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(The Raw Story)   Performance artist and/or crazy person Victoria Jackson releases her second campaign video in her quest to become a county commissioner for Williamson County, TN and, well, it's exactly as crazy as you'd expect   (rawstory.com) divider line 58
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1637 clicks; posted to Politics » on 20 Jun 2014 at 2:18 PM (23 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-06-20 12:12:21 PM  
"Well," Buddy Kalb said, "I think you should vote for Victoria Jackson because she's a very serious-minded person - unlike her persona, which is just an act. She takes things very seriously, she's like a coin...on the other side, she's a very serious-minded person about this country, about politics, and the direction that we're going. So, you should vote for her because she's a very serious-minded person."

That HAS to be a euphemism of some sort.
 
2014-06-20 12:54:46 PM  
Yet another example how too much religion will make a person bat-shiat crazy.  See also:  Kirk Cameron.
 
2014-06-20 01:27:44 PM  
Shouldn't she be in a kitchen somewhere, barefoot and pregnant?
 
2014-06-20 01:29:47 PM  

Diogenes: "Well," Buddy Kalb said, "I think you should vote for Victoria Jackson because she's a very serious-minded person - unlike her persona, which is just an act. She takes things very seriously, she's like a coin...on the other side, she's a very serious-minded person about this country, about politics, and the direction that we're going. So, you should vote for her because she's a very serious-minded person."

That HAS to be a euphemism of some sort.


Bless her heart.
 
2014-06-20 01:59:51 PM  
That reminds me, I didn't miss her on the "Women of SNL" special a few weeks ago.
 
2014-06-20 02:16:47 PM  

BunkyBrewman: That reminds me, I didn't miss her on the "Women of SNL" special a few weeks ago.


I wouldn't have minded seeing her pussy.

Toonces, that is.

img.fark.net
 
2014-06-20 02:21:44 PM  

Diogenes: "Well," Buddy Kalb said, "I think you should vote for Victoria Jackson because she's a very serious-minded person - unlike her persona, which is just an act. She takes things very seriously, she's like a coin...on the other side, she's a very serious-minded person about this country, about politics, and the direction that we're going. So, you should vote for her because she's a very serious-minded person."

That HAS to be a euphemism of some sort.


I R serious minded cat?
I can haz too many cheezburgr?
 
2014-06-20 02:25:29 PM  

gopher321: Shouldn't she be in a kitchen hospital somewhere, barefoot and pregnant restrained for her own safety?


FTFY.
 
2014-06-20 02:25:33 PM  
We live in a day and age of politics when nothing makes me go, "you gotta be kidding me".
 
2014-06-20 02:26:05 PM  
Sweet Jeebus, don't look into the eyes.  The crazy will swallow you whole.

/Surrealism has no place in campaigning
//She and her supporters don't apparently even realize what the position she is campaigning for entails.
///Three slashies for three serious-minded's
 
2014-06-20 02:26:22 PM  
The youtubes link because, well RS has a shiatty website and there video feeds lick taint.
 
2014-06-20 02:27:32 PM  
This has got to be some kind of attempt at not just dethroning Andy Kaufman as the king of the long con, but to set a record that will stand for the rest of time.
 
2014-06-20 02:28:43 PM  

Diogenes: "Well," Buddy Kalb said, "I think you should vote for Victoria Jackson because she's a very serious-minded person - unlike her persona, which is just an act. She takes things very seriously, she's like a coin...on the other side, she's a very serious-minded person about this country, about politics, and the direction that we're going. So, you should vote for her because she's a very serious-minded person."

That HAS to be a euphemism of some sort.


www.punjabigraphics.com
 
2014-06-20 02:29:32 PM  

UncomfortableSilence: Sweet Jeebus, don't look into the eyes.  The crazy will swallow you whole.

/Surrealism has no place in campaigning
//She and her supporters don't apparently even realize what the position she is campaigning for entails.
///Three slashies for three serious-minded's


Why would you say such a thing, US, I find that VERY hurtful, do I look Crazy to you?

www.rawstory.com
 
2014-06-20 02:29:54 PM  

BunkyBrewman: That reminds me, I didn't miss her on the "Women of SNL" special a few weeks ago.


Wait wait wait. It's actually THAT Victoria Jackson? I just assumed it was some idiot with the same name.

Seriously, Lorne, what did you DO to her?
 
2014-06-20 02:32:42 PM  
We will NOT build casinos on the moon!!!1!

/goo goo ga ga
 
2014-06-20 02:34:25 PM  

rjakobi: BunkyBrewman: That reminds me, I didn't miss her on the "Women of SNL" special a few weeks ago.

Wait wait wait. It's actually THAT Victoria Jackson? I just assumed it was some idiot with the same name.

Seriously, Lorne, what did you DO to her?


