumps.
2014-07-08 08:33:19 AM  
2 votes:

Kibbler: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

Meh. I have a cat that's gone feral on occasion. Screaming, hissing, biting, clawing. Cats can't kill you. You get bitten and scratched. Once you get over instinctual fear you can deal with it.


When I was younger, I had a cat that would do this pretty regularly, (and I swear to God he was NEVER mistreated) and one day while I was just walking past him he just hooked me right in the calf with one of his claws and it hurt badly, and I just lost it.  I tried to kill him.  I tried very hard.  He must've got the message that time because after that he never ever did it again.

/Still have a cool half-moon scar on my left calf.  The cat lived to be 18 Y.O. (mostly because he chose to cut out the arbitrary attacks.)
2014-07-08 06:12:19 AM  
2 votes:
I forgot to add the cat probably got into their stash and ate the brown acid or something else that caused the episode.
2014-07-08 06:07:27 AM  
2 votes:
Put on 2 pairs of jeans a heavy sweatshirt and some winter gloves. Your basic cat gladiator outfit. Grab a pillow shield and a thick blanket. Now you are ready for kitten thunderdome.
2014-07-08 06:01:17 AM  
2 votes:

ReverendJasen: LowbrowDeluxe: Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

Ah, that's where the disconnect is.  If a cat is attacking me, I'm not worried about farking it up right back.  It will learn who the bigger mammal is.


Oh sure, you can kill it, and it stands almost no chance of killing you first.  But you will take damage in the process, and I guarantee you won't be telling jokes or underestimating any more cats when you're licking your wounds.
2014-07-08 05:58:47 AM  
2 votes:

karmachameleon: if a cat doesn't want to be picked up, believe me, you're not picking it up. It's not a matter of being scratched, it's a matter of you being much slower and less agile than the cat.


They are... twisty... and wriggly... and biting... and clawing... when they want to be. Then there's the cat poop and pee on their claws (from burying cat poop and pee) that can cause some nasty infections even if you do somehow manage to hang on to them.
2014-07-08 05:40:43 AM  
2 votes:

Confabulat: What a ferocious Russian Blue might look like:

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 800x600]

awwww


That had better be your own cat. Otherwise you would have used this image

www.laweekly.com
2014-07-08 05:20:41 AM  
2 votes:

karmachameleon: Is this the thread where I can watch people who

...

This is the thread where we learn who on Fark is the most likely to be featured in their own news article for being trapped in a room and calling 911 on a cat.
2014-07-08 05:17:59 AM  
2 votes:

LowbrowDeluxe: Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.


Ah, that's where the disconnect is.  If a cat is attacking me, I'm not worried about farking it up right back.  It will learn who the bigger mammal is.
2014-07-08 04:56:56 AM  
2 votes:

gfid: tjsands1118: I have a 105lb giant schnauzer mutt, if he ever turned on me I could have a real problem, I'm not worried about that as he's slightly less vicious then a butterfly. But the biggest domestic cat I've ever encountered was probably around 30lbs and that was mostly fat, I just can't see being bullied by something the size of a cat. I know they can scratch pretty good and sometime bite, but anything that isn't venomous that can be flung with one hand doesn't really seem that dangerous.

/I find it funny how many pet cats are mean as shiat, biting and scratching people, and people just shrug it off "oh it's just being temperamental", but if a dog even accidentally bites a person while playing, it's "a vicious animal that needs to be put down".

That's a good point.  It's normal for cats, it's dangerous if a dog does it.

One of my friends used to have a cat that was called psycho-kitty.  If you went over to his place and sat on his couch, psycho-kitty would attack you.  It was expected, and I think psycho-kitty loved it.  You try to touch him - he swipes his paw at you and tries to draw blood.

If a dog did that, it would probably be put down as a dangerous animal.


