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(Jezebel)   Guy Fieri's Cheesecake Challenge: Literally half a cheesecake that's been shrapnel-studded with pretzels and potato chips, and drizzled with hot fudge. That distant scream was from your cardiologist   (jezebel.com ) divider line
    More: Sick, Guy Fieri, pepperonis  
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6901 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jun 2014 at 4:02 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-06-28 12:16:06 AM  
imagemacros.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-06-28 12:25:53 AM  
Holy Christ on a graham cracker crust. That looks really good, and I hate myself for thinking it.
 
2014-06-28 12:37:55 AM  
Maybe swap out cardiologist for endocrinologist, because after that teh diabeetus you haz it.
 
2014-06-28 12:40:42 AM  
The new menu of the Las Vegas restaurant belonging to celebrity douche-chef Guy Fieri

Is douche-chef a step above or below sous-chef?
 
2014-06-28 02:16:55 AM  

bdub77: The new menu of the Las Vegas restaurant belonging to celebrity douche-chef Guy Fieri

Is douche-chef a step above or below sous-chef?


Below. He washes the vegetables.
 
2014-06-28 04:04:45 AM  
God, this guy is such a douchy shiat-stain.
 
2014-06-28 04:05:53 AM  
Anyone else surprised to see it's Jezebel covering this story? I just find that one shocking.
 
2014-06-28 04:08:51 AM  

SearchN: Anyone else surprised to see it's Jezebel covering this story? I just find that one shocking.


Those biatches are the ones most likely to eat a whole thing, then whine about how dudes don't want to fark them, all the while sucking 37 dicks on the way to the parking lot, then complaining dudes don't want to fark them cause they're worthless whores.

Dude, it's Jezebel. Best not to click.
 
2014-06-28 04:11:25 AM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-06-28 04:18:14 AM  
That looks and sounds nasty.
 
2014-06-28 04:20:23 AM  

robohobo: SearchN: Anyone else surprised to see it's Jezebel covering this story? I just find that one shocking.

Those biatches are the ones most likely to eat a whole thing, then whine about how dudes don't want to fark them, all the while sucking 37 dicks on the way to the parking lot, then complaining dudes don't want to fark them cause they're worthless whores.

Dude, it's Jezebel. Best not to click.


IN A ROW?!
 
2014-06-28 04:22:56 AM  
OK, I don't know crap about cooking, but never in my life have I been eating any kind of dessert and thought to myself "You know what this needs?  More salt."
 
2014-06-28 04:28:46 AM  

AgentPothead: robohobo: SearchN: Anyone else surprised to see it's Jezebel covering this story? I just find that one shocking.

Those biatches are the ones most likely to eat a whole thing, then whine about how dudes don't want to fark them, all the while sucking 37 dicks on the way to the parking lot, then complaining dudes don't want to fark them cause they're worthless whores.

Dude, it's Jezebel. Best not to click.

IN A ROW?!


Exactly.  I had the displeasure of growing up in Jersey at the time, thankfully North Jersey, not South, I remember seeing Clerks for the first time in the city, very early on, and even to this day it still rings perfectly, incredibly true for the time and place.

Also, that line of Randall's, and Randall wrangling out the door get me every farking time, I have Clerks on DVD, and two more copies in Blu, but my favorite way to watch is on an old, worn, very watched VHS Cinemax copy. Only adds to the charm
 
2014-06-28 04:28:51 AM  
My parents are fond of that show of his that I've started thinking of as "Quintuple D"*.

*"Diners, Drive-ins, Dives, Douchebags, and Dye-jobs"
 
2014-06-28 04:29:08 AM  
That looks like something you'd "invent" after you were 8 bong rips into the night with a fridge/cupboard full of leftovers in college.
 
2014-06-28 04:31:55 AM  
Wow.
 
2014-06-28 04:36:23 AM  

Cpl.D: I can't get the fascination with cheesecake.  It tastes horrible to me.  Like someone who took a thick tub full of flavored wax and then added five pounds of crisco to it.


Cheesecake is farking gross. End of story.

/Fun Fact, Bea Arthur HATED cheesecake.
 
2014-06-28 04:47:28 AM  
Still a homophobic arsehole.
 
2014-06-28 04:54:02 AM  

Cpl.D: I can't get the fascination with cheesecake.  It tastes horrible to me.  Like someone who took a thick tub full of flavored wax and then added five pounds of crisco to it.


Man, I am so with you on that! I can't even stand the sight of cheesecake. Now mousse, in all its glorious flavors? That's something I can get behind.

Like this lemon mousse: img.fark.net


Or chocolate mousse: img.fark.net

Okay, that's it, I'm heading for the kitchen
 
2014-06-28 04:55:50 AM  

robohobo: Cpl.D: I can't get the fascination with cheesecake.  It tastes horrible to me.  Like someone who took a thick tub full of flavored wax and then added five pounds of crisco to it.

