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(WTOP)   Southwest Airlines wants to kill their passengers in a fiery wreck because they serve beer on the plane, says columnist that spends way too much time worrying about other people's drinking habits   (wtop.com) divider line 176
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7196 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Jun 2014 at 4:27 PM (4 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-06-20 03:09:08 PM
Quite a busybody.
 
2014-06-20 03:40:01 PM
Written by this douche.

How he didn't work the word "millennial" into this article, I don't understand. I think it was a bet.
 
2014-06-20 04:02:16 PM
While she was preparing his fifth beer, I got up to use the restroom and asked her to stop serving him.

If I were that passenger and overheard that, I would have slapped that guy's features clear off his face and onto the fuselage.
 
2014-06-20 04:28:50 PM
fark exit rows.  The tray table sucks.
 
2014-06-20 04:31:20 PM
BURN THE WITCH!!!
 
2014-06-20 04:31:29 PM
o.onionstatic.com
 
2014-06-20 04:31:38 PM
Southwest Airlines wants to kill their passengers in a fiery wreck because...

Come on...do they really need a reason? It's like "The People of Walmart" in the sky.
 
2014-06-20 04:32:04 PM
I am impressed. If I can get served twice on a SWA flight I consider that a success.
 
2014-06-20 04:32:23 PM

tricycleracer: fark exit rows.  The tray table sucks.


I recently booked a flight on American. I noticed the were charging over $70 extra for exit rows and the row in front of the exit rows. I checked on seatguru and those farking seats don't even recline! Screw you, airlines. I ended up paying the extra $70 and change for an aisle a few rows ahead of exit. Sucks but the only other option was a middle seat near the back, which is the very definition of hell.
 
2014-06-20 04:32:46 PM
getting so drunk on a plane that i don't know my own name, is my god given right. And no man or stewardess had better interfere.
 
2014-06-20 04:33:42 PM
Instead, its known for keeping costs down with its no-thrills service...

Don't you WANT your airline flights to be "no-thrills"? I'm not scared of flying, but if I want "thrills", I'll find a way to ride in a stunt plane, or something. When flying in an airliner, I just want it to take off, fly for awhile, and then land. I don't need barrel rolls and stalls, TYVM.
 
2014-06-20 04:34:17 PM
As far as major airlines go, Southwest has a pretty good safety record. The worst they ever did was procrastinate on a bunch of inspections; they were fined for a metric shiatload by the FAA and that was that.
 
2014-06-20 04:36:46 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: Southwest Airlines wants to kill their passengers in a fiery wreck because...

Come on...do they really need a reason? It's like "The People of Walmart" in the sky.


We all have our least favorite. I want my seat when I book.
 
2014-06-20 04:38:07 PM

omgwtfark: I am impressed. If I can get served twice on a SWA flight I consider that a success.


This
 
2014-06-20 04:38:44 PM

Rev. Skarekroe: [o.onionstatic.com image 850x595]


Is that comic strip ever going to be funny?
 
2014-06-20 04:39:23 PM

Rev. Skarekroe: [o.onionstatic.com image 850x595]


I seen that guy's cartoons before.  Than man must be an insufferable jackass in real life.  Jingoism practically exudes from his works.  Ever seen the one about the new light bulbs?  He drew Edison crying in his grave over it.  What a sub-douche.  That like a douche, only it's an off-brand version shipped in from a country with suspect quality standards.
 
2014-06-20 04:39:23 PM

FuzedBox: As far as major airlines go, Southwest has a pretty good safety record. The worst they ever did was procrastinate on a bunch of inspections; they were fined for a metric shiatload by the FAA and that was that.


They also discovered a new aluminum embrittlement b/c they had a lot of planes make very shot hops constantly, pressurizing and de-pressurizing constantly and rapidly (not to mention the thermal stresses) which the engineers didn't account for (the plane wasn't designed to take off and land that often in that short of a time frame.
 
2014-06-20 04:39:33 PM
Oh, and Jeff Fromm is a complete asshole. DIAF, jerk. A light buzz makes a day of travel go by much faster but if I ever find out I'm flying with you I'm going to sit in the exit row and get completely hammered.
 