Well an angry cat can mess you up, but it probably can't kill you.  A dog can.  It's not such a shocking distinction.
2014-07-08 04:47:44 AM  
2 votes:

karmachameleon: Is this the thread where I can watch people who have never been in a closed room with a batshiat crazy cat in full fighting mode tell us all about how they vastly underestimate the amount of damage a cat can cause, and how hard it can be to stop a cat when it's in such a state?


I have, and that was just when I was a little kid.

You outweigh the cat. You can outthink the cat. You have weaponry available, like a bedsheet or pillow.

Sure the cat may be a spastic and painful ball of razor claws, but if you need to call the police for backup because you (and another adult!) cannot control the small animal, you deserve mockery on the internet until the end of your days.
2014-07-08 04:41:52 AM  
2 votes:
Is this the thread where I can watch people who have never been in a closed room with a batshiat crazy cat in full fighting mode tell us all about how they vastly underestimate the amount of damage a cat can cause, and how hard it can be to stop a cat when it's in such a state?

gfid: Also if you come out of a fight with a cat with more than a few superficial scratches your cat either has super powers or you are an idiot.


Yup, it sure is!
2014-07-08 04:41:04 AM  
2 votes:

Lsherm: I've been to the hospital twice after two attacks by the same cat (once for cellulitis, once for stitches) but even at his absolute worst he never made me cower in a room and call the cops.  WTF are these people doing wrong?

I think meth.  These people must smell like meth, and it really pisses the cats off.  Or something else equally offensive to their reptilian brain.  When a normal cat feels threatened by an animal much larger than itself, or two, it attacks until it can get away, and then it runs. Maybe the cat keeps smelling something it can't get away from.  It doesn't sound like a predatory attack, it sounds like the cat was trying to defend itself from something.  From what?

Or rabies, but that big ass cat from a few months ago didn't have rabies, did it?  Something these people did made that cat think trying to kill them, however fruitless an endeavor, was preferable to running away.


I inherited a cat when my mom died and that cat absolutely hated all men (so me). I happen to like cats and had had a couple of them before that so I know how to treat them nicely and not spook them. It didn't work with this cat, it just didn't like men. She wouldn't run either. I had to get rid of it after it wouldn't stop clawing at me for no apparent reason, even when I was putting out the food (and it was her favorite food when my mom had her). Some cats are just batshiat insane over dumb things that are not offensive to most other cats.
2014-07-08 04:34:40 AM  
2 votes:
I have a 105lb giant schnauzer mutt, if he ever turned on me I could have a real problem, I'm not worried about that as he's slightly less vicious then a butterfly. But the biggest domestic cat I've ever encountered was probably around 30lbs and that was mostly fat, I just can't see being bullied by something the size of a cat. I know they can scratch pretty good and sometime bite, but anything that isn't venomous that can be flung with one hand doesn't really seem that dangerous.

/I find it funny how many pet cats are mean as shiat, biting and scratching people, and people just shrug it off "oh it's just being temperamental", but if a dog even accidentally bites a person while playing, it's "a vicious animal that needs to be put down".
2014-07-08 02:06:57 AM  
2 votes:

MaudlinMutantMollusk: My cats don't want me to leave for work in the morning

/of course, since I lost my job today they don't need to worry anymore
//well... except maybe about eating


Eh. If it gets bad enough, one of the cats will prevail. Then you'll have the stronger, meatier cat for when shiat gets real.
2014-07-08 12:18:25 AM  
2 votes:
What a ferocious Russian Blue might look like:

3.bp.blogspot.com

awwww
2014-07-08 11:45:54 AM  
1 votes:

forgotmydamnusername: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.


This is the first, and hopefully last, time I hear someone claim they need a handgun for protection from house cats. You gun nuts are out of control.

Seriously speaking, if you cat goes on some kind of rampage and you decide that's a good reason to pull out a .44, you should not be allowed to own a gun ever again.
2014-07-08 10:25:31 AM  
1 votes:
Calling 911 because of a house cat means you fail at life. You deserve much mockery and should probably just give up.

forgotmydamnusername:
There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.

