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(Mirror.co.uk)   I see here on your resume you spent 17 years on Mars protecting five human colonies from Martians. Well, thanks for coming in; we'll be in touch   (mirror.co.uk) divider line 89
    More: Unlikely, U.S. Marines, marchers, Scott Ware, Donald Rumsfeld  
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11646 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jun 2014 at 10:55 PM (17 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



89 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-06-22 08:47:14 PM  
How did this guy even get a security clearance? Those missions were highly classified, you can't just put them on your C.V. They used to tell you that when you got discharged.
 
2014-06-22 09:17:34 PM  
He's lucky to be alive. I hear there are some real arseholes in the E.D.F
th02.deviantart.net
 
2014-06-22 09:27:28 PM  
Leaked photo of the base:

i62.tinypic.com
 
2014-06-22 09:38:14 PM  
"Captain Kaye says he retired after a 20 year tour of duty, describing a retirement ceremony on the moon that he claims was presided over by VIPs including ex-Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld."          


Well, if he says Rumsfeld was on the moon, then I'm inclined to believe him...
 
2014-06-22 09:39:02 PM  
Earth years or Mars years?
 
2014-06-22 10:56:49 PM  
Haven't we all padded our resume a little?  I put I type 100 wpm but realistically, I probably average 85 or 90.  17 years in Arizona/Mars what's the diff?
 
2014-06-22 10:57:47 PM  
I found his picture after a brief GIS:

img2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-06-22 11:04:14 PM  
I wonder if it was a stand up fight, or a "bug" hunt?


/ never had a thing for Ripley
 
2014-06-22 11:07:53 PM  
" ex-naval infantryman, "
See...that is more incredulous than him spending time on Mars. A Marine would NEVER allow someone to call him ex-navy anything.
 
2014-06-22 11:10:32 PM  
Time lord victorious?
 
2014-06-22 11:13:20 PM  
This is part of the secret Obama health care program.
 
2014-06-22 11:14:44 PM  
Michael Valentine Smith?
 
2014-06-22 11:14:46 PM  

EvilEgg: How did this guy even get a security clearance? Those missions were highly classified, you can't just put them on your C.V. They used to tell you that when you got discharged.


That memory was supposed to be erased. However when he went to REKAL who advertised they could artificially give him the experience of being on Mars, his suppressed memories surfaced.

www.geekmundo.net
 
2014-06-22 11:16:23 PM  

MrBallou: Leaked photo of the base:

[i62.tinypic.com image 320x217]


Here's an overhead view.

www.abandonia.com
 
2014-06-22 11:16:47 PM  
Sounds even more ridiculous than the crap made up by Phil Schneider.
 
2014-06-22 11:17:39 PM  
Sounds like a farking skinjob. How come no has hooked him up to the Voight-Kampff yet?
 
2014-06-22 11:20:12 PM  

Roook: Haven't we all padded our resume a little?  I put I type 100 wpm but realistically, I probably average 85 or 90.  17 years in Arizona/Mars what's the diff?


Yeah, even if what he's claiming is only half-true... that's still pretty impressive.
 
2014-06-22 11:21:14 PM  
Only five?  He must have been there before 2006.
 
2014-06-22 11:24:25 PM  
How expensive are the strippers up there?
 
2014-06-22 11:25:43 PM  
begojohnson.files.wordpress.com

Begs to differ.
 
2014-06-22 11:26:24 PM  

Bslim: Sounds like a farking skinjob. How come no has hooked him up to the Voight-Kampff yet?


Nice
 
2014-06-22 11:26:54 PM  
Umm, how about a little "thank you for your service"? Am I right?
 
2014-06-22 11:27:20 PM  

focusthis: How expensive are the strippers up there?


Expensive, but better than the leather goddesses from Upper Sandusky.
 
2014-06-22 11:29:28 PM  
Five?
So he's not aware of the bases on Phobos and Deimos?
The ones run by Union Aerospace.
Poor fool.
 
2014-06-22 11:30:06 PM  

focusthis: How expensive are the strippers up there?


About 50% more.
 
2014-06-22 11:34:10 PM  
Well that's great I guess, but what exactly does that qualify him for?
 
2014-06-22 11:40:38 PM  
We have done better......

