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(The New York Times)   Parents who waited 18 years to have the house back, I have bad news: "Boomerang kids" are not leaving anytime soon, and if you wait for them to just "figure things out," they'll just outlive you   (nytimes.com ) divider line
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7253 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Jun 2014 at 7:35 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-06-24 12:15:30 AM  
I know parents who changed the locks and security codes and just flat out said get the fark out.
 
2014-06-24 12:29:37 AM  

borg: I know parents who changed the locks and security codes and just flat out said get the fark out.


If they're at the point where that's necessary, isn't the kid's failure kind of on them?
 
2014-06-24 12:58:37 AM  
The kids have figured things out. Live at home and your parents pay for all the expensive stuff.

/currently working on evicting a 21year old.
//she claims she wants to move out.
 
2014-06-24 01:06:57 AM  
There were 4 of us kids in my family. We all got our own places at 17.
That was in the 70s and 80s tho.
 
2014-06-24 01:59:22 AM  
What to expect in this thread: People who got married and had kids criticize their offspring for making bad long-term life decisions.

Oh god, it's going to be amazing.
 
2014-06-24 02:37:54 AM  

FishyFred: borg: I know parents who changed the locks and security codes and just flat out said get the fark out.

If they're at the point where that's necessary, isn't the kid's failure kind of on them?


Yes and no. For some reason most of the people 18-35 seem to have this idea that if they put forth *any* effort they should have all the rewards of success.

The idea of getting a useful/needed/valuable degree somehow morphed into getting *any* degree. I think that's tied into being rewarded for putting forth the bare minimum. My thoughts are the parents are 30% to blame and the kids 70%. The parents coddled them and rewarded them even though the kid failed. Instead of using that failure as a learning experience they thought "positive reinforcement' would encourage them to work harder.

I put the bulk of the fault on the kids because they don't adjust or react... they just keep on doing the bare minimum with the expectation a $100k a year job will fall out of the sky. They never take an introspective look at how their choices have led them to where they are and they don't attempt to change course. They just keep making excuses about why it's someone else's fault and finding new justifications to keep doing what they are doing.

From a personal standpoint, these kids that are stuck in orbit has an upside: There is no younger generation I have to compete for jobs with.
 
2014-06-24 02:58:38 AM  
Nope.  Not in my house.  Not after high school.
 
2014-06-24 03:05:50 AM  
No kids, no problem.
 
2014-06-24 03:16:04 AM  

Cubansaltyballs: Yes and no. For some reason most of the people 18-35 seem to have this idea that if they put forth *any* effort they should have all the rewards of success.

The idea of getting a useful/needed/valuable degree somehow morphed into getting *any* degree. I think that's tied into being rewarded for putting forth the bare minimum. My thoughts are the parents are 30% to blame and the kids 70%. The parents coddled them and rewarded them even though the kid failed. Instead of using that failure as a learning experience they thought "positive reinforcement' would encourage them to work harder.

I put the bulk of the fault on the kids because they don't adjust or react... they just keep on doing the bare minimum with the expectation a $100k a year job will fall out of the sky. They never take an introspective look at how their choices have led them to where they are and they don't attempt to change course. They just keep making excuses about why it's someone else's fault and finding new justifications to keep doing what they are doing.

From a personal standpoint, these kids that are stuck in orbit has an upside: There is no younger generation I have to compete for jobs with.


GEE IF ONLY THERE WAS SOME SORT OF FAMILIAL, CULTURAL, AND/OR ECONOMIC INFLUENCE THAT MAY HAVE BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS

LOL NO YOU'RE RIGHT

ALL THOSE UNIQUE, PRECIOUS SNOWFLAKES MANAGED TO INDEPENDENTLY FAIL IN A WAY THAT SOMEHOW JUSTIFIES THE BLANKET STEREOTYPE YOU NOW JUDGE THEM WITH
 
2014-06-24 03:21:41 AM  
And yes, I'm aware you partially blamed the parents.  That doesn't change anything I said.
 
2014-06-24 04:34:15 AM  
Some of those people don't deserve any sympathy at all.  $90K of debt with a career goal of "environmentalist?"  That's a person who doesn't know what the fark they want to be when they grow up.  Thank God she borrowed so much money not figuring it out.  $44K to become a librarian? $130K to be a lame "graphic designer" who lives with his mom?
 