If you're pulling a hand gun on a house cat, you've got issues. Stay away from other people.
2014-07-08 10:20:50 AM  
1 votes:
Dudes, you punch the cat, it goes away.
pussy humans, ug
2014-07-08 09:47:14 AM  
1 votes:

RobSeace: Ambivalence: If your cat doesn't like having its belly rubbed, don't do that.

Some of them love to trick you into doing it by rolling over and begging for it, only to spring the claw trap on you when you try!


My cat does this. We call it the muffin belly trap and to this day we still fall for it.
2014-07-08 09:31:26 AM  
1 votes:

mike_d85: "Cats are viscous and you are helpless against them!"


Cats are vicious.  Molasses is viscous.
2014-07-08 08:52:46 AM  
1 votes:
Way don't you kick snow on a feral cat and see how you handle it when he goes 6 feet vertical and starts humping your FACE


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-oVhu2fu20&feature=kp
2014-07-08 08:45:05 AM  
1 votes:
This from the state where people call 911 when McDonald's runs out of chicken McNuggets.
2014-07-08 08:39:28 AM  
1 votes:
fusillade762:Can animals be psychopaths?

I see no reason why an animal's brain could not be randomly faulty, same as any other organ, whether it be from an abnormality that was there from birth, or as a result of disease, or accident trauma, or whatever.

As for psychopathy, having poor impulse control, a need for immediate gratification, and a complete and utter lack of empathy for others, is pretty much the definition of a cat anyway, so I can't see how you'd be able to tell.
2014-07-08 08:19:39 AM  
1 votes:

LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.


Meh. I have a cat that's gone feral on occasion. Screaming, hissing, biting, clawing. Cats can't kill you. You get bitten and scratched. Once you get over instinctual fear you can deal with it.
2014-07-08 08:03:05 AM  
1 votes:

ReverendJasen: karmachameleon: Is this the thread where I can watch people who...
This is the thread where we learn who on Fark is the most likely to be featured in their own news article for being trapped in a room and calling 911 on a cat.

Knowing that a mad cat can fark you up, and calling 911 because your kitty is mad, are two entirely different things, dubmass.

fusillade762:
Can animals be psychopaths?


Of course. Their brains aren't all that different than our own, and they are probably abused even more, since they can't talk about it. And some people just really hate cats.
2014-07-08 07:50:57 AM  
1 votes:
Sure they look sweet and innocent...
www.cinemacats.com

Then... BOOM

image.tmdb.org
2014-07-08 07:49:02 AM  
1 votes:
i92.photobucket.com
2014-07-08 07:11:38 AM  
1 votes:

Ambivalence: They usually have a reason, but it's not always clear what the reason is. If a cat is stalking you that could mean it's frustrated and needs an outlet for its frustration. Toy mice and climbing trees and something to chase (preferablly not another animal). I used to have a cat that played fetch. She went crazy for those caps that come on syrup bottles. You'd toss it and she's run after it, bat it around like crazy, and then scoop it up in her mouth and bring it back for you to throw again. She had us trained good. Cats are predators, they need something to hunt, on occasion.


Milk jug rings worked for me. They would "Bounce" when he pawed at them. Also A Cat Dancer  (stiff spring wire with a cardboard tuft on the end) will make even an older cat act like a kitten. The cardboard was easy to replace (or just get a new one) and just stick the handle end in a drawer or whatever and the cat will play with it for awhile all on its own. I think that to them it looks like a moth or butterfly so if your cat chases them then you're golden.
2014-07-08 07:01:39 AM  
1 votes:

Gramma: Cats don't always have a reason when they attack. I have had cats my whole life. The bastard that I have now is the only one I've ever had an issue with. He tore into my arm last night when I was sitting and watching tv. Nobody had been provoking him (we know better) and he sneaked up behind me and attacked. By the time he let go, I was bleeding in about 10 places from various bites and scratches. He walked about 4 feet away and laid down, just watching me.

