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(Bay News 9)   Couple calls 911 after being trapped inside a room by their cat. This is not a repeat from a couple of months ago   (baynews9.com) divider line 162
    More: Florida  
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6183 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jul 2014 at 4:11 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-08 12:18:25 AM  
What a ferocious Russian Blue might look like:

3.bp.blogspot.com

awwww
 
2014-07-08 12:23:06 AM  
I've been to the hospital twice after two attacks by the same cat (once for cellulitis, once for stitches) but even at his absolute worst he never made me cower in a room and call the cops.  WTF are these people doing wrong?

I think meth.  These people must smell like meth, and it really pisses the cats off.  Or something else equally offensive to their reptilian brain.  When a normal cat feels threatened by an animal much larger than itself, or two, it attacks until it can get away, and then it runs. Maybe the cat keeps smelling something it can't get away from.  It doesn't sound like a predatory attack, it sounds like the cat was trying to defend itself from something.  From what?

Or rabies, but that big ass cat from a few months ago didn't have rabies, did it?  Something these people did made that cat think trying to kill them, however fruitless an endeavor, was preferable to running away.
 
2014-07-08 12:47:51 AM  
My cats don't want me to leave for work in the morning

/of course, since I lost my job today they don't need to worry anymore
//well... except maybe about eating
 
2014-07-08 02:06:57 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: My cats don't want me to leave for work in the morning

/of course, since I lost my job today they don't need to worry anymore
//well... except maybe about eating


Eh. If it gets bad enough, one of the cats will prevail. Then you'll have the stronger, meatier cat for when shiat gets real.
 
2014-07-08 02:30:05 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: MaudlinMutantMollusk: My cats don't want me to leave for work in the morning

/of course, since I lost my job today they don't need to worry anymore
//well... except maybe about eating

Eh. If it gets bad enough, one of the cats will prevail. Then you'll have the stronger, meatier cat for when shiat gets real.


Or a few stronger, meatier cats and he'll never have to worry about working again.
 
2014-07-08 04:18:04 AM  

MNguy: ecmoRandomNumbers: MaudlinMutantMollusk: My cats don't want me to leave for work in the morning

/of course, since I lost my job today they don't need to worry anymore
//well... except maybe about eating

Eh. If it gets bad enough, one of the cats will prevail. Then you'll have the stronger, meatier cat for when shiat gets real.

Or a few stronger, meatier cats and he'll never have to worry about working again.


Or zero cats, and a great story to tell about how he got his coonskin cap around the hobo fire at night!
 
2014-07-08 04:21:15 AM  

Lsherm: I've been to the hospital twice after two attacks by the same cat (once for cellulitis, once for stitches) but even at his absolute worst he never made me cower in a room and call the cops.  WTF are these people doing wrong?

I think meth.  These people must smell like meth, and it really pisses the cats off.  Or something else equally offensive to their reptilian brain.  When a normal cat feels threatened by an animal much larger than itself, or two, it attacks until it can get away, and then it runs. Maybe the cat keeps smelling something it can't get away from.  It doesn't sound like a predatory attack, it sounds like the cat was trying to defend itself from something.  From what?

Or rabies, but that big ass cat from a few months ago didn't have rabies, did it?  Something these people did made that cat think trying to kill them, however fruitless an endeavor, was preferable to running away.


you probably don't want to follow up saying you got attacked by a cat twice with "these people must smell like meth and it really pisses cats off".
 
2014-07-08 04:21:33 AM  
I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?
 
2014-07-08 04:25:34 AM  

powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?


All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.
 
2014-07-08 04:30:48 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: My cats don't want me to leave for work in the morning

/of course, since I lost my job today they don't need to worry anymore
//well... except maybe about eating


Damn. Sorry to hear about it, Mollusk.
 
2014-07-08 04:32:30 AM  
Normal people can live with cats just fine.  I think there is something wrong with these people.

Also if you come out of a fight with a cat with more than a few superficial scratches your cat either has super powers or you are an idiot.

I got into a fight with my cat once.  I won, but I didn't feel good about it.  I made her stay in the bathroom all by herself for an hour, but she scratched me pretty good.  Most cats know when they're not going to win a fight.  Most humans are 10-20 times the weight of a cat - the cat can scratch and bite, but ultimately you're a pussy if you can't control it.

It looks like the cat got one good bite on his hand, but nothing I would go to the ER for.  It doesn't even look like the cat was trying that hard.  How the fark do these people make the news?  Or Fark.

Take the cat away from this asshole and give it to someone who cares.
 
2014-07-08 04:34:40 AM  
I have a 105lb giant schnauzer mutt, if he ever turned on me I could have a real problem, I'm not worried about that as he's slightly less vicious then a butterfly. But the biggest domestic cat I've ever encountered was probably around 30lbs and that was mostly fat, I just can't see being bullied by something the size of a cat. I know they can scratch pretty good and sometime bite, but anything that isn't venomous that can be flung with one hand doesn't really seem that dangerous.

/I find it funny how many pet cats are mean as shiat, biting and scratching people, and people just shrug it off "oh it's just being temperamental", but if a dog even accidentally bites a person while playing, it's "a vicious animal that needs to be put down".
 
2014-07-08 04:35:52 AM  
Take sheet or blanket, throw over cat.


/Then elbow drop the lumps.
 
2014-07-08 04:41:04 AM  

Lsherm: I've been to the hospital twice after two attacks by the same cat (once for cellulitis, once for stitches) but even at his absolute worst he never made me cower in a room and call the cops.  WTF are these people doing wrong?

I think meth.  These people must smell like meth, and it really pisses the cats off.  Or something else equally offensive to their reptilian brain.  When a normal cat feels threatened by an animal much larger than itself, or two, it attacks until it can get away, and then it runs. Maybe the cat keeps smelling something it can't get away from.  It doesn't sound like a predatory attack, it sounds like the cat was trying to defend itself from something.  From what?

Or rabies, but that big ass cat from a few months ago didn't have rabies, did it?  Something these people did made that cat think trying to kill them, however fruitless an endeavor, was preferable to running away.


I inherited a cat when my mom died and that cat absolutely hated all men (so me). I happen to like cats and had had a couple of them before that so I know how to treat them nicely and not spook them. It didn't work with this cat, it just didn't like men. She wouldn't run either. I had to get rid of it after it wouldn't stop clawing at me for no apparent reason, even when I was putting out the food (and it was her favorite food when my mom had her). Some cats are just batshiat insane over dumb things that are not offensive to most other cats.
 
2014-07-08 04:41:52 AM  
Is this the thread where I can watch people who have never been in a closed room with a batshiat crazy cat in full fighting mode tell us all about how they vastly underestimate the amount of damage a cat can cause, and how hard it can be to stop a cat when it's in such a state?

gfid: Also if you come out of a fight with a cat with more than a few superficial scratches your cat either has super powers or you are an idiot.


Yup, it sure is!
 
2014-07-08 04:47:15 AM  

tjsands1118: I have a 105lb giant schnauzer mutt, if he ever turned on me I could have a real problem, I'm not worried about that as he's slightly less vicious then a butterfly. But the biggest domestic cat I've ever encountered was probably around 30lbs and that was mostly fat, I just can't see being bullied by something the size of a cat. I know they can scratch pretty good and sometime bite, but anything that isn't venomous that can be flung with one hand doesn't really seem that dangerous.

/I find it funny how many pet cats are mean as shiat, biting and scratching people, and people just shrug it off "oh it's just being temperamental", but if a dog even accidentally bites a person while playing, it's "a vicious animal that needs to be put down".


That's a good point.  It's normal for cats, it's dangerous if a dog does it.

One of my friends used to have a cat that was called psycho-kitty.  If you went over to his place and sat on his couch, psycho-kitty would attack you.  It was expected, and I think psycho-kitty loved it.  You try to touch him - he swipes his paw at you and tries to draw blood.

If a dog did that, it would probably be put down as a dangerous animal.
 
2014-07-08 04:47:44 AM  

karmachameleon: Is this the thread where I can watch people who have never been in a closed room with a batshiat crazy cat in full fighting mode tell us all about how they vastly underestimate the amount of damage a cat can cause, and how hard it can be to stop a cat when it's in such a state?


I have, and that was just when I was a little kid.

You outweigh the cat. You can outthink the cat. You have weaponry available, like a bedsheet or pillow.

Sure the cat may be a spastic and painful ball of razor claws, but if you need to call the police for backup because you (and another adult!) cannot control the small animal, you deserve mockery on the internet until the end of your days.
 
2014-07-08 04:51:01 AM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-07-08 04:52:14 AM  
biatch better have fud in mah bowl by the time I get out of jail.
 
2014-07-08 04:53:44 AM  
Had one more thought, it being Florida, can you use the stand your ground law to kill "attacking animals'? Or it's that still the it's coming right for us law?
 
2014-07-08 04:55:05 AM  

LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.


Still can't buy it. I would be hard pressed to call the police if any one of our three cats turned against us. The number one reason being is that the Weeners by the police is usually to kill the animal.
 
2014-07-08 04:56:03 AM  

tjsands1118: I have a 105lb giant schnauzer mutt, if he ever turned on me I could have a real problem, I'm not worried about that as he's slightly less vicious then a butterfly. But the biggest domestic cat I've ever encountered was probably around 30lbs and that was mostly fat, I just can't see being bullied by something the size of a cat. I know they can scratch pretty good and sometime bite, but anything that isn't venomous that can be flung with one hand doesn't really seem that dangerous.


I'd hate like hell to face your dog in an agitated state.  But can your dog jump 10-15 times the length of its own body from a standing-still position?  Can it maneuver so quickly that it can catch a darting squirrel on the run, or sneak up on a bird and kill it with one bite to the neck before the bird even knows there's danger in the vicinity?  Does your dog have claws as sharp as any knife in your kitchen, and teeth to match the claws?  Can your dog move so fast that you can't even lay a hand on it, much less catch it and - lol - "fling it with one hand"?

Big strong dogs present serious dangers when provoked.  But remember Yoda's lesson - size matters not, not when you're dealing with an animal with all the above abilities.  A pissed-off fighting cat will fark you up big-time, and anyone who doubts that has never met one.  This thread will be full of such falsely confident people, and I sincerely hope they never have the personal experience to prove them wrong.  Can it kill you?  Probably not.  But it'll cause real carnage, and more than likely get away afterwards.

terrymalloyspigeoncoop.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-07-08 04:56:56 AM  

gfid: tjsands1118: I have a 105lb giant schnauzer mutt, if he ever turned on me I could have a real problem, I'm not worried about that as he's slightly less vicious then a butterfly. But the biggest domestic cat I've ever encountered was probably around 30lbs and that was mostly fat, I just can't see being bullied by something the size of a cat. I know they can scratch pretty good and sometime bite, but anything that isn't venomous that can be flung with one hand doesn't really seem that dangerous.