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-06-22 11:40:44 PM  

tinyarena: Well that's great I guess, but what exactly does that qualify him for?


A straightjacket and some thorazine?
 
2014-06-22 11:42:21 PM  
See, if he were for real, he'd be calling it Barsoom...
 
2014-06-22 11:42:32 PM  

EvilEgg: How did this guy even get a security clearance? Those missions were highly classified, you can't just put them on your C.V. They used to tell you that when you got discharged.


Same place snowden got his I guess.
 
2014-06-22 11:43:45 PM  
Would like to have a few words with the guy...

www.deathbymovies.com
 
2014-06-22 11:45:11 PM  

Yaw String: I wonder if it was a stand up fight, or a "bug" hunt?


/ never had a thing for Ripley


That's Xenomorph to you..
 
2014-06-22 11:45:49 PM  
I could have come up with everything he described in a two minute sci fi novel idea brainstorming session.
 
2014-06-22 11:50:30 PM  

T-Servo: focusthis: How expensive are the strippers up there?

Expensive, but better than the leather goddesses from Upper Sandusky.


Oh that game. I hit as far as you could without the stupid cave maps or whatever. Stupid anti-piracy
 
2014-06-22 11:55:02 PM  
I see here on your resume you spent 17 years on Mars protecting five human colonies from Martians.
Welcome to the Church of Scientology!
 
2014-06-22 11:55:37 PM  
He's a fraud. Everyone knows the Martians were wiped out after they sided with the Nazis in 1953.
 
2014-06-22 11:56:42 PM  
This man was also assigned to protect Richter and ensure that he showed up at the party. I advise against hiring this man.
 
2014-06-23 12:01:22 AM  
It was layer revealed that 'Capt. Kaye' was actually a college student who had watched the movie 'Mars Attacks' six times in a row under the influence of LSD and mushrooms.
 
2014-06-23 12:13:04 AM  

fusillade762: tinyarena: Well that's great I guess, but what exactly does that qualify him for?

A straightjacket and some thorazine?


Canadian parliament
 
2014-06-23 12:16:42 AM  

Mr. Shabooboo: Yaw String: I wonder if it was a stand up fight, or a "bug" hunt?


/ never had a thing for Ripley

That's Xenomorph to you..


Attractive and successful Xenomorph-American.
 
2014-06-23 12:16:50 AM  
Sorry
 
2014-06-23 12:17:56 AM  
Well, dammit, who was protecting the other four?
 
2014-06-23 12:18:05 AM  

fusillade762: tinyarena: Well that's great I guess, but what exactly does that qualify him for?

A straightjacket and some thorazine?


He has a strong mind and a good memory. He's just here to gather information about the army of the twelve monkeys.
 
2014-06-23 12:20:45 AM  

stuffy: He's a fraud. Everyone knows the Martians were wiped out after they sided with the Nazis in 1953.


I though Pearl Harbour was 1941?
 
2014-06-23 12:21:06 AM  
Anybody notice that most all conspiracy theorist have very poor video editing and second rate sound quality? Geocities type flashing web pages and all. Serious question. Why such universally poor workmanship? Is there something physiologically that they all have in common that make people believe crazy theories and have crappy media production?
 
2014-06-23 12:22:48 AM  

JonnyBGoode: Mr. Shabooboo: Yaw String: I wonder if it was a stand up fight, or a "bug" hunt?


/ never had a thing for Ripley

That's Xenomorph to you..

Attractive and successful Xenomorph-American.


Neptunian, Please...
 
2014-06-23 12:29:11 AM  

TomD9938: Roook: Haven't we all padded our resume a little?  I put I type 100 wpm but realistically, I probably average 85 or 90.  17 years in Arizona/Mars what's the diff?

Yeah, even if what he's claiming is only half-true... that's still pretty impressive.


I miss that website on geocities of the best "padded" resumes, of the top 5 mine had to be the guy who was a former "department of defense" worker, who had files on every "american" there was, a former special forces soldier as well.

/turns out he worked for Micky D's before getting fired and sent to jail for smoking to much meth, unfortunate being over 380lbs I doubt he was actually on meth, it was the impersonation as a police officer that was over the top - while talking to the SHERIFF himself.
 
2014-06-23 12:32:31 AM  
Dork.

Everyone knows that the secret Space Marine Base is on Titan.

