If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Foodbeast)   "Shane, when a customer asks where to find a product, give them an aisle number, not directions to Albertsons" -- Walmart Management   (foodbeast.com) divider line 79
    More: Amusing  
•       •       •

11250 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Jun 2014 at 12:21 PM (18 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



79 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-06-24 11:37:57 AM  
Fictional Shane sounds a lot more interesting than many real employees.
 
2014-06-24 12:22:33 PM  
God bless Shane. Saving people from Wal Mart.
 
2014-06-24 12:24:02 PM  
Things Smitty is no longer allowed to do.

Look it up.
 
2014-06-24 12:26:00 PM  
Skip the middleman and just go to Reddit for your fake bullshiat.
 
2014-06-24 12:26:16 PM  
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
2014-06-24 12:26:30 PM  
worked for this guy ...

www.wearemoviegeeks.com

/DRTFA
 
2014-06-24 12:27:13 PM  
It's amazing how many white boards WalMart has at the one store where Shane works. All of them different with different colored markers. Just unbelievable.
 
2014-06-24 12:28:05 PM  
[itsafake.jpg]
 
2014-06-24 12:28:11 PM  

gingerjet: worked for this guy ...

[www.wearemoviegeeks.com image 640x815]

/DRTFA


So close to simulpost.
 
2014-06-24 12:28:43 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com


/Shane, come back, Shane
 
2014-06-24 12:29:22 PM  

I_Am_Weasel: Fictional Shane sounds a lot more interesting than many real employees.


Agreed. I wish he were real, but the "no free samples from electronics" would have been spoken by a judge, not written on a whiteboard by management.
 
2014-06-24 12:30:07 PM  
Fake yet humorous
 
2014-06-24 12:31:11 PM  

HelloNeuman: gingerjet: worked for this guy ...

[www.wearemoviegeeks.com image 640x815]

/DRTFA

So close to simulpost.


yea ... perhaps if i used a smaller image ...
 
2014-06-24 12:33:54 PM  

sulco: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 460x276]


/Shane, come back, Shane


and we're done here.
 
2014-06-24 12:34:14 PM  
As a former Walmart Manager, I'll take "shiat that never happened" for $1000 Alex.
 
2014-06-24 12:34:27 PM  

Jaden Smith First of His Name: Skip the middleman and just go to Reddit for your fake bullshiat.


Fake as a Walmart that would put up with a guy like that for more than one shift.
 
2014-06-24 12:35:23 PM  
If you have a willing suspension of disbelief, it's really farking funny.
 
2014-06-24 12:35:27 PM  
I wonder if Shane was ever a real employee.
 
2014-06-24 12:36:10 PM  
If Walmart thought they could make a buck on extended warranties for fried chicken, they would.
 
2014-06-24 12:36:31 PM  
Shane, when the Walmart fell.
 
2014-06-24 12:36:40 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-06-24 12:36:46 PM  
Fake as a porn stars tits but still fun to look at.
 
2014-06-24 12:38:16 PM  

kobrakai: It's amazing how many white boards WalMart has at the one store where Shane works. All of them different with different colored markers. Just unbelievable.


That looks like the same (black edged) board.  And there's no way that they could have multiple colored markers!  That's unpossible!

img.fark.net
 
2014-06-24 12:39:30 PM  

LesserEvil: [i.imgur.com image 755x630]


That's not really the real Debbie Downer making that post, you know.
 
GBB
2014-06-24 12:39:31 PM  
It's not fake, it's an inside joke/comedy bit for that dept at that store.
I do the same thing on my FB page that I call "Overheard in the Comm Center".  Sometimes it's real stuff I hear, other times it's funny things I think up.

/get over yourselves
 
2014-06-24 12:43:23 PM  

vudukungfu: LesserEvil: [i.imgur.com image 755x630]

That's not really the real Debbie Downer making that post, you know.


Thanks for the astute observation, professor buzzkill.
 
2014-06-24 12:43:54 PM  

vudukungfu: LesserEvil: [i.imgur.com image 755x630]

That's not really the real Debbie Downer making that post, you know.