/I find it funny how many pet cats are mean as shiat, biting and scratching people, and people just shrug it off "oh it's just being temperamental", but if a dog even accidentally bites a person while playing, it's "a vicious animal that needs to be put down".

That's a good point.  It's normal for cats, it's dangerous if a dog does it.

One of my friends used to have a cat that was called psycho-kitty.  If you went over to his place and sat on his couch, psycho-kitty would attack you.  It was expected, and I think psycho-kitty loved it.  You try to touch him - he swipes his paw at you and tries to draw blood.

If a dog did that, it would probably be put down as a dangerous animal.


Well an angry cat can mess you up, but it probably can't kill you.  A dog can.  It's not such a shocking distinction.
 
2014-07-08 04:57:33 AM  

Confabulat: karmachameleon: Is this the thread where I can watch people who have never been in a closed room with a batshiat crazy cat in full fighting mode tell us all about how they vastly underestimate the amount of damage a cat can cause, and how hard it can be to stop a cat when it's in such a state?

I have, and that was just when I was a little kid.

You outweigh the cat. You can outthink the cat. You have weaponry available, like a bedsheet or pillow.

Sure the cat may be a spastic and painful ball of razor claws, but if you need to call the police for backup because you (and another adult!) cannot control the small animal, you deserve mockery on the internet until the end of your days.


Then you haven't met the kind of cat I'm thinking of.  You just think you have, but you haven't.
 
2014-07-08 04:59:39 AM  
>They declined treatment
>the cat has never had any shots or vaccinations
the problem with rabies is that once you show symptoms, it's too late for treatment. only 3 people have survived an infection.
 
2014-07-08 05:01:00 AM  

jekxrb: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 500x375]


That;'s hilarious.

I don't know why - that cat looks nothing like Jack Nicholson.
 
2014-07-08 05:09:28 AM  

karmachameleon: Is this the thread where I can watch people who have never been in a closed room with a batshiat crazy cat in full fighting mode tell us all about how they vastly underestimate the amount of damage a cat can cause, and how hard it can be to stop a cat when it's in such a state?

gfid: Also if you come out of a fight with a cat with more than a few superficial scratches your cat either has super powers or you are an idiot.

Yup, it sure is!


I'm a firm believer in the theory that if you treat an animal well it won't go batshiat crazy.  That said, I've seen cats in batshiat crazy mode.  It's different than play-fighting.  It's a farking cat - probably weighs less than 15 pounds - pick it up and take a few scratches and control it.  I don't even know why there was a picture in that article.  I've gotten worse scratches trimming roses.

Treat your cats right, people.  All they want is a little food and a place to piss and shiat another a place to lie down.  If you get in fights with your cat at least one of you is psychotic and I'd place bets on it being the human who is psychotic.
 
2014-07-08 05:13:56 AM  

karmachameleon: tjsands1118: I have a 105lb giant schnauzer mutt, if he ever turned on me I could have a real problem, I'm not worried about that as he's slightly less vicious then a butterfly. But the biggest domestic cat I've ever encountered was probably around 30lbs and that was mostly fat, I just can't see being bullied by something the size of a cat. I know they can scratch pretty good and sometime bite, but anything that isn't venomous that can be flung with one hand doesn't really seem that dangerous.

I'd hate like hell to face your dog in an agitated state.  But can your dog jump 10-15 times the length of its own body from a standing-still position?  Can it maneuver so quickly that it can catch a darting squirrel on the run, or sneak up on a bird and kill it with one bite to the neck before the bird even knows there's danger in the vicinity?  Does your dog have claws as sharp as any knife in your kitchen, and teeth to match the claws?  Can your dog move so fast that you can't even lay a hand on it, much less catch it and - lol - "fling it with one hand"?

Big strong dogs present serious dangers when provoked.  But remember Yoda's lesson - size matters not, not when you're dealing with an animal with all the above abilities.  A pissed-off fighting cat will fark you up big-time, and anyone who doubts that has never met one.  This thread will be full of such falsely confident people, and I sincerely hope they never have the personal experience to prove them wrong.  Can it kill you?  Probably not.  But it'll cause real carnage, and more than likely get away afterwards.

[terrymalloyspigeoncoop.files.wordpress.com image 470x297]


Well he can jump high enough to reach my face from a seated start, I'm 6'3" by the way. He's catch two squirrels so far and probably a lot more if I hadn't stopped him, he hasn't catch a bird though he doesn't really try be he does know how to hide and wouldn't need to bite the neck as his mouth is bigger enough to eat most birds in one bite, also he has 3cm long canine teeth, which I've hit on accident a few times and drawn blood (he has never actually bitten me) And for a dog with a partially torn ACL he still moves pretty fast when he wants to.

fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net
 
2014-07-08 05:17:59 AM  

LowbrowDeluxe: Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.


Ah, that's where the disconnect is.  If a cat is attacking me, I'm not worried about farking it up right back.  It will learn who the bigger mammal is.
 
2014-07-08 05:20:41 AM  

karmachameleon: Is this the thread where I can watch people who

...

This is the thread where we learn who on Fark is the most likely to be featured in their own news article for being trapped in a room and calling 911 on a cat.
 
2014-07-08 05:21:17 AM  

starsrift: biatch better have fud in mah bowl by the time I get out of jail.


Not some of mah fud, not haf mah fud, not most of mah fud. B*tch better have all mah fud.
 
2014-07-08 05:22:44 AM  

powhound: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

Still can't buy it. I would be hard pressed to call the police if any one of our three cats turned against us. The number one reason being is that the Weeners by the police is usually to kill the animal.


lol fark filter!
 
2014-07-08 05:31:57 AM  

ReverendJasen: LowbrowDeluxe: Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

Ah, that's where the disconnect is.  If a cat is attacking me, I'm not worried about farking it up right back.  It will learn who the bigger mammal is.


Yep, nailed the problem right there. Stop caring if the cat gets hurt, after all it doesn't care if it hurts you, and the human will win.
 
2014-07-08 05:33:36 AM  
"The owners said the cat has never had any shots or vaccinations."

Too bad, looks like we'll have to put the owners to sleep.
 
2014-07-08 05:39:14 AM  

LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.


There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.
 
2014-07-08 05:39:42 AM  
Grab the scruff with one hand, grab the hind legs with the other hand, hold all claw and teeth bits away from you and throw it in a room until it can calm the fark down.  Yes you'll probably get scratched and/or bit before you can get that first hold, but you can't let the cat intimidate you.

The key, is to be mindful of your cat's body language before it ever gets to that point.  Know when your cat is unhappy and wants to be left alone and then leave it alone.  Make sure escape routes for your cat are not blocked and that it's not cornered.  Also make sure ambush points ARE blocked (if the cat is ambushing you). Most cats won't fight unless they feel they have no choice.  Take the time to find out what the trigger for your cat's agression is (another cat, a dog, a child, you, etc) and either remove the trigger or find the cat a new home where the trigger doesn't exist.  If the cat doesn't like being nudged with your foot when it's in the middle of the hallway, don't do that.  If your cat doesn't like having its belly rubbed, don't do that.  If other pets are nagging the cat, separate them.  Don't escalate.
 
2014-07-08 05:40:43 AM  

Confabulat: What a ferocious Russian Blue might look like:

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 800x600]

awwww


That had better be your own cat. Otherwise you would have used this image

www.laweekly.com
 
2014-07-08 05:44:39 AM  
Every kitten grows up to be a cat. They seem so harmless at first -- small, quiet, lapping up their saucer of milk. But once their claws get long enough, they draw blood. Sometimes from the hand that feeds them. For those of us climbing to the top of the food chain there can be no mercy. There is but one rule: Hunt or be hunted. Welcome back. - Frank Underwood (House of Cards)
 
2014-07-08 05:50:01 AM  

gfid: I'm a firm believer in the theory that if you treat an animal well it won't go batshiat crazy.


As a general rule I would agree with you. But then again there are humans that you can treat well AND try to reason with who are still batshiat crazy. Why would an animal be any different if not worse? After all, you can't reason with an animal, especially when it's main goal is to claw your eyes out.
 
2014-07-08 05:51:58 AM  

gfid: That said, I've seen cats in batshiat crazy mode. It's different than play-fighting. It's a farking cat - probably weighs less than 15 pounds - pick it up and take a few scratches and control it.


It's so obvious which of you are not cat owners.  What, you think it sits there and just swats its claws while you can reach around the back and merely pick it up while taking a few scratches?  lol...if a cat doesn't want to be picked up, believe me, you're not picking it up.  It's not a matter of being scratched, it's a matter of you being much slower and less agile than the cat.
 
2014-07-08 05:58:47 AM  

karmachameleon: if a cat doesn't want to be picked up, believe me, you're not picking it up. It's not a matter of being scratched, it's a matter of you being much slower and less agile than the cat.


They are... twisty... and wriggly... and biting... and clawing... when they want to be. Then there's the cat poop and pee on their claws (from burying cat poop and pee) that can cause some nasty infections even if you do somehow manage to hang on to them.
 
2014-07-08 05:59:33 AM  

tjsands1118: karmachameleon: tjsands1118: I have a 105lb giant schnauzer mutt, if he ever turned on me I could have a real problem, I'm not worried about that as he's slightly less vicious then a butterfly. But the biggest domestic cat I've ever encountered was probably around 30lbs and that was mostly fat, I just can't see being bullied by something the size of a cat. I know they can scratch pretty good and sometime bite, but anything that isn't venomous that can be flung with one hand doesn't really seem that dangerous.

I'd hate like hell to face your dog in an agitated state.  But can your dog jump 10-15 times the length of its own body from a standing-still position?  Can it maneuver so quickly that it can catch a darting squirrel on the run, or sneak up on a bird and kill it with one bite to the neck before the bird even knows there's danger in the vicinity?  Does your dog have claws as sharp as any knife in your kitchen, and teeth to match the claws?  Can your dog move so fast that you can't even lay a hand on it, much less catch it and - lol - "fling it with one hand"?

Big strong dogs present serious dangers when provoked.  But remember Yoda's lesson - size matters not, not when you're dealing with an animal with all the above abilities.  A pissed-off fighting cat will fark you up big-time, and anyone who doubts that has never met one.  This thread will be full of such falsely confident people, and I sincerely hope they never have the personal experience to prove them wrong.  Can it kill you?  Probably not.  But it'll cause real carnage, and more than likely get away afterwards.

