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(Washington Post)   The rate by which Americans injure themselves with fireworks has reached the highest level recorded in 10 years. Thanks, Obama   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 73
    More: Dumbass, acting president, bottle rockets  
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1435 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jul 2014 at 2:38 PM (11 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-03 12:34:59 PM
Roman candle fight!

guycodeblog.mtv.com
 
2014-07-03 12:36:34 PM
The distance between last year's 11,400 figure and 11,402 can be measured between the heads of my friend and me when a knocked-over, 5-shot mortar blasted its final salvo literally between our heads as we stood "safely" back, next to each other.  We have the time-lapse photo showing the smoke trail between us at eye level to boot!
 
2014-07-03 12:38:47 PM
You FOOLS! Setting off fireworks simply allows the FEMA Aircorn Force Sorodrones to zoom in on you with greater accuracy so the Shadow Union Thug Army of the Post Office can pack you up, repopulate your home with Illegal Meximuslin Gay Welfare Queens, and deliver you to Camp Streisand where the Bruce Vilanch/Janeane Garofalo "You Have the LEFT to Be Entertained" Improv Festival has a never-ending encore!
 
2014-07-03 12:41:48 PM
My idiot cousin once loaded a mortar upside down and lit it early so I was actually inside the explosion.  It was cool as hell.
 
2014-07-03 01:55:50 PM
America, Fark Yeah!
 
2014-07-03 02:20:30 PM
Speaking of idiots and fireworks, It's already July 3 and so far this year I haven't heard any of the local fools (illegally) setting off strings of Black Cats and other things that go boom like I've heard every year since I moved in.  It always started with the last week of June and ended around July 10.

I wonder what the deal is-- maybe all the noise was from just one or a couple of families that got busted or moved away.

Even more surprising is that I kind of miss it-- I LIKED pretending I lived in a war zone for a few weeks a year.

===========================

About 8 years ago when I heard my next door neighbor shoot himself five times (using a little .22 pistol) I ignored the noise thinking it was somebody getting an early start on the years fireworks.

/Yes, he REALLY shot himself five times.  The  cops suspected fowl play at first because when most people shoot themselves they tend to change their mind about dying if they survive the first shot.

//Poor lonely Ol' Bob.  He was the best neighbor your could ever ask for. Friendly, quick to loan you stuff, watched the neighborhood like a hawk.  He was a godsend helping out (mowing my lawn, etc.) when I was recovering from my heart attack.

///Sure wish I had invited him over for burgers and beer when I was grilling.
 
2014-07-03 02:40:44 PM

factoryconnection: The distance between last year's 11,400 figure and 11,402 can be measured between the heads of my friend and me when a knocked-over, 5-shot mortar blasted its final salvo literally between our heads as we stood "safely" back, next to each other.  We have the time-lapse photo showing the smoke trail between us at eye level to boot!


Are you guys named Jules and Vincent?
 
2014-07-03 02:41:06 PM

Sybarite: Roman candle fight!

[guycodeblog.mtv.com image 320x179]


Definitely needs a "Thanks Obama" worked in.
 
2014-07-03 02:42:01 PM
They should stop treating fireworks injuries. Enough missing limbs and the message will sink in.
 
2014-07-03 02:42:55 PM
www.picgifs.com
 
2014-07-03 02:44:15 PM
I'll never forget being a kid with older (drinking age) cousins and partying with them.  One of them (my age) was lighting off fireworks and another (quite drunk) crawls up from behind and lights all 8 or 9 bottle rockets stuffed in his back pocket.  They were in there so tight they didn't come out then popped.  Also, the way he ran across the yard screaming brought tears of laughter to our eyes.
 
2014-07-03 02:44:41 PM
I blame the weakening of fireworks, back when M-80s were really M-80s you knew they would take off a hand.
 
2014-07-03 02:45:20 PM

Riche: America, Fark Yeah!


And yer little dawg, too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAGPHessWYw

Second time to post that link.
 
2014-07-03 02:45:38 PM
 
2014-07-03 02:46:13 PM
I will kill you in your sleep, Day_Old_Dutchie.
 
2014-07-03 02:46:19 PM
ts1.mm.bing.net
I'll just leave this here.
 
2014-07-03 02:49:03 PM
"A majority of the injuries weren't severe enough to require an extended hospital stay. An estimated 91 percent the injured were treated at the emergency room and released. Roughly 5 percent were treated and transferred to another hospital and approximately 3 percent were admitted to the hospital. The remaining 2 percent of victims left the hospital without being seen, according to the report."

So, of all the fireworks related injuries, only 8% were so severe that they were admitted to the hospital.

