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(Optimal Human Modulation)   Cthulhu worship. Alien abduction. Naked reading. Forget actors. Following writers is where it's at   (optimalhumanmodulation.com) divider line 28
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2495 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 07 Jul 2014 at 10:17 PM (2 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



28 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-07-07 09:38:48 PM
Actors aren't very interesting, usually.

Take Tara Strong. She's been the female lead in a dozen hit shows you've enjoyed, as well as misc. characters in everything else. Even if you don't know her name, you know at least one of her voices.

She's amazing at what she does and gets the red carpet treatment wherever she goes. But she doesn't create anything. No books, no cartoons, no nuthin. You talk to her in an interview, and she's just a mom who works in a recording studio instead of an office. But her pipes are always amazing. It's lovely to hear her read.

On the other hand you think of Kevin Smith and he seens to be a fat farking stoner with nothing interesting to say, you listen to him talk and it's not anything special either until a spark of inspiration lands. Then FWOOSH, he's off to the races. In one minute he goes from sitting at home blowing smoke and once again talking about the time he was talking about the time he made Clerks to creating a whole movie from scratch. By the next week he's banged out a 70 page script. In six months, a movie is already in the can and he's back to where he started plus one feature length film.

I love both of their bodies of work, they both have massive tits, but Kevin is just more interesting in the creative sense. Of course, ideally we get Kevin writing lines for Tara to say, but that's why movies trump twitters.
 
2014-07-07 10:31:21 PM
Some articles are so bad the entire website should be shut down because of them.
 
2014-07-07 10:45:11 PM

Jaden Smith First of His Name: Some articles are so bad the entire website should be shut down because of them.


optimalhumanmodulation = yourblogsucks.jpeg
 
2014-07-07 10:48:35 PM

doglover: Actors aren't very interesting, usually.

Take Tara Strong. She's been the female lead in a dozen hit shows you've enjoyed, as well as misc. characters in everything else. Even if you don't know her name, you know at least one of her voices.

She's amazing at what she does and gets the red carpet treatment wherever she goes. But she doesn't create anything. No books, no cartoons, no nuthin. You talk to her in an interview, and she's just a mom who works in a recording studio instead of an office. But her pipes are always amazing. It's lovely to hear her read.

On the other hand you think of Kevin Smith and he seens to be a fat farking stoner with nothing interesting to say, you listen to him talk and it's not anything special either until a spark of inspiration lands. Then FWOOSH, he's off to the races. In one minute he goes from sitting at home blowing smoke and once again talking about the time he was talking about the time he made Clerks to creating a whole movie from scratch. By the next week he's banged out a 70 page script. In six months, a movie is already in the can and he's back to where he started plus one feature length film.

I love both of their bodies of work, they both have massive tits, but Kevin is just more interesting in the creative sense. Of course, ideally we get Kevin writing lines for Tara to say, but that's why movies trump twitters.


Yet, I would listen to Tara Strong talk about the weather for hours. I dont know if I could take Bubbles or Squirrel Girl more or less, it would be a fun experiment. Also, boobs.

Twitter is obsolete, but not going anywhere because I guess no one else feels the need. The character limit is actually a nice challenge that can help a writer (especially a comedy writer) cut to the heart of their comment. I would just like to move away from @ and #, and move to actual conversations and threads in feeds.
 
2014-07-07 11:00:38 PM
optimalhumanmodulation.files.wordpress.com

GIF completely unrelated to Helix. But it got your attention. Am I wrong?

OK, usually GIFs are just annoying, but that shiat is funny...
 
2014-07-07 11:03:19 PM
TL, DR: These magical writers are like the people you usually work with, unless your are in a factory that manufactures the stick that people shove up their asses, they just tend to have more people who understand geek references.
 
2014-07-07 11:14:04 PM
I just want to say, after years of hearing about that stupid space octopus I finally read Call of Cthulhu and sorry Internet dweebs, it's garbage. Everything that's potentially interesting in the story is related secondhand by boring narrator dude. "Did I personally investigate any of the Cthulhu cults? Nope, that was my dead uncle. Did I stumble upon the raised city of R'lyeh and meet Cthulhu himself? Nope, that was a bunch of sailors who mostly all died. You think those stories are interesting? Cool, let me boil them down to a few pages so we can spend more time on ME and how I accomplished the heroic task of sifting through dead people's papers. You know if it wasn't for me getting a hold of that confessional from that sailor who survived and later died no one would even know about Cthulhu being released. It's a good thing he wrote his confessional in English despite being Swedish, and it's a good thing his widow couldn't read English or be bothered to find a translator. Fortunately she could speak English, so I was able to convince her to give the last testament of her dead husband to me, a total stranger, because reasons. And that's why I'M the hero of this story. Me, me, me!"