[terrymalloyspigeoncoop.files.wordpress.com image 470x297]

Well he can jump high enough to reach my face from a seated start, I'm 6'3" by the way. He's catch two squirrels so far and probably a lot more if I hadn't stopped him, he hasn't catch a bird though he doesn't really try be he does know how to hide and wouldn't need to bite the neck as his mouth is bigger enough to eat most birds in on ...


Like I said, I wouldn't want to face your angry dog either, but for entirely different reasons than not wanting to face an angry cat.  Cats have abilities dogs simply don't have, so if you don't own any cats, and have never seen a truly enraged cat in action (and I don't mean a simple angry cat, or even a cat that's on the attack - I mean a howling and enraged cat in full-on bouncing-off-the-walls fight mode), then you simply don't know what you're talking about.

The dead giveaway of the feline ignorant - and all you guys do this - is the talk of merely grabbing it and throwing it.  rofl...not happening.  Cats on the move are so fast you barely stand a chance of laying two fingers on it, and if by some dumb luck you do happen to catch it, it'll squirm out of your grasp faster than you can say "Crisco".  It's hard enough to grab and hold a cat that simply doesn't want to be held.  An angry cat?  You better be wearing protection and you better have restraints at the ready.  Yes, towels and pillows are good tools for this purpose.  It's still a task to catch that cat even when well equipped.

My point is that some of you think only a fool would call the cops for help when faced with a violent cat, but it is completely understandable if you know cats and what they're capable of doing.  You guys literally don't know what you're talking about, full stop.  Sorry.
 
2014-07-08 06:01:17 AM  

ReverendJasen: LowbrowDeluxe: Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

Ah, that's where the disconnect is.  If a cat is attacking me, I'm not worried about farking it up right back.  It will learn who the bigger mammal is.


Oh sure, you can kill it, and it stands almost no chance of killing you first.  But you will take damage in the process, and I guarantee you won't be telling jokes or underestimating any more cats when you're licking your wounds.
 
2014-07-08 06:04:16 AM  

Radioactive Ass: gfid: I'm a firm believer in the theory that if you treat an animal well it won't go batshiat crazy.

As a general rule I would agree with you. But then again there are humans that you can treat well AND try to reason with who are still batshiat crazy. Why would an animal be any different if not worse? After all, you can't reason with an animal, especially when it's main goal is to claw your eyes out.


Can animals be psychopaths?
 
2014-07-08 06:04:31 AM  

ReverendJasen: karmachameleon: Is this the thread where I can watch people who...

This is the thread where we learn who on Fark is the most likely to be featured in their own news article for being trapped in a room and calling 911 on a cat.


No, I've been there and done that.  The very best thing to do when faced with a furious cat and no protection at your disposal is to wade right in, take your bites and scratches, and grab it by the scruff of the neck with one hand and the hind legs with the other, and hold on tight.  But you'll take damage no matter what, and most people aren't willing.  Nothing wrong with that.
 
2014-07-08 06:07:27 AM  
Put on 2 pairs of jeans a heavy sweatshirt and some winter gloves. Your basic cat gladiator outfit. Grab a pillow shield and a thick blanket. Now you are ready for kitten thunderdome.
 
2014-07-08 06:08:29 AM  

gfid: tjsands1118: I have a 105lb giant schnauzer mutt, if he ever turned on me I could have a real problem, I'm not worried about that as he's slightly less vicious then a butterfly. But the biggest domestic cat I've ever encountered was probably around 30lbs and that was mostly fat, I just can't see being bullied by something the size of a cat. I know they can scratch pretty good and sometime bite, but anything that isn't venomous that can be flung with one hand doesn't really seem that dangerous.

/I find it funny how many pet cats are mean as shiat, biting and scratching people, and people just shrug it off "oh it's just being temperamental", but if a dog even accidentally bites a person while playing, it's "a vicious animal that needs to be put down".

That's a good point.  It's normal for cats, it's dangerous if a dog does it.

One of my friends used to have a cat that was called psycho-kitty.  If you went over to his place and sat on his couch, psycho-kitty would attack you.  It was expected, and I think psycho-kitty loved it.  You try to touch him - he swipes his paw at you and tries to draw blood.

If a dog did that, it would probably be put down as a dangerous animal.


When was the last time you've heard of a cat ripping anyone's face off?

/eating toes, sure, but not faces
//fan the hate.....faaaaan the haaaate
///thinking of getting a puppy in a couple of months. Something that plays well with kids but has guarding instincts
 
2014-07-08 06:09:26 AM  
According to the article the cat's name is 'Kush' and it's never had any shots.

So, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say these people probably aren't responsible enough to care for another living thing that is any more complex than a plant they plan to smoke.

/Hopefully the cat will find a better home
 
2014-07-08 06:09:59 AM  

karmachameleon: gfid: That said, I've seen cats in batshiat crazy mode. It's different than play-fighting. It's a farking cat - probably weighs less than 15 pounds - pick it up and take a few scratches and control it.

It's so obvious which of you are not cat owners.  What, you think it sits there and just swats its claws while you can reach around the back and merely pick it up while taking a few scratches?  lol...if a cat doesn't want to be picked up, believe me, you're not picking it up.  It's not a matter of being scratched, it's a matter of you being much slower and less agile than the cat.


Any reason why you can't arm yourself with a broom or something, and chase the cat into another room? Then you wouldn't end up being the prisoner in your own home, as well as being laughed at by everyone when you call 911. Hell, just starting the vacuum cleaner is usually enough to have a cat flee at the speed of light.
 
2014-07-08 06:11:22 AM  
Don't cal 911 over a cat problem.
Call a Chinese Buffet. They know how to handle and prepare cats.
 
2014-07-08 06:12:19 AM  
I forgot to add the cat probably got into their stash and ate the brown acid or something else that caused the episode.
 
2014-07-08 06:14:28 AM  

karmachameleon: The dead giveaway of the feline ignorant - and all you guys do this - is the talk of merely grabbing it and throwing it. rofl...not happening. Cats on the move are so fast you barely stand a chance of laying two fingers on it, and if by some dumb luck you do happen to catch it, it'll squirm out of your grasp faster than you can say "Crisco". It's hard enough to grab and hold a cat that simply doesn't want to be held. An angry cat? You better be wearing protection and you better have restraints at the ready. Yes, towels and pillows are good tools for this purpose. It's still a task to catch that cat even when well equipped.


Yes cats are fast and yes they are squirmy and yes you really do need to be quick to catch one, but it is definately doable.  I have done it.  I have paid the price for it, but the key is to immobilize and control the head and upper body first (because that's where the teeth and the sharper claws are), then deal with the hind legs. Grabbing by the scruff is how you do that.  It's not easy and the cat may injure itself, but if one were so inclined, and didn't have animal control grabbers, that is how one would do it.
 
2014-07-08 06:14:29 AM  

fusillade762: Can animals be psychopaths?


Sure, why not? Maybe not in the same way as we define humans as psychopaths. Some cats rarely if ever kill a bird and other cats wipe out entire neighborhoods of birds, are they serial killers? Not in the same way that you or I would look at it but they kill way more than they could ever eat. They just like killing birds. I call that a form of being a psychopath.
 
2014-07-08 06:14:58 AM  

fusillade762: Confabulat: What a ferocious Russian Blue might look like:

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 800x600]

awwww

That had better be your own cat. Otherwise you would have used this image

[www.laweekly.com image 273x398]


how i wish i had now.
 
2014-07-08 06:15:08 AM  
This thread is hilarious.
"Cats are viscous and you are helpless against them!"
"Cats are tiny! Me smash cat!"
 
2014-07-08 06:19:58 AM  
karmachameleon:

[terrymalloyspigeoncoop.files.wordpress.com image 470x297]

Came for this, leaving satisfied.

/"It's just a bunny."
 
2014-07-08 06:20:22 AM  
 
2014-07-08 06:22:50 AM  

mike_d85: This thread is hilarious.
"Cats are viscous and you are helpless against them!"
"Cats are tiny! Me smash cat!"


Tiny but badass
s14.postimg.org
 
2014-07-08 06:23:29 AM  

karmachameleon: The very best thing to do when faced with a furious cat and no protection at your disposal is to wade right in, take your bites and scratches, and grab it by the scruff of the neck with one hand and the hind legs with the other, and hold on tight.


Exactly.  I've had a neighbor's near-feral outdoor tom come in through a window before to attack my cats.  Took every ounce of restraint not to stomp it's neck.  Finally cornered him, took my scratches, but got him grappled and tossed him across the street as hard as I could.  Little asshole never tried that again.
 
2014-07-08 06:26:44 AM  

fusillade762: Radioactive Ass: gfid: I'm a firm believer in the theory that if you treat an animal well it won't go batshiat crazy.

As a general rule I would agree with you. But then again there are humans that you can treat well AND try to reason with who are still batshiat crazy. Why would an animal be any different if not worse? After all, you can't reason with an animal, especially when it's main goal is to claw your eyes out.

Can animals be psychopaths?


Cats, like most mammals, have personalities.  I have 3 cats.  They all live in the same environment, they all are treated the same (i.e. like feline queens).  One is very friendly and fiesty, one is needy (in a really good way), and one is kind of bipolar and mean (but I still love her).  "Psychopath" implies knowledge of the difference between right and wrong so it doesn't apply here, but gfid is wrong - any animal can go crazy with the right (wrong) stimuli.  Don't we always hear this refrain with the pit bull bite cases?  "I can't believe it, he was always such a sweet dog, would never hurt a fly."  Never mind that the dog just chewed off someone's face.
 
2014-07-08 06:30:05 AM  

Nidiot: karmachameleon: gfid: That said, I've seen cats in batshiat crazy mode. It's different than play-fighting. It's a farking cat - probably weighs less than 15 pounds - pick it up and take a few scratches and control it.

It's so obvious which of you are not cat owners.  What, you think it sits there and just swats its claws while you can reach around the back and merely pick it up while taking a few scratches?  lol...if a cat doesn't want to be picked up, believe me, you're not picking it up.  It's not a matter of being scratched, it's a matter of you being much slower and less agile than the cat.

Any reason why you can't arm yourself with a broom or something, and chase the cat into another room? Then you wouldn't end up being the prisoner in your own home, as well as being laughed at by everyone when you call 911. Hell, just starting the vacuum cleaner is usually enough to have a cat flee at the speed of light.


Maybe, maybe not.  Depends on if the cat will allow itself to be herded or not.  You've heard that phrase before, right?  People use it to express a truly difficult situation or task.  There's a reason people use that particular phrase, you know.

