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(Legacy.com)   Best obit ever: "He'd gladly have stolen the shirt off your back and he was generous to a fault with other people's money"   (legacy.com) divider line 70
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9725 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jul 2014 at 1:13 PM (7 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-07 11:34:44 AM
Sounds like a corporatist

/because Republicans and Democrats are both beholden
 
2014-07-07 12:14:47 PM
Adios, George. You certainly touched a lot of lives.
 
2014-07-07 01:15:22 PM
We miss you, reverend.
 
2014-07-07 01:16:02 PM
In before "must have been Obama har har har"
 
2014-07-07 01:17:38 PM
must have been Obama har har har
 
2014-07-07 01:22:57 PM

While George did not live well by some people's lights, it should be universally accepted that he did die well. In hospital, two days beforehand, he said he'd finished with the medical procedures he had been avidly seeking for the past few years; he said he was 'checking out'. He was completely calm and committed to the decision. The next day, we brought in some beer, toasted his life with him, drank with him, and helped him to make several thoughtful good-bye phone calls. He reminisced a bit and gave us a few unhelpful instructions. He died without pain the next evening, from a slow gastric bleed, with his wits about him and a light heart. Turns out, his timing was impeccable: the next day we found out that he had been racking up ominous bank and credit card debts.


Well... okay, then.
 
2014-07-07 01:23:35 PM

BBtB: In before "must have been Obama har har har"


Obama and yo mama?

/har har
 
2014-07-07 01:23:58 PM

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: must have been Obama har har har


Actually, it does kind of sound like what his dad did to his mom. From all of the accounts that I have heard; the senior Obama was quite the dickhead.
 
2014-07-07 01:24:10 PM
Heh
 
2014-07-07 01:24:11 PM
Huh, he didn't come off as Canadian at all in the obit. Aside from the fact that the list of towns he preached at all sounded made up.
 
2014-07-07 01:24:13 PM
Is it ever truly sad when a politician dies?
 
2014-07-07 01:25:40 PM

untaken_name: Is it ever truly sad when a politician dies?


Politicians don't die; they just get really, really old.
 
2014-07-07 01:26:00 PM
I thought that it might be Terry McAuliffe or Al sharpton.
 
2014-07-07 01:26:18 PM
Dad?

/got nuthin, but the guy sounds like someone my dad would associate with. They have alot in common!
 
2014-07-07 01:26:53 PM
Sell his body for cat food to pay some of those women back.
 
2014-07-07 01:28:36 PM
That read like a Lake Wobegon short story.
 
2014-07-07 01:32:13 PM

BBtB: In before "must have been Obama har har har"


Came here for this.
 
2014-07-07 01:35:08 PM
To Mr. Ferguson's loved ones:

If you're reading this, you are no doubt aware that your George is now the toast of mankind, thanks to his obituary. If you have a minute, any details regarding by whom, and under what circumstances it was composed are appreciated.

Either way, God bless and keep George's soul beyond, and his nearest and dearest on earth.
 
2014-07-07 01:36:49 PM
I'll be raising a glass to George tonight and kicking the first motherfarker who brings up politics right in their stinky farking pussy.
 
2014-07-07 01:38:06 PM
That read like a Lake Wobegon short story.

And Ferguson looks like a young version of Garrison Keillor.
 
2014-07-07 01:41:47 PM

iheartscotch: untaken_name: Is it ever truly sad when a politician dies?

Politicians don't die; they just get really, really old.



affordablehousinginstitute.org
Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough.
 
2014-07-07 01:44:36 PM

cefm: That read like a Lake Wobegon short story.


This. I am not sure if it's slanderous or a troll designed to be complimentary by irony.
 
2014-07-07 01:48:19 PM
Sounds like a real winner. Have a few of those in my family. Rarely seem to have jobs but money seems to fall into their lap at every turn. Bunch of good-for-nuthin losers.
 
2014-07-07 01:53:26 PM
FTA: "Perhaps George felt cornered. Perhaps he thought that, under his present circumstances, dying was the only way out. Whatever the story, no one can deny that George made his final exit with style and grace."