I am going to feed him to the dogs one day. Soon.


They usually have a reason, but it's not always clear what the reason is.  If a cat is stalking you that could mean it's frustrated and needs an outlet for its frustration.  Toy mice and climbing trees and something to chase (preferablly not another animal).  I used to have a cat that played fetch.  She went crazy for those caps that come on syrup bottles. You'd toss it and she's run after it, bat it around like crazy, and then scoop it up in her mouth and bring it back for you to throw again. She had us trained good.  Cats are predators, they need something to hunt, on occasion.

I'm not saying that is the problem with YOUR cat, just that that's a common problem with cats that stalk people.
2014-07-08 06:38:48 AM  
1 votes:
I had a cat (old, long gone) go nuts, that's why I know what they can do.  It was a 10-minute balls-to-the-wall tantrum.  No reason why that I could discern.  It happened once and never happened again (5 more years with this cat), so who the fark knows?  I used to sound like some of you guys - something that small could never do much damage before I could get it under control.  WRONG.  Now I have the utmost respect for their speed, strength, agility, escapability, tenacity, claws and teeth.  I took stitches and shots, furniture and curtains were replaced, walls were repainted, many knick-knacks were lost.  The carnage was unreal.  I never touched her in spite of my efforts to catch her, not until she calmed down and allowed me to catch her.  And when I backed off to leave her alone until she calmed herself, she came after me, so it was a no-win.

I didn't call the cops, but it's totally reasonable that someone would when faced with a cat acting like that.  Anyone who doesn't think so is kidding themselves about what a cat is capable of doing, unless of course you're an asshole who doesn't give a fark if you kill it or not.  Of course, any worthless cretin can just do that and the cat won't have much recourse, so if this is about cat vs human for some of you, well duh.  But I suspect most people, like me, would prefer to try to save their pet and try to find out what's wrong.  So catching a pissed-off cat who doesn't want to be caught and doing it with everyone left intact is sometimes a task best left for the professionals.  (Although like another poster said, I'd never call the cops, because I'd be afraid their Weeners would be to shoot it.)
2014-07-08 06:15:08 AM  
1 votes:
This thread is hilarious.
"Cats are viscous and you are helpless against them!"
"Cats are tiny! Me smash cat!"
2014-07-08 06:14:28 AM  
1 votes:

karmachameleon: The dead giveaway of the feline ignorant - and all you guys do this - is the talk of merely grabbing it and throwing it. rofl...not happening. Cats on the move are so fast you barely stand a chance of laying two fingers on it, and if by some dumb luck you do happen to catch it, it'll squirm out of your grasp faster than you can say "Crisco". It's hard enough to grab and hold a cat that simply doesn't want to be held. An angry cat? You better be wearing protection and you better have restraints at the ready. Yes, towels and pillows are good tools for this purpose. It's still a task to catch that cat even when well equipped.


Yes cats are fast and yes they are squirmy and yes you really do need to be quick to catch one, but it is definately doable.  I have done it.  I have paid the price for it, but the key is to immobilize and control the head and upper body first (because that's where the teeth and the sharper claws are), then deal with the hind legs. Grabbing by the scruff is how you do that.  It's not easy and the cat may injure itself, but if one were so inclined, and didn't have animal control grabbers, that is how one would do it.
2014-07-08 06:09:59 AM  
1 votes:

karmachameleon: gfid: That said, I've seen cats in batshiat crazy mode. It's different than play-fighting. It's a farking cat - probably weighs less than 15 pounds - pick it up and take a few scratches and control it.

It's so obvious which of you are not cat owners.  What, you think it sits there and just swats its claws while you can reach around the back and merely pick it up while taking a few scratches?  lol...if a cat doesn't want to be picked up, believe me, you're not picking it up.  It's not a matter of being scratched, it's a matter of you being much slower and less agile than the cat.