2014-06-20 04:39:49 PM
So, Gary Kelly, CEO of Southwest airlines, are you listening?

Almost certainly not.
 
2014-06-20 04:40:35 PM

Cpl.D: Rev. Skarekroe: [o.onionstatic.com image 850x595]

I seen that guy's cartoons before.  Than man must be an insufferable jackass in real life.  Jingoism practically exudes from his works.  Ever seen the one about the new light bulbs?  He drew Edison crying in his grave over it.  What a sub-douche.  That like a douche, only it's an off-brand version shipped in from a country with suspect quality standards.


He draws for The Onion...
 
2014-06-20 04:40:55 PM
Why would it really matter if the person in the exit row is drunk? If you get into a crash and need to use the exit row, there is a chance that the people in the exit row will be dead or seriously injured. If one can get out of a plane with two dead people in their way, I don't see a drunk being much more trouble.

/Plus the author of TFA says he has sat in exit rows, and that's a real danger, because he'll never fix his ego out of the emergency door.
 
2014-06-20 04:40:55 PM
So the guy's in the exit seat. If it's needed he'll probably throw up and so the slide down to the ground will be well lubricated.
 
2014-06-20 04:41:08 PM
I'm going against the grain here.  I think it's a good idea to keep the folks in the exit row sober.

/Never flown Southwest
//Fly other airlines regularly
///Sit in the exit row a lot
////And get upgraded to slashie class
 
2014-06-20 04:42:04 PM
Then just over a month later, "Frank" was flying next to me in the exit row from Dallas to New Orleans and managed to have several drinks on the short trip. In both cases, the passengers had been drinking BEFORE they boarded but would have likely been legally drunk even if they hadn't had a drink prior to boarding.


Does anyone know if Texas or Louisiana even has a "legally drunk"? Most places don't have that.  They have a level where you can't drive, of course, but they don't have a level where you can't be in public, or any shiat like that. "Drunk in public' is usually assessed based on your actions, not your BAC.

Sorry, pet peeve. I hate misinformed morons making stupid statements like this.
 
2014-06-20 04:42:38 PM

Diogenes: While she was preparing his fifth beer, I got up to use the restroom and asked her to stop serving him.

If I were that passenger and overheard that, I would have slapped that guy's features clear off his face and onto the fuselage.


and confirmed his fears and forced the plane to make an emergency landing in bumfark Louisiana. Smart.
 
2014-06-20 04:42:47 PM

Mikey1969: Instead, its known for keeping costs down with its no-thrills service...

Don't you WANT your airline flights to be "no-thrills"? I'm not scared of flying, but if I want "thrills", I'll find a way to ride in a stunt plane, or something. When flying in an airliner, I just want it to take off, fly for awhile, and then land. I don't need barrel rolls and stalls, TYVM.


Gotta agree.

Terms you'd rather not use when describing your flight:

 - lucky
 - pants-shiatting
 - death-defying
 - a squeaker
 - miraculous
 - sobering
 
2014-06-20 04:43:01 PM

ecmoRandomNumbers: Written by this douche.

How he didn't work the word "millennial" into this article, I don't understand. I think it was a bet.


I'm 100% certain that was the douchiest thing I have ever read. Add in his shiat eating grin and that tooth gap and it was like a geyser of douche.
 
2014-06-20 04:44:20 PM

moothemagiccow: Diogenes: While she was preparing his fifth beer, I got up to use the restroom and asked her to stop serving him.

If I were that passenger and overheard that, I would have slapped that guy's features clear off his face and onto the fuselage.

and confirmed his fears and forced the plane to make an emergency landing in bumfark Louisiana. Smart.


You seem fun.
 
2014-06-20 04:44:49 PM

Mikey1969: Instead, its known for keeping costs down with its no-thrills service...

Don't you WANT your airline flights to be "no-thrills"? I'm not scared of flying, but if I want "thrills", I'll find a way to ride in a stunt plane, or something. When flying in an airliner, I just want it to take off, fly for awhile, and then land. I don't need barrel rolls and stalls, TYVM.


This farking guy.  "no-thrills" is like "I could be less interested" or "for all intensive purposes".

The guy is farking retarded, and his opinion on what constitutes safety on an airliner that HAS CRASHED is not really relevant to ... well anything.
 