Oh, Crap, I have to press delete on my Diebold
 
2014-06-23 12:35:44 AM  

mrlewish: Anybody notice that most all conspiracy theorist have very poor video editing and second rate sound quality? Geocities type flashing web pages and all. Serious question. Why such universally poor workmanship? Is there something physiologically that they all have in common that make people believe crazy theories and have crappy media production?


They're too paranoid to let anyone else get involved so it's all DIY.
 
2014-06-23 12:37:19 AM  

Arkanaut: focusthis: How expensive are the strippers up there?

About 50% more.


That third tit sure makes them pricey.
 
2014-06-23 12:42:38 AM  

Abaddon The Despoiler: Arkanaut: focusthis: How expensive are the strippers up there?

About 50% more.

That third tit sure makes them pricey.


The third tit's cheap.  If you want two tits and bilateral symmetry with no mutations, it'll cost ya.
 
2014-06-23 12:48:24 AM  
In 17 years he had time to get to Saturn's moon Titan, and protect bases on Mars? I'll have what he's having.
 
2014-06-23 12:55:07 AM  
I knew it.. I just KNEW it had to be Rumsfeld in on this shiat!

Abaddon The Despoiler: Arkanaut: focusthis: How expensive are the strippers up there?

About 50% more.

That third tit sure makes them pricey.


They do not appreciate the word, "tit". They prefer you call them a titty or titties. "Tit" just sounds vulgar to them.
And the one with a giant "titty" on her face... don't pinch it.. it's actually a nose and it really ticks her off and considering she dates the bouncer, you're in for a world (or worlds) or hurt.

/and no, she will not sneeze for you for anything under $200 - and that's cash, bub!
//I can't believe anyone has actually read this BS down this far.. geez, get a life you pervert. lol
 
2014-06-23 01:03:40 AM  

zzrhardy: stuffy: He's a fraud. Everyone knows the Martians were wiped out after they sided with the Nazis in 1953.

I though Pearl Harbour was 1941?


Hush, he's on a roll.
 
2014-06-23 01:06:55 AM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-06-23 01:13:48 AM  

zzrhardy: stuffy: He's a fraud. Everyone knows the Martians were wiped out after they sided with the Nazis in 1953.

I though Pearl Harbour was 1941?


Harbor. HARBOR. We dropped the "u"-- as in "U-boat"-- when we beat back the German sneak attack on Pearl in 1943.

/HarboFreedomFriesr was too awkward
 
2014-06-23 01:15:59 AM  

Slam1263: zzrhardy: stuffy: He's a fraud. Everyone knows the Martians were wiped out after they sided with the Nazis in 1953.

I though Pearl Harbour was 1941?

Hush, he's on a roll.


*tiny fist*
 
2014-06-23 01:18:16 AM  
www.netarrantteaparty.com
 
2014-06-23 01:25:23 AM  
Is that 17 Martian years or Earth years?  Because we have another impressive candidate with 2 Saturnian years of experience.
 
2014-06-23 01:44:54 AM  
Yeah right, I bet that guy never even saw a Zaku.
 
2014-06-23 02:07:18 AM  
EDF, huh... could of sworn the Strogg came from outside the solar system not from Mars.
 
2014-06-23 02:16:19 AM  

jtown: Abaddon The Despoiler: Arkanaut: focusthis: How expensive are the strippers up there?

About 50% more.

That third tit sure makes them pricey.

The third tit's cheap.  If you want two tits and bilateral symmetry with no mutations, it'll cost ya.


It's a better bargain to get one with the third tit on her back. It makes slow dancing completely worthwhile.
 
2014-06-23 02:45:16 AM  

WelldeadLink: In 17 years he had time to get to Saturn's moon Titan, and protect bases on Mars? I'll have what he's having.


He used the same CIA teleportation technology Obama used to get to Mars back in the 80s.
 
2014-06-23 02:59:59 AM  

Roook: Haven't we all padded our resume a little?  I put I type 100 wpm but realistically, I probably average 85 or 90.  17 years in Arizona/Mars what's the diff?


I type around 120 wpm, but I put on on my resume that it's 90 wpm.  I got tired of prospective employers assuming I'm full of shiat.
 