My point is that a cat that doesn't want to be caught (by you, without special tools) won't be caught.  Even a trained professional with tools might have a hard time doing it.  Cats are crazy fast and crazy agile, and if you catch an agitated one, it's probably because they let you.
 
2014-07-08 06:32:08 AM  

Ambivalence: karmachameleon: The dead giveaway of the feline ignorant - and all you guys do this - is the talk of merely grabbing it and throwing it. rofl...not happening. Cats on the move are so fast you barely stand a chance of laying two fingers on it, and if by some dumb luck you do happen to catch it, it'll squirm out of your grasp faster than you can say "Crisco". It's hard enough to grab and hold a cat that simply doesn't want to be held. An angry cat? You better be wearing protection and you better have restraints at the ready. Yes, towels and pillows are good tools for this purpose. It's still a task to catch that cat even when well equipped.

Yes cats are fast and yes they are squirmy and yes you really do need to be quick to catch one, but it is definately doable.  I have done it.  I have paid the price for it, but the key is to immobilize and control the head and upper body first (because that's where the teeth and the sharper claws are), then deal with the hind legs. Grabbing by the scruff is how you do that.  It's not easy and the cat may injure itself, but if one were so inclined, and didn't have animal control grabbers, that is how one would do it.


Sure, I agree and have done it too.  I didn't say it was impossible, but it's hard, and the cat can make it as hard as it wants to.  It can be impossible, if you don't have help.

Remember, I'm talking to people who talk about it like it should be a walk in the park because "it's such a small animal, I don't see how it could be that dangerous or damaging".  Heh.
 
2014-07-08 06:38:48 AM  
I had a cat (old, long gone) go nuts, that's why I know what they can do.  It was a 10-minute balls-to-the-wall tantrum.  No reason why that I could discern.  It happened once and never happened again (5 more years with this cat), so who the fark knows?  I used to sound like some of you guys - something that small could never do much damage before I could get it under control.  WRONG.  Now I have the utmost respect for their speed, strength, agility, escapability, tenacity, claws and teeth.  I took stitches and shots, furniture and curtains were replaced, walls were repainted, many knick-knacks were lost.  The carnage was unreal.  I never touched her in spite of my efforts to catch her, not until she calmed down and allowed me to catch her.  And when I backed off to leave her alone until she calmed herself, she came after me, so it was a no-win.

I didn't call the cops, but it's totally reasonable that someone would when faced with a cat acting like that.  Anyone who doesn't think so is kidding themselves about what a cat is capable of doing, unless of course you're an asshole who doesn't give a fark if you kill it or not.  Of course, any worthless cretin can just do that and the cat won't have much recourse, so if this is about cat vs human for some of you, well duh.  But I suspect most people, like me, would prefer to try to save their pet and try to find out what's wrong.  So catching a pissed-off cat who doesn't want to be caught and doing it with everyone left intact is sometimes a task best left for the professionals.  (Although like another poster said, I'd never call the cops, because I'd be afraid their Weeners would be to shoot it.)
 
2014-07-08 06:40:15 AM  

karmachameleon: Remember, I'm talking to people who talk about it like it should be a walk in the park because "it's such a small animal, I don't see how it could be that dangerous or damaging". Heh.


Oh hells no, felines of all sizes are obligate carnivores.  They are engineered by nature to kill, by itself, what may take a pack of like sized canines to kill.  And the only reason domestic cats even tolerate us is because we are so much larger than they are and give them noms.  You do not want to fark with a cat unless you absolutely have to.  A domestic can't generally kill you, but it will seriously ruin your entire week, longer if your injuries get infected which is a real danger with bites in particular.

I once took my cat to a vet and she needed to have a second person there and told me the story of how a cat once bit her and her wound got so infected she nearly lost her hand.  She didn't lose her hand or fingers, but now her insurance requires her to have a vet tech in the room with her anytime she treats a cat.
 
2014-07-08 06:53:47 AM  

Ambivalence: Grab the scruff with one hand, grab the hind legs with the other hand, hold all claw and teeth bits away from you and throw it in a room until it can calm the fark down.  Yes you'll probably get scratched and/or bit before you can get that first hold, but you can't let the cat intimidate you.

The key, is to be mindful of your cat's body language before it ever gets to that point.  Know when your cat is unhappy and wants to be left alone and then leave it alone.  Make sure escape routes for your cat are not blocked and that it's not cornered.  Also make sure ambush points ARE blocked (if the cat is ambushing you). Most cats won't fight unless they feel they have no choice.  Take the time to find out what the trigger for your cat's agression is (another cat, a dog, a child, you, etc) and either remove the trigger or find the cat a new home where the trigger doesn't exist.  If the cat doesn't like being nudged with your foot when it's in the middle of the hallway, don't do that.  If your cat doesn't like having its belly rubbed, don't do that.  If other pets are nagging the cat, separate them.  Don't escalate.


Cats don't always have a reason when they attack. I have had cats my whole life. The bastard that I have now is the only one I've ever had an issue with. He tore into my arm last night when I was sitting and watching tv. Nobody had been provoking him (we know better) and he sneaked up behind me and attacked. By the time he let go, I was bleeding in about 10 places from various bites and scratches. He walked about 4 feet away and laid down, just watching me.

I am going to feed him to the dogs one day. Soon.
 
2014-07-08 06:58:34 AM  
Russian Blues are one of the nastier cat breeds I have seen.
 
2014-07-08 07:00:12 AM  

Gramma: Ambivalence: Grab the scruff with one hand, grab the hind legs with the other hand, hold all claw and teeth bits away from you and throw it in a room until it can calm the fark down.  Yes you'll probably get scratched and/or bit before you can get that first hold, but you can't let the cat intimidate you.

The key, is to be mindful of your cat's body language before it ever gets to that point.  Know when your cat is unhappy and wants to be left alone and then leave it alone.  Make sure escape routes for your cat are not blocked and that it's not cornered.  Also make sure ambush points ARE blocked (if the cat is ambushing you). Most cats won't fight unless they feel they have no choice.  Take the time to find out what the trigger for your cat's agression is (another cat, a dog, a child, you, etc) and either remove the trigger or find the cat a new home where the trigger doesn't exist.  If the cat doesn't like being nudged with your foot when it's in the middle of the hallway, don't do that.  If your cat doesn't like having its belly rubbed, don't do that.  If other pets are nagging the cat, separate them.  Don't escalate.

Cats don't always have a reason when they attack. I have had cats my whole life. The bastard that I have now is the only one I've ever had an issue with. He tore into my arm last night when I was sitting and watching tv. Nobody had been provoking him (we know better) and he sneaked up behind me and attacked. By the time he let go, I was bleeding in about 10 places from various bites and scratches. He walked about 4 feet away and laid down, just watching me.

I am going to feed him to the dogs one day. Soon.


maybe your cat knows you're evil......or maybe your cat is evil....
 
2014-07-08 07:01:39 AM  

Gramma: Cats don't always have a reason when they attack. I have had cats my whole life. The bastard that I have now is the only one I've ever had an issue with. He tore into my arm last night when I was sitting and watching tv. Nobody had been provoking him (we know better) and he sneaked up behind me and attacked. By the time he let go, I was bleeding in about 10 places from various bites and scratches. He walked about 4 feet away and laid down, just watching me.

I am going to feed him to the dogs one day. Soon.


They usually have a reason, but it's not always clear what the reason is.  If a cat is stalking you that could mean it's frustrated and needs an outlet for its frustration.  Toy mice and climbing trees and something to chase (preferablly not another animal).  I used to have a cat that played fetch.  She went crazy for those caps that come on syrup bottles. You'd toss it and she's run after it, bat it around like crazy, and then scoop it up in her mouth and bring it back for you to throw again. She had us trained good.  Cats are predators, they need something to hunt, on occasion.

I'm not saying that is the problem with YOUR cat, just that that's a common problem with cats that stalk people.
 
2014-07-08 07:02:01 AM  

Gramma: The bastard that I have now


Ummm... I'm pretty sure that all animals fit the technical description of "Bastard". Unless you're one of "Those" people who "Wed" their pets.

\I know that you meant it the other way
 
2014-07-08 07:02:30 AM  

Resident Muslim: When was the last time you've heard of a cat ripping anyone's face off?


Twenty years ago. The tom would taunt the rottweiler who'd go flying when he'd hit the end of the chain. One night, the neighbor lengthened the chain. Next morning, the angry phone call: "YOUR CAT KILLED MY DOG!!!" The dog's eyes were gone, the rest of its face a mess. Its belly was laid open and the dog was stone dead.

/  The tom apparently came back a few days later in very bad shape, but alive, and with a very smug look on his face.
//  The judge threw out the lawsuit on the basis that the dog owner had lengthened the chain.
 
2014-07-08 07:05:28 AM  
Tim Bedore, please pick up the white courtesy phone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LDnQpD_uFQ

/no, the WHITE phone
 
2014-07-08 07:11:38 AM  

Ambivalence: They usually have a reason, but it's not always clear what the reason is. If a cat is stalking you that could mean it's frustrated and needs an outlet for its frustration. Toy mice and climbing trees and something to chase (preferablly not another animal). I used to have a cat that played fetch. She went crazy for those caps that come on syrup bottles. You'd toss it and she's run after it, bat it around like crazy, and then scoop it up in her mouth and bring it back for you to throw again. She had us trained good. Cats are predators, they need something to hunt, on occasion.


Milk jug rings worked for me. They would "Bounce" when he pawed at them. Also A Cat Dancer  (stiff spring wire with a cardboard tuft on the end) will make even an older cat act like a kitten. The cardboard was easy to replace (or just get a new one) and just stick the handle end in a drawer or whatever and the cat will play with it for awhile all on its own. I think that to them it looks like a moth or butterfly so if your cat chases them then you're golden.
 
2014-07-08 07:26:35 AM  
FTFA: The owners said the cat has never had any shots or vaccinations.

So yeah, they were absolutely stellar pet owners.

G*ddamn stupid people.
 
2014-07-08 07:39:15 AM  
cdn01.cdn.justjared.com

Ladies and gentlemen, most of the cat wrangling gear you will ever need. I would suggest chaps to protect your legs too. Denim is not enough.
 
2014-07-08 07:49:02 AM  
i92.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-08 07:50:57 AM  
Sure they look sweet and innocent...
www.cinemacats.com

Then... BOOM

image.tmdb.org
 
2014-07-08 08:01:27 AM  

Cold_Sassy: FTFA: The owners said the cat has never had any shots or vaccinations.

So yeah, they were absolutely stellar pet owners.

G*ddamn stupid people.


anti-vaxxer pet owners...if only there were a cancer vaccine.
 