2014-06-20 04:45:02 PM

Cpl.D: Rev. Skarekroe: [o.onionstatic.com image 850x595]

I seen that guy's cartoons before.  Than man must be an insufferable jackass in real life.  Jingoism practically exudes from his works.  Ever seen the one about the new light bulbs?  He drew Edison crying in his grave over it.  What a sub-douche.  That like a douche, only it's an off-brand version shipped in from a country with suspect quality standards.


That comic is a Poe comic. It's making *fun* of the douches.

How did you manage to miss the "onion" in the URL?
 
2014-06-20 04:45:14 PM
The comical part of the article.....
Southwest Airlines knows it can't compete with other airlines on high-class service and doesn't try. Instead, its known for keeping costs down with its no-thrills service but still understands that the definition of brand value is no longer just about price.

I can't remember the last time I got "high-class service" in economy of a legacy carrier.  The FAs, for the most part, do the mandated safety requirements, offer free beverages, try to sell buy-on-board food, and run to their jumpseats to catch up on People Magazine.

With the exception of pre-assigned seating, there really is very little difference between WN and the economy class of other airlines.
 
2014-06-20 04:45:55 PM

Diogenes: While she was preparing his fifth beer, I got up to use the restroom and asked her to stop serving him.

If I were that passenger and overheard that, I would have slapped that guy's features clear off his face and onto the fuselage.


Yep!

I am a miserable flier that ONLY gets by on being mostly intoxicated. Once I have my 2-3rd on the plane (with what I had before I got on) I am comfortable and usually asleep for however long the flight is.

/Always get a window seat as to not lean on anyone
//and control the window shade
///always threes!
 
2014-06-20 04:46:04 PM

Mikey1969: Don't you WANT your airline flights to be "no-thrills"?


Yes, just like you want to be a wreckless driver.
 
2014-06-20 04:46:18 PM

Agent Smiths Laugh: Is that comic strip ever going to be funny?


Cpl.D: I seen that guy's cartoons before.  Than man must be an insufferable jackass in real life.  Jingoism practically exudes from his works.  Ever seen the one about the new light bulbs?  He drew Edison crying in his grave over it.  What a sub-douche.  That like a douche, only it's an off-brand version shipped in from a country with suspect quality standards.


Please tell me that my Troll-O-Meter (TM) is busted and that you're not serious.
 
2014-06-20 04:46:26 PM

moothemagiccow: Diogenes: While she was preparing his fifth beer, I got up to use the restroom and asked her to stop serving him.

If I were that passenger and overheard that, I would have slapped that guy's features clear off his face and onto the fuselage.

and confirmed his fears and forced the plane to make an emergency landing in bumfark Louisiana. Smart.


Absolutely correct, so wait till he de-boards and beat his ass in the airport bathroom.
 
2014-06-20 04:46:29 PM

Kahabut: This farking guy.  "no-thrills" is like "I could be less interested" or "for all intensive purposes".


"French benefits".
 
2014-06-20 04:46:58 PM
They could solve this issue by letting us bring our own scotch and bourbon on with us...
 
2014-06-20 04:47:14 PM

Trocadero: FuzedBox: As far as major airlines go, Southwest has a pretty good safety record. The worst they ever did was procrastinate on a bunch of inspections; they were fined for a metric shiatload by the FAA and that was that.

They also discovered a new aluminum embrittlement b/c they had a lot of planes make very shot hops constantly, pressurizing and de-pressurizing constantly and rapidly (not to mention the thermal stresses) which the engineers didn't account for (the plane wasn't designed to take off and land that often in that short of a time frame.


I didn't know that, but it makes sense for a company that's entirely based on mid-range liners making puddle jumps. I wonder how these newfangled composite jets are going to fare with "plastic fatigue".
 
2014-06-20 04:47:20 PM
It would be my luck to get stuck next to this douche. It's not uncommon for me to get on a flight with a slight buzz when I'm flying home from a work trip. Look, I just worked five 16+ hour days in a row, just let me enjoy my expensive airport beers and fall asleep before takeoff.

I don't see the issue here. Unless you're being a major drunk idiot or sloppy, how is this affecting anyone?
 