Cheesecake is farking gross. End of story.

/Fun Fact, Bea Arthur HATED cheesecake.


Big slices are really clagy, I agree, and you have to really like cheesecake to eat something like that.
but a thin slice ( say 1/2 inch only ) of a tangy lemon cheesecake ( not cold but room temp ) served with plain vanilla ice cream is really nice :)
 
2014-06-28 05:00:58 AM  

ktybear: robohobo: Cpl.D: I can't get the fascination with cheesecake.  It tastes horrible to me.  Like someone who took a thick tub full of flavored wax and then added five pounds of crisco to it.

Cheesecake is farking gross. End of story.

/Fun Fact, Bea Arthur HATED cheesecake.

Big slices are really clagy, I agree, and you have to really like cheesecake to eat something like that.
but a thin slice ( say 1/2 inch only ) of a tangy lemon cheesecake ( not cold but room temp ) served with plain vanilla ice cream is really nice :)


I don't know the word 'clagy'. Google doesn't recognize it, not numerous dictionaries. I get what i means, mostly, in context. Is it a personal or regional word? Or a typo?
 
2014-06-28 05:10:14 AM  

robohobo: ktybear: robohobo: Cpl.D: I can't get the fascination with cheesecake.  It tastes horrible to me.  Like someone who took a thick tub full of flavored wax and then added five pounds of crisco to it.

Cheesecake is farking gross. End of story.

/Fun Fact, Bea Arthur HATED cheesecake.

Big slices are really clagy, I agree, and you have to really like cheesecake to eat something like that.
but a thin slice ( say 1/2 inch only ) of a tangy lemon cheesecake ( not cold but room temp ) served with plain vanilla ice cream is really nice :)

I don't know the word 'clagy'. Google doesn't recognize it, not numerous dictionaries. I get what i means, mostly, in context. Is it a personal or regional word? Or a typo?


Here in the UK "claggy" would mean sticky and thick like mud or grease and in this context cloying.
 
2014-06-28 05:13:55 AM  

dookdookdook: OK, I don't know crap about cooking, but never in my life have I been eating any kind of dessert and thought to myself "You know what this needs?  More salt."


Salted caramel is awesome, but rather an exception to this rule.
 
2014-06-28 05:15:07 AM  

Spuddy345: robohobo: ktybear: robohobo: Cpl.D: I can't get the fascination with cheesecake.  It tastes horrible to me.  Like someone who took a thick tub full of flavored wax and then added five pounds of crisco to it.

Cheesecake is farking gross. End of story.

/Fun Fact, Bea Arthur HATED cheesecake.

Big slices are really clagy, I agree, and you have to really like cheesecake to eat something like that.
but a thin slice ( say 1/2 inch only ) of a tangy lemon cheesecake ( not cold but room temp ) served with plain vanilla ice cream is really nice :)

I don't know the word 'clagy'. Google doesn't recognize it, not numerous dictionaries. I get what i means, mostly, in context. Is it a personal or regional word? Or a typo?

Here in the UK "claggy" would mean sticky and thick like mud or grease and in this context cloying.


Huh. Weird that it wouldn't pop up in Google. Thanks for the explanation, though. Is it pronounced with a hard or soft A?
 
2014-06-28 05:15:57 AM  

Robo Beat: dookdookdook: OK, I don't know crap about cooking, but never in my life have I been eating any kind of dessert and thought to myself "You know what this needs?  More salt."

Salted caramel is awesome, but rather an exception to this rule.


Also salted dark chocolate.
 
2014-06-28 05:34:29 AM  
I read a Jezebel attack on Guy Fieri the other day that struck me as amusing and on point. This isn't that article. One thing I did notice was that the desert was poorly plated. It looked like something that had been fished from the trash. Pretzels and potato chips sound like a grotesque addition to cheesecake. Also, quite frankly, if you eat more than a couple of bites of cheesecake, it becomes unpleasantly apparent that you're essentially just gobbling down sugared, congealed grease. I can't even imagine trying to eat half of one at one sitting. I'd vomit.
 
2014-06-28 05:44:34 AM  
robohobo:

Huh. Weird that it wouldn't pop up in Google. Thanks for the explanation, though. Is it pronounced with a hard or soft A?

A as in "hat". It's very much a regional word from the north east of England. (One of many of our nice oddly onomatopoeic words like "plodge" to go for a paddle in the water.) Claggy is used elsewhere in the UK to mean smokey particularly of an old railway steam engine. I've no idea how these two usages come to be.
 
2014-06-28 05:52:37 AM  
Now I wonder how crushed pretzels would work as a cheesecake crust.
 