2014-06-23 05:11:22 AM  
it could happen
 
2014-06-23 06:52:13 AM  
Colonel Flagg???
 
2014-06-23 06:52:40 AM  
he was trained to fly three different types of space fighters and three bombers.


Can you drop bombs in space? Wouldn't they just float away?
 
2014-06-23 07:09:56 AM  

ultraholland: This man was also assigned to protect Richter and ensure that he showed up at the party. I advise against hiring this man.


yeah, but then Conan got ass-farked by NBC and Leno and ended up on TBS, so it's not *all* his fault.
I still wouldn't trust this dude either, though.
 
2014-06-23 07:35:25 AM  
This idea's so crazy, it might actually work!

I say to put him in charge of pancake-on-the-head-of-_______ pics and see what he comes up with.
 
2014-06-23 07:46:40 AM  
17 years on Mars? Woah. I've spent 2 weeks on Snickers, and barely survived.
 
2014-06-23 08:02:01 AM  
I wish what he was saying is true, so in an unprecedented move I'm going to declare it true and believe it.
 
2014-06-23 08:10:06 AM  
Props to the video for using footage from the old TV show, UFO.
On the other hand, that was the moon, not Mars.  Can't these clowns get anything right?
 
2014-06-23 08:15:43 AM  
coworkmyr.com
 
2014-06-23 08:22:48 AM  
I told you guys it was real:
www.stargate-fusion.com
 
2014-06-23 08:44:03 AM  

Duane Dibbley: jtown: Abaddon The Despoiler: Arkanaut: focusthis: How expensive are the strippers up there?

About 50% more.

That third tit sure makes them pricey.

The third tit's cheap.  If you want two tits and bilateral symmetry with no mutations, it'll cost ya.

It's a better bargain to get one with the third tit on her back. It makes slow dancing completely worthwhile.


The advantage of being a stripper on Mars is that the lower gravity allows you to stay in business just about forever as sag is never a problem.
 
2014-06-23 09:12:07 AM  
www.the60sofficialsite.com
Rediculous.
 
2014-06-23 09:28:22 AM  
Always makes me wonder, do they truly believe this stuff? If so, how damn exciting must this guy's life be (to himself)?
 
2014-06-23 09:32:59 AM  

eyemarten: Always makes me wonder, do they truly believe this stuff? If so, how damn exciting must this guy's life be (to himself)?


It's got to be INCREDIBLE. I've recently deluded myself into believing that I'm charismatic and that women want me to touch them, and I've got to tell you, it's a helluva lot better than facing reality
 
2014-06-23 09:50:22 AM  
They really gave him a dishonorable discharge for farting in the airlocks.
 
2014-06-23 10:06:33 AM  
bounthavy.com
 
2014-06-23 10:08:25 AM  

BalugaJoe: Michael Valentine Smith?


I wonder if the marine participated in the annual migrations across the ice canals.
 
2014-06-23 10:14:54 AM  
Did he meet Santa?

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-06-23 10:59:13 AM  
Kaye? Hmmm...

img3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-06-23 11:20:52 AM  
Maybe he just confused 29 Palms with Mars. Happens all the time. Even with the Martians.
 
2014-06-23 11:29:25 AM  
"You don't actually think they spend $20,000 on a hammer, $30,000 on a toilet seat, do you?"
 
2014-06-23 12:50:44 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: Even with the Martians.


And Marines.

/Spent over a month there
 
2014-06-23 01:29:15 PM  

mr lawson: Harry Freakstorm: Even with the Martians.

And Marines.

/Spent over a month there


Nothing like handling 105 ammo in 130 degree heat.

The tarantulas, sidewinders, and annoying kangaroo rats are just icing.
 
2014-06-23 01:41:23 PM  

Machiavelli70: Yeah right, I bet that guy never even saw a Zaku.


Nice reference.

fuzzydeath: EDF, huh... could of sworn the Strogg came from outside the solar system not from Mars.


They did. You are thinking Quake, which is the wrong game. The game we should be looking at is "Red Faction". That title will always bring back fond memories as the first game with relatively unlimited ability to destroy terrain or buildings (I did burrow to the bottom of the test room once, it was a pretty deep hole).
 
2014-06-23 07:31:38 PM  
God if only any of that were true.

Would make our sad silent extinction not so inevitable.
 
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