2014-06-24 04:46:52 AM  
i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2014-06-24 05:29:00 AM  

BizarreMan: The kids have figured things out. Live at home and your parents pay for all the expensive stuff.

/currently working on evicting a 21year old.
//she claims she wants to move out.


I got room for a 21 year old lady. Plenty of room in my 20x20 apartment

In all seriousness, however...

I am 30 years old and I can feel that people who are my age or younger have just completely given up. We have no future. We know this so why even try? That is right there the crux of the problem: there is no opportunity
 
2014-06-24 06:30:50 AM  
I don't get the kids these days. It's like all these articles I see about kids not getting their drivers license right away. I took my drivers license test on my 16th birthday. Everyone I knew took their test within no more than a week or two after becoming eligible. I had GREAT parents, but I wanted freedom and left home ASAP. Staying at home more than necessary never even crossed my mind.
 
2014-06-24 06:49:14 AM  

cman: BizarreMan: The kids have figured things out. Live at home and your parents pay for all the expensive stuff.

/currently working on evicting a 21year old.
//she claims she wants to move out.

I got room for a 21 year old lady. Plenty of room in my 20x20 apartment

In all seriousness, however...

I am 30 years old and I can feel that people who are my age or younger have just completely given up. We have no future. We know this so why even try? That is right there the crux of the problem: there is no opportunity


Oh there is opportunity, it just doesn't mean the same thing it used to mean. I'm 30 and moderately successful when compared with other folks my age.  That doesn't mean I own a house or have kids or travel or anything though, it means I can pay my bills and down pay my debts meanwhile I can live at a decent but not stellar standard of living.  I don't want for anything I need but I'm not moving up in the world either.  I don't complain because I got lucky but the world has changed and the fact that older folks are determined to judge our generation against metrics of their generation is disgusting.
 
2014-06-24 07:29:31 AM  
its going to be hilariously sad when all these people biatching about those lazy young kids who made awful financial decisions wind up living with their kids because that social secuirty check doesn't even pay the utilities and retirement savings are wiped out in about 10 minutes.
 
2014-06-24 07:34:11 AM  
Even worse:  woomera kids.
 
2014-06-24 07:38:39 AM  
Of all the people who I've known to move home to save money, maybe two actually saved money.  The rest just seem to go out all the time and spend their money on other shiat,  if I was the parent, I'd set up an account where what normally goes to rent and food must be deposited.  Say you're saving for a down payment on a home?  Great, here's where that money goes.

/my mom asks me all the time if I want to move back
//hell no
 
2014-06-24 07:39:19 AM  

borg: I know parents who changed the locks and security codes and just flat out said get the fark out.


I hope they are looking forward to life in a crummy nursing home in the not-too-distant future.   Or at least never hearing from their kids again.  I know if my parents did that, I'd interpret them as telling me to never contact them again and being disowned.  My dad only semi-sarcastically described it as "be nice to your kids, they'll be the ones to choose your nursing home."  I know he was mostly joking, but the idea is they are still family.  If you have to throw them out, then it's a failure on the parents.  If you want to throw them out, then it's a bigger failure on the parents.
 
2014-06-24 07:43:36 AM  
We have a 'no girls allowed after 9:00 pm' policy.  He works full time while going to school full time so he does spend too much time at home.
 
2014-06-24 07:44:43 AM  

Cubansaltyballs: FishyFred: borg: I know parents who changed the locks and security codes and just flat out said get the fark out.

If they're at the point where that's necessary, isn't the kid's failure kind of on them?

Yes and no. For some reason most of the people 18-35 seem to have this idea that if they put forth *any* effort they should have all the rewards of success.

The idea of getting a useful/needed/valuable degree somehow morphed into getting *any* degree. I think that's tied into being rewarded for putting forth the bare minimum. My thoughts are the parents are 30% to blame and the kids 70%. The parents coddled them and rewarded them even though the kid failed. Instead of using that failure as a learning experience they thought "positive reinforcement' would encourage them to work harder.

I put the bulk of the fault on the kids because they don't adjust or react... they just keep on doing the bare minimum with the expectation a $100k a year job will fall out of the sky. They never take an introspective look at how their choices have led them to where they are and they don't attempt to change course. They just keep making excuses about why it's someone else's fault and finding new justifications to keep doing what they are doing.

From a personal standpoint, these kids that are stuck in orbit has an upside: There is no younger generation I have to compete for jobs with.