Are you saying a fake called the fake a fake?

does this mean you are not the real vudukungku?
 
2014-06-24 12:45:50 PM  
The only disappointment is the one poster "I hope this is TRUE!"


Are there really people who would think for one nanosecond that this is true?

(yes, I have worked a Wal Mart deli counter)
 
2014-06-24 12:45:53 PM  

Jaden Smith First of His Name: Skip the middleman and just go to Reddit for your fake bullshiat.


Wait, so there are web pages outside of fark?
 
2014-06-24 12:47:01 PM  

Sticky Hands: Are you saying a fake called the fake a fake?


Then is it true?
 
2014-06-24 12:47:26 PM  

Sticky Hands: Are you saying a fake called the fake a fake?


Damn, dude! You said "fake" like three times! You must really like fake.
 
2014-06-24 12:47:29 PM  

HelloNeuman: [encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 259x194]


Thanks. I was hoping people hadn't forgotten.
 
2014-06-24 12:50:00 PM  

Alunan: God bless Shane. Saving people from Wal Mart.


By sending them to Albertsons?

That's like being offered a choice between being eaten by a shark and drowning.
 
2014-06-24 12:50:27 PM  

Slypork: Sticky Hands: Are you saying a fake called the fake a fake?

Then is it true?


Sin_City_Superhero: Sticky Hands: Are you saying a fake called the fake a fake?

Damn, dude! You said "fake" like three times! You must really like fake.



I don't know fellers, but I'm staring to think that maybe the fake is a lie.
 
2014-06-24 12:51:11 PM  

vudukungfu: LesserEvil: [i.imgur.com image 755x630]

That's not really the real Debbie Downer making that post, you know.


But that is THE real "waffle". I'd bet money on it.
 
2014-06-24 12:52:27 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-06-24 12:52:33 PM  

GBB: It's not fake, it's an inside joke/comedy bit for that dept at that store.
I do the same thing on my FB page that I call "Overheard in the Comm Center".  Sometimes it's real stuff I hear, other times it's funny things I think up.

/get over yourselves


This is fake.
 
2014-06-24 12:54:26 PM  
I served with Shane.

I knew Shane.

Shane was a friend of mine.

You're no Shane.
 
2014-06-24 12:55:04 PM  
What a great place to work!
 
2014-06-24 12:56:01 PM  

Sticky Hands: Are you saying a fake called the fake a fake?


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-06-24 12:56:12 PM  

Silly_Sot: Things Smitty is no longer allowed to do.

Look it up.


You mean Skippy?
 
2014-06-24 12:57:28 PM  
Fake.  There is no way a Wal-Mart manager would spell 'ventriloquism' correctly.
 
2014-06-24 12:57:56 PM  
Fool me once, shane on you.  Fool me twice?  I guess no real shane in that anymore.

/of for shane, fark
//for shane
 
2014-06-24 12:58:43 PM  

Sticky Hands: vudukungfu: LesserEvil: [i.imgur.com image 755x630]

That's not really the real Debbie Downer making that post, you know.

Are you saying a fake called the fake a fake?

does this mean you are not the real vudukungku?


img.fark.net
 
2014-06-24 01:04:26 PM  

Mudd's woman: Sticky Hands: vudukungfu: LesserEvil: [i.imgur.com image 755x630]

That's not really the real Debbie Downer making that post, you know.

Are you saying a fake called the fake a fake?

does this mean you are not the real vudukungku?

[img.fark.net image 446x200]


Bwahahaha
 
2014-06-24 01:07:11 PM  
The notes are probably real, but Shane never did that stuff.

I know because in my dept at Safeway, once a week we'd pick an employee and fabricate a customer comment card highlighting a quality in the employee we'd like to see improved (e.g. "Scott has a real nice smile, thanks for brightening my day!" and scott is supposed to smile more often.)

The employees knew the cards were faked so they'd drop in their own customer comments relating shenanigans just like shane's exploits.
 
2014-06-24 01:14:18 PM  
Wow, somebody found a bashed up old whiteboard and decided to pretend they were a subversive employee with a passive-aggressive manager.
 