2014-07-08 08:03:05 AM  

ReverendJasen: karmachameleon: Is this the thread where I can watch people who...
This is the thread where we learn who on Fark is the most likely to be featured in their own news article for being trapped in a room and calling 911 on a cat.

Knowing that a mad cat can fark you up, and calling 911 because your kitty is mad, are two entirely different things, dubmass.

fusillade762:
Can animals be psychopaths?


Of course. Their brains aren't all that different than our own, and they are probably abused even more, since they can't talk about it. And some people just really hate cats.
 
2014-07-08 08:05:16 AM  

powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?


www.quickmeme.com
 
2014-07-08 08:05:17 AM  

gfid: Cold_Sassy: FTFA: The owners said the cat has never had any shots or vaccinations.

So yeah, they were absolutely stellar pet owners.

G*ddamn stupid people.

anti-vaxxer pet owners...if only there were a cancer vaccine.


How about a stupid people vaccine?  I'd get behind that 100%.
 
2014-07-08 08:09:25 AM  
Heeeeere's Fluffy!
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-07-08 08:12:40 AM  

Ambivalence: If your cat doesn't like having its belly rubbed, don't do that.


Some of them love to trick you into doing it by rolling over and begging for it, only to spring the claw trap on you when you try!

s3.amazonaws.com
 
2014-07-08 08:19:39 AM  

LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.


Meh. I have a cat that's gone feral on occasion. Screaming, hissing, biting, clawing. Cats can't kill you. You get bitten and scratched. Once you get over instinctual fear you can deal with it.
 
2014-07-08 08:20:42 AM  
Russian Blue Shorthair:
cypruslivepets.com

British Blue Shorthair:
img.fark.net
 
2014-07-08 08:24:00 AM  
FTFA: The owners said the cat has never had any shots or vaccinations

A$$holes.  Maybe the cat has rabies... that is a possible cause of sudden unusual aggressive behaviour.  I hope for the cat's sake this is not the case, but I wouldn't mind the owners having to get a series of painful rabies shots.  Give them the "older" style of shots that went into your abdomen.
 
2014-07-08 08:33:19 AM  

Kibbler: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

Meh. I have a cat that's gone feral on occasion. Screaming, hissing, biting, clawing. Cats can't kill you. You get bitten and scratched. Once you get over instinctual fear you can deal with it.


When I was younger, I had a cat that would do this pretty regularly, (and I swear to God he was NEVER mistreated) and one day while I was just walking past him he just hooked me right in the calf with one of his claws and it hurt badly, and I just lost it.  I tried to kill him.  I tried very hard.  He must've got the message that time because after that he never ever did it again.

/Still have a cool half-moon scar on my left calf.  The cat lived to be 18 Y.O. (mostly because he chose to cut out the arbitrary attacks.)
 
2014-07-08 08:39:28 AM  
fusillade762:Can animals be psychopaths?

I see no reason why an animal's brain could not be randomly faulty, same as any other organ, whether it be from an abnormality that was there from birth, or as a result of disease, or accident trauma, or whatever.

As for psychopathy, having poor impulse control, a need for immediate gratification, and a complete and utter lack of empathy for others, is pretty much the definition of a cat anyway, so I can't see how you'd be able to tell.
 
2014-07-08 08:39:58 AM  
It. Was. Coming. Right. At. Them.
 
2014-07-08 08:45:05 AM  
This from the state where people call 911 when McDonald's runs out of chicken McNuggets.
 
2014-07-08 08:52:46 AM  
Way don't you kick snow on a feral cat and see how you handle it when he goes 6 feet vertical and starts humping your FACE


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-oVhu2fu20&feature=kp
 
2014-07-08 08:54:41 AM  

texastag: According to the article the cat's name is 'Kush' and it's never had any shots.

So, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say these people probably aren't responsible enough to care for another living thing that is any more complex than a plant they plan to smoke.

/Hopefully the cat will find a better home


Doobage fan here, but I'll climb out on that limb with you.  Total shocker if this couple "couldn't afford" health insurance as well....
 
2014-07-08 08:54:48 AM  

ChipNASA: Way don't you kick snow on a feral cat and see how you handle it when he goes 6 feet vertical and starts humping your FACE


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-oVhu2fu20&feature=kp


That was hilarious.
 
2014-07-08 08:59:40 AM  

Cold_Sassy: Kibbler: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

Meh. I have a cat that's gone feral on occasion. Screaming, hissing, biting, clawing. Cats can't kill you. You get bitten and scratched. Once you get over instinctual fear you can deal with it.

When I was younger, I had a cat that would do this pretty regularly, (and I swear to God he was NEVER mistreated) and one day while I was just walking past him he just hooked me right in the calf with one of his claws and it hurt badly, and I just lost it.  I tried to kill him.  I tried very hard.  He must've got the message that time because after that he never ever did it again.

/Still have a cool half-moon scar on my left calf.  The cat lived to be 18 Y.O. (mostly because he chose to cut out the arbitrary attacks.)


Oh thank you. Apparently you can teach a cat not to be an utter shiat. I've always suspected that many cats behave like assholes purely because so many owners are the sort of people who just let them. They claim you can't possibly teach a cat anything and really just shouldn't expect it to behave well. Then they proclaim themselves to be owned by the cat instead of the other way around, as though that is something to be proud of. When the cat gets treated like the most spoiled child in the world, it's not all that surprising it behaves like a spoiled brat.
 
2014-07-08 09:04:52 AM  
Cats don't just go nuts and attack for no reason. I'm betting this one is being abused.
 
2014-07-08 09:21:10 AM  

texastag: According to the article the cat's name is 'Kush' and it's never had any shots.

So, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say these people probably aren't responsible enough to care for another living thing that is any more complex than a plant they plan to smoke.

/Hopefully the cat will find a better home


I'm late to the party but I can't believe it to long to mention "kush".
 
2014-07-08 09:22:16 AM  

mike_d85: This thread is hilarious.
"Cats are viscous and you are helpless against them!"
"Cats are tiny! Me smash cat!"


I love picturing a cat-shaped blob on the floor, slithering towards its next victim.

Oh, and cats can be vicious, too.

/tmyk
 
2014-07-08 09:23:53 AM  
www.casinoaffiliateprograms.com

APPROVES.
 
2014-07-08 09:28:35 AM  

forgotmydamnusername: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.


Rocco?

cdn.ebaumsworld.com
 
2014-07-08 09:31:26 AM  

mike_d85: "Cats are viscous and you are helpless against them!"


Cats are vicious.  Molasses is viscous.
 
2014-07-08 09:32:35 AM  

Seraphym: Rocco?

[cdn.ebaumsworld.com image 473x200]


That was my favourite scene in that movie.

/don't hate cats
//it was funny as hell
///because I was told slashies come in threes
 
2014-07-08 09:47:07 AM  
You just had your human card revoked.  Get back down the food chain!
 
2014-07-08 09:47:14 AM  

RobSeace: Ambivalence: If your cat doesn't like having its belly rubbed, don't do that.

Some of them love to trick you into doing it by rolling over and begging for it, only to spring the claw trap on you when you try!


My cat does this. We call it the muffin belly trap and to this day we still fall for it.
 
2014-07-08 09:53:45 AM  

Literally Addicted: mike_d85: "Cats are viscous and you are helpless against them!"

Cats are vicious.  Molasses is viscous.


Well, I'm pretty sure that with the right, uh, processing, and at the right temperature, cats can be viscous too.  Like most mammals.
 
2014-07-08 09:59:20 AM  
Nidiot:
 behaves like a spoiled cat.
ftfy
 
2014-07-08 10:07:56 AM  

Lsherm: I've been to the hospital twice after two attacks by the same cat (once for cellulitis, once for stitches) but even at his absolute worst he never made me cower in a room and call the cops.  WTF are these people doing wrong?

I think meth.  These people must smell like meth, and it really pisses the cats off.  Or something else equally offensive to their reptilian brain.  When a normal cat feels threatened by an animal much larger than itself, or two, it attacks until it can get away, and then it runs. Maybe the cat keeps smelling something it can't get away from.  It doesn't sound like a predatory attack, it sounds like the cat was trying to defend itself from something.  From what?

Or rabies, but that big ass cat from a few months ago didn't have rabies, did it?  Something these people did made that cat think trying to kill them, however fruitless an endeavor, was preferable to running away.


After it attacked me the first time and sent me to the hospital, there would not have been a chance for a second attack. Enjoy the shelter, kitty. Hope it all works out for you. You keep feeding something that scratches and bites you twice...and they're the ones on meth?

/Serpents with fur
 
2014-07-08 10:08:39 AM  

karmachameleon: The dead giveaway of the feline ignorant - and all you guys do this - is the talk of merely grabbing it and throwing it. rofl...not happening


karmachameleon: The very best thing to do when faced with a furious cat and no protection at your disposal is to wade right in, take your bites and scratches, and grab it by the scruff of the neck with one hand and the hind legs with the other, and hold on tigh

t.

So it's possible to grab it and hold on to it but impossible to grab it and throw it?
 
2014-07-08 10:08:54 AM  

Literally Addicted: Seraphym: Rocco?

[cdn.ebaumsworld.com image 473x200]

That was my favourite scene in that movie.

/don't hate cats
//it was funny as hell
///because I was told slashies come in threes


Great scene.  My favorite was "funny, funny, funny"  as Rocko was shooting the bartender....this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5KMg1BXJ9U
 
2014-07-08 10:10:17 AM  

Seraphym: forgotmydamnusername: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.

Rocco?

[cdn.ebaumsworld.com image 473x200]


Please tell me what movie that's from.
 
2014-07-08 10:14:38 AM  
its teh rabies.  the cat had no shots, ever.  Also, isn't Kush a slang term for really really good weed?
 
2014-07-08 10:15:15 AM  

ArcadianRefugee: Seraphym: forgotmydamnusername: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.

Rocco?

[cdn.ebaumsworld.com image 473x200]

Please tell me what movie that's from.


Boondock Saints
 
2014-07-08 10:17:08 AM  

SirRepetitious: texastag: According to the article the cat's name is 'Kush' and it's never had any shots.

So, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say these people probably aren't responsible enough to care for another living thing that is any more complex than a plant they plan to smoke.

/Hopefully the cat will find a better home

I'm late to the party but I can't believe it to long to mention "kush".


ah yes, nevermind.    didn't read previous comments.  carry on.
 
2014-07-08 10:19:26 AM  

LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.


I am dealing with a feral that decided to have her kittens in my back yard. She told me her name was Hisss! and I believe her. She attacked my house cat when he got out at night and sent him to the vet for a clip and clean and some antibiotics and then I actually had to pick up a semi-feral (long time stray/abandoned cat I've named Earl) to save him from her as well. Earl is in quarantine in my bathroom right now and going to the vet later today. He was so relieved to be away from that horrible biatch cat he's decided to go back into housecat mode.