As I understand it, Chevy and Eddie got her good and coked up, ran a train, and then Belushi vomited into her Toonces while Steve Martin sat in a closet and jerked off to the whole thing.

Legend says a young Adam Sandler heard the commotion through a thin dressing room wall, and the resultant mental scarring is why we have to deal with "Blended."
 
2014-06-20 02:35:49 PM  
www.rawstory.com

GAAAAH!!!!!
 
2014-06-20 02:39:42 PM  

Magorn: UncomfortableSilence: Sweet Jeebus, don't look into the eyes.  The crazy will swallow you whole.

/Surrealism has no place in campaigning
//She and her supporters don't apparently even realize what the position she is campaigning for entails.
///Three slashies for three serious-minded's

Why would you say such a thing, US, I find that VERY hurtful, do I look Crazy to you?

[www.rawstory.com image 615x345]


I have looked into the eyes of madness, I have seen only death and despair and a sketch about needing to remove a sixth finger.
 
2014-06-20 02:40:57 PM  
That headline got crazier as it went along.
 
2014-06-20 02:41:04 PM  
www.rawstory.com


CAN'T

LOOK

    AWAY....

 
2014-06-20 02:43:08 PM  
img.fark.net

YOUR MIND IS COMPROMISED

YOU WILL VOTE REPUBLICAN

YOU WILL LOVE ME

I AM YOUR EVERYTHING

SUBMIT OBEY SUBMIT
 
2014-06-20 02:47:07 PM  

Magorn: UncomfortableSilence: Sweet Jeebus, don't look into the eyes.  The crazy will swallow you whole.

/Surrealism has no place in campaigning
//She and her supporters don't apparently even realize what the position she is campaigning for entails.
///Three slashies for three serious-minded's

Why would you say such a thing, US, I find that VERY hurtful, do I look Crazy to you?

[www.rawstory.com image 615x345]


Pffffft.  Anyone can look crazy.  But she walks the walk.
 
2014-06-20 02:51:49 PM  

clancifer: Yet another example how too much religion will make a person bat-shiat crazy.  See also:  Kirk Cameron.


Religion didn't make this poor woman insane. Religion is just the excuse she uses to justify her insanity both to herself and the people around her.

If anything, her crazy tea-party dominion religion is probably helpful. Mental illness can be really isolating, and this gives her a social group that accepts her for what she is.
 
2014-06-20 02:53:22 PM  

The Larch: his gives her a social group that accepts her for what she is.


That's a funny way of saying "reinforces the delusional mental state to grift money off of impressionable people."
 
2014-06-20 02:54:04 PM  
i59.tinypic.com
You know what Belushi would do to that guitar.
 
2014-06-20 02:59:11 PM  
img.fark.net

www.uni.illinois.edu
 
2014-06-20 03:04:29 PM  

Obama's Reptiloid Master: The Larch: his gives her a social group that accepts her for what she is.

That's a funny way of saying "reinforces the delusional mental state to grift money off of impressionable people."


She's insane. Anything that postpones the day when she finds herself living in a cardboard box and yelling at squirrels is a good thing. If this tea party crap helps keep her deal with her problems, I'm happy for her.
 
2014-06-20 03:04:53 PM  
This from a woman Weird Al once referred to as "a human matress."
 
2014-06-20 03:06:01 PM  

Mikey1969: [www.rawstory.com image 615x345]


CAN'TLOOK    AWAY....


Is she staring into your soul or the menu of the local Chili's?
 
2014-06-20 03:24:55 PM  
My first thought was "take those eyes, photoshop them onto Kathy Bates holding a sledgehammer (from Misery), and nothing would change."

My second thought was of Pearl from the final seasons of MST3K. Don't ask me why.
 
2014-06-20 03:27:41 PM  
img.fark.net

We're missing a Huge Opportunity here. We should make her President of the United States. Then, when a country starts acting up, when a country won't do what we want, we'll say, "You wanna talk to Victoria?"

They'll be all, "No! Please God NO!"
 
2014-06-20 03:31:46 PM  

Obama's Reptiloid Master: rjakobi: BunkyBrewman: That reminds me, I didn't miss her on the "Women of SNL" special a few weeks ago.

Wait wait wait. It's actually THAT Victoria Jackson? I just assumed it was some idiot with the same name.

Seriously, Lorne, what did you DO to her?

As I understand it, Chevy and Eddie got her good and coked up, ran a train, and then Belushi vomited into her Toonces while Steve Martin sat in a closet and jerked off to the whole thing.