/At the Mountains of Madness was much better and actually scary
 
2014-07-07 11:26:22 PM

doglover: Actors aren't very interesting, usually.

Take Tara Strong. She's been the female lead in a dozen hit shows you've enjoyed, as well as misc. characters in everything else. Even if you don't know her name, you know at least one of her voices.

She's amazing at what she does and gets the red carpet treatment wherever she goes. But she doesn't create anything. No books, no cartoons, no nuthin. You talk to her in an interview, and she's just a mom who works in a recording studio instead of an office. But her pipes are always amazing. It's lovely to hear her read.

On the other hand you think of Kevin Smith and he seens to be a fat farking stoner with nothing interesting to say, you listen to him talk and it's not anything special either until a spark of inspiration lands. Then FWOOSH, he's off to the races. In one minute he goes from sitting at home blowing smoke and once again talking about the time he was talking about the time he made Clerks to creating a whole movie from scratch. By the next week he's banged out a 70 page script. In six months, a movie is already in the can and he's back to where he started plus one feature length film.

I love both of their bodies of work, they both have massive tits, but Kevin is just more interesting in the creative sense. Of course, ideally we get Kevin writing lines for Tara to say, but that's why movies trump twitters.


Apples and oranges. Might as well say that Tex Avery is more interesting than June Foray because writing trumps voice.

You can't have one without the other.
 
2014-07-07 11:31:14 PM
I don't know any of those people.
 
2014-07-07 11:54:52 PM
Well all that shiat explains why the writing for Helix sucked so hard. Farkers should be concentrating on making the story and characters good. The story is interesting, but the characters are retarded, and the way the story unfolded pretty well sucked.
 
2014-07-07 11:57:26 PM
that's fine. you can follow me

bie?
eip

there you go. that easy. perhaps I'll send you an autographed copy of my next book

or, you know, not
 
2014-07-08 12:02:16 AM

Mikey1969: [optimalhumanmodulation.files.wordpress.com image 494x257]

GIF completely unrelated to Helix. But it got your attention. Am I wrong?

OK, usually GIFs are just annoying, but that shiat is funny...


Speaking of cats, I came across this today and it is my new favorite cat video.
 
2014-07-08 12:13:09 AM
Show awful. Blog awful. Showblogawful is now an awful term.
 
2014-07-08 12:40:58 AM

Dingleberry Dickwad: Well all that shiat explains why the writing for Helix sucked so hard. Farkers should be concentrating on making the story and characters good. The story is interesting, but the characters are retarded, and the way the story unfolded pretty well sucked.


Ayup. I got about half way through the second episode and gave up. When they found the security guard with his hand cut off and everyone wondered aloud WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?? Did you morons forget how you get doors to open? Then they're searching for a monkey with a lethal disease and two of them decide to investigate the monkey room in the dark with NO PROTECTIVE GEAR. And when they finally find the monkey the woman treats it like a fluffy little kitty stuck in a tree until it LEAPS OUT TO TRY AND RIP HER FACE OFF.

I liked the premise and really wanted to like the show but all those characters were too farking stupid to live.
 
2014-07-08 12:47:38 AM

fusillade762: Dingleberry Dickwad: Well all that shiat explains why the writing for Helix sucked so hard. Farkers should be concentrating on making the story and characters good. The story is interesting, but the characters are retarded, and the way the story unfolded pretty well sucked.

Ayup. I got about half way through the second episode and gave up. When they found the security guard with his hand cut off and everyone wondered aloud WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?? Did you morons forget how you get doors to open? Then they're searching for a monkey with a lethal disease and two of them decide to investigate the monkey room in the dark with NO PROTECTIVE GEAR. And when they finally find the monkey the woman treats it like a fluffy little kitty stuck in a tree until it LEAPS OUT TO TRY AND RIP HER FACE OFF.

I liked the premise and really wanted to like the show but all those characters were too farking stupid to live.


