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(Onion AV Club)   Paramount Pictures unveils the next two years of releases. Michael Bay fans everywhere rejoice   ( ) divider line 12
    More: Stupid  
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3021 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 19 Jun 2014 at 1:10 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

12 Comments   (+0 »)
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2014-06-19 12:36:17 PM  
Look, when I go to the movies I don't want to have to think or understand.  My day-to-day life of pedestrian job and web surfing is just so incredibly taxing that I can't handle any thought in my free time.  I just wanna sit there and see crap blowing up and robots punching each other and guns and boobs and stuff.  You can enjoy your coherent plot and developed characters and gay-ass stuff, and I'll be here enjoying the rapping robots in the next Transformers movie.
2014-06-19 12:39:22 PM  
Some people are dumb and everyone else takes advantage of that.
2014-06-19 12:48:06 PM  
Well, Paramount does have access to this, which explains everything:
2014-06-19 01:39:26 PM  

bluorangefyre: Well, Paramount does have access to this, which explains everything:
[ image 375x446]

If only... If only...
2014-06-19 02:40:06 PM  
Wow, that's a whole lotta stupid to choose from.
2014-06-19 03:01:03 PM  
Whatever pisses the Internet Movie Critic Brigade off, I will support.
2014-06-19 03:24:21 PM  
New Ben Hur? That actually sounds potentially quite interesting.
2014-06-19 03:29:42 PM  
Television > Movies

Hollywood is barely even trying anymore.
2014-06-19 03:34:57 PM  
Personally, a movie with a good cast and a good script plays perfectly well on DVD or Netflix at home.  I might, might drop $25 a person for tickets and popcorn for a big blockbuster just for the big screen and sound system.
2014-06-19 08:06:55 PM  

Remaking "Ben Hur"?! Fark you, Paramount Pictures!

"More Jesus-y"? The whole point, the whole damned point, of not showing Jesus except in distance or out-of-frame shots was to ensure that you experienced the situation the way Judah Ben-Hur experienced it. The point was experiencing the key events of the later part of the life of Jesus through Judah Ben-Hur's eyes. If you get to interact with him directly, then why bother caring what Judah Ben-Hur went through?

What's next? Giving Judah a friggin' side kick?
2014-06-20 08:00:30 AM  
Headline: Paramount Pictures unveils the next two years of releases. Michael Bay fans everywhere rejoice

Just replace "Paramount" with "Universal" and "Michael Bay" with "Judd Apatow," and it will still make sense.

/Even "Sony" and "Sony electronics" would work
2014-06-20 07:11:47 PM  
FTA: Project Almanac, a found-footage film about friends who learn too late that attempting to relive and remold the past for their own gains over and over again has dire ramifications for the future.
As of press time, the irony was lost on Paramount
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