2014-06-20 04:47:31 PM

Jument: tricycleracer: fark exit rows.  The tray table sucks.

I recently booked a flight on American. I noticed the were charging over $70 extra for exit rows and the row in front of the exit rows. I checked on seatguru and those farking seats don't even recline! Screw you, airlines. I ended up paying the extra $70 and change for an aisle a few rows ahead of exit. Sucks but the only other option was a middle seat near the back, which is the very definition of hell.


Depends. Larger aircraft usually have two rows of exit row seating. Both have more legroom, but the first row of exit row seats (as well as the normal seating in front of the exit row) don't recline. This is so a reclined seat can't block the emergency exit. The second row of emergency exit seating reclines fine.

Of course, I've been tempted to get Knee Defenders for those daytime flights when the douchebag in front of me reclines his seat all the way after takeoff and leaves it there the entire flight.
 
2014-06-20 04:48:19 PM

omgwtfark: I am impressed. If I can get served twice on a SWA flight I consider that a success.


I once drank all the Bourbon on a flight from Kansas City to San Antonio.

//They'd only stocked two minibottles, but it sounds more impressive this way.
 
2014-06-20 04:48:49 PM

Gonz: omgwtfark: I am impressed. If I can get served twice on a SWA flight I consider that a success.

I once drank all the Bourbon on a flight from Kansas City to San Antonio.

//They'd only stocked two minibottles, but it sounds more impressive this way.


What brand?
 
2014-06-20 04:49:02 PM

Cpl.D: Rev. Skarekroe: [o.onionstatic.com image 850x595]

I seen that guy's cartoons before.  Than man must be an insufferable jackass in real life.  Jingoism practically exudes from his works.  Ever seen the one about the new light bulbs?  He drew Edison crying in his grave over it.  What a sub-douche.  That like a douche, only it's an off-brand version shipped in from a country with suspect quality standards.


I cant tell if you're trolling or not. Good job!
 
2014-06-20 04:49:08 PM

LessO2: I'm going against the grain here.  I think it's a good idea to keep the folks in the exit row sober.


It's  FARK,  so vomiting drunks is going to be the normal view here.

But alas,  I think pretty much all the folks on the plane ought to be 'not drunk'.
 
2014-06-20 04:49:38 PM

some_beer_drinker: getting so drunk on a plane that i don't know my own name, is my god given right. And no man or stewardess had better interfere.


I'm with you there. If the plane goes down, I want to be nice and relaxed as we go cartwheeling through the cornfield. And why worry about the exit door when the fuselage will split open like an over-cooked sausage? With any luck, by using the elderly and toddlers as handholds, you can crawl out well ahead of the flames, and if not, well, there's the sausage metaphor again.
 
2014-06-20 04:50:00 PM
At first, my initial thoughts were similar to Diogenes, but then I realized he touts himself as some sort of writer.  The first quarter of his piece was so convoluted, I felt it worthy of a Jackie Chan WTF Did I Just Read gif.  This is another tedious piece he wrote recently about what Millennials will wrought.


Here's a picture of Jeff.  If you run into him in boarding lounge, play the knockout game with him so he won't ruin the flight.
gaia.adage.com
 
2014-06-20 04:50:02 PM
Irrational fear of alcohol? Did my Mother In Law write it? Did you know that her neighbors drank almost a whole bottle of wine over the course of an evening last week and that they're complete alcoholics?
 
2014-06-20 04:50:26 PM

Jument: Oh, and Jeff Fromm is a complete asshole. DIAF, jerk. A light buzz makes a day of travel go by much faster but if I ever find out I'm flying with you I'm going to sit in the exit row and get completely hammered.


Better yet, sit in the seat right next to him and 'beer breath' him the entire way....

And if this guy is so farking worried about the integrity of the exit rows, why doesn't he sit HIS farking nosy ass in them?
 
2014-06-20 04:51:08 PM

Cerebral Ballsy: That comic is a Poe comic. It's making *fun* of the douches.


Hehe.  That's the fun with Poe's law, no?  There's a blade on both sides of that particular knife.  :D

/apologies to those that took me srs
 
2014-06-20 04:51:19 PM
Are they serving booze to the crew? Too bad, that pilot looks like he needs to relax.
 
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