Legend says a young Adam Sandler heard the commotion through a thin dressing room wall, and the resultant mental scarring is why we have to deal with "Blended."


media.npr.org "Why, I was at there for the orgy that turned Victoria Jackson from an idealistic young actress into a coked up shallow wreck of a human being.  I remember it vividly, as it happened the weekend after the conception of Strom Thurmond's last child.
The affair started with Jim Belushi getting her to snort the last of her brother's cocaine; all in all Ms. Jackson consumed a good half kilogram of narcotics during the course of the evening.  Her nearly non-existent senses dulled by the narcotics made it easy to convince her to allow the room to run a train on her.  Steve Martin, while masturbating in the corner of the room, acted as the conductor, directing the room into her one or two at a time.  After Chevy Chase and Eddie Murphy astounded the crowd with an arousing same-hole double penetration, Mr. Belushi vomited onto her back and than passed out.

Legend says that a young Adam Sandler witnessed the entire event through a small hole in the wall and the sight of seeing the tragicly mentally deficient young starlet covered in comedian goo and vomit served as the inspiration to both "Blended" and "Jack and Jill."
"
 
2014-06-20 03:31:52 PM  

rjakobi: BunkyBrewman: That reminds me, I didn't miss her on the "Women of SNL" special a few weeks ago.

Wait wait wait. It's actually THAT Victoria Jackson? I just assumed it was some idiot with the same name.

Seriously, Lorne, what did you DO to her?


Apparently crazy runs in the family.  Julia Sweeney said she was always on the verge of going off the cliff.
 
2014-06-20 03:38:42 PM  

UncomfortableSilence: Mikey1969: [www.rawstory.com image 615x345]


CAN'TLOOK    AWAY....

Is she staring into your soul or the menu of the local Chili's?


Actually, coincidentally enough, I have a Chili's menu imprinted on my soul, so she can multitask and do both at once.
 
2014-06-20 03:40:14 PM  

Magorn: UncomfortableSilence: Sweet Jeebus, don't look into the eyes.  The crazy will swallow you whole.

/Surrealism has no place in campaigning
//She and her supporters don't apparently even realize what the position she is campaigning for entails.
///Three slashies for three serious-minded's

Why would you say such a thing, US, I find that VERY hurtful, do I look Crazy to you?

[www.rawstory.com image 615x345]


GAAAHHH!!!!!!

 
2014-06-20 03:46:29 PM  

Diogenes: BunkyBrewman: That reminds me, I didn't miss her on the "Women of SNL" special a few weeks ago.

I wouldn't have minded seeing her pussy.

Toonces, that is.

[img.fark.net image 272x186]


"That damn cat was the best lay I ever had."

/obscure?
 
2014-06-20 03:53:25 PM  
That picture of her looks all wrong.  Can't quite put my finger on it......wait a minute.

i.imgur.com

That's better.
 
2014-06-20 04:14:47 PM  

Miss Nova: This has got to be some kind of attempt at not just dethroning Andy Kaufman as the king of the long con, but to set a record that will stand for the rest of time.


jokes on you- victoria jackson IS andy kaufmans long con!
 
2014-06-20 04:16:42 PM  

gopher321: Shouldn't she be in a kitchen somewhere, barefoot and pregnant?


Shut the hell up! Nobody gains if she reproduces.
 
2014-06-20 04:27:53 PM  

The Larch: Obama's Reptiloid Master: The Larch: his gives her a social group that accepts her for what she is.

That's a funny way of saying "reinforces the delusional mental state to grift money off of impressionable people."

She's insane. Anything that postpones the day when she finds herself living in a cardboard box and yelling at squirrels is a good thing. If this tea party crap helps keep her deal with her problems, I'm happy for her.


Finding a group of like-minded crazy people is not necessarily a bad thing.  However, when the crazy people start organizing politically in order to impose their crazy on the rest of us, something has gone horribly wrong.
 
2014-06-20 04:31:33 PM  

UNC_Samurai: rjakobi: BunkyBrewman: That reminds me, I didn't miss her on the "Women of SNL" special a few weeks ago.

Wait wait wait. It's actually THAT Victoria Jackson? I just assumed it was some idiot with the same name.

Seriously, Lorne, what did you DO to her?

Apparently crazy runs in the family.  Julia Sweeney said she was always on the verge of going off the cliff.


I remember Julia telling a story about listening in on a huge argument between Victoria Jackson and Al Franken over Universal Health Care. She summarized it as:

"Victoria, you as a Christian, should wanthealth care for everybody."
"Noooooo. If people die sooner, they get to Jesus faster."

And that point, he stormed off and never spoke to her again.

I would have said, "then why are you against abortions? That's putting unborn babies on the super express train to Jesus."
 
2014-06-20 04:45:40 PM  

mr intrepid: Shut the hell up! Nobody gains if she reproduces.


Apparently she already has. Twice. And is now a grandmother. The contagion spreads..
 
2014-06-20 05:09:19 PM  

geoduck42: mr intrepid: Shut the hell up! Nobody gains if she reproduces.

Apparently she already has. Twice. And is now a grandmother. The contagion spreads..


c'Mon Darwin you had ONE job.....
 