It is just unreal how aggressive Hisss! is, probably because she's in mommy mode. She has tried to chase me out of my own yard, then shows up at the back door demanding protection kibble food - by hissing and growling and looking sad. I have no idea what I'm going to do about her and her babies, but man, I can hardly wait until I figure it out and get them GONE to good and patient homes. Then I'll be able to sit on my back patio again without having to worry about having my face chewed off by a ticked off cat.

Her babies are super cute, btw. Anyone want a kitten? Please?
 
2014-07-08 10:20:50 AM  
Dudes, you punch the cat, it goes away.
pussy humans, ug
 
2014-07-08 10:25:31 AM  
Calling 911 because of a house cat means you fail at life. You deserve much mockery and should probably just give up.

forgotmydamnusername:
There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.

If you're pulling a hand gun on a house cat, you've got issues. Stay away from other people.
 
2014-07-08 10:33:22 AM  

GoldDude: Russian Blue Shorthair:
[cypruslivepets.com image 645x380]

British Blue Shorthair:
[img.fark.net image 800x600]


Thank you. I came here to say the same thing. Russian Blue's are leaner and always have green eyes. British Blue's have a more cobby body and usually have yellow/gold/orange eyes.

Another Russian Blue:

i283.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-08 10:35:49 AM  

mike_d85: This thread is hilarious.
"Cats are viscous and you are helpless against them!"
"Cats are tiny! Me smash cat!"


What a viscous cat may look like:

www.somethingpositive.net
 
2014-07-08 10:39:26 AM  

Real Women Drink Akvavit: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

I am dealing with a feral that decided to have her kittens in my back yard. She told me her name was Hisss! and I believe her. She attacked my house cat when he got out at night and sent him to the vet for a clip and clean and some antibiotics and then I actually had to pick up a semi-feral (long time stray/abandoned cat I've named Earl) to save him from her as well. Earl is in quarantine in my bathroom right now and going to the vet later today. He was so relieved to be away from that horrible biatch cat he's decided to go back into housecat mode.

It is just unreal how aggressive Hisss! is, probably because she's in mommy mode. She has tried to chase me out of my own yard, then shows up at the back door demanding protection kibble food - by hissing and growling and looking sad. I have no idea what I'm going to do about her and her babies, but man, I can hardly wait until I figure it out and get them GONE to good and patient homes. Then I'll be able to sit on my back patio again without having to worry about having my face chewed off by a ticked off cat.

Her babies are super cute, btw. Anyone want a kitten? Please?


Five to six weeks. Snag the ones that you can in that time frame. Too soon to be getting taught by Hisss to be feral and easy to catch using any simple cat toy, late enough to be given soft cat food instead of Hisss milk. I had an agreement with my local pet store that would basically sell them for what it cost them to have it deloused, looked over by a vet and initial vaccinations done as well as a free spay/neuter later on. About $100 out the door for the new owner. Not a lot different than the local ASPCA but around here they are like PETA nazi's in their "Selection" process which quite honestly can't be pleasant for the animal.

Seriously. If the baby animal isn't getting all Hisss on you when you first meet it it will be fine as long as you don't abuse it, keep it fed and provide a clean litter box. My last cat was a feral that I scooped up that was darting out from under a dumpster into the street. He was just fine.
 
2014-07-08 10:43:07 AM  
Maybe the guy in TFA is a wizard...

http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=912
 
2014-07-08 10:56:48 AM  
The cat is crazy and you don't know how to deal with it. Out of fear and/or concern for the cat, you call 911. Maybe that's reasonable,  maybe not. Just know that when make that decision,  you will be mocked quite severely.
 
2014-07-08 11:01:36 AM  

Nidiot: Cold_Sassy: Kibbler: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

Meh. I have a cat that's gone feral on occasion. Screaming, hissing, biting, clawing. Cats can't kill you. You get bitten and scratched. Once you get over instinctual fear you can deal with it.

When I was younger, I had a cat that would do this pretty regularly, (and I swear to God he was NEVER mistreated) and one day while I was just walking past him he just hooked me right in the calf with one of his claws and it hurt badly, and I just lost it.  I tried to kill him.  I tried very hard.  He must've got the message that time because after that he never ever did it again.

/Still have a cool half-moon scar on my left calf.  The cat lived to be 18 Y.O. (mostly because he chose to cut out the arbitrary attacks.)

Oh thank you. Apparently you can teach a cat not to be an utter shiat. I've always suspected that many cats behave like assholes purely because so many owners are the sort of people who just let them. They claim you can't possibly teach a cat anything and really just shouldn't expect it to behave well. Then they proclaim themselves to be owned by the cat instead of the other way around, as though that is something to be proud of. When the cat gets treated like the most spoiled child in the world, it's not all that surprising it behaves like a spoiled brat.


You're most certainly welcome.  I have a dog too, and the same thing goes.  It works perfectly with that species, also.
 
2014-07-08 11:09:10 AM  

Real Women Drink Akvavit: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

I am dealing with a feral that decided to have her kittens in my back yard. She told me her name was Hisss! and I believe her. She attacked my house cat when he got out at night and sent him to the vet for a clip and clean and some antibiotics and then I actually had to pick up a semi-feral (long time stray/abandoned cat I've named Earl) to save him from her as well. Earl is in quarantine in my bathroom right now and going to the vet later today. He was so relieved to be away from that horrible biatch cat he's decided to go back into housecat mode.

It is just unreal how aggressive Hisss! is, probably because she's in mommy mode. She has tried to chase me out of my own yard, then shows up at the back door demanding protection kibble food - by hissing and growling and looking sad. I have no idea what I'm going to do about her and her babies, but man, I can hardly wait until I figure it out and get them GONE to good and patient homes. Then I'll be able to sit on my back patio again without having to worry about having my face chewed off by a ticked off cat.

Her babies are super cute, btw. Anyone want a kitten? Please?


Most of the time male cats will kill kittens, whether they're "theirs" or not.  That is most likely her issue.
 
2014-07-08 11:16:46 AM  

powhound: powhound: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

Still can't buy it. I would be hard pressed to call the police if any one of our three cats turned against us. The number one reason being is that the Weeners by the police is usually to kill the animal.

lol fark filter!


I take it they are filtering response now instead of just post.  At least when proceeded by the counter less then second.
 
2014-07-08 11:17:41 AM  

tjsands1118: I have a 105lb giant schnauzer mutt, if he ever turned on me I could have a real problem, I'm not worried about that as he's slightly less vicious then a butterfly. But the biggest domestic cat I've ever encountered was probably around 30lbs and that was mostly fat, I just can't see being bullied by something the size of a cat. I know they can scratch pretty good and sometime bite, but anything that isn't venomous that can be flung with one hand doesn't really seem that dangerous.

/I find it funny how many pet cats are mean as shiat, biting and scratching people, and people just shrug it off "oh it's just being temperamental", but if a dog even accidentally bites a person while playing, it's "a vicious animal that needs to be put down".


That's why cats are allowed to freely roam the neighborhood while dogs must be leashed at all times.
 
2014-07-08 11:21:18 AM  

karmachameleon: tjsands1118: I have a 105lb giant schnauzer mutt, if he ever turned on me I could have a real problem, I'm not worried about that as he's slightly less vicious then a butterfly. But the biggest domestic cat I've ever encountered was probably around 30lbs and that was mostly fat, I just can't see being bullied by something the size of a cat. I know they can scratch pretty good and sometime bite, but anything that isn't venomous that can be flung with one hand doesn't really seem that dangerous.

I'd hate like hell to face your dog in an agitated state.  But can your dog jump 10-15 times the length of its own body from a standing-still position?  Can it maneuver so quickly that it can catch a darting squirrel on the run, or sneak up on a bird and kill it with one bite to the neck before the bird even knows there's danger in the vicinity?  Does your dog have claws as sharp as any knife in your kitchen, and teeth to match the claws?  Can your dog move so fast that you can't even lay a hand on it, much less catch it and - lol - "fling it with one hand"?

Big strong dogs present serious dangers when provoked.  But remember Yoda's lesson - size matters not, not when you're dealing with an animal with all the above abilities.  A pissed-off fighting cat will fark you up big-time, and anyone who doubts that has never met one.  This thread will be full of such falsely confident people, and I sincerely hope they never have the personal experience to prove them wrong.  Can it kill you?  Probably not.  But it'll cause real carnage, and more than likely get away afterwards.

[terrymalloyspigeoncoop.files.wordpress.com image 470x297]


I'm 6'3" and once owned a nearly 30 pound cat that was all muscle. ONCE I did something stupid and pizzed him off. By the time I got a coat wrapped around him he shredded both arms and hands below my elbows.  Mean bastard would attack German Shepherds for chits and giggles and tear them up.

So enjoy your fantasies about kicking a cat's azz, tough guys.
 
2014-07-08 11:23:45 AM  
Pinky. Huge credit to the manly man who does not turn the cat into puree.

At a party once we were laughing at a smallish cat who was chasing a moth around the living room. He went up on the couch and it was adorable. So picture 20 or so relatively drunk people standing in a semi-circle laughing at this cat.

Suddenly the cat notices. He puffs up, turns around to face us, and starts that low growling and snarling noise. He stalks toward the crowd with his whole body stiff and his eyes, my god his eyes, burning with hatred.

You could have heard a pin drop. Everyone suddenly became as still as marble statues. We were terrified just by the vicious aura that cat was putting out.

The cat was apparently satisfied with his victory and sat down to clean his nether parts and we laughed nervously and migrated to the garage area.

CSB?
 
2014-07-08 11:33:36 AM  
img.pandawhale.com
 
2014-07-08 11:35:08 AM  

karmachameleon: Ambivalence: karmachameleon: The dead giveaway of the feline ignorant - and all you guys do this - is the talk of merely grabbing it and throwing it. rofl...not happening. Cats on the move are so fast you barely stand a chance of laying two fingers on it, and if by some dumb luck you do happen to catch it, it'll squirm out of your grasp faster than you can say "Crisco". It's hard enough to grab and hold a cat that simply doesn't want to be held. An angry cat? You better be wearing protection and you better have restraints at the ready. Yes, towels and pillows are good tools for this purpose. It's still a task to catch that cat even when well equipped.

Yes cats are fast and yes they are squirmy and yes you really do need to be quick to catch one, but it is definately doable.  I have done it.  I have paid the price for it, but the key is to immobilize and control the head and upper body first (because that's where the teeth and the sharper claws are), then deal with the hind legs. Grabbing by the scruff is how you do that.  It's not easy and the cat may injure itself, but if one were so inclined, and didn't have animal control grabbers, that is how one would do it.