This is certainly some homespun nonsense seemingly based on reading bullshiat media trend pieces and not actually interacting with the world at large.
 
2014-06-24 07:45:39 AM  
I guess the parents shouldn't have voted to slash public college budgets so they could pay even lower taxes.
 
2014-06-24 07:45:44 AM  

NickelP: its going to be hilariously sad when all these people biatching about those lazy young kids who made awful financial decisions wind up living with their kids because that social secuirty check doesn't even pay the utilities and retirement savings are wiped out in about 10 minutes.


They may have ended up with more retirement savings if they didn't have to take care of a parasitic adult child 10-20 years beyond what anyone should reasonably expect.
 
2014-06-24 07:46:37 AM  
For anyone complaining the world gave you a crappy hand... find something you're good at and learn to do it better. Take chances. Branch out.

I'm 25. I have no degree. I'm currently making 80k and expect to move up within the next year.
 
2014-06-24 07:46:43 AM  
Self inflicted problem is caused by?  Anyone, anyone, Beuller?

The kids are smart and playing their parents shamelessly.  OTOH, the whole "problem" is a "white American people problem".  Look a Germany, three generations in a house is typical for middle class folks, with granny and granddad watching the littlest ones.  Plenty of other places, too.
 
2014-06-24 07:47:32 AM  
wade-barrett.com
 
2014-06-24 07:47:37 AM  

Cubansaltyballs: FishyFred: borg: I know parents who changed the locks and security codes and just flat out said get the fark out.

If they're at the point where that's necessary, isn't the kid's failure kind of on them?

Yes and no. For some reason most of the people 18-35 seem to have this idea that if they put forth *any* effort they should have all the rewards of success.

The idea of getting a useful/needed/valuable degree somehow morphed into getting *any* degree. I think that's tied into being rewarded for putting forth the bare minimum. My thoughts are the parents are 30% to blame and the kids 70%. The parents coddled them and rewarded them even though the kid failed. Instead of using that failure as a learning experience they thought "positive reinforcement' would encourage them to work harder.

I put the bulk of the fault on the kids because they don't adjust or react... they just keep on doing the bare minimum with the expectation a $100k a year job will fall out of the sky. They never take an introspective look at how their choices have led them to where they are and they don't attempt to change course. They just keep making excuses about why it's someone else's fault and finding new justifications to keep doing what they are doing.

From a personal standpoint, these kids that are stuck in orbit has an upside: There is no younger generation I have to compete for jobs with.


This little bold part is because we were told this. My father, (who doesn't hold a degree himself) school counselors, and every time we were counseled in groups about what to do after high school, we were told "A degree, any degree at any cost." I have no idea why people my age are surprised that life isn't easy, but we were told some stuff about college that just didn't hold true in the long run. Not an excuse just an explanation of where that came from.
 
2014-06-24 07:48:31 AM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: Staying at home more than necessary never even crossed my mind.


I think you've hit the nail on the head.

"More than necessary."

The economy's so farked, we're back in the Great Depression where families are lucky to even HAVE homes, let along stay there.
 
2014-06-24 07:49:11 AM  

Cubansaltyballs: FishyFred: borg: I know parents who changed the locks and security codes and just flat out said get the fark out.

If they're at the point where that's necessary, isn't the kid's failure kind of on them?

Yes and no. For some reason most of the people 18-35 seem to have this idea that if they put forth *any* effort they should have all the rewards of success.

The idea of getting a useful/needed/valuable degree somehow morphed into getting *any* degree. I think that's tied into being rewarded for putting forth the bare minimum. My thoughts are the parents are 30% to blame and the kids 70%. The parents coddled them and rewarded them even though the kid failed. Instead of using that failure as a learning experience they thought "positive reinforcement' would encourage them to work harder.

I put the bulk of the fault on the kids because they don't adjust or react... they just keep on doing the bare minimum with the expectation a $100k a year job will fall out of the sky. They never take an introspective look at how their choices have led them to where they are and they don't attempt to change course. They just keep making excuses about why it's someone else's fault and finding new justifications to keep doing what they are doing.

From a personal standpoint, these kids that are stuck in orbit has an upside: There is no younger generation I have to compete for jobs with.


You just described me, except that I moved out at 23 and am on track to pull that $100k if I don't horribly fark things up over the next few years.

