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(Boston.com)   What do you do when 911 won't help after you lock yourself out of your car? Start a bakery fire, obviously   (boston.com) divider line 34
    More: Dumbass, Leominster, CBS Boston  
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1905 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jun 2014 at 4:44 PM (26 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



34 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-06-25 03:42:54 PM  
He figured if he was stuck in the neighborhood he may as well make it smell delicious.
 
2014-06-25 04:46:47 PM  
He's lucky he didn't burn his buns.
 
2014-06-25 04:47:43 PM  
Maybe his cell phone died so he decided to call a locksmith with a smoke signal.
 
2014-06-25 04:49:17 PM  
sorry, helping people is not part of our job even though it would require almost no effort on our part.
 
2014-06-25 04:54:12 PM  
What if you're locked inside your car?
i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-06-25 04:54:40 PM  

Headso: sorry, helping people is not part of our job even though it would require almost no effort on our part.


Cops aren't locksmiths. Their only tool is a gun to shoot out the windows.
 
2014-06-25 04:55:55 PM  

phlegmmo: He's lucky he didn't burn his buns.


It was a flour thing to do, I mean, who hates bakeries?.
 
2014-06-25 04:58:47 PM  
d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net
 
2014-06-25 04:59:15 PM  

Russ1642: Headso: sorry, helping people is not part of our job even though it would require almost no effort on our part.

Cops aren't locksmiths. Their only tool is a gun to shoot out the windows.


Too bad he didn't have a dog in the car.
 
2014-06-25 04:59:20 PM  
Oh no! He's burning the policemen's doughnuts in retaliation!
 
GBB
2014-06-25 05:00:04 PM  

MBooda: What if you're locked inside your car?
[i1.ytimg.com image 480x360]


I've actually gotten that call before.  Not sure if the caller was joking, though.
 
2014-06-25 05:03:45 PM  

Russ1642: Cops aren't locksmiths. Their only tool is a gun to shoot out the windows.


And yet I've seen cops slimjim car doors on request for people who call for that on at 3 separate occasions.  They were ready to break a window if they had to, but in each case, they got the car open through other means.

And no, they would never shoot out a window.  If required they'd use their ASP or other blunt instrument to break the glass of a rear side window.  They'd never discharge their firearm to get into a locked car.
 
2014-06-25 05:13:22 PM  
But Leominster's policy is to not help with lockouts unless it is an emergency situation

That's a common policy. Once electric windows and door locks became popular/standard it became more difficult to unlock a car door without effecting the wiring or getting your slim-jim stuck.
 
2014-06-25 05:21:52 PM  
911 is a joke
 
2014-06-25 05:26:10 PM  
No Rolls for me, no rolls for you!
 
2014-06-25 05:26:46 PM  
Looks like nobody will be doing any donuts today!
 
2014-06-25 05:27:12 PM  

Khellendros: Russ1642: Cops aren't locksmiths. Their only tool is a gun to shoot out the windows.

And yet I've seen cops slimjim car doors on request for people who call for that on at 3 separate occasions.  They were ready to break a window if they had to, but in each case, they got the car open through other means.

And no, they would never shoot out a window.  If required they'd use their ASP or other blunt instrument to break the glass of a rear side window.  They'd never discharge their firearm to get into a locked car.


Yep. Not every department allows their officers to slimjim a car door on demand (liability thing), but they usually carry them. I've seen it done. Another cop in another town told me he couldn't do it, but called the locksmith for me.
 
2014-06-25 05:28:39 PM  
Where everyone knows your flame.
 
2014-06-25 05:30:06 PM  

cgraves67: Not every department allows their officers to slimjim a car door on demand (liability thing)


but yet shooting dogs for no reason not a liability thing? I'm thinking it's more about laziness that they pretend is about liability.
 
2014-06-25 05:30:47 PM  
Yeah, I'm partial to starting a bakery fire, too. Stripping naked, painting yourself green, sticking a flower in between your cheeks, and running down the street screaming "I'm the Spring Fairy! I'm the Spring Fairy!" will usually get a pretty quick response, too.
 
2014-06-25 05:32:27 PM  

Russ1642: Headso: sorry, helping people is not part of our job even though it would require almost no effort on our part.

Cops aren't locksmiths. Their only tool is a gun to shoot out the windows.


The Franklin County, GA, deputies are more than happy to come out with a couple of wedges and a slim jim to pop your door open.
 