I would tend to disagree with that.  While some around him may have suffered his ways with an "oh, you little scamp" and a ruffle of his hair, this George fellow sounds like a garden variety con-man and a general piece of shiat.  He suckled this last financial tit dry and then decided to take off for the high country.


/I'll also never understand why people wait until they are dying before they bury the hatchet and settle life long grudges.  Think of the lifetime of fond memories you could have had with that person.
//Being contrite while staring into the Great Abyss doesn't erase a lifetime of being an asshole.
 
2014-07-07 01:54:24 PM

abhorrent1: Sounds like a real winner. Have a few of those in my family. Rarely seem to have jobs but money seems to fall into their lap at every turn. Bunch of good-for-nuthin losers.


I think many people have "characters" like this in the family. I don't know if this was "the best" Obit, but it was the most honest I've ever seen for a person like that.
 
2014-07-07 02:00:25 PM
What was his Fark handle?

/Well, someone had to ask
 
2014-07-07 02:00:53 PM

cefm: That read like a Lake Wobegon Doug Kenney National Lampoon circa 1978 short story.


Although that would have involved destruction of private property and more than a little bestiality.
 
2014-07-07 02:02:06 PM
In before:

I want to die like my grandfather. Peacefully in my sleep.

Not screaming and terrified like the people in the car he was driving.
 
2014-07-07 02:02:58 PM
So many great obits, so little time.
 
2014-07-07 02:06:37 PM

Evil Twin Skippy: In before:

I want to die like my grandfather. Peacefully in my sleep.

Not screaming and terrified like the people in the car he was driving.


I know right?  I can't figure out if the people that post that here think that no one has heard the joke or if they think they are being ironically clever?

Either way it pisses me off.
 
2014-07-07 02:06:43 PM
Good obit, but not the best.  You have to go a ways to beat HL Mencken's obit of William Jennings Bryan.  It's masterful.  It was cited by Hunter Thompson as a model for his obit of Richard Nixon.
 
2014-07-07 02:07:50 PM
Apologies to Mike Cross:

Old Bill's funeral:

I went to old Bills funeral 
one of the multitude
They asked me if I would be kind enough to say a word or two
Well I did not want to tell a lie with anything I said
But how could I avoid it and not speak ill of the dead
So I started out by saying all of us have sinned
But each of us can only hope that god will understand
Bill made mistake through out his life
But now that it's all done
I am sure he has brought some happiness to each and everyone
Cause if heaven is pleased when sinners ceases to sin 
and the Devil is pleased when another soul comes in
When the earth is glad to be rid of a knave
Then everybody is happy that Bill is in his grave
When he was just a little boy his sins were not all that great
He used to steal the money from the church collection plate
But I won't call him a shyster
who loved to cheat and steal
Though he did once burn his mother in a real estate deal
I won't call him cruel but he used to shave his cat
and he did once but a snake inside his grandma's favorite hat
He burned his brothers business and
ran off with his wife
he framed his sister with the crime
and sent her up for life
So for those of us that lived with Bill
and knew him all to well 
let's take this opportunity to bid him fond farewell
and if old Bill is looking in
I know that he can see 
Today he has made this troubled world a better place to be


img.fark.net
 
2014-07-07 02:10:16 PM

Billy Liar: Good obit, but not the best.  You have to go a ways to beat HL Mencken's obit of William Jennings Bryan.  It's masterful.  It was cited by Hunter Thompson as a model for his obit of Richard Nixon.


Excellent writing
 
2014-07-07 02:10:32 PM

MattyBlast: What was his Fark handle?


Pocket Ninja?
 
2014-07-07 02:15:06 PM

gopher321: Sell his body for cat food to pay some of those women back.


Those women got value for money.
 
2014-07-07 02:15:59 PM
Obama???
 
2014-07-07 02:19:32 PM

iheartscotch: Abe Vigoda's Ghost: must have been Obama har har har

Actually, it does kind of sound like what his dad did to his mom. From all of the accounts that I have heard; the senior Obama was quite the dickhead.


