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(   No one gets their teen years right, so what advice would you give your 13-year-old self?   ( divider line
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3083 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jun 2014 at 9:19 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

476 Comments     (+0 »)
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2014-06-27 08:50:31 AM  
Buy a plunger before you need a plunger the wrestling team holds you down in the locker room and tries to stick one up your bum while recording it on their phones.
2014-06-27 08:56:17 AM  
It's all pointless.
2014-06-27 08:57:13 AM  
It doesn't get better.
2014-06-27 09:11:29 AM  
None.  I know me.  I wouldn't listen to shiat I had to say.  I'd probably just end up kicking my ass for being such a colossal douche.
2014-06-27 09:12:40 AM  
2014-06-27 09:17:43 AM  
-  Be better with your money. Learn to save now, because it'll help you invest later.

- Be more active. It's far easier to stay stay fit than to try and get fit.

- Everybody experiences some failure, so if you face it anyway, then fail while attempting amazing things. Never stop thinking big.
2014-06-27 09:20:58 AM  
Don't drink and drive you stupid idiot.
2014-06-27 09:20:59 AM  
Never give a woman your paycheck.

Never get married.
2014-06-27 09:21:21 AM  
There's this little tech company called Microsoft.
2014-06-27 09:21:21 AM  
Wrap that rascal.
2014-06-27 09:21:54 AM  
Kris. Ask Kris out. She turns out to be a better person than Fay, who'll dump you for some rich guy.
2014-06-27 09:22:37 AM  
Good looking people get farther in life.  If you're ugly, learn to lie well.
2014-06-27 09:22:59 AM  
Wear sunscreen.
2014-06-27 09:23:12 AM  
Don't fark that girl. Fark THAT one when she gave you the chance, ya coward!

Also, if you do decide to join the military, GUARANTEE you don't end up at Fort Riley.
2014-06-27 09:23:22 AM  
I did my teen years right. My mother was a really farked up bipolar though and I successfully coped, stayed out of trouble and stayed all honors until I graduated.

Maybe I would go back and tell myself it gets better.
2014-06-27 09:23:26 AM  
Try new things.  Your teens and early twenties don't really matter, unless you do something so monumentally stupid as to get the police, or angry parents involved.

DO take a year off before college, and do that cross-country bike trip.

And that thing you didnt sign when you were 20?  Sign the farking thing.
2014-06-27 09:23:32 AM  
Always wear a condom.
2014-06-27 09:23:36 AM  
Your father doesn't have your best interests at heart.  Don't trust him.  And stop thinking about suicide.  It will get better.

You're a great kid.
2014-06-27 09:23:36 AM  
That girl that flipped her hair and touched your arm while you were talking to her?

She really likes you but she will never say it.

You oblivious dufus....
2014-06-27 09:23:44 AM  
You'll still be pondering suicide twenty years later, so just get it over with while everyone will just blame your parents instead of you.
2014-06-27 09:24:06 AM  
Kiss the girl
2014-06-27 09:24:08 AM  

White_Scarf_Syndrome: Don't drink and drive you stupid idiot.

That and

When your brother and his wrestling buddies say "Hey I want to try out this new move" dont let them try it out on you, never ends good.
2014-06-27 09:24:15 AM  
Don't stress. You'll get laid eventually. And then you'll get laid a LOT.
2014-06-27 09:24:50 AM  
Go on tour because Jerry is going to be dead in a few years.
2014-06-27 09:25:12 AM  
F*rk the fatties.  They appreciate it more.  The good looking ones aren't very good until thehy get some experience so let the brain-dead jocks have them for now.

And never masturbate over the mustard packet tray in the cafeteria.
2014-06-27 09:25:12 AM  
That cute girl you have a crush on but are too friendly with her to say anything about it? Turns out she'll be a stone cold FREAK in a few years (in a great way), so stay friends with her, it will have benefits.

/Oh, and try to do a little drinking before you go off to college so it doesn't overwhelm you
2014-06-27 09:25:16 AM  
1) MSFT. As much as possible (yes I am old)

2) Don't be afraid of being rejected by girls. Cast a wide net and have as much fun as possible.

3) Don't drink too much at the game 2 after-party in 10th grade football.
2014-06-27 09:25:30 AM  
Don't smoke tobacco.

fark often, but be picky.

Don't waste time watching the corporate bullshiat marketing firms NFL, NBA, MLB.