Any reason why you can't arm yourself with a broom or something, and chase the cat into another room? Then you wouldn't end up being the prisoner in your own home, as well as being laughed at by everyone when you call 911. Hell, just starting the vacuum cleaner is usually enough to have a cat flee at the speed of light.
2014-07-08 06:04:31 AM  
1 votes:

ReverendJasen: karmachameleon: Is this the thread where I can watch people who...

This is the thread where we learn who on Fark is the most likely to be featured in their own news article for being trapped in a room and calling 911 on a cat.


No, I've been there and done that.  The very best thing to do when faced with a furious cat and no protection at your disposal is to wade right in, take your bites and scratches, and grab it by the scruff of the neck with one hand and the hind legs with the other, and hold on tight.  But you'll take damage no matter what, and most people aren't willing.  Nothing wrong with that.
2014-07-08 05:50:01 AM  
1 votes:

gfid: I'm a firm believer in the theory that if you treat an animal well it won't go batshiat crazy.


As a general rule I would agree with you. But then again there are humans that you can treat well AND try to reason with who are still batshiat crazy. Why would an animal be any different if not worse? After all, you can't reason with an animal, especially when it's main goal is to claw your eyes out.
2014-07-08 05:39:14 AM  
1 votes:

LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.


There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.
2014-07-08 05:33:36 AM  
1 votes:
"The owners said the cat has never had any shots or vaccinations."

Too bad, looks like we'll have to put the owners to sleep.
2014-07-08 05:31:57 AM  
1 votes:

ReverendJasen: LowbrowDeluxe: Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

Ah, that's where the disconnect is.  If a cat is attacking me, I'm not worried about farking it up right back.  It will learn who the bigger mammal is.


Yep, nailed the problem right there. Stop caring if the cat gets hurt, after all it doesn't care if it hurts you, and the human will win.
2014-07-08 05:09:28 AM  
1 votes:

karmachameleon: Is this the thread where I can watch people who have never been in a closed room with a batshiat crazy cat in full fighting mode tell us all about how they vastly underestimate the amount of damage a cat can cause, and how hard it can be to stop a cat when it's in such a state?

gfid: Also if you come out of a fight with a cat with more than a few superficial scratches your cat either has super powers or you are an idiot.

Yup, it sure is!


I'm a firm believer in the theory that if you treat an animal well it won't go batshiat crazy.  That said, I've seen cats in batshiat crazy mode.  It's different than play-fighting.  It's a farking cat - probably weighs less than 15 pounds - pick it up and take a few scratches and control it.  I don't even know why there was a picture in that article.  I've gotten worse scratches trimming roses.

Treat your cats right, people.  All they want is a little food and a place to piss and shiat another a place to lie down.  If you get in fights with your cat at least one of you is psychotic and I'd place bets on it being the human who is psychotic.
2014-07-08 04:52:14 AM  
1 votes:
biatch better have fud in mah bowl by the time I get out of jail.
2014-07-08 04:51:01 AM  
1 votes:
1.bp.blogspot.com
2014-07-08 04:30:48 AM  
1 votes:

MaudlinMutantMollusk: My cats don't want me to leave for work in the morning

/of course, since I lost my job today they don't need to worry anymore
//well... except maybe about eating


Damn. Sorry to hear about it, Mollusk.
2014-07-08 04:25:34 AM  
1 votes:

powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?


All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.
2014-07-08 04:21:33 AM  
1 votes:
I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?
2014-07-08 02:30:05 AM  
1 votes:

ecmoRandomNumbers: MaudlinMutantMollusk: My cats don't want me to leave for work in the morning

/of course, since I lost my job today they don't need to worry anymore
//well... except maybe about eating

Eh. If it gets bad enough, one of the cats will prevail. Then you'll have the stronger, meatier cat for when shiat gets real.


Or a few stronger, meatier cats and he'll never have to worry about working again.
 
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