Yep. I call it SG:U syndrome. The writers for SG:U had their characters doing the same kind of retarded shiat up until partway through the second season when things started to get better. But by then it was too little too late. Same exact shiat will happen to Helix if they don't pull their pens out of their asses and write competent and believable characters.
 
2014-07-08 12:59:36 AM

Omahawg: that's fine. you can follow me

bie?
eip

there you go. that easy. perhaps I'll send you an autographed copy of my next book

or, you know, not


Does bie/eip ever work?
 
ecl
2014-07-08 01:14:40 AM

nimawai: Omahawg: that's fine. you can follow me

bie?
eip

there you go. that easy. perhaps I'll send you an autographed copy of my next book

or, you know, not

Does bie/eip ever work?


Blade in Ear/Email in Penis never works.
 
2014-07-08 01:29:38 AM

ecl: nimawai: Omahawg: that's fine. you can follow me

bie?
eip

there you go. that easy. perhaps I'll send you an autographed copy of my next book

or, you know, not

Does bie/eip ever work?

Blade in Ear/Email in Penis never works.


So it's basically just a guy showing how thirsty he is? Ok got it.
 
2014-07-08 01:57:50 AM

nimawai: ecl: nimawai: Omahawg: that's fine. you can follow me

bie?
eip

there you go. that easy. perhaps I'll send you an autographed copy of my next book

or, you know, not

Does bie/eip ever work?

Blade in Ear/Email in Penis never works.

So it's basically just a guy showing how thirsty he is? Ok got it.


one more half hour here and a half hour drive home and boulevard pale ale will quench my thirst.

oh yes it will
 
2014-07-08 02:03:30 AM

Omahawg: nimawai: ecl: nimawai: Omahawg: that's fine. you can follow me

bie?
eip

there you go. that easy. perhaps I'll send you an autographed copy of my next book

or, you know, not

Does bie/eip ever work?

Blade in Ear/Email in Penis never works.

So it's basically just a guy showing how thirsty he is? Ok got it.

one more half hour here and a half hour drive home and boulevard pale ale will quench my thirst.

oh yes it will


So beer will quench your thirst for boobs? I don't see how that would work... Unless the beer magically gives you boobs.
 
2014-07-08 02:23:39 AM

Dingleberry Dickwad: fusillade762: Dingleberry Dickwad: Well all that shiat explains why the writing for Helix sucked so hard. Farkers should be concentrating on making the story and characters good. The story is interesting, but the characters are retarded, and the way the story unfolded pretty well sucked.

Ayup. I got about half way through the second episode and gave up. When they found the security guard with his hand cut off and everyone wondered aloud WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?? Did you morons forget how you get doors to open? Then they're searching for a monkey with a lethal disease and two of them decide to investigate the monkey room in the dark with NO PROTECTIVE GEAR. And when they finally find the monkey the woman treats it like a fluffy little kitty stuck in a tree until it LEAPS OUT TO TRY AND RIP HER FACE OFF.

I liked the premise and really wanted to like the show but all those characters were too farking stupid to live.

Yep. I call it SG:U syndrome. The writers for SG:U had their characters doing the same kind of retarded shiat up until partway through the second season when things started to get better. But by then it was too little too late. Same exact shiat will happen to Helix if they don't pull their pens out of their asses and write competent and believable characters.


I'm a virologist and quite frankly Helix is the funnest farking thing I've watched since Monty Python.  Don't get me wrong, the writers tried to be vaguely scientifically accurate but failed miserably.
Take the face shields with the comfort foam.  Those are typically used with the 1840.  Which is hydrophobic and with submicron filtering, so if something does splash on your face you don't instantly breath it in and suffer a slow lingering death (if you get lucky).  The down side, is the moisture in your breath collects on the inside and it feels like you're being water boarded after 3+ hrs.  Then you're wearing wrap around safety goggles, which if you are a lazy bastard and don't wear your mask right you filter all that nice steamy breath up into so you can't see.  On top of that, you wear one of those cheap ass splash shields everyone wears on Helix when they do Science!  Which likewise will over the first 2 hrs wearing them will fill with steam and also condense.

Now, this is under optimal conditions.