Don't accept financial help from your parents after you move out, and move out ASAP.

Point and laugh at Christians, Jews and Muslims.

Don't smoke tobacco.
2014-06-27 09:25:31 AM  
Oh, and don't believe your parents when they say there isnt any more money for college. There are craploads of way to get funding and/or scholarships, they just dont know about any of them.  Ask other people.
2014-06-27 09:25:34 AM  
When you turn 24, you will return to a bar in this very town.  You will run into that hot girl that you have a crush on right now.  She will make it obvious that she wants to sleep with you.

Do not, I repeat, do not go back to Guy's place to smoke weed and play ping pong.  You can smoke weed and play ping pong any time you like when you move out of the house.
2014-06-27 09:25:59 AM  
Dude, give the other arm a chance to develop
2014-06-27 09:26:25 AM  
Make friends with people that are different than you: different race, different religion, different sexual orientation. Learn from each other.
2014-06-27 09:26:26 AM  
Hair will not grow on your palms.
2014-06-27 09:26:54 AM  
Never stick your dick in crazy
2014-06-27 09:27:11 AM  
buy better quality hashish, it will end up get you laid more at parties, and makes you last longer in bed whilst enjoying it more. Eat more food. Get a grow on as soon as you can afford one. Work from home, or study from home, it doesn't matter which, you'll be glad of the freedom to do it naked from time to time.
2014-06-27 09:27:30 AM  
Do your farking homework.
2014-06-27 09:27:35 AM  
Well, the only path that's proven to get me where I am is the one I took. So, unless I had a better idea how some other path might go, I'd probably say nothing.
2014-06-27 09:27:36 AM  
secretly take martial arts classes and then start being a smart-ass to all the bullies.

I should've aikido'd Ingrid P.'s ass AND her flunky Denise. (I was petite and they were huge, and they'd menace me in the locker room)
2014-06-27 09:27:40 AM  
It doesn't get better if you stay around the same assholes.  The onus is on you to remove yourself from the environment, not for everyone else to become better people.  Also, that guy?  Wait a year for the other boys to work up the courage to say something, your entire life won't go irreparably off the rails.
2014-06-27 09:27:48 AM  
Leave goddamn town as soon as you graduate.  Don't just make minimum payments on the credit card.  Don't take your car to The Car Man for repairs!
2014-06-27 09:28:09 AM  
If you want to accomplish something significant if your life you may have to, you know, put in some effort.  Try it sometime you lazy, drug addled, pants on the ground goof!!!

/Do what you love.
//but not skateboarding/wakeboarding.  You'll ruin your ankle/knee so stop that shiat.
///Pick up that guitar and get a song book
2014-06-27 09:28:19 AM  

Jaden Smith First of His Name: You'll still be pondering suicide twenty years later, so just get it over with while everyone will just blame your parents instead of you.

But if you told your 13 year old self to kill himself then you wouldn't be alive to go back and tell yourself to kill yourself so...
i1.wp.comView Full Size
2014-06-27 09:28:25 AM  

Geordles: Never stick your dick in crazy

Stick it in crazy but don't tell her your real name.
2014-06-27 09:28:48 AM  
The Vikings are never going to win a Super Bowl. So just move on.
2014-06-27 09:28:54 AM  
In a couple years, when you go to your friend Michael's house and his mom answers the door in a bikini and invites you to go swimming even though Michael's not home, you do it. You open that door and you walk in, because SHE will have been your first, and it will be glorious.

If you say, "oh, no thanks, never mind" and turn around and walk back home to play video games, I will personally hunt you down and kick you in the balls, self. Because you don't deserve them.
2014-06-27 09:28:55 AM  
Sit up straight!
2014-06-27 09:29:04 AM  
Emancipate yourself when you're 16, your parents are useless and their decisions are going to ruin the next ten years for you.
2014-06-27 09:29:34 AM  
Remember the following matra:
"The bad guys get laid. The good guys get screwed."
2014-06-27 09:30:14 AM  
Seven years from now you will encounter a person named George.  STAY THE F**K AWAY FROM HIM.
2014-06-27 09:30:21 AM  

Egalitarian: secretly take martial arts classes and then start being a smart-ass to all the bullies.

I should've aikido'd Ingrid P.'s ass AND her flunky Denise. (I was petite and they were huge, and they'd menace me in the locker room)

...go on.
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