And like his dad, Barack wasn't even born on this continent.
 
2014-07-07 02:20:20 PM

Billy Liar: Good obit, but not the best.  You have to go a ways to beat HL Mencken's obit of William Jennings Bryan.  It's masterful.  It was cited by Hunter Thompson as a model for his obit of Richard Nixon.


"Bryan was a vulgar and common man, a cad undiluted. He was ignorant, bigoted, self-seeking, blatant and dishonest. His career brought him into contact with the first men of his time; he preferred the company of rustic ignoramuses. It was hard to believe, watching him at Dayton, that he had traveled, that he had been received in civilized societies, that he had been a high officer of state. He seemed only a poor clod like those around him, deluded by a childish theology, full of an almost pathological hatred of all learning, all human dignity, all beauty, all fine and noble things. He was a peasant come home to the dung-pile. Imagine a gentleman, and you have imagined everything that he was not. "

Wow.
 
2014-07-07 02:29:59 PM
Well done.  That obit was a mixture of Mark Twain and Ambrose Bierce.
 
2014-07-07 02:33:13 PM

Point02GPA: iheartscotch: Abe Vigoda's Ghost: must have been Obama har har har

Actually, it does kind of sound like what his dad did to his mom. From all of the accounts that I have heard; the senior Obama was quite the dickhead.

And like his dad, Barack wasn't even born on this continent.


I see what you did there.
 
2014-07-07 02:38:23 PM
Must have been a Democrat. They love spending YOUR money.
 
2014-07-07 02:45:20 PM

ArkAngel: Sounds like a corporatist

/because Republicans and Democrats are both beholden


Actually, without even reading the obit, it sounds like most every politician in the past 75 years.
 
2014-07-07 02:56:38 PM

stonelotus: I'll be raising a glass to George tonight and kicking the first motherfarker who brings up politics right in their stinky farking pussy.


Easy tough guy, step away from the keyboard before you hurt yourself.
 
2014-07-07 02:57:10 PM

Priapetic: Billy Liar: Good obit, but not the best.  You have to go a ways to beat HL Mencken's obit of William Jennings Bryan.  It's masterful.  It was cited by Hunter Thompson as a model for his obit of Richard Nixon.

"Bryan was a vulgar and common man, a cad undiluted. He was ignorant, bigoted, self-seeking, blatant and dishonest. His career brought him into contact with the first men of his time; he preferred the company of rustic ignoramuses. It was hard to believe, watching him at Dayton, that he had traveled, that he had been received in civilized societies, that he had been a high officer of state. He seemed only a poor clod like those around him, deluded by a childish theology, full of an almost pathological hatred of all learning, all human dignity, all beauty, all fine and noble things. He was a peasant come home to the dung-pile. Imagine a gentleman, and you have imagined everything that he was not. "

Wow.


and fully capable of being applied to old annoying political jack holes today.
 
2014-07-07 03:06:20 PM
Jeff?

(brother in law)
 
2014-07-07 03:20:40 PM

pute kisses like a man: iheartscotch: untaken_name: Is it ever truly sad when a politician dies?

Politicians don't die; they just get really, really old.


[affordablehousinginstitute.org image 590x294]
Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough.


"Mister Geets"
 
2014-07-07 03:24:58 PM
Oh my gosh!  I'd been too busy to watch the news lately but I had no idea the President had died!

img.fark.net
 
2014-07-07 03:35:14 PM

HairyNevus: Huh, he didn't come off as Canadian at all in the obit. Aside from the fact that the list of towns he preached at all sounded made up.


I've always thought that. Medicine Hat? Saskatoon? Lethbridge? St-Germain-en-Laye? Okanagan? Completely made up, like when they try to disguise the origins of the shows on HGTV by calling everything "another part of the city" even though the parkas and boots give away that the city is Calgary.
 
2014-07-07 03:38:09 PM
Wasn't this guy who banged Shirley Jones and sold my town 76 trombones? Anyway he sounds like someone we should have invited to a fark party for a few beers.
 
2014-07-07 03:47:40 PM

R.I.P. George Harrison

 
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