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(The Sports Bank.net)   The REAL Secretary of Defense phoned Tim Howard. Here's what he had to say   (thesportsbank.net) divider line 48
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1757 clicks; posted to Sports » on 03 Jul 2014 at 7:23 AM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-07-03 05:22:49 AM  
Was it something along the lines of "Hey there. Heard you had a good match. Don't bother coming home from that tiny island thing over there - we still hate the sport you play, and so don't go thinking you cavorting around and throwing yourself on some grass, knocking an air-filled pig's bladder about it going to change things. Good riddance we say." Now, where's the telly remote, I heard there was something good on ESPN 27.
 
2014-07-03 07:36:19 AM  
I don't know how they run things over there, but in our office if the secretary gets caught making personal phone calls on company time she gets in big trouble.
 
2014-07-03 07:40:31 AM  
How did he find out about it?
 
2014-07-03 07:46:57 AM  
Howard didn't hear what Hagel had to say; he blocked the call.
 
2014-07-03 07:47:44 AM  
Oh Jesus, enough.

He made some nice saves, made some - we're lucky they kicked it right at me - saves.

THEY LOST, in the round of 16.  It wasn't like some scrappy upstart team against the best team ever created and they barely lost.
 
2014-07-03 07:51:47 AM  

MugzyBrown: Oh Jesus, enough.

He made some nice saves, made some - we're lucky they kicked it right at me - saves.

THEY LOST, in the round of 16.  It wasn't like some scrappy upstart team against the best team ever created and they barely lost.


Link
 
2014-07-03 07:53:55 AM  

MugzyBrown: THEY LOST, in the round of 16.  It wasn't like some scrappy upstart team against the best team ever created and they barely lost.


They are just talking about Howard's performance.  The team's sh*tty play actually makes his performance even better.  He kept them in it.  Belgium did kick the ball right to him a lot, but he also made some great saves and when you make the most saves by a keeper in the World Cup in 50 years, you are going to get some pub.  Especially when you are a Yank.

Try not to let it bother you.

/Ochoa was better
 
2014-07-03 07:58:17 AM  

The Muthaship: but he also made some great saves and when you make the most saves by a keeper in the World Cup in 50 years, you are going to get some pub.  Especially when you are a Yank.


It just makes it more pathetic.  He got his pub, but the team lost against a good, but not great team.

The US weren't even severe underdogs in the game.

The more you put Howard on your shoulders the more you denigrate US soccer, because you're making it sound like some david/goliath matchup that Howard miraculously kept us in
 
2014-07-03 07:59:40 AM  
media.giphy.com
 
2014-07-03 08:01:45 AM  

MugzyBrown: The US weren't even severe underdogs in the game.


I was in Vegas just before the game, and you are right.

But, they damn sure played like they were.  The Belgians were in our end all day.  And I think they are better than you are giving them credit for, but the US looked pretty terrible.

Except for Howard, of course, he was TRANSCENDENT!


/sorry, couldn't help myself.....
 
2014-07-03 08:05:45 AM  

colinspooky: Don't bother coming home from that tiny island thing over there


Brazil is a tiny island?
 
2014-07-03 08:23:23 AM  

MugzyBrown: The Muthaship: but he also made some great saves and when you make the most saves by a keeper in the World Cup in 50 years, you are going to get some pub.  Especially when you are a Yank.

It just makes it more pathetic.  He got his pub, but the team lost against a good, but not great team.

The US weren't even severe underdogs in the game.

The more you put Howard on your shoulders the more you denigrate US soccer, because you're making it sound like some david/goliath matchup that Howard miraculously kept us in


There is a good point there. I think the Howard praise is going a bit over the top, even though he did play great. What it is is just propaganda to make a defeat seem like a victory. It's become America's Dunkirk. But some of the jokes have made me laugh, and the pictures, so it's been worth it. What's the difference between Jesus and Tim Howard? Jesus had 11 guys he could trust.

LucklessWonder: colinspooky: Don't bother coming home from that tiny island thing over there

Brazil is a tiny island?


I think he means that Howard plays in England, so probably lives over here.
 
2014-07-03 08:35:53 AM  
The island of Brazil?  Dammit, just fell off my chair............. Oh, that sums it all up so well?  Thanks for clearing that up Slaxi. Luckless Wonder - how apt.......  :)
 
2014-07-03 08:36:59 AM  
The thing about Arsenal Belgium is, they always try to walk it in!
 
2014-07-03 08:42:05 AM  
Here's what he had to say
 http://youtu.be/jwfYTSdJ7kY
 
2014-07-03 08:56:13 AM  

MugzyBrown: Oh Jesus, enough.

