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(Death and Taxes Magazine)   "You're not a true American until you've cooked your bacon with a machine gun"   (deathandtaxesmag.com) divider line 131
    More: Spiffy  
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6877 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jul 2014 at 7:55 AM (13 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



131 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-07-03 06:29:38 AM
mojoimage.com
 
2014-07-03 07:57:12 AM
I can also cook bacon with my penis.
 
2014-07-03 07:58:00 AM
Actually, yes. Yes I am a true American. And I don't even own a machine gun.
 
2014-07-03 07:58:20 AM
'Murica
Fark yeah!
 
2014-07-03 07:59:00 AM
pfft, gungeeks  they're worse then friggen bronies.
 
2014-07-03 07:59:02 AM
As redditor...[stoppedreadingthere.jpg]

/pretty sure it's been done before
 
2014-07-03 08:00:16 AM
It's a kinder, gentler, machine gun ham.
 
2014-07-03 08:02:53 AM
Remind me again about responsible gun ownership and how it is a tool, not a toy, and safety and freedom again?
 
2014-07-03 08:03:03 AM
FIrst time I heard this was from a Vietnam vet.  Breakfast and target practice in one operation.

(Boredom does strange and wonderful things)
 
2014-07-03 08:03:44 AM
Needs more Browning.
 
2014-07-03 08:04:34 AM
I like it when retard submitters can unilaterally define "real Americans" by doing arbitrary stupid and wasteful things.  That really makes me feel patriotic.
 
2014-07-03 08:06:06 AM

TwoBeersOneCan: I can also cook bacon with my penis.


Flag on the play! You are in violation of Malarkey's Law!
 
2014-07-03 08:07:49 AM
Don't be beetch! FPS Russia did it first, comrades!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ovyeoyl29I&feature=kp
 
2014-07-03 08:09:41 AM
That was an MG. True 'Muricans use a ma deuce, BAR or maybe an M60.
 
2014-07-03 08:10:06 AM

HMS_Blinkin: I like it when retard submitters can unilaterally define "real Americans" by doing arbitrary stupid and wasteful things.  That really makes me feel patriotic.


You're saying that Subby was the one who wrote the article?  Because the term is used prominently there.

But go ahead and look like a moran by blaming Subby.  And do it here for all of us to see.
 
2014-07-03 08:10:07 AM
You are a true f*cktard though.
 
2014-07-03 08:10:09 AM

HMS_Blinkin: I like it when retard submitters can unilaterally define "real Americans" by doing arbitrary stupid and wasteful things.  That really makes me feel patriotic.


You might want to see a proctologist about getting that stick removed.
 
2014-07-03 08:12:40 AM
I hate it when someone spouts off about what a "True" American is, like the rest of us are all fake or inferior Americans.

I'm not a violent person but I kind of want to kick that guy in his True American nuts.
 
2014-07-03 08:15:18 AM
Java required with mandatory download to view content.

Fark you subby and mod who greenlit this.
 
2014-07-03 08:15:30 AM
Flamethrower.
 
2014-07-03 08:15:46 AM
He'd feel right at home with this bunch:
www.hwdyk.com
 
2014-07-03 08:17:41 AM
Meh. I'd be impressed if he did some corn dogs and an apple pie with a small thermonuclear device.
 
2014-07-03 08:18:13 AM
And no one posted that picture of fat guy on electronic shopping curt with flag and machine gun yet?
 
2014-07-03 08:21:53 AM
I think we should retaliate with some other popular American activities;

You aren't a true American until you have married your same sex partner after many years of activism.
You aren't a true American until you have to find the Halal butchershop because one of the guests to your upcoming BBQ is a Muslim.
You aren't a true American until you have legally smoked dope.
You aren't a true American until you have freedom of religion.
 
2014-07-03 08:22:26 AM
"I was in Chicago last week I said, "Hey Obama, you might want to suck on one of these, you punk?" Obama, he's a piece of shiat and I told him to suck on one of my machine guns. Let's hear it for them. I was in New York and I said, "Hey Hillary, you might want to ride one of these into the sunset you worthless biatch." Since I'm in California, I'm gonna find Barbara Boxer she might wanna suck on my machine guns. Hey, Dianne Feinstein, ride one of these you worthless whore."

Yeah, totally not making up for your inadequacies, are you, Nuge.
 
2014-07-03 08:24:13 AM
Not sure what caliber that thing fires, but it's most likely something that's at least 50 cents a round (where 7.62mm is).

"I gave this about 250 rounds. but I think around 150 might actually be enough."

Congrats, you just spent $125 to cook a few strips of bacon!
 
hej
2014-07-03 08:24:30 AM
The conflicted emotions all you Farkers must feel in this thread.
 
2014-07-03 08:25:36 AM
True American?
cdn.sheknows.com
 
2014-07-03 08:27:01 AM

Schmerd1948: Flamethrower.


Lovely bacon. Crunchy, and with just a hint of a nitrogen/petrol aftertaste.
 
2014-07-03 08:27:55 AM

UNC_Samurai: TwoBeersOneCan: I can also cook bacon with my penis.

Flag on the play! You are in violation of Malarkey's Law!


Yawn.  You aren't the usual guy trying to make fetch happen, so I hope you're mocking him.
 