Considering they're including sparklers in the definition of "fireworks", and 93% of the injuries were either superficial enough to be released after being treated or getting sick of waiting and walking out of the ER, I would say this really isn't a public health/safety issue.

There aren't the droids you're looking for.
movealong, movealong.....
 
2014-07-03 02:51:32 PM
Clearly outlawing them has made us safer.
/have to cross 3 state lines to get to the closest shop that sells "the good stuff"
 
2014-07-03 02:52:00 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRItYDKSqpQ

/never buy that motherfarkin bootleg fireworks shiat.
 
2014-07-03 02:52:06 PM
Look, we got at least a 3 day weekend to gather the best fireworks mishaps stories from Murkka, so let's not slack off. this is the yearly ZOMGZ!! boogeyman article.
Now let's get out there and burn out our Dumbass tag this weekend folks!
Who's with me?!!
 
2014-07-03 02:52:53 PM
On the plus side, they used "rate".  It's getting rather ridiculous that everything in this country is at its "most ever".  Most unemployed people ever.  Most people on food stamps ever.  Most drugs consumed in a year ever.  Highest debt ever.

Yes, all of these things are to be expected.
 
2014-07-03 02:53:43 PM
 
2014-07-03 02:54:07 PM

Cdr.Murdock: "A majority of the injuries weren't severe enough to require an extended hospital stay. An estimated 91 percent the injured were treated at the emergency room and released. Roughly 5 percent were treated and transferred to another hospital and approximately 3 percent were admitted to the hospital. The remaining 2 percent of victims left the hospital without being seen, according to the report."

So, of all the fireworks related injuries, only 8% were so severe that they were admitted to the hospital.

Considering they're including sparklers in the definition of "fireworks", and 93% of the injuries were either superficial enough to be released after being treated or getting sick of waiting and walking out of the ER, I would say this really isn't a public health/safety issue.

There aren't the droids you're looking for.
movealong, movealong.....


No! You are wrong!

Anything that causes injuries should be banned. Only the govt should have something as dangerous as fireworks.
 
2014-07-03 02:55:16 PM
Waiting for the over under on how many fingers are blown off.
/thumbs count too.  I'll say a dozen
 
2014-07-03 02:56:08 PM
It isn't Obamas fault.  The economy was such a wreck after the Bush years that nobody could afford high quality (more dangerous) fireworks, so the injury rate was artificially depressed.
 
2014-07-03 02:57:33 PM
 A 42-year-old male from Virginia was found dead on a beach on July 7, 2013. 
The victim suffered an explosive injury to his head. The police officer found a 
large PVC pipe that was placed 11 inches into the sand next to the victim, as well 
as a video camera that was set up near the pipe. Based on the video recorded on 
that camera, the victim leaned over the pipe with his head and reached around the 
fireworks device to light the fuse with a cigarette that he was smoking. The video 
shows that the device exploded, and the screen went blank for the duration of the 
recording. The death was accidental, according to the medical examiner's report. 

smoking is dangerous
 
2014-07-03 02:58:29 PM
Yeah but last years simi valley show were responsible for half of those injured.
 
2014-07-03 02:58:51 PM

fireclown: It isn't Obamas fault.  The economy was such a wreck after the Bush years that nobody could afford high quality (more dangerous) fireworks, so the injury rate was artificially depressed.


And the numbers would have stayed low had it not been for the Obama fireworks program giving away free fireworks to underprivileged children.
 
2014-07-03 03:00:31 PM
I work in a hospital.  Every year I make sure I am working the 4th evening shift.  So many interesting things and dumbassery.
 
2014-07-03 03:01:17 PM

Tom_Slick: fireclown: It isn't Obamas fault.  The economy was such a wreck after the Bush years that nobody could afford high quality (more dangerous) fireworks, so the injury rate was artificially depressed.

And the numbers would have stayed low had it not been for the Obama fireworks program giving away free fireworks to underprivileged children.


There is NO reason why the children of the 1% should have access to over 75% of our nations fireworks.  That kind of gunpowder disparity will only lead to a permanent firework underclass with no hope of upward mobility.
 
2014-07-03 03:01:48 PM

skinink: Are you guys named Jules and Vincent?


I'm not saying the hand of God reached down and stopped the firework.

But I still blame Jerry Seinfeld.

The_Original_Roxtar: Clearly outlawing them has made us safer.
/have to cross 3 state lines to get to the closest shop that sells "the good stuff"


Despite growing up in PA, I had no idea that "the good stuff" was available to people there until last year when I visited from South Carolina.  Here's the catch: you can only buy them if:
1. You're an out-of-state resident
2. You use them out-of-state

The second rule wasn't crystal clear to me at the time, fortunately.
 