He made some nice saves, made some - we're lucky they kicked it right at me - saves.

THEY LOST, in the round of 16.  It wasn't like some scrappy upstart team against the best team ever created and they barely lost.


You keep whining about this in every thread, as if people are fools for finding the one good thing about that game and celebrating it.  You come as a bit of a biatch, quite frankly.

He played great, the rest of the team didn't, and fans are celebrating him for it.  Why is that stupid?  You don't see anyone praising the rest of the team (except Yedlin, who will be a pretty good player in a few years).  People who aren't whiny biatches like to focus on the positive, and the only positive in this case is Tim Howard.  So naturally, the praise will be a little over the top.

And have you ever played goalie?  I did and do, and I knew exactly what he was dealing with.  A shiatty team in front of you that keeps breaking down on defense.  A gnawing certainty in your stomach that this cannot last, that you've played a great game but you know that one of these shots is going in no matter what you do. He kept at it though, barking at his teammates, trying to get them motivated, even though it was all for naught.  He did his job, and did it well.
 
2014-07-03 08:57:17 AM  

MugzyBrown: The Muthaship: but he also made some great saves and when you make the most saves by a keeper in the World Cup in 50 years, you are going to get some pub.  Especially when you are a Yank.

It just makes it more pathetic.  He got his pub, but the team lost against a good, but not great team.

The US weren't even severe underdogs in the game.

The more you put Howard on your shoulders the more you denigrate US soccer, because you're making it sound like some david/goliath matchup that Howard miraculously kept us in


Or, just possibly, we're recognizing the amazing performance of one player. You seem to have a problem with that. Why?
 
2014-07-03 09:00:09 AM  

MugzyBrown: Oh Jesus, enough.

He made some nice saves, made some - we're lucky they kicked it right at me - saves.

THEY LOST, in the round of 16.  It wasn't like some scrappy upstart team against the best team ever created and they barely lost.


Lighten up, Francis.

The US is not traditionally a soccer (futbol, whatever) powerhouse.  This is the first World Cup we've done halfway decent at, the first one Americans were even half-ass paying attention to, and Tim Howard is the first real US Soccer star with any mainstream visibility at all.
 
2014-07-03 09:02:25 AM  
Donald Rumsfeld eat your heart out! The position is actually currently held by Chuck Hagel. (I made the Rumsfled joke because he's the only SecDef that most people have really heard of)

www.mlssoccer.com
 
2014-07-03 09:03:25 AM  

FLMountainMan: You keep whining about this in every thread, as if people are fools for finding the one good thing about that game and celebrating it.  You come as a bit of a biatch, quite frankly.


Uhh, that's the first time I said anything about it.

qorkfiend: Or, just possibly, we're recognizing the amazing performance of one player. You seem to have a problem with that. Why?


When's the last time you've seen this much attention given to a losing performance in the early rounds of a playoff?

Silverstaff: This is the first World Cup we've done halfway decent at, the first one Americans were even half-ass paying attention to, and Tim Howard is the first real US Soccer star with any mainstream visibility at all.


That's not true at all.
 
2014-07-03 09:04:20 AM  

MugzyBrown: Oh Jesus, enough.

He made some nice saves, made some - we're lucky they kicked it right at me - saves.

THEY LOST, in the round of 16.  It wasn't like some scrappy upstart team against the best team ever created and they barely lost.


It's all pretty silly, obviously. But I do think it's worth pointing out that positioning is an underrated aspect of good goalkeeping.  Howard's positioning throughout the game was spectacular.  It makes the saves seem less spectacular, but it not really accident or luck that many shots were "kicked right at him."
 
2014-07-03 09:05:57 AM  

Silverstaff: MugzyBrown: Oh Jesus, enough.

He made some nice saves, made some - we're lucky they kicked it right at me - saves.

THEY LOST, in the round of 16.  It wasn't like some scrappy upstart team against the best team ever created and they barely lost.

Lighten up, Francis.

The US is not traditionally a soccer (futbol, whatever) powerhouse.   This is the first World Cup we've done halfway decent at, the first one Americans were even half-ass paying attention to, and Tim Howard is the first real US Soccer star with any mainstream visibility at all.


2002 called. It's for you.
 
2014-07-03 09:09:17 AM  
Howard should be celebrated for his awesome goalkeeping, but I think it's a little unfair to judge goalies against each other based on number of shots blocked.  Other goalies might have been better than Tim, but you wouldn't know it by that metric because they also had competent defenses who didn't put them in the position of having to try and block 18 shots on goal.
 
2014-07-03 09:09:23 AM  

SigmaAlgebra: Silverstaff: MugzyBrown: Oh Jesus, enough.