2014-07-03 08:28:05 AM

Egoy3k: I think we should retaliate with some other popular American activities;

You aren't a true American until you have married your same sex partner after many years of activism.
You aren't a true American until you have to find the Halal butchershop because one of the guests to your upcoming BBQ is a Muslim.
You aren't a true American until you have legally smoked dope.
You aren't a true American until you have freedom of religion.


You aren't a true American unless you were born here, or went through the trouble of becoming a citizen.
That's it.  Period.  End of farkin' story.
 
2014-07-03 08:28:46 AM

Son of Thunder: Schmerd1948: Flamethrower.

Lovely bacon. Crunchy, and with just a hint of a nitrogen/petrol aftertaste.


I prefer my pork products fried in cosmoline.
 
2014-07-03 08:30:38 AM

TwoBeersOneCan


UNC_Samurai: TwoBeersOneCan: I can also cook bacon with my penis.

Flag on the play! You are in violation of Malarkey's Law!


Yawn. You aren't the usual guy trying to make fetch happen, so I hope you're mocking him.


The fact that he called it MALARKEY didn't tip you off?
 
2014-07-03 08:31:18 AM

TwoBeersOneCan: UNC_Samurai: TwoBeersOneCan: I can also cook bacon with my penis.

Flag on the play! You are in violation of Malarkey's Law!

Yawn.  You aren't the usual guy trying to make fetch happen, so I hope you're mocking him.


He is.  Note the spelling:   Malarkey's Law, not Markley's Law.

And that wouldn't technically be a violation of Markley's Law anyway, because it's not an ad hominem attack.  Not every penis reference in a gun thread is a violation.
 
2014-07-03 08:32:01 AM

abhorrent1: As redditor...[stoppedreadingthere.jpg]

/pretty sure it's been done before


It has, this is really old news. Seen those exact pics floating around the net for many years now.
 
2014-07-03 08:32:03 AM

Englebert Slaptyback: TwoBeersOneCan

UNC_Samurai: TwoBeersOneCan: I can also cook bacon with my penis.

Flag on the play! You are in violation of Malarkey's Law!


Yawn. You aren't the usual guy trying to make fetch happen, so I hope you're mocking him.


The fact that he called it MALARKEY didn't tip you off?


Heh.  Glans.
 
2014-07-03 08:32:36 AM

I_Am_Weasel: It's a kinder, gentler, machine gun ham.


slowclap
 
2014-07-03 08:34:42 AM

Tomahawk513: I_Am_Weasel: It's a kinder, gentler, machine gun ham.

slowclap


Wow. Just wow.
There are days I think I am witty. Then this guy shows up.

I'm just. I. I just stood up at the office and saluted my phone. It was that good.
 
2014-07-03 08:34:47 AM

strangeluck: abhorrent1: As redditor...[stoppedreadingthere.jpg]

/pretty sure it's been done before

It has, this is really old news. Seen those exact pics floating around the net for many years now.


And in fact, when I click the reddit link, it goes to a four year old thread.

[OldNewsIsExciting.jpeg]
 
2014-07-03 08:35:24 AM

Thudfark: Meh. I'd be impressed if he did some corn dogs and an apple pie with a small thermonuclear device.


The problem is that using a thermo nuclear device in domestic kitchen is rather difficult
 
2014-07-03 08:35:51 AM
Shooting a machine gun like this is for rich people.
- need lots of land in a rural area with good backstops.
- can afford the gun and the FFL
- the bullets are damn expensive - for 150-250 that is a lot of money even if you reload

Much easier to cook many other ways.
 
2014-07-03 08:37:59 AM
Never cooked anything intentionally (have gotten a few nasty burns from hot brass or hot barrels), but I have lit a cigarrette off a hot barrel.
 
2014-07-03 08:38:05 AM

Thudfark: Meh. I'd be impressed if he did some corn dogs and an apple pie with a small thermonuclear device.


I do that in my kitchen. I get everything set up to bake, then I hide in the fridge while the bomb does its work.
 
2014-07-03 08:38:51 AM

Another Government Employee: FIrst time I heard this was from a Vietnam vet.  Breakfast and target practice in one operation.

(Boredom does strange and wonderful things)


Yes. Yes it does. I once flew a tiny kite 400 feet (maybe more) underwater when the fans were on high. I got caught by the CO but all that I heard about it was a Plan of the Day note saying something along the lines of "If you're bored on watch, you can always clean". He chuckled when he saw what I was doing.
 
2014-07-03 08:40:48 AM

El Dudereno: Thudfark: Meh. I'd be impressed if he did some corn dogs and an apple pie with a small thermonuclear device.

I do that in my kitchen. I get everything set up to bake, then I hide in the fridge while the bomb does its work.


Not all of us have magic lead lined fridges you know professor
 
2014-07-03 08:40:55 AM

Thudfark: Meh. I'd be impressed if he did some corn dogs and an apple pie with a small thermonuclear device.



Edward Teller used a hydrogen bomb to light a cigarette.
 
2014-07-03 08:41:09 AM

i.r.id10t: Never cooked anything intentionally (have gotten a few nasty burns from hot brass or hot barrels), but I have lit a cigarrette off a hot barrel.


Close enough.

You're in.
 
2014-07-03 08:42:49 AM
Huurrrrrrrr.

i772.photobucket.com
 
2014-07-03 08:44:43 AM
True american?

Nazi gun?
 
2014-07-03 08:44:47 AM
img.fark.net
 
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