/I am admittedly undeservedly lucky in terms of my career path so far, and am helped along by accidentally picking a semi-marketable major in college and having a slight obsessive streak when it comes to figuring out how things work.
//Although I also sometimes get the feeling that my definition of "bare minimum" is different from most people's.
 
2014-06-24 07:50:47 AM  
I lived with my parents until I was 28.  Then I moved out.  We all get along quite well (except for politics).
 
2014-06-24 07:51:22 AM  

Silverstaff: Or at least never hearing from their kids again. I know if my parents did that, I'd interpret them as telling me to never contact them again and being disowned.


Way ahead of you on that one, at least with a grandparent. As much as I love a wonderful game of "Why my generation sucks" when I did visit (she's a die hard Fox watching idiot), I just couldn't deal with the constant crap about me deciding Christianity was not my spiritual truth. I know I'm going to hell, I know I worship a pagan cult (Deism), I know my generation is literally the worst thing in the history of time; just don't expect to see me for Christmas, ever.
 
2014-06-24 07:53:32 AM  
I work with a guy in his mid 20s and he is a beast he just works and works, 2 jobs, goes to school and always looks for more he pays his bills and sacks a lot away. He still lives at home and his goal is to pay off his bills finish school and get out ASAP. I really admire him and hope the best for him. Years ago I worked with a guy that was 30 and he was working to move out of his moms, but he was a spoiled little entitled shiat, show up late, hardly lift a finger and spend all the money he was supsosed to save up out at the clubs on the weekends. His mom treated him like he was Jesus reborn and could do no wrong(she worked there too) and when he got fired for being a lazy sack of shiat she got mad at us because he wasent fired for that according to her he was fired for "living the life" aka being gay. She had a very thick set of rose colored glasses. Her other sone owned his own business and he wouldnt hire his brother, that kinda says a lot about him.
 
2014-06-24 07:53:34 AM  

granolasteak: Nope.  Not in my house.  Not after high school.


I told the step-kids that when they finish high school, they have 3 options...
1) go to college
2) move out
3) continue to live here, by our rules, and pay rent.

The free ride ends at graduation, kids.
 
2014-06-24 07:53:52 AM  

CarnySaur: I lived with my parents until I was 28.  Then I moved out.  We all get along quite well (except for politics).


You must have paid them room and board, that makes things go smoother. My 21 year old works full time and, because of my wife, doesn't help out with a thing. He treats her like shiat even though I tell him if anything happens to her 2 weeks later all his stuff will be on the curb.
 
2014-06-24 07:54:10 AM  
Good. The whole "Two generation Nuclear household" was created only in the 50's with the Baby Boom after World War two.
/23 with a college degree, can't even get a farking retail job.
 
2014-06-24 07:54:22 AM  
For profit education and the modern credit rating systems have really screwed over my kid's generation. My kids (aged 24 and 20) are both living with family rent free but they have no student debt and are getting their degrees. Both kids do a lot of work around the house. My son has been helping us with our remodel. As long as the kids help with the work of running the household then they are contributing and can be a tremendous help. I would certainly prefer they live with me than waste money on rent and destroy their future with debt.
 
2014-06-24 07:55:36 AM  

cman: BizarreMan: The kids have figured things out. Live at home and your parents pay for all the expensive stuff.

/currently working on evicting a 21year old.
//she claims she wants to move out.

I got room for a 21 year old lady. Plenty of room in my 20x20 apartment

In all seriousness, however...

I am 30 years old and I can feel that people who are my age or younger have just completely given up. We have no future. We know this so why even try? That is right there the crux of the problem: there is no opportunity


Well tell that to all the 20 somethings at the hospital I work at. I see 20 something, Residents, Nurses, Therapists, Information Technology staff, human resouces staff doing very well for themselves.

Just because you can't see the future does not mean then future is not there.
 
2014-06-24 07:56:55 AM  
House prices go up and stay up (relative to long term averages, even after the crash), rents largely go up to match, people leave home later because it takes longer before they can afford it. 

/every generation thinks the next generation are lazier, more irresponsible, listen to worse music, have stupider fashions, etc. This is just the fog of time making them forget how they were pretty much exactly the same at the same age
 
2014-06-24 07:57:46 AM  
TFA: Kasinecz admits that she fears that her mom's house in Downers Grove, Ill., half an hour west of the city, has become a crutch. She has been living in that old bedroom for four years and is nowhere closer to figuring out what she's going to do with her career. "Everyone tells me to just pick something," she says, "but I don't know what to pick."


i1123.photobucket.com

 
2014-06-24 07:58:56 AM  
If anybody is that pissed off about the presence of snowflakes in the community, it's time to act.