He made some nice saves, made some - we're lucky they kicked it right at me - saves.

THEY LOST, in the round of 16.  It wasn't like some scrappy upstart team against the best team ever created and they barely lost.

Lighten up, Francis.

The US is not traditionally a soccer (futbol, whatever) powerhouse.   This is the first World Cup we've done halfway decent at, the first one Americans were even half-ass paying attention to, and Tim Howard is the first real US Soccer star with any mainstream visibility at all.

2002 called. It's for you.


2002? You mean, 1999?

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-07-03 09:14:42 AM  

EyeballKid: SigmaAlgebra: Silverstaff: MugzyBrown: Oh Jesus, enough.

He made some nice saves, made some - we're lucky they kicked it right at me - saves.

THEY LOST, in the round of 16.  It wasn't like some scrappy upstart team against the best team ever created and they barely lost.

Lighten up, Francis.

The US is not traditionally a soccer (futbol, whatever) powerhouse.   This is the first World Cup we've done halfway decent at, the first one Americans were even half-ass paying attention to, and Tim Howard is the first real US Soccer star with any mainstream visibility at all.

2002 called. It's for you.

2002? You mean, 1999?

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 432x512]


No. I meant 2002. The Women's World Cup is an entirely different tournament.
 
2014-07-03 09:17:37 AM  
Mugzy,

To be fair, Howard deserves all the credit he is being given and while it might make the USMNT look worse for the wear.... They actually deserve to be put in their place... They were dreadful against Belgium.
 
2014-07-03 09:41:17 AM  

qorkfiend: Or, just possibly, we're recognizing the amazing performance of one player. You seem to have a problem with that. Why?


For me, the Tim Howard narrative is starting to turn into the "EPL is the greatest league on earth" cca. Sky Sports.

The US team finished where most people thought they would. Losing to Germany, still getting through the group over Portugal and losing in the first knockout round.

Kind of like what everyone expected from England.
 
2014-07-03 09:46:23 AM  

MugzyBrown: FLMountainMan: You keep whining about this in every thread, as if people are fools for finding the one good thing about that game and celebrating it.  You come as a bit of a biatch, quite frankly.

Uhh, that's the first time I said anything about it.


You have my sincere and complete apology.  For some reason I thought you had been.  Went and checked and this is the first.  Really, I don't know why I had that impression and I'm sorry.  I shall gorge on crow.
 
2014-07-03 09:47:37 AM  

Silverstaff: MugzyBrown: Oh Jesus, enough.

He made some nice saves, made some - we're lucky they kicked it right at me - saves.

THEY LOST, in the round of 16.  It wasn't like some scrappy upstart team against the best team ever created and they barely lost.

Lighten up, Francis.

The US is not traditionally a soccer (futbol, whatever) powerhouse.  This is the first World Cup we've done halfway decent at, the first one Americans were even half-ass paying attention to, and Tim Howard is the first real US Soccer star with any mainstream visibility at all.


USMNT did better than in 2002 when they went to the quarterfinals?
 
2014-07-03 09:48:29 AM  

jpo2269: Mugzy,

To be fair, Howard deserves all the credit he is being given and while it might make the USMNT look worse for the wear.... They actually deserve to be put in their place... They were dreadful against Belgium.


Yes, for 95 of the 120 minutes played, we were flat out awful.

Only in the last 15 minutes did the US play anything resembling good soccer, after Julian Green came on.

The US needs to attack more and learn that they can play defense further up.
 
2014-07-03 10:01:32 AM  

SigmaAlgebra: EyeballKid: SigmaAlgebra: Silverstaff: MugzyBrown: Oh Jesus, enough.

He made some nice saves, made some - we're lucky they kicked it right at me - saves.

THEY LOST, in the round of 16.  It wasn't like some scrappy upstart team against the best team ever created and they barely lost.

Lighten up, Francis.

The US is not traditionally a soccer (futbol, whatever) powerhouse.   This is the first World Cup we've done halfway decent at, the first one Americans were even half-ass paying attention to, and Tim Howard is the first real US Soccer star with any mainstream visibility at all.

2002 called. It's for you.

2002? You mean, 1999?

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 432x512]

No. I meant 2002. The Women's World Cup is an entirely different tournament.


An entirely different tournament alltogether.
 
2014-07-03 10:10:44 AM  

KingKauff: Silverstaff: MugzyBrown: Oh Jesus, enough.

He made some nice saves, made some - we're lucky they kicked it right at me - saves.

THEY LOST, in the round of 16.  It wasn't like some scrappy upstart team against the best team ever created and they barely lost.