2014-06-24 01:16:26 PM  

WhiskeySticks: Jaden Smith First of His Name: Skip the middleman and just go to Reddit for your fake bullshiat.

Wait, so there are web pages outside of fark?


Yes, and if you want to stay a few days to a week ahead of fark, go read them.
 
2014-06-24 01:18:16 PM  
As long as we're on fake employee exploits and bulletin boards, I give you Girardi's Frozen Yogurt:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vB8qr1IrPg&feature=kp
 
2014-06-24 01:19:12 PM  
This reminds me of how TrueBlood finally hooked me into binge streaming what would otherwise be a "meh" vampire series making fun of people in the region where I choose to live....The first episode where Tara, employed by what is obviously a Wal-Mart in disguise, goes off on the fat lady who drove "over an hour" to find out if they had the heavy plastic sheeting she was looking for but didn't know the name of...a sleepless night and 14 episodes later, the vampire portion of the story is still "meh" but the "people down along the I-20 corridor in LA are crazy stupid" portions of the show still have me hooked.
 
2014-06-24 01:21:00 PM  
It's still real to me, damnit!
 
2014-06-24 01:22:30 PM  

ohdoublereally: WhiskeySticks: Jaden Smith First of His Name: Skip the middleman and just go to Reddit for your fake bullshiat.

Wait, so there are web pages outside of fark?

Yes, and if you want to stay a few days to a week ahead of fark, go read them.


Yeah, right! Like I'm going to turn my back to a bunch of FARKers, nice try!


Unless I have my kitteh armor on...
img.fark.net
 
2014-06-24 01:25:51 PM  
Worked with a guy like Shane. Made going to work worthwhile.
 
2014-06-24 01:29:39 PM  
Well I got my laughs for the day. I can continue on with my day.
 
2014-06-24 01:33:40 PM  
"People misrepresenting themselves on the internet, I can't believe it Monsoon!"

"What is the world coming to Brain."

(so meta)
 
2014-06-24 01:35:23 PM  
Shane, do not label the potato salad as "Potatoe clippings".
 
2014-06-24 01:45:34 PM  

GBB: It's not fake, it's an inside joke/comedy bit for that dept at that store.
I do the same thing on my FB page that I call "Overheard in the Comm Center".  Sometimes it's real stuff I hear, other times it's funny things I think up.

/get over yourselves


Well, if it's not a real employee, then it's "fake".

Doesn't make it any less funny, but fake is fake, whether it's 'GBB Approved!' fake or not.
 
2014-06-24 01:49:51 PM  
Not all of those were winners, but there were some that I loved...
The 'free electronics samples' and the 'some assembly required' chicken may be my favorites, although 'mystery meats' and the 'extended warranties on chicken' were good, too.
 
2014-06-24 01:56:37 PM  
I once directed a customer to McDonald's when I was working Drive Thru at BK. He pulled up and said he would like a large fry and a Big Mac. Without missing a beat, I told him that I could get the large fry, but that he'd have to head down the street for the Big Mac. My manager almost passed out on the spot, but the guy thought it was pretty funny.
 
2014-06-24 01:58:15 PM  
I read that as Albatross, and thought of John Cleese, spitting on patrons at the Hollywood Bowl

/Of COURSE you don't get farking wafers with it!
 
2014-06-24 02:09:50 PM  
It would have been executed much better if "Shane" had matched the lower-case scrawl of the other management messages instead of using such legible penmanship.
 
2014-06-24 02:26:19 PM  

Mikey1969: I once directed a customer to McDonald's when I was working Drive Thru at BK. He pulled up and said he would like a large fry and a Big Mac. Without missing a beat, I told him that I could get the large fry, but that he'd have to head down the street for the Big Mac. My manager almost passed out on the spot, but the guy thought it was pretty funny.


That customer be illin'.
 
2014-06-24 02:32:40 PM  

Saul Goodman: Fake.  There is no way a Wal-Mart manager would spell 'ventriloquism' correctly.


Normally I'd agree yeah but they spelled label wrong on another one.
Hmm. I suppose I could see a retail manager looking up ventriloquism on their smartphone to spell it correctly but not bothering on an eesy werd like lable.
 