Sure, I agree and have done it too.  I didn't say it was impossible, but it's hard, and the cat can make it as hard as it wants to.  It can be impossible, if you don't have help.

Remember, I'm talking to people who talk about it like it should be a walk in the park because "it's such a small animal, I don't see how it could be that dangerous or damaging".  Heh.


My favorite with my ex's cat (eventually had to let animal control deal with it, no 911 call involved) was one time it was in the closet protecting it's litter of kittens from the invading forces of nothing. I'm 3 rooms away and I stub my toe and yell 'Ow, dammit!'.   All the warning I get is a sort of doppler-effect 'MrrrrrrrrawwwwwrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRR' as it comes charging out of the back bedroom leaps from 10 feet away just as I'm turning, and is attached to the arm I managed to raise to block it at chest height.   It took approximately 10 seconds of furious throwing motions to dislodge the thing, all the while it was going cuisinart with all 5 pointy ends.  And you can be DAMN sure I wasn't risking sticking my other hand into the blender.
 
2014-07-08 11:35:35 AM  
My ex mother-in-law got mauled by her cat when it went feral. It was a stray, always a bit moody, but one day it just flipped. She ended up having to shoot it (because she's that kind of person), but before she resorted to that, she was scratched from head to ankle all over. She nearly lost an eye. She had to seek medical attention because that cat dug in and tore chunks of her skin out, and it could jump as high as she was tall, so no part of her was out of reach. She had gouges ON TOP OF HER HEAD from the cat digging in. She had plenty of painful, long scratches all over her body. She had bite marks, too.

She said she couldn't even react because he was moving so fast. He'd leap, dig in, scratch and bat at her for a moment, and then run far away, then he'd loop around -- outflanking her-- and return for another attack.

So yeah... The big tough guys who say they wouldn't be worried: Be worried. If a cat really wants to hurt you, it will hurt you a lot. "Just take the scratches" sounds like easy advice, but pain is pain, and having a cat's claws in your soft tissue makes it hard to think straight... And you are nowhere near as fast or agile as the cat.

And yes, it sucks that she shot the cat... But as I said, she was just that type of person (really. For a while I was half convinced she had shot her husband, too). I don't approve, but she lived out in the middle of nowhere. There were no nearby cops to call. She made a decision that she thought was necessary. Either way, she's my ex mother-in-law, so that's ancient history.
 
2014-07-08 11:36:43 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: My cats don't want me to leave for work in the morning

/of course, since I lost my job today they don't need to worry anymore
//well... except maybe about eating


That's really awful mate. Hope the jobs fairy wends your way, pronto.
 
2014-07-08 11:44:36 AM  
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-07-08 11:45:54 AM  

forgotmydamnusername: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.


This is the first, and hopefully last, time I hear someone claim they need a handgun for protection from house cats. You gun nuts are out of control.

Seriously speaking, if you cat goes on some kind of rampage and you decide that's a good reason to pull out a .44, you should not be allowed to own a gun ever again.
 
2014-07-08 12:01:33 PM  

karmachameleon: gfid: That said, I've seen cats in batshiat crazy mode. It's different than play-fighting. It's a farking cat - probably weighs less than 15 pounds - pick it up and take a few scratches and control it.

It's so obvious which of you are not cat owners.  What, you think it sits there and just swats its claws while you can reach around the back and merely pick it up while taking a few scratches?  lol...if a cat doesn't want to be picked up, believe me, you're not picking it up.  It's not a matter of being scratched, it's a matter of you being much slower and less agile than the cat.


Bullshiat. Had cats my entire life, and you either wrap it in a towel or grab it by the scruff of the neck and back. You'll get scratches but that's all. Unless you are somehow lame or otherwise incapacitated
 
2014-07-08 12:03:41 PM  

forgotmydamnusername: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.


You might be able to explain to the police why you shot Rover and avoid prosecution, but just try explaining to them why you had to shoot Fluffy!   They won't believe you for one minute!
 
2014-07-08 12:31:40 PM  

happydude45: Bullshiat. Had cats my entire life, and you either wrap it in a towel or grab it by the scruff of the neck and back. You'll get scratches but that's all. Unless you are somehow lame or otherwise incapacitated


1) You are in a towel free, blanket free zone.

2) (something you have never apparently experienced) the cat is in full psycho mode where it just doesn't care if it gets hurt is not the same as them letting you take control because they are just acting up a little bit.

3) You are screwed as far as getting out of it unscathed in an insignificant way.

Don't get me wrong, cats are great pets. I've had several over five decades and only have had one bad experience with one (explained above). But aside from really, actually injuring them to the point of incapacitation, when they get that way you ain't going to stop them until they decide to stop or you get away. Declawing them reduces most injuries to a batting and some bites but the anger is still there. You can see it in their eyes and body language. It's not just a ruffed back and puffed tail. It is out for what humans would call murder. They quite certainly want to kill you even if it means their own life to try and do it. Size difference be damned. Humans can get the same way.

That's not normal by any means but I've seen it and it's not pretty.
 
2014-07-08 12:36:10 PM  

forgotmydamnusername: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.


watchoutwevegotabadass.gif
 
2014-07-08 12:44:07 PM  
My cats are some of the sweetest things on the planet. That said, the damage they've done to me every other week to my arms and legs is a lot worse than what was shown in the article. The male cat we call them 'love taps' because well, he grabs your whole arm facehugger-style and goes to town. Scratch, scratch, lick lick lick lick, scratch scratch and repeat.

The female one got razor sharp claws who many times at night, has cat dreams while furried up to your arm. She is so soft until about 2am when her internal clock turns on, wakes up and starts being frisky with my arm while I'm asleep.
 
2014-07-08 01:08:54 PM  

jehovahs witness protection: Don't cal 911 over a cat problem.
Call a Chinese Buffet. They know how to handle and prepare cats.


img.fark.net
 
2014-07-08 01:16:29 PM  
I just had some angry pussy so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

//lude
 
2014-07-08 01:30:17 PM  
Yet another case of poor excuses for cat owners. Cat has never had vet care, cat gets abused and/or ignored, finally has enough and takes out its frustration. Then the cat gets the blame.
They named it Kush, for fark's sake. That should say a lot.
 
2014-07-08 01:42:22 PM  

Mystery Vortex: Yet another case of poor excuses for cat owners. Cat has never had vet care, cat gets abused and/or ignored, finally has enough and takes out its frustration. Then the cat gets the blame.
They named it Kush, for fark's sake. That should say a lot.


I don't disagree. In this case the owners probably brought it upon themselves. What I was saying was that cats can go psycho for no apparent reason just because reasons. Cat reasons, which sometimes make no sense compared to people reasons, not even in the politics tab where reason is not exactly a highly held standard.
 
2014-07-08 01:55:32 PM  

Jument: forgotmydamnusername: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.

This is the first, and hopefully last, time I hear someone claim they need a handgun for protection from house cats. You gun nuts are out of control.

Seriously speaking, if you cat goes on some kind of rampage and you decide that's a good reason to pull out a .44, you should not be allowed to own a gun ever again.


If a .44 is the most ready to hand, which it has been known to be, that's what you use. As for the cat, if it goes violently crazy, it's either defective or rabid. Either way, what you do is kill it. Saves everyone headaches. A cat shot with a .44 magnum dies instantly and never knows what hit it. A cat beaten to death with a stick, OTH...
 
2014-07-08 01:56:41 PM  
forgotmydamnusername: I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really

Seriously. Those neighborhood kids and nagging girlfriends better watch the fark out.
 
2014-07-08 02:07:17 PM  
photos1.blogger.com
 
2014-07-08 02:29:20 PM  

Seraphym: forgotmydamnusername: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.

Rocco?

[cdn.ebaumsworld.com image 473x200]


TELL ME THE NAME OF THAT F*CKING CAT AND I SWEAR TO CHRIST I WILL KILL MYSELF!

dpaul007: mike_d85: This thread is hilarious.
"Cats are viscous and you are helpless against them!"
"Cats are tiny! Me smash cat!"

I love picturing a cat-shaped blob on the floor, slithering towards its next victim.

Oh, and cats can be vicious, too.

/tmyk


Well... they did argue that they were agile and impossible to hold.
 
2014-07-08 02:39:40 PM  

Radioactive Ass: Five to six weeks. Snag the ones that you can in that time frame. Too soon to be getting taught by Hisss to be feral and easy to catch using any simple cat toy, late enough to be given soft cat food instead of Hisss milk. I had an agreement with my local pet store that would basically sell them for what it cost them to have it deloused, looked over by a vet and initial vaccinations done as well as a free spay/neuter later on. About $100 out the door for the new owner. Not a lot different than the local ASPCA but around here they are like PETA nazi's in their "Selection" process which quite honestly can't be pleasant for the animal.

Seriously. If the baby animal isn't getting all Hisss on you when you first meet it it will be fine as long as you don't abuse it, keep it fed and provide a clean litter box. My last cat was a feral that I scooped up that was darting out from under a dumpster into the street. He was just fine.


I got a phone number from my vet to call about the babby Hissers, so they may be able to take them. Just waiting for a call back. That makes me feel somewhat better.

Thanks for the idea about the pet shop - I hadn't considered that. There are a couple around here I could try if none of the rescues will take them. I'm tapped out on my cat fund this month between patching up my boy and grabbing Sir Earl, who turned out to be Lady Earl. I'm batting zero with determining gender of cats found in my yard. When I manage to trap Hisss! she'll probably turn out to be a hermaphrodite cat, just to spite me.

Cold_Sassy: Most of the time male cats will kill kittens, whether they're "theirs" or not.  That is most likely her issue.


There is a big tom that wanders the neighborhood, but the kittens bounce right up to them and she's cool with it. He's been here for years and seems to be too savvy to trap - I've tried. I would not be surprised if not only was he the dadcat, but that he told her where to go to find food and lots of hiding places for their little Hissers. Any other living thing that comes in my yard is a potential threat though and she's having none of it. (Except for this one raccoon, but it's bigger than her and growls back, so she lets that one slide) So Gogh Beastie and Lady Earl are indoors only now no matter how much they beg to go out.
 
2014-07-08 02:54:49 PM  

powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?


"Sid is vicious!"

/not obscure
 
2014-07-08 03:11:16 PM  
Relax, I got this.

videos.animalist.com

/surprised no one posted this yet
 
2014-07-08 03:31:08 PM  

karmachameleon: WRONG. Now I have the utmost respect for their speed, strength, agility, escapability, tenacity, claws and teeth. I took stitches and shots, furniture and curtains were replaced, walls were repainted, many knick-knacks were lost. The carnage was unreal.