Lighten up, Francis.

The US is not traditionally a soccer (futbol, whatever) powerhouse.  This is the first World Cup we've done halfway decent at, the first one Americans were even half-ass paying attention to, and Tim Howard is the first real US Soccer star with any mainstream visibility at all.

USMNT did better than in 2002 when they went to the quarterfinals?


didn't the 2002 team have an easier group? didn't they lose to Poland?
 
2014-07-03 10:13:16 AM  

IT IS IMPORTANT YOU UNDERSTAND I DON'T LIKE SOCCER AND NO ONE CARES ABOUT IT. ESPECIALLY ME. BECAUSE SOCCER IS DUMB. I AM NOW OFF TO WATCH A 4 HOUR RED OX VS YANKEES GAME. KTHXBYE.

/I STILL DON'T CARE ABOUT SOCCER

 
2014-07-03 10:23:08 AM  
serial_crusher: Donald Rumsfeld eat your heart out! The position is actually currently held by Chuck Hagel. (I made the Rumsfled joke because he's the only SecDef that most people have really heard of)

If Rummy was allowed to choose the USMNT, we would never have qualified for the world cup at all. And then he would say some BS like "we choose the players who play, not the players who play like we want them to play". And the Washington press corps would all have orgasms and genuflect while everybody else would go "WTF did that loser just say?"
 
2014-07-03 10:52:46 AM  

foo monkey: An entirely different tournament alltogether.


2.bp.blogspot.com
"An entirely different tournament."
 
2014-07-03 10:54:04 AM  

Jim from Saint Paul: I AM NOW OFF TO WATCH A 4 HOUR RED OX VS YANKEES GAME.


Are they expecting rain in the sixth inning?
 
2014-07-03 11:37:51 AM  

H31N0US: Jim from Saint Paul: I AM NOW OFF TO WATCH A 4 HOUR RED OX VS YANKEES GAME.

Are they expecting rain in the sixth inning?


Worse. A baseball game.
 
2014-07-03 11:54:13 AM  
It is important for US soccer to have somethintg positive to spotlight after this dreadful team was shown the exit. That positive thing is Tim Howard. The problem with attempting to grow a strong base of US soccer fans beyond the Cup is that fans who watch more often will notice how truly pathetic the USMNT has become. Without Howard there would be little to recommend our national brand of soccer and even less hope of a better result in 4 years.Thank goodness that Tim howard at least can be spotlighted as a brilliant example of what US soccer can accomplish if it just stays plucky and tries very hard.
 
2014-07-03 11:57:06 AM  

mikaloyd: It is important for US soccer to have somethintg positive to spotlight after this dreadful team was shown the exit. That positive thing is Tim Howard. The problem with attempting to grow a strong base of US soccer fans beyond the Cup is that fans who watch more often will notice how truly pathetic the USMNT has become. Without Howard there would be little to recommend our national brand of soccer and even less hope of a better result in 4 years.Thank goodness that Tim howard at least can be spotlighted as a brilliant example of what US soccer can accomplish if it just stays plucky and tries very hard.


That makes me think... is there any american playing on any champions league team?
 
2014-07-03 12:03:08 PM  
Looking at the teams already in, Green is a possibility for Bayern, and there's some dude I never heard of on a Belgian team.

Kinda sad
 
2014-07-03 02:14:06 PM  
We've also got a 12 year old who's been, by many accounts, dominant in the Barcelona academy, and a 17 year old at Arsenal who has already played for the first team and recently got a contract extension. Sacha Klejstan got CL football in the last two years but after several caps it's clear he doesn't have enough for the USMNT.
 
2014-07-03 02:31:04 PM  

MugzyBrown: qorkfiend: Or, just possibly, we're recognizing the amazing performance of one player. You seem to have a problem with that. Why?

When's the last time you've seen this much attention given to a losing performance in the early rounds of a playoff?


LeBron James in Cleveland?
The New York Yankees?
The "Best Team Eva" Boston Red Sox?
Justin Wong vs. Daigo

Okay, so that last one was a bit obscure.
 
2014-07-03 04:58:14 PM  
Keeping in mind I am from the generation just before School Soccer Became A Thing, and thus have been occasionally needing to apply hockey/lacrosse/basketball metaphors in my crash course in watching Not-Rugby-At-All Football, I actually DID wonder "Is there actually a rough equivalent in soccer to when we refer to someone as a mastodon in Fark hockey threads?"

