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(The Consumerist)   Tulsa man charged with masturbating in a Walmart. No, not the Tulsa guy from last month, this is a completely different guy. What the hell is going on at that Walmart?   (consumerist.com) divider line 83
    More: Strange, Walmart, Tulsa  
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2291 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Jun 2014 at 10:38 AM (5 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



83 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-06-20 09:42:38 AM
In retrospect, maybe the "Our Prices Are So Low, We Dare You To Try and Beat It!" banner outside the store was poorly worded
 
2014-06-20 09:49:09 AM
I think it's more of a Tulsa problem.  People of Walmart is the top porn search there.
 
2014-06-20 09:49:17 AM
Have you SEEN some of those people of Walmart?  Can anybody be blamed for not being able to keep it in their pants?
 
Pud [TotalFark]
2014-06-20 10:09:42 AM
It's all the back boobs. Guys in Tulsa just can't control themselves when there are sooo many back boobs around.
 
2014-06-20 10:39:50 AM
Better to practice procreating than to make more farking walmart shoppers.
 
2014-06-20 10:41:54 AM
You should only masterbate at the dollar store. Walmart is too classy for that kind of thing.
 
2014-06-20 10:42:12 AM
What the hell is going on at that Walmart?

Masturbation, apparently.
 
2014-06-20 10:43:43 AM
It's because of those sexy cashiers. Lurleen in all that tight polyester, Shaniqua in that vest...who can blame a man?
 
2014-06-20 10:44:17 AM
Stupid, sexy Walmart.
 
2014-06-20 10:44:39 AM
Roll back aisle 12!

The foreskin. that is.
 
2014-06-20 10:46:25 AM
It's the mannequins..

www.sitcomsonline.com
 
2014-06-20 10:47:01 AM
The first rule of Tulsa Walmart masturbation club is that no one talks about Tulsa Walmart masturbation club.
 
2014-06-20 10:47:53 AM
He was just overjoyed when he saw such quality at so low prices, cleanliness of the store, and such helpful employees. Any one would loose control, wouldn't they ?
Oh yeah, the hot customers too:
www.secretsofthefed.com
 
2014-06-20 10:48:48 AM
Pants half off in Aisle 4...8....36...electronics...housewares...and Jimmy "clean up" in Produce
 
2014-06-20 10:49:07 AM
lol.
That's like 2 minutes away from where I live.

Uh... totally not me.
 
2014-06-20 10:49:27 AM
When the 300lb lady in the shopping scooter bends over to pick up the box of HoHos she dropped in the poorly mopped sludge just under the shelves, you know you can't help but touch yourself.
 
2014-06-20 10:50:47 AM

Jaden Smith First of His Name: Stupid, sexy Walmart.


I've been to that Wal-Mart and it is sexy. I just have better control. Don't judge me.
 
2014-06-20 10:52:08 AM
i65.photobucket.com
 
2014-06-20 10:52:14 AM
They must stock the atari 2600 pornographic games there.
 
2014-06-20 10:53:15 AM
It's a distraction engineered by cunning shoplifters. How do you think they could take two dozen 60" TVs out the front door without challenge?
 
2014-06-20 10:54:23 AM
What the hell is going on at that Walmart?

Maybe people really, REALLY like shopping there, Subby.
 
2014-06-20 10:55:44 AM
"Now Hiring Upstanding Team Members"

How would you have interpreted that?
 
2014-06-20 10:57:03 AM
I'd hate to tell TPD how to do their job, but maybe they could see if one of these guys might be the man who has raped six women in their homes near that store in the past two weeks.
 
2014-06-20 10:58:08 AM
Is anyone seriously not seeing the odd connection with the whack jobs that go to Walmart?
 
2014-06-20 10:58:25 AM

cig-mkr: He was just overjoyed when he saw such quality at so low prices, cleanliness of the store, and such helpful employees. Any one would loose control, wouldn't they ?
Oh yeah, the hot customers too:
[www.secretsofthefed.com image 725x1001]


img.fark.net
 
2014-06-20 10:59:40 AM
What a jerk.
 
2014-06-20 10:59:45 AM
I would rather jerk off in a porta potty at a chilli festival than at any Walmart.
 
2014-06-20 11:00:47 AM
That's taking the Save Money, Live Better creed to a whole new level.
 
2014-06-20 11:01:59 AM

acad1228: I'd hate to tell TPD how to do their job, but maybe they could see if one of these guys might be the man who has raped six women in their homes near that store in the past two weeks.


That would not be shocking to connect. I mean, it's likely that all 6 shopped at that store. The perp could've followed them home.