2014-07-03 03:01:56 PM
Firework injuries are directly related to patriotism. More injuries equals more patriots. I, myself, am so gaddamt proud of Obama's Merica, I am going to blow shiat up at a rate I haven't reached since the Ford Years.
 
2014-07-03 03:02:20 PM

The_Original_Roxtar: Clearly outlawing them has made us safer.
/have to cross 3 state lines to get to the closest shop that sells "the good stuff"


Just curious what 3 states?

They are banned in my city, but the stands are set up about 50 feet outside the city limits. I'm going to get some sparklers and ball mortar tubes for the kiddos.

And of course those dumb and rather disappointing sparkling fountains. You gotta though.
 
2014-07-03 03:03:47 PM

LeroyBourne: I'll never forget being a kid with older (drinking age) cousins and partying with them.  One of them (my age) was lighting off fireworks and another (quite drunk) crawls up from behind and lights all 8 or 9 bottle rockets stuffed in his back pocket.  They were in there so tight they didn't come out then popped.  Also, the way he ran across the yard screaming brought tears of laughter to our eyes.


Bottle rockets aren't that dangerous.  We used to light them and then fling them at each other.  the trick it to let go right before they go off.
 
2014-07-03 03:06:19 PM
Well, they did just legalize the good stuff here in Michigan so I'm sure we've added to those stats.
Not that most people cared whether or not it was legal...

/Got two car loads of big ol' fireworks heading my way right now
//Oh yeah
 
2014-07-03 03:06:26 PM

medius:  A 42-year-old male from Virginia was found dead on a beach on July 7, 2013. 
The victim suffered an explosive injury to his head. The police officer found a 
large PVC pipe that was placed 11 inches into the sand next to the victim, as well 
as a video camera that was set up near the pipe. Based on the video recorded on 
that camera, the victim leaned over the pipe with his head and reached around the 
fireworks device to light the fuse with a cigarette that he was smoking. The video 
shows that the device exploded, and the screen went blank for the duration of the 
recording. The death was accidental, according to the medical examiner's report. 

smoking is dangerous


Cheap and easy to use video cameras have made the world a much more entertaining place.
 
2014-07-03 03:08:11 PM

James!: LeroyBourne: I'll never forget being a kid with older (drinking age) cousins and partying with them.  One of them (my age) was lighting off fireworks and another (quite drunk) crawls up from behind and lights all 8 or 9 bottle rockets stuffed in his back pocket.  They were in there so tight they didn't come out then popped.  Also, the way he ran across the yard screaming brought tears of laughter to our eyes.

Bottle rockets aren't that dangerous.  We used to light them and then fling them at each other.  the trick it to let go right before they go off.


I hate that sh*t. We were driving down the street one year having and a buddy shot a roman candle into the backseat of the car and it landed next to our firework supplies. We hit the curb freaking out thinking we were a few seconds from death or at least our skin melting..it went out though... Thankfully I am here to type this story to you. Ah, 17.
 
2014-07-03 03:08:54 PM

James!: LeroyBourne: I'll never forget being a kid with older (drinking age) cousins and partying with them.  One of them (my age) was lighting off fireworks and another (quite drunk) crawls up from behind and lights all 8 or 9 bottle rockets stuffed in his back pocket.  They were in there so tight they didn't come out then popped.  Also, the way he ran across the yard screaming brought tears of laughter to our eyes.

Bottle rockets aren't that dangerous.  We used to light them and then fling them at each other.  the trick it to let go right before they go off.


Yep, we did that too.  Having one go off on you felt as bad as getting hit with a paint ball gun.  It stung a bit, but that's it.
 
2014-07-03 03:08:56 PM
...having a firework war...
 
2014-07-03 03:09:20 PM

James!: LeroyBourne: I'll never forget being a kid with older (drinking age) cousins and partying with them.  One of them (my age) was lighting off fireworks and another (quite drunk) crawls up from behind and lights all 8 or 9 bottle rockets stuffed in his back pocket.  They were in there so tight they didn't come out then popped.  Also, the way he ran across the yard screaming brought tears of laughter to our eyes.

Bottle rockets aren't that dangerous.  We used to light them and then fling them at each other.  the trick it to let go right before they go off.


----------------------------------------

Seeing as how it's Forth Of July. HOW ABOUT A LITTLE BUTT ROCKET!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bb88gueO-yQ


/owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow
 
2014-07-03 03:10:42 PM
Happy 4th Farkers!!

/don't get blowd up
 
2014-07-03 03:14:27 PM

LoneDoggie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRItYDKSqpQ

/never buy that motherfarkin bootleg fireworks shiat.



Ahh yes, Idiots with fireworks + cheap videorecorders + YouTube.

Truly, we live in a golden age.

Thank you for your video.

=============================

Day_Old_Dutchie: Riche: America, Fark Yeah!