My question, apparently, was answered by an anonymous soul on Wikipedia.  Thank you, Anonymous Person. :D

/yes, srsly, I've pretty much had to think of soccer as Lawn Hockey Without Sticks
//yes, the SO was extremely amused when I asked if there is a rough equivalent to icing in soccer (yes, it's called offsides)
///yes, the whole way in which Bonus Soccer seems to work is...weird to me :D  (OK, so timeout time gets stuck at the end instead of stopping the clock, and proper OT Bonus Soccer only happens if nobody has scored at all?  WTF?)
////and still the rules are basic compared to the rules of cricket, which nobody understands and per my British friends cricket only exists as an excuse to get drunk and swing around an object that looks like the bastard lovechild of a canoe paddle and a Louisville Slugger
 
2014-07-03 05:20:13 PM  

serial_crusher: Donald Rumsfeld eat your heart out! The position is actually currently held by Chuck Hagel. (I made the Rumsfled joke because he's the only SecDef that most people have really heard of)

img.fark.net


Keepers' gloves seem much bigger in this tournament than usual (PL, Champs League etc).

Are they bigger than league gloves, or have I just not noticed it before?
 
2014-07-03 05:27:50 PM  

MugzyBrown: FLMountainMan: You keep whining about this in every thread, as if people are fools for finding the one good thing about that game and celebrating it.  You come as a bit of a biatch, quite frankly.

Uhh, that's the first time I said anything about it.

qorkfiend: Or, just possibly, we're recognizing the amazing performance of one player. You seem to have a problem with that. Why?

When's the last time you've seen this much attention given to a losing performance in the early rounds of a playoff?

Silverstaff: This is the first World Cup we've done halfway decent at, the first one Americans were even half-ass paying attention to, and Tim Howard is the first real US Soccer star with any mainstream visibility at all.

That's not true at all.


I can't edit quotes on mobile, but I can answer this one with two words. "When's the last time you've seen this much attention given to a losing performance in the early rounds of a playoff?"

Dallas. Cowboys.
 
2014-07-03 06:17:52 PM  

iron de havilland: serial_crusher: Donald Rumsfeld eat your heart out! The position is actually currently held by Chuck Hagel. (I made the Rumsfled joke because he's the only SecDef that most people have really heard of)

[img.fark.net image 200x120]

Keepers' gloves seem much bigger in this tournament than usual (PL, Champs League etc).

Are they bigger than league gloves, or have I just not noticed it before?


They're the same, essentially.  There are two types of gloves, and one looks distinctly larger than the other.

These are regular fit gloves which look bigger because the fingers are flat on them.
images.prodirectsport.com

These are "gun cut" gloves, which hug the finger a bit more, and look smaller because they wrap around the finger.
www.shutoutcentral.com

The manufacturers are also starting to put a lot more support in the back of the fingers, to prevent them (sort of) from folding backwards.  Many are also seeing the benefit of adding a larger strap near the wrist, to help with bracing it to prevent it from bending backwards and spraining.
 
2014-07-03 07:43:49 PM  

HideAndGoFarkYourself: iron de havilland: serial_crusher: Donald Rumsfeld eat your heart out! The position is actually currently held by Chuck Hagel. (I made the Rumsfled joke because he's the only SecDef that most people have really heard of)

[img.fark.net image 200x120]

Keepers' gloves seem much bigger in this tournament than usual (PL, Champs League etc).

Are they bigger than league gloves, or have I just not noticed it before?

They're the same, essentially.  There are two types of gloves, and one looks distinctly larger than the other.


Right after posting my boobies, I looked the FIFA regs up.

And they're mostly about where sponsors' labels and such like can be displayed.

These are regular fit gloves which look bigger because the fingers are flat on them.
[images.prodirectsport.com image 570x566]

These are "gun cut" gloves, which hug the finger a bit more, and look smaller because they wrap around the finger.
[www.shutoutcentral.com image 279x231]

The manufacturers are also starting to put a lot more support in the back of the fingers, to prevent them (sort of) from folding backwards.


I had to google it, because I haven't been injured in that way for coming on for 30 years.

But, when your fingers are pushed backwards more than your hands can support, you're staved, and might need a stookie or a splint to support your damaged fingers.
 
2014-07-04 05:52:06 AM  
All this praise for Howard kind-of reminds me of Ron Hextall, who won the Conn Smythe trophy for playoff MVP despite his team losing in the finals. Because everyone, even on the victorious Oilers side, realized just how damn good he was playing around an inferior team.  I guess that should also bring up memories of J.S Giguere, who did the same thing as goalie 12 years ago, but I remember Hextall a little more because he was crazier.

/Although I wasn't alive for Hextall's finals run, when I was a big hockey fan growing up in the mid-90s, Hextall was my favorite player. I learned about him more retroactively
 
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