2014-06-20 05:16:47 PM  
VJ trying to set some policy for her county, "How many handstands do I have to do to get anything done around here?"

/More power to her. She has twenty years on me and I can't do a handstand.
 
2014-06-20 05:21:36 PM  

meteorite: This from a woman Weird Al once referred to as "a human matress."


I'm both amused and intrigued. Context, please!
 
2014-06-20 06:25:09 PM  

Rhaab: meteorite: This from a woman Weird Al once referred to as "a human matress."

I'm both amused and intrigued. Context, please!


onwardstate.com
"Calling Ms. Jackson a human mattress is a bit of a misnomer.   You see, people sleep on top of a mattress.   The problem with the idea of being on top of Victoria is that she's simply just not worth the effort.   Victoria was what the French would call 'a fark on convenience, not one of desire.'  People had sex with because they desired a luke-warm hole to use at will, not because they were seeking her out arousal.  Most men would prefer to just quickly bend her over a nearby desk or chair, or just lay where and make her do all the work."
 
2014-06-20 06:28:49 PM  

theknuckler_33: [www.rawstory.com image 615x345]

GAAAAH!!!!!


But, remember, Republicans are hotter than Democrats.

assets.nydailynews.com
 
2014-06-20 07:31:04 PM  
I have a confession to make.  It's all my fault.

The first time I encountered Ms. Jackson, I was enchanted by her odd toddler voice and pendulous breasts. The combination of the two made me feel dirty. I asked her back to my place and she accepted.

Once we arrived, I offered her a drink. She turned it down. I suggested she allow me to have sex with her mouth, but she denied me the pleasure (and kept talking). Finally, when it seemed all hope for a fun evening was to be dashed on the rocks of celebrity privilege, I found a way to entertain myself: I clubbed her over the head with an enormous cartoon mallet, and then took her to my laboratory.

Once strapped onto the tablet, I decided the best use of our time together would involve electroshock therapy. I gave her a few good jolts, and then unstrapped her, took her back out to the living room, and revived her with smelling salts. She awoke and thanked me for the lovely evening, but said she had to get home now. I escorted her to the door and that was that.

The following weekend, there was a knock on my door. When I answered it, I was surprised to see Ms. Jackson standing in my threshold, grinning like a fool. "SURPRISE!" she said, and when she saw the look on my face she explained, "I felt SO good after our last date that I decided to surprise you with a second one! So here I am!"

Again, I offered her a drink, which she refused, and a cock in the mouth, which she declined politely. She smiled and glanced at my gigantic cartoon mallet propped in the corner, and raised her eyebrows knowingly.

POW. She was smiling.

This time, I opted to try a little trepanning. Once she was strapped in, I got out my power drill and neatly burrowed into her skull in two spots. I may have slipped a bit and hit her brain a little, but after the bleeding was stopped via the generous application of Play-Doh and Superglue, I took her back out into the living room, woke her with the smelling salts, and we said our good-byes.

The following week, she arrived five minutes earlier than the previous week. Smiling wide, she asked to come in, and again, I offered her that drink, which she declined, and the opportunity to taste my tallywacker, which she giggled at but also politely refused. "You know what I want, big boy!" she said, tilting her head repeatedly toward the comically large mallet in the corner. I couldn't help but notice that this time her voice was a little shaky, but I complied nonetheless.

POW. She was out and smiling maniacally.

I was tired of fooling around, so this time I cut a hole in the top of her skull and farked it. I farked that skull-hole good and long. When I finally reached my climax, I watched to see if my love-buddies would eventually ooze from her flaring nostrils, but alas- They never made their escape from the inner recesses of her cranium. When I was finished depositing every last drop into the spaces between left and right hemisphere, I wiped off my schlong, tucked it away in my special radiation-proof codpiece, then replaced the plug of skull in her head with a wad of Bounty paper towels, and secured it with Blu-Tack. I replaced the missing hair with a weave of fur from an old fox coat my grandmother had left to me, and then I took Ms. Jackson's inert form back into the living room and woke her with the smelling salts. She smiled upon waking and exclaimed, "Wow! I can see forever!"

"You can never come back here again, Ms. Jackson." I said.

She nodded sadly, muttering something about gay Muslims ruining the country for Christians and howler monkeys, and shuffled out the door. The next time I saw her was decades later, on Fox News. I could still see the scars where I'd drilled into her skull. I like to think that sometimes she blows her nose, and a little bit of my love-sauce is mixed in there to this day, because it has slowly been making babies in her brain.

/fictional.
//She never actually said "no" to oral sex.
///also possibly a parody.
 
2014-06-20 08:22:07 PM  
Nix Nightbird:

That is the most cringeworthy thing I have read in a very long time, and I know people who write zombie erotica.
 
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