Although, maybe these jackoffs got arrested because this store is under surveillance due to the serial rape cases.
 
2014-06-20 11:04:17 AM
I thought it was agreed on that masturbating was to take place at Burger King where you can have it your way?  People, we need to set up clear and consistent rules for masturbating outside the house!!!
 
2014-06-20 11:05:54 AM

webcamCat: Roll back aisle 12!

The foreskin. that is.


You know that they sell that excess smegma as Great Value Ricotta Cheese, right?

/hurk
//oh god, why did I type that?
///slashies.... running to read something pleasant... kittens!!
 
M-G
2014-06-20 11:08:05 AM
The 81st St store?  Right across the street from Oral Roberts University?  Perhaps a frustrated student....
 
2014-06-20 11:10:31 AM

Yaw String: [i65.photobucket.com image 611x404]


What would he be beating off to -- the hawt GMILF or the gun?  I know, insert why not both GIF.
 
2014-06-20 11:13:01 AM

big pig peaches: You should only masterbate at the dollar store. Walmart is too classy for that kind of thing.


At least slip a condom on first.
 
2014-06-20 11:14:29 AM
what poor stock boy got that cleanup call.
 
2014-06-20 11:14:36 AM
Stealing Billions every year with the help of communist (acc. to cia.gov)  chinese labor, among others, apparently turns crony 'murican Capitalists on.


Lube, isle 12.
 
2014-06-20 11:16:56 AM
also, heads up.  if you ever applied for a job at MaoMart or ever worked there, your personal info will stay on their computers in perpetuity.


they call it Freedom, or something like that.
 
2014-06-20 11:17:11 AM
media.peopleofwalmart.com
 
2014-06-20 11:17:16 AM

Buttknuckle: I would rather jerk off in a porta potty at a chilli festival than at any Walmart.


You've been going to the Walmart on your side of town.  The one on my side of town is kept up better.
 
2014-06-20 11:17:24 AM
If you absolutely must rub one out at a department store at least go the J. C. Penny. Their stores are much cleaner and the staff and customers are more likely to have 46 chromosomes.
 
2014-06-20 11:18:17 AM
Walmart: We exploit cheap, communist (acc. to cia.gov) chinese labor so you don't have to!!
 
2014-06-20 11:19:17 AM

cig-mkr: He was just overjoyed when he saw such quality at so low prices, cleanliness of the store, and such helpful employees. Any one would loose control, wouldn't they ?
Oh yeah, the hot customers too:


Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
*inhale*
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
*inhale*
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAH
 
2014-06-20 11:20:24 AM
it's also safe to say that republican Oklahoma isn't full of rocket scientists.  by any stretch of the imagination.  that is why it's republican.  they don't know any better.
 
2014-06-20 11:20:36 AM
♪ I don't fap anywhere else. When I go to Walmart I touch myself ♪
 
2014-06-20 11:20:52 AM

Langston: In retrospect, maybe the "Our Prices Are So Low, We Dare You To Try and Beat It!" banner outside the store was poorly worded


God help them when they put their "Your One-Stop Home for the Golden Hurricanes" banner.
 
2014-06-20 11:22:22 AM

BizarreMan: Have you SEEN some of those people of Walmart?  Can anybody be blamed for not being able to keep it in their pants?



A little muffin top may be understandable, but at some point you just need to buy bigger pants.
 
2014-06-20 11:23:02 AM

Tyrosine: If you absolutely must rub one out at a department store at least go the J. C. Penny. Their stores are much cleaner and the staff and customers are more likely to have 46 chromosomes.


Whole Foods or Trader Joes would probably be good too.
 
2014-06-20 11:23:12 AM
to be Frank,  i enjoy going to walmart periodically and watching homo sapien consumeritus in its Natural Habitat.  it can be a real learning experience.  sort of like the Zoo.  bring your kids. but don't feed the consumers.
 
2014-06-20 11:24:37 AM

M-G: The 81st St store?  Right across the street from Oral Roberts University?  Perhaps a frustrated student....


I'm surprised. That is the level of shenanigans we expect from the one at Admiral and Memorial.

Actually this is the same walmart that a woman was making shake and bake meth in... 
http://www.fox23.com/news/local/story/Woman-caught-making-meth-insid e- S-Tulsa-Walmart/Rgu31vt1m0me-p0WwKsN_w.cspx
 
2014-06-20 11:24:45 AM

BitwiseShift: It's a distraction engineered by cunning shoplifters. How do you think they could take two dozen 60" TVs out the front door without challenge?


It's Oklahoma. You are giving them far to much credit.
 
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