2014-06-28 06:08:32 AM  

Spuddy345: robohobo:

Huh. Weird that it wouldn't pop up in Google. Thanks for the explanation, though. Is it pronounced with a hard or soft A?

A as in "hat". It's very much a regional word from the north east of England. (One of many of our nice oddly onomatopoeic words like "plodge" to go for a paddle in the water.) Claggy is used elsewhere in the UK to mean smokey particularly of an old railway steam engine. I've no idea how these two usages come to be.


Your mouth tastes like an old steam locomotive just took a smoky, clinging, vaporous shiat in it?

/no idea, just sounds sorta right to me
//yes, I'm broken
///Love good cheesecake, and that ain't it
 
2014-06-28 06:09:25 AM  

robohobo: Spuddy345: robohobo: ktybear: robohobo: Cpl.D: I can't get the fascination with cheesecake.  It tastes horrible to me.  Like someone who took a thick tub full of flavored wax and then added five pounds of crisco to it.

Cheesecake is farking gross. End of story.

/Fun Fact, Bea Arthur HATED cheesecake.

Big slices are really clagy, I agree, and you have to really like cheesecake to eat something like that.
but a thin slice ( say 1/2 inch only ) of a tangy lemon cheesecake ( not cold but room temp ) served with plain vanilla ice cream is really nice :)

I don't know the word 'clagy'. Google doesn't recognize it, not numerous dictionaries. I get what i means, mostly, in context. Is it a personal or regional word? Or a typo?

Here in the UK "claggy" would mean sticky and thick like mud or grease and in this context cloying.

Huh. Weird that it wouldn't pop up in Google. Thanks for the explanation, though. Is it pronounced with a hard or soft A?


yeah, that's what I meant 'claggy', like the glue.

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-06-28 06:17:12 AM  
That's not cooking, it's architecture.
 
2014-06-28 06:33:43 AM  
Guy Fieri is a douchebag
 
2014-06-28 06:39:01 AM  

forgotmydamnusername: I read a Jezebel attack on Guy Fieri the other day that struck me as amusing and on point. This isn't that article. One thing I did notice was that the desert was poorly plated. It looked like something that had been fished from the trash. Pretzels and potato chips sound like a grotesque addition to cheesecake. Also, quite frankly, if you eat more than a couple of bites of cheesecake, it becomes unpleasantly apparent that you're essentially just gobbling down sugared, congealed grease. I can't even imagine trying to eat half of one at one sitting. I'd vomit.


WTF cheesecake are you eating that's made of congealed grease?

Jesus, Fark is the worst when it comes to food. No matter what it is there's 100 Farkers to farking cool to eat it. You don't like cheesecake? Cool, everyone has different taste. It's disgusting congealed grease that will give you diabetes, a heart attack, and will have sex with your wife? Give me a break.
 
2014-06-28 07:03:21 AM  

Spuddy345: Still a homophobic arsehole.


I don't like the guy but what is that based on. Based on my weak google search, it doesn't seem to be a credible argument. You'd think the media would make more of it.
 
2014-06-28 07:22:19 AM  

TheJoe03: Spuddy345: Still a homophobic arsehole.

I don't like the guy but what is that based on. Based on my weak google search, it doesn't seem to be a credible argument. You'd think the media would make more of it.


There was a news story a while back where he'd moaned bitterly at his producers that they hadn't warned him that the owners of a joint on DDandD were a gay couple. Said he found that weird and creepy.
 
2014-06-28 07:23:14 AM  
How does that thing maintain structural integrity? Either it's drier than reading an economic textbook during a haboob or it's denser than James Joyce writing about a neutron star.
 
2014-06-28 07:27:28 AM  
Cheesecake is the one thing I truly miss since I started dieting seriously. Especially one with a mixed berry or peanut butter drizzle. :(
 
2014-06-28 07:27:40 AM  
You know this is going to be horrible when they call it a "cheesecake challenge." Eating too much food on a dare isn't cool, isn't funny, and isn't manly. It's just disgusting. Fark you, Adam Richman; I hope your stomach ruptures.
 
2014-06-28 07:32:43 AM  
There's nothing more delicious than cilantro cheesecake.
 
2014-06-28 07:42:53 AM  
guysamericankitchenandbar.com


as genuine as the swill he shills
 
2014-06-28 07:56:43 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: HammerHeadSnark: Cpl.D: I can't get the fascination with cheesecake.  It tastes horrible to me.  Like someone who took a thick tub full of flavored wax and then added five pounds of crisco to it.

Man, I am so with you on that! I can't even stand the sight of cheesecake. Now mousse, in all its glorious flavors? That's something I can get behind.