2014-06-24 02:38:08 PM  
"...we're going to  assume, for the sake of storytelling, that Shane is a real person, and that these  notes from -Management are real as well."

I'm gonna skip that part, and just see if the messages are funny.

(Checks)

Nope.

You're welcome for the click.
 
2014-06-24 02:51:46 PM  
Shane,

Something something chicken something something customers something something "out of warranty" something something clearance shelf.

-Management


/Am I doing it right?
 
2014-06-24 03:21:39 PM  

GBB: It's not fake, it's an inside joke/comedy bit for that dept at that store.
I do the same thing on my FB page that I call "Overheard in the Comm Center".  Sometimes it's real stuff I hear, other times it's funny things I think up.

/get over yourselves


I did the same on my twitter account when I lived in SF called Tweets on a Train. Some of them were real, some were just funny things I thought of. Now I commute by car and don't have a chance to do this.... :(
 
2014-06-24 04:04:13 PM  
i.imgur.com

Totally not fake.
 
2014-06-24 04:17:05 PM  

Brainsick: ohdoublereally: WhiskeySticks: Jaden Smith First of His Name: Skip the middleman and just go to Reddit for your fake bullshiat.

Wait, so there are web pages outside of fark?

Yes, and if you want to stay a few days to a week ahead of fark, go read them.

Yeah, right! Like I'm going to turn my back to a bunch of FARKers, nice try!


Unless I have my kitteh armor on...
[img.fark.net image 300x168]


Cute! Arm the catapults!
 
2014-06-24 04:34:50 PM  

booger42: I read that as Albatross, and thought of John Cleese, spitting on patrons at the Hollywood Bowl

/Of COURSE you don't get farking wafers with it!


My favorite part of that bit is where he's initially walking through the crowd, trying to completely ignore all the fans yelling out all the future lines for the sketch, and then he just stops and stares at someone for a while and says, "You're not supposed to be smoking that!"...
 
2014-06-24 04:58:38 PM  

Shadow Blasko: Silly_Sot: Things Smitty is no longer allowed to do.

Look it up.

You mean Skippy?


Probably. I was going off memory.
 
2014-06-24 04:59:27 PM  
In expiation of getting the name wrong, here's a list about a REAL person and things not permitted in the US Army:

http://skippyslist.com/list/
 
2014-06-24 05:16:17 PM  

Shadow Blasko: Skippy


And here it is, in all its awesomeness.
 
2014-06-24 06:18:38 PM  
Yeah, that's the first thing I thought of. Glad you guys remembered enough to find the link.
 
2014-06-24 09:15:03 PM  

weltallica: [i.imgur.com image 400x300]

Totally not fake.


Is that Whill Wheaton whaving?
 
2014-06-24 10:57:01 PM  

RobSeace: booger42: I read that as Albatross, and thought of John Cleese, spitting on patrons at the Hollywood Bowl

/Of COURSE you don't get farking wafers with it!

My favorite part of that bit is where he's initially walking through the crowd, trying to completely ignore all the fans yelling out all the future lines for the sketch, and then he just stops and stares at someone for a while and says, "You're not supposed to be smoking that!"...


LOL, I enjoyed when he spat in someone.

/I've dreamt of being spat in the face.
Lucky, lucky bastard
 
2014-06-24 11:08:20 PM  
Why do I have this strange feeling that the messages from management are being written by "Shane?"

/ funny though
 
2014-06-24 11:09:56 PM  
I know it's fake, but damnit if I didn't almost shoot beer out my nose when I read the one about the 8 piece chicken assembly required.
 
2014-06-25 06:02:51 PM  
Shane is funny but he is no army Carl.
 
2014-06-25 08:26:48 PM  

Sticky Hands: Slypork: Sticky Hands: Are you saying a fake called the fake a fake?

Then is it true?

Sin_City_Superhero: Sticky Hands: Are you saying a fake called the fake a fake?

Damn, dude! You said "fake" like three times! You must really like fake.


I don't know fellers, but I'm staring to think that maybe the fake is a lie.


img.fark.net
 
Displayed 79 of 79 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report