And yer little dawg, too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAGPHessWYw

Second time to post that link.


One upping Pocket Ninja?

Tisk Tisk Tisk.

I look forward reading the circumstances of your Darwin Award, because YOU KNOW Ol' Pocket Ninja isn't just going to stab you and leave it at that.  Nooo, he is going to bring about your demise in a most creative and amusing way.

Well, at least amusing for us, not necessarily for you.

-----------------------

I favorite smart, funny and insightful posters in yellow.
I favorite retards and trolls in red.

Pocket Ninja gets dark purple because he's the goddamn Pocket Ninja.
 
2014-07-03 03:16:16 PM

Riche: LoneDoggie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRItYDKSqpQ

/never buy that motherfarkin bootleg fireworks shiat.


Ahh yes, Idiots with fireworks + cheap videorecorders + YouTube.

Truly, we live in a golden age.

Thank you for your video.

=============================

Day_Old_Dutchie: Riche: America, Fark Yeah!

And yer little dawg, too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAGPHessWYw

Second time to post that link.

One upping Pocket Ninja?

Tisk Tisk Tisk.

I look forward reading the circumstances of your Darwin Award, because YOU KNOW Ol' Pocket Ninja isn't just going to stab you and leave it at that.  Nooo, he is going to bring about your demise in a most creative and amusing way.

Well, at least amusing for us, not necessarily for you.

-----------------------

I favorite smart, funny and insightful posters in yellow.
I favorite retards and trolls in red.

Pocket Ninja gets dark purple because he's the goddamn Pocket Ninja.


You said pocket ninja 4 times.
 
2014-07-03 03:18:36 PM

James!: LeroyBourne: I'll never forget being a kid with older (drinking age) cousins and partying with them.  One of them (my age) was lighting off fireworks and another (quite drunk) crawls up from behind and lights all 8 or 9 bottle rockets stuffed in his back pocket.  They were in there so tight they didn't come out then popped.  Also, the way he ran across the yard screaming brought tears of laughter to our eyes.

Bottle rockets aren't that dangerous.  We used to light them and then fling them at each other.  the trick it to let go right before they go off.


Tell that to the preacher who was irate that I shot a bunch of rockets through a window during mass
 
2014-07-03 03:18:51 PM

ChipNASA: James!: LeroyBourne: I'll never forget being a kid with older (drinking age) cousins and partying with them.  One of them (my age) was lighting off fireworks and another (quite drunk) crawls up from behind and lights all 8 or 9 bottle rockets stuffed in his back pocket.  They were in there so tight they didn't come out then popped.  Also, the way he ran across the yard screaming brought tears of laughter to our eyes.

Bottle rockets aren't that dangerous.  We used to light them and then fling them at each other.  the trick it to let go right before they go off.

----------------------------------------

Seeing as how it's Forth Of July. HOW ABOUT A LITTLE BUTT ROCKET!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bb88gueO-yQ

/owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow


I love the butt rocket, I also remember you and I almost simuposting it a couple years back.
/happy 4th chip
 
2014-07-03 03:22:36 PM
There was a similar jump in injuries per 100,00 from 1999 to 2000, so thanks Clinton. Why do the Dems want to kill Americans with fireworks?
 
2014-07-03 03:25:36 PM

factoryconnection: skinink: Are you guys named Jules and Vincent?

I'm not saying the hand of God reached down and stopped the firework.

But I still blame Jerry Seinfeld.

The_Original_Roxtar: Clearly outlawing them has made us safer.
/have to cross 3 state lines to get to the closest shop that sells "the good stuff"

Despite growing up in PA, I had no idea that "the good stuff" was available to people there until last year when I visited from South Carolina.  Here's the catch: you can only buy them if:
1. You're an out-of-state resident
2. You use them out-of-state

The second rule wasn't crystal clear to me at the time, fortunately.


You should have driven to OH for your fireworks.  There's a number of outlets just across the border from PA.  Ironically, it's illegal to set them off without a license, but legal to sell them to anyone.  You just have to swear that you're taking them out of state within 24 hours.  (The form you sign has been dubbed the "liar's form".)
 
2014-07-03 03:26:18 PM
There's a vacant lot right next to my office. There used to be a taco joint there, but it burned down. Then, a homeless guy moved into the dumpster shed on the lot for a while, but he burned it down. Now, someone put a fireworks stand there. I really hope Obama drone strikes it while I'm at work today.
 
2014-07-03 03:26:46 PM
i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

The Komodo 3000. Your vision will return in 2 days according to the box
 
2014-07-03 03:36:39 PM
Riche:

Pocket Ninja gets dark purple because he's the goddamn Pocket Ninja.


He ain't even winged me yet...

yet.
 
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