2014-06-25 05:39:10 PM  
that place had excellent cheesecake. hopefully they get it fixed soon
 
2014-06-25 05:39:53 PM  

Headso: sorry, helping people is not part of our job even though it would require almost no effort on our part.


He could have tried calling 311, who, at the minimum, would have likely been willing to direct him to a locksmith if there were no officers free enough to help.

911 is an emergency response number. Tying up the 911 line means that you're taking an operators attention away from real emergency situations. Abusing 911 should definitely come with consequences.
 
2014-06-25 06:06:18 PM  
I am friends with the owners son, they are some of the nicest people in the are, this must be spillover from Fitchburg.
 
2014-06-25 06:20:45 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: Headso: sorry, helping people is not part of our job even though it would require almost no effort on our part.

He could have tried calling 311, who, at the minimum, would have likely been willing to direct him to a locksmith if there were no officers free enough to help.

911 is an emergency response number. Tying up the 911 line means that you're taking an operators attention away from real emergency situations. Abusing 911 should definitely come with consequences.


This. 911 is not 411 for the police. Call 411 and ask for a NON EMERGENCY DISPATCH number for whatever backwater you're stuck in.
 
2014-06-25 06:22:53 PM  

nyseattitude: But Leominster's policy is to not help with lockouts unless it is an emergency situation

That's a common policy. Once electric windows and door locks became popular/standard it became more difficult to unlock a car door without effecting the wiring or getting your slim-jim stuck.


Or deploying a side airbag.

/just went to locksmith school. Practice, practice, practice.
 
2014-06-25 06:35:17 PM  
911 was an inside job!


er, wait, what are we talking about?
 
2014-06-25 07:28:22 PM  

Headso: cgraves67: Not every department allows their officers to slimjim a car door on demand (liability thing)

but yet shooting dogs for no reason not a liability thing? I'm thinking it's more about laziness that they pretend is about liability.


Hate on cops all you want, but it's very much about liability. Ever since side airbags became a thing, fewer and fewer emergency services will open cars unless there's an actual emergency, because dropping a slim-jim down inside a car door can often trigger or damage a side airbag. Then the owner WILL sue you, because you cost him $$$ that his insurance won't cover (because it wasn't an accident) and you should have known what you were doing.

AAA has waivers and liability insurance to cover that kind of thing; most police departments don't. And how you get from shooting dogs in emergency situations (however bogus or cop-initiated) to jacking open car doors is a logical leap beyond even the herculean broad-jumping of Fark, but there you go.
 
2014-06-25 07:30:38 PM  
So I guess it never dawned on him to call a locksmith?
 
2014-06-25 08:19:02 PM  
Idiot!  There are services for these situations that you can call and they will send someone out and start a bakery fire for you.
 
jlt
2014-06-25 09:23:41 PM  
My ex husband was picking up our daughter and accidentally locked his keys in the trunk of his car. I called our local police, and after making it VERY clear there was no kidnapping or bad business, asked if the police could come and help with the locked doors.
They did with no issues.
/called the local number NOT 911.
//pretty boring css
///yay slashies.
 
2014-06-25 09:37:43 PM  

boinkingbill: Idiot!  There are services for these situations that you can call and they will send someone out and start a bakery fire for you.


Yes, but at the basic level they only do it twice a year. I'd encourage anyone to get the Premium level, which not only includes starting the fire, they take care of the cost of the fuel used AND will give the finger to any policemen that pass by free of charge!
 
2014-06-26 09:32:10 AM  
ive always been curious about the thought process that leads someone down that road.
was it just uncontrolled rage?
did they think the fire would bring the fire dept who would be more helpful?
i just dont understand.
 
2014-06-26 10:06:23 PM  

onzmadi: ive always been curious about the thought process that leads someone down that road.
was it just uncontrolled rage?
did they think the fire would bring the fire dept who would be more helpful?
i just dont understand.


There is a stunted thought process. They don't think the problem through. They get pissed in a reactionary way (and the fearmongers and concern-vampires at Fox throw them red meat). When shiat gets real (the rotten fruit of the rhetoric) and a cop with three kids eating lunch is murdered....cold stop...disavow....

Every day, these guys embody the domestic enemy part of the oath I took almost three decades ago...".....enemies foreign and domestic....." They are dead-set on hamstringing the president, even if they imperil their constituents and the country suffers. They don't.....farking....care.


Don't get me started.
 
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