Like this lemon mousse: [img.fark.net image 432x526]


Or chocolate mousse: [img.fark.net image 432x432]

Okay, that's it, I'm heading for the kitchen

I hate to be a stickler, but that is NOT chocolate mousse... that is little better than an aerated chocolate pudding in a pie. now THIS is chocolate mousse:

[foodnetwork.sndimg.com image 406x305]
notice the color and texture.

/nothing but ganache with folded in whipped cream.


Aaah, chocolate mousse. Always brings back a particular memory from childhood - my parents and I were in New York and went out to dinner and then went for dessert in Little Italy. I ordered chocolate mousse because I'd never had it and it looked kind of like chocolate pudding, and why not? Well, when the mousse came, it turned out to be spoiled - it was sour. But never having had chocolate mousse, I just figured that was how it was supposed to taste and kept on spooning it up until my parents noticed my expression. They tasted it, realized it had gone off, and explained that I did NOT have to eat it and could get whatever else I wanted.

It seems like such a strange reaction for a little kid, especially given how picky an eater I was.

Have had a few chocolate mousses since, and none of them were sour ;-)
 
2014-06-28 08:09:41 AM  
Normally I hate Guy Ferry. He comes off as a frat boy...from one of those fraternities that is mentioned twelve times a year for date-rape accusations, underage drinking, and other offenses. His food is ridiculously stupid--too much fat, too much salt, too much "off the hook" nonsense.

But the idea of a good cheesecake studded with pretzel pieces? As nauseated as it makes me to admit this, I think the asshole might have stumbled onto something.

Or, rather, one of his underpaid underlings did, because there is no way Guy Ferry came up with this idea, or any other idea.
 
2014-06-28 08:17:38 AM  
Jezabel, a website that seems to exist to unintentionally encourage misogyny, vs Guy Fieri, the foodie version of that guy who still lives to tell you about high school football. Hmmmm......train wreck central.
 
2014-06-28 08:35:23 AM  
Way back, I got my girlfriend a Dada cookbook. As I remember, the only plausible recipe was a banana skin that had the fruit removed, replaced with shredded chicken, and sewn back up. Fieri reminds me of that.
 
2014-06-28 08:39:33 AM  
Good cheesecake is like good steak...you don't need anything else to make it taste good.

/one of few dishes I enjoy just plain
 
2014-06-28 08:44:52 AM  
i.ytimg.com
 
2014-06-28 08:48:42 AM  

robohobo: ktybear: robohobo: Cpl.D: I can't get the fascination with cheesecake.  It tastes horrible to me.  Like someone who took a thick tub full of flavored wax and then added five pounds of crisco to it.

Cheesecake is farking gross. End of story.

/Fun Fact, Bea Arthur HATED cheesecake.

Big slices are really clagy, I agree, and you have to really like cheesecake to eat something like that.
but a thin slice ( say 1/2 inch only ) of a tangy lemon cheesecake ( not cold but room temp ) served with plain vanilla ice cream is really nice :)

I don't know the word 'clagy'. Google doesn't recognize it, not numerous dictionaries. I get what i means, mostly, in context. Is it a personal or regional word? Or a typo?


Google is good, but it doesn't know everything.

   From the OED:

   claggy, a. Chiefly dial.

   ('klaegi)

   [f. CLAG + -Y]

   Tending to clag, or to form sticky lumps or clots; tenaciously sticky,
   adhesive. Hence 'clagginess.
 
2014-06-28 08:56:40 AM  
Guy's food looks tasty, but I haven't been as lucky getting it to work for me. I've had much better success with recipes from Bobby Flay and Alton Brown.
 
2014-06-28 08:59:22 AM  

maram500: Normally I hate Guy Ferry. He comes off as a frat boy...from one of those fraternities that is mentioned twelve times a year for date-rape accusations, underage drinking, and other offenses. His food is ridiculously stupid--too much fat, too much salt, too much "off the hook" nonsense.

But the idea of a good cheesecake studded with pretzel pieces? As nauseated as it makes me to admit this, I think the asshole might have stumbled onto something.

Or, rather, one of his underpaid underlings did, because there is no way Guy Ferry came up with this idea, or any other idea.


That looks like something my four year old would come up with. In fact I almost garentee that someone's kid at a party was playing with their food and he thought it was genius and stole the idea.

Also I'm not sure what all the cheesecake hate is a about. I guess if you don't like the texture of cream cheese, but you could always try a ricotta cheesecake. It's certainly not good for you but it's far from the worst thing you could eat .
 
2014-06-28 09:02:23 AM  

dookdookdook: OK, I don't know crap about cooking, but never in my life have I been eating any kind of dessert and thought to myself "You know what this needs?  More salt."


Actually, most desserts do have a small amount of salt in them. it serves as a flavor contrastant and it actually makes it taste sweeter than if it had no salt at all.
 
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