-Are you an employer? Make it clear that there will be NO promotions, raises, or discussions about their work environment until they present proof they are paying rent.

-If you see a male snowflake you know out on a date, tell the date what she's in for. Keep talking and don't stop until one of them leaves.

-Form some posses. Go house to house and say you don't want coddlers and snowflakes in your neighborhood, and if adult children are still around in 30 days, you're coming back armed.
 
2014-06-24 07:59:07 AM  

thatboyoverthere: Good. The whole "Two generation Nuclear household" was created only in the 50's with the Baby Boom after World War two.
/23 with a college degree, can't even get a farking retail job.


Move to a better city
 
2014-06-24 07:59:10 AM  

thatboyoverthere: Good. The whole "Two generation Nuclear household" was created only in the 50's with the Baby Boom after World War two.
/23 with a college degree, can't even get a farking retail job.


Where did you get your degree, and what is your major?
 
2014-06-24 07:59:56 AM  
Perhaps she just needs to find a man to support her instead of her parents.
 
2014-06-24 08:00:38 AM  

cman: I am 30 years old and I can feel that people who are my age or younger have just completely given up. We have no future. We know this so why even try? That is right there the crux of the problem: there is no opportunity


Do whut?
 
2014-06-24 08:01:01 AM  

thatboyoverthere: Good. The whole "Two generation Nuclear household" was created only in the 50's with the Baby Boom after World War two.


You're living in a country that doesn't give a shiat about history.
 
2014-06-24 08:01:41 AM  

borg: I know parents who changed the locks and security codes and just flat out said get the fark out.


That's what my parents did. They even had a rule that they wouldn't pay for college unless the school was at least 50 miles away. Because when you're 18, it's time to go. I had a little brother who had some criminal tendencies, and he didn't do well in school, so my dad called the local Marine Corps recruiter over and wouldn't let him leave until the Marines signed my brother up and promised to fix him. Because when you're 18, it's time to go.
It's not like we couldn't visit after that. It seemed pretty normal, but after I moved to the Midwest, people go bug eyed when I tell them my parents wouldn't let us stick around.
 
2014-06-24 08:01:51 AM  

Tr0mBoNe: Perhaps she just needs to find a man to support her instead of her parents.


It is the world's oldest profession.
 
2014-06-24 08:02:38 AM  
i'm pretty sure my parents half-expected me and both my brothers to live at home long into our 20s.  i remember my dad told me straight out when i started college that i was not ready to be an adult.  the fact that i majored in "creative writing" made him very nervous about my future.  both my brothers were equally dependent on our parents for the most part, because my mother kind of spoils us.

but guess what?  i graduated and moved back in for 2 years until i could afford to move out and then i did so.  i'm 34 now and have been living completely on my own for 10 years and i love it.  i will never move back in with my parents, and my parents are great.  my brothers also both have moved out, although one of them got married and they are hurting for money so they might move back in.  since my parents both have health issues, they are actually hoping my brother and his wife move in so they can help take care of the house and yardwork.

ultimately, kids moving back in with their parents into their late 20s or 30s is a situation where the parents did not fully give their child enough independence to live on their own, and the kid lacks the ambition to live on their own.  both parties are responsible.  if the kid really wanted to move out, they would make it happen regardless of how bad the economy is.  lots of broke people have their own place.  and if the parents don't want them back, they'll say so or make it difficult for the kid to keep living there.
 
2014-06-24 08:02:49 AM  

cman: BizarreMan: The kids have figured things out. Live at home and your parents pay for all the expensive stuff.

/currently working on evicting a 21year old.
//she claims she wants to move out.

I got room for a 21 year old lady. Plenty of room in my 20x20 apartment

In all seriousness, however...

I am 30 years old and I can feel that people who are my age or younger have just completely given up. We have no future. We know this so why even try? That is right there the crux of the problem: there is no opportunity


You guys give up pretty easy then, don't you?
 
2014-06-24 08:02:57 AM  

xria: /every generation thinks the next generation are lazier, more irresponsible, listen to worse music, have stupider fashions, etc. This is just the fog of time making them forget how they were pretty much exactly the same at the same age


You're living in a country that doesn't give a shiat about history.
 
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