This is one of the funniest things I've ever read on Fark.
 
2014-07-08 04:33:26 PM  

ElPollotonto: Russian Blues are one of the nastier cat breeds I have seen.


Horseshiat.

We have two Blues, one of them a kid of the other one.  The mother (Lucy-Fur; don't ask) is one of the sweetest cats we have and will happily jump in your lap, massage you, and fall asleep kneading and purring the whole time.  Even to total strangers.  The kid (Chubby-Wubby, he is a big farker, and I don't mean fat) is even nicer than she is.  He'll play with you, never have claws out but will just place his teeth on your hand with no pressure when he's done.  Rubs up all over you, speaks when he wants water from the tap (actual English, no joke), loves his belly scratched, and will come up and greet you like a dog when we come home from work, loves being rubbed even backwards against the fur.

So tell me how these two are nasty just based on their breed?  Russians are generally considered to be one of the nicest ones out there.
 
2014-07-08 04:42:54 PM  
So this happened July 5?

Wonder if fireworks all night made the cat snap?
 
2014-07-08 09:48:55 PM  

Confabulat: What a ferocious Russian Blue might look like:

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 800x600]

awwww

"Blyet

, I haz cheezburger sichass, sukha."

-- from a cat with a cauliflower nose, shaven head and a big chest tattoo of the Virgin Mary smoking a cigarette and cradling an AK
 
2014-07-08 10:03:24 PM  

Seraphym: forgotmydamnusername: LowbrowDeluxe: powhound: I don't understand this. It's a cat. What's next, being terrorized by gerbils?

All I can say is, try it sometime.  My ex-wife had a feral rescue that was fine for years, then got knocked up (I know, I know).  Soon as she had the kittens she reverted to feral hard.  Cats are no joke when they're seriously willing to fark you up but you don't want to do the same.

There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.

Rocco?

[cdn.ebaumsworld.com image 473x200]


So the question you have to ask yourself is, 'do I feel lucky?'  Well, do you, Tiddles?
 
2014-07-08 11:46:55 PM  

fusillade762: Radioactive Ass: gfid: I'm a firm believer in the theory that if you treat an animal well it won't go batshiat crazy.

As a general rule I would agree with you. But then again there are humans that you can treat well AND try to reason with who are still batshiat crazy. Why would an animal be any different if not worse? After all, you can't reason with an animal, especially when it's main goal is to claw your eyes out.

Can animals be psychopaths?


If humans can be it would actually make more sense if animals can be than can't be.  Just be definition, if there's one dog or cat out there just not wired right, there can by psychopathic dogs or cats.  Just one makes it possible.

It seems unlikely with the billions of animals on this planet that none are just mentally defective.  Look at how inbred some pets are.
 
2014-07-09 02:29:30 AM  
forgotmydamnusername: There's your problem. I no longer have the hand speed to knock a hostile animal into next week without getting the shiat bit out of me, but I do have a .44 magnum that will blow a cat in half. No reason why I should put up with that bullshiat from a cat, or from anything else, really. Neither should you.

Good luck trying to hit the damn thing. If you can't knock it into next week it isn't going to stand around waiting for you to shoot it, either.

FYI, I hate mice and snakes, but a gun isn't the tool to take care of either of them.
 
2014-07-09 04:18:40 AM  

Gramma: I am going to feed him to the dogs one day. Soon.


www.dumpaday.com
 
2014-07-09 04:34:48 AM  

CADMonkey79: karmachameleon: The dead giveaway of the feline ignorant - and all you guys do this - is the talk of merely grabbing it and throwing it. rofl...not happening

karmachameleon: The very best thing to do when faced with a furious cat and no protection at your disposal is to wade right in, take your bites and scratches, and grab it by the scruff of the neck with one hand and the hind legs with the other, and hold on tight.

So it's possible to grab it and hold on to it but impossible to grab it and throw it?


Bolded the relevant qualifier here.  Sure it's possible.  But it isn't easy or casual.  And if they bolt, then yeah, it's just impossible.  You aren't as fast and agile as a cat.
 
2014-07-09 04:49:21 AM  

happydude45: karmachameleon: gfid: That said, I've seen cats in batshiat crazy mode. It's different than play-fighting. It's a farking cat - probably weighs less than 15 pounds - pick it up and take a few scratches and control it.

It's so obvious which of you are not cat owners.  What, you think it sits there and just swats its claws while you can reach around the back and merely pick it up while taking a few scratches?  lol...if a cat doesn't want to be picked up, believe me, you're not picking it up.  It's not a matter of being scratched, it's a matter of you being much slower and less agile than the cat.

Bullshiat. Had cats my entire life, and you either wrap it in a towel or grab it by the scruff of the neck and back. You'll get scratches but that's all. Unless you are somehow lame or otherwise incapacitated


Again I say to you as I have said to others, you are imagining an ordinary angry cat, while I am talking about an enraged cat in full attack mode.  I know that you have never seen a cat like this in person, because if you had, you would never say what you've said here.  If one day you have the misfortune of experiencing such a cat (and I sincerely hope that you do not), you will then know what I was talking about and you will know I was right.
 
2014-07-09 04:57:03 AM  

forgotmydamnusername: As for the cat, if it goes violently crazy, it's either defective or rabid. Either way, what you do is kill it. Saves everyone headaches.


It's your pet, idiot.  The very last thing you'll want to do is kill it.  If that isn't the last thing you'd want to do, I hope you don't have any pets.  But you already said you'd pull a .44 magnum on a cat, so clearly you're a moron to start with.  As if that's somehow not as worthy of scorn as calling 911.  Even more moronic is that you apparently think you could accurately aim at and hit a fast moving cat with a bullet - lol.  Seriously, just stop talking.  You're completely out of your element in this thread.
 
2014-07-09 05:00:32 AM  

Inchoate: karmachameleon: WRONG. Now I have the utmost respect for their speed, strength, agility, escapability, tenacity, claws and teeth. I took stitches and shots, furniture and curtains were replaced, walls were repainted, many knick-knacks were lost. The carnage was unreal.

This is one of the funniest things I've ever read on Fark.


:-)
 
2014-07-09 07:46:08 AM  

Nix Nightbird: My ex mother-in-law got mauled by her cat when it went feral. It was a stray, always a bit moody, but one day it just flipped. She ended up having to shoot it (because she's that kind of person), but before she resorted to that, she was scratched from head to ankle all over. She nearly lost an eye. She had to seek medical attention because that cat dug in and tore chunks of her skin out, and it could jump as high as she was tall, so no part of her was out of reach. She had gouges ON TOP OF HER HEAD from the cat digging in. She had plenty of painful, long scratches all over her body. She had bite marks, too.

She said she couldn't even react because he was moving so fast. He'd leap, dig in, scratch and bat at her for a moment, and then run far away, then he'd loop around -- outflanking her-- and return for another attack.

So yeah... The big tough guys who say they wouldn't be worried: Be worried. If a cat really wants to hurt you, it will hurt you a lot. "Just take the scratches" sounds like easy advice, but pain is pain, and having a cat's claws in your soft tissue makes it hard to think straight... And you are nowhere near as fast or agile as the cat.

And yes, it sucks that she shot the cat... But as I said, she was just that type of person (really. For a while I was half convinced she had shot her husband, too). I don't approve, but she lived out in the middle of nowhere. There were no nearby cops to call. She made a decision that she thought was necessary. Either way, she's my ex mother-in-law, so that's ancient history.


Do you mean it sucks that she shot the cat as opposed to having the vet vet euthanise it? An accurate shooting can actually be an instantaneous death, and as such can be considered a very humane method. I know a woman who chooses that for her own pets since she insists it is quicker and less traumatic than having the vet provide the 'green dream'.

Clearly the cat in your story had developed some issues that meant it had no place living with humans. Another case of those double standards, since a dog that randomly attacks people wouldn't have been given a second chance. If the animal's intention is to hurt you, yes how much damage it can do is relevant, but just wanting to harm you in the first place should be enough of a problem on its own to warrant keeping that animal away from people. I don't understand giving a free pass to something that wants to kill you merely because it is simply not big enough to succeed.
 
2014-07-09 11:23:47 AM  

karmachameleon: forgotmydamnusername: As for the cat, if it goes violently crazy, it's either defective or rabid. Either way, what you do is kill it. Saves everyone headaches.

It's your pet, idiot.  The very last thing you'll want to do is kill it.  If that isn't the last thing you'd want to do, I hope you don't have any pets.  But you already said you'd pull a .44 magnum on a cat, so clearly you're a moron to start with.  As if that's somehow not as worthy of scorn as calling 911.  Even more moronic is that you apparently think you could accurately aim at and hit a fast moving cat with a bullet - lol.  Seriously, just stop talking.  You're completely out of your element in this thread.


Once it's become uncontrollably violent, it's a serious mistake to continue thinking of it as a pet. This makes me question your intelligence. Hitting moving targets is not out of the question at all, although it does take some development of one's skills, and admittedly, .44 magnum is not ideal for a follow-on shot should I miss. Unlike Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry, believe it or not, I don't find .44 mag muzzle flip unmanageable in a large revolver, but it is painfully loud indoors, and could pass through more walls than I want to patch.
 
2014-07-09 02:09:50 PM  
H. Sapiens has been insulated from the wild for a long time.
a few samples of normal wild-farkery usually draws comments of bravado & etc.

Watching my 15lb Kitten catch a bird in the house.. well he was literally running up the walls and across the ceiling at at least 25 mph.. the bird was caught in less than 10 seconds.

However, it should be remembered that from time to time, H.Sapiens suffers from the same things that many groups of social animals do, such as disruptions in their environment, defences, food supply, shelter, etc.
Then the animals we call pets, protectors, food, & etc. will demonstrate their abilities at food gathering.
It has been said that domestic Cats are solitary, and do not work as a pack, like Lions do.
However, in a time of need, they indeed work together.

A pack of 3-15 hungry, feral Cats could easily take & eat an adult naked monkey...
then there are dogs... they also run in packs, and they will eat anything they can catch.

Ever seen chickens kill & eat meat?
30-50 lb Turkeys? there are untold millions in the US alone... They are carnivores, btw.
They can kill & eat a dog sometimes.
There is a reason cock fighting is regarded as a thrill.
a 10lb bird can be very dangerous,
a determined Golden Hawk or other full sized raptor can kill an adult, human, deer, dog....

Don't laugh at these little warnings in the news...
instead, humbly, carefully, take care of your future environment so you don't end up on equal footing with the Wild Ones.
 
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