Now imagine working with a room at 78-83 F room wearing that gear, street clothes, gloves (which apparently only come in princess sizes I barely wear a size 9 surgical glove and I practically have to lube myself up to get into the XXL), double layer of latex gloves under that, and lab coat.  Now imagine you're working with a 18kg ball of hate on a restricted time frame while trying to avoid injury or exposure to possibly untreatable pathogens. You end up a sweat stained mess.  The surgery suites I worked in (for animals) were kept at 60F for a reason.
 
2014-07-08 02:26:03 AM
PS those gloves were the best job perk ever.  And 1/3rd of the price the crappy kevlar lined stuff we used before I got there.

Pity my comment on the gloves was taken down along with a nice email asking me not to ever comment on their website again no matter how much I liked the gloves :(
 
2014-07-08 02:51:31 AM

B.L.Z. Bub: I just want to say, after years of hearing about that stupid space octopus I finally read Call of Cthulhu and sorry Internet dweebs, it's garbage. Everything that's potentially interesting in the story is related secondhand by boring narrator dude. "Did I personally investigate any of the Cthulhu cults? Nope, that was my dead uncle. Did I stumble upon the raised city of R'lyeh and meet Cthulhu himself? Nope, that was a bunch of sailors who mostly all died. You think those stories are interesting? Cool, let me boil them down to a few pages so we can spend more time on ME and how I accomplished the heroic task of sifting through dead people's papers. You know if it wasn't for me getting a hold of that confessional from that sailor who survived and later died no one would even know about Cthulhu being released. It's a good thing he wrote his confessional in English despite being Swedish, and it's a good thing his widow couldn't read English or be bothered to find a translator. Fortunately she could speak English, so I was able to convince her to give the last testament of her dead husband to me, a total stranger, because reasons. And that's why I'M the hero of this story. Me, me, me!"

/At the Mountains of Madness was much better and actually scary


A lot of Lovecraft's work dealt with cold, rational minds being torn asunder by revelations too staggering for them. Basically, an educated man going insane has more gravitas (in the mythos) than a working stiff because they were more enlightened and capable of understanding just how screwed humanity was - where a regular Joe might just shrug and say "monsters, huh". In CoC it was also a matter of how far-reaching the consequences were. Even reading about the encounters other people had was enough to shake the sanity of a man with a powerful enough mind to put two and two together.

You might like August Derleth's stuff, he wrote more aggressive characters and had Lovecraft's blessing for using the gods and monsters of the mythos. (As did basically anyone, HPL was a pioneer of copyleft, more or less.)
 
2014-07-08 07:47:56 AM
Whar naked reading pictures? Whar?
 
2014-07-08 08:25:42 AM
WTF did I just read?
 
2014-07-08 11:01:53 AM
Annie Wilkes approves of this article.

www.verbicidemagazine.com

oyster.ignimgs.com
 
2014-07-08 03:02:02 PM

B.L.Z. Bub: I just want to say, after years of hearing about that stupid space octopus I finally read Call of Cthulhu and sorry Internet dweebs, it's garbage. Everything that's potentially interesting in the story is related secondhand by boring narrator dude. "Did I personally investigate any of the Cthulhu cults? Nope, that was my dead uncle. Did I stumble upon the raised city of R'lyeh and meet Cthulhu himself? Nope, that was a bunch of sailors who mostly all died. You think those stories are interesting? Cool, let me boil them down to a few pages so we can spend more time on ME and how I accomplished the heroic task of sifting through dead people's papers. You know if it wasn't for me getting a hold of that confessional from that sailor who survived and later died no one would even know about Cthulhu being released. It's a good thing he wrote his confessional in English despite being Swedish, and it's a good thing his widow couldn't read English or be bothered to find a translator. Fortunately she could speak English, so I was able to convince her to give the last testament of her dead husband to me, a total stranger, because reasons. And that's why I'M the hero of this story. Me, me, me!"

/At the Mountains of Madness was much better and actually scary


Shut up. That book has some of the best writing ever. The opening statement is a masterpiece.

Its not about the experiences, its about the unseen pending horror, the inescapable nature of cthulhu and his followers. When I finally read it I was amazed and mad I hadn't read it earlier.

Also, shut up.
 
2014-07-08 04:32:29 PM
Writers > Directors > Producers > Production Designers > Actors

Actors are like the decorations on a cake. They make it look more attractive, but they don't make it taste good. They're about the least reliable measurement of a good movie, and yet they're the measurement that the public use most often.

They might make a good movie great, but they can't make a bad movie anything more than a bad movie.
 
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