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(ABC)   Five questions Americans have about the World Cup but are too embarrassed to ask. Tag for you if you can not answer at least 3 correctly   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 184
    More: Dumbass, corner kicks, penalty shootouts, penalty box, Ghana, tie game, futsal positions, soccer  
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3856 clicks; posted to Sports » on 18 Jun 2014 at 8:32 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



184 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-06-18 05:23:37 PM  
1) Why does this game suck so hard?

2) Isn't this really more suitable for children?

3) So, you really have a majority of the games end in a draw?

4) Why bother with this crap?

5) When does NFL preseason start?
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2014-06-18 05:35:15 PM  
1.) Why don't you do something about that flopping crap?

2.) How damn hard is it to find someone to run the clock like they do in real sports, instead of pulling a random number out of your butt at the end of each half?

3.) Seriously, don't you realize the flopping makes you look like wusses?

4.) You'd sell more beer with timeouts. Why don't you people like beer?

5.) Didn't it ever occur to you to stop the clock when some wuss flops, and start it again when they're done spraying Zima on him?
 
2014-06-18 06:07:13 PM  
I answered all 5 correctly:

1. Who cares?
2. Who cares?
3. Who cares?
4. Who cares?
5. Who cares?
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-06-18 08:23:45 PM  
Why are there no commercials?

They didn't really answer this one. The answer is tradition and a billion potentially angry fans. Soccer could take a commercial break any time the ball is out of play (throw in, kicks, scores).

I remember watching an F1 race that had been Americanized. It was on delay but they still didn't show the whole race. The race cut away to commercial and came back with two minutes of action missing. Could they get away with that in Europe?
 
2014-06-18 08:47:06 PM  
Thing about Germany is, they always try an' walk it in.
 
2014-06-18 08:48:00 PM  
Soccer overseas: a national obsession

Soccer in the U.S.: a game played by children until they're old enough for Little League
 
2014-06-18 08:48:18 PM  

LordZorch: 3) So, you really have a majority of the games end in a draw?


3 games out of 20 have ended in a draw in the first round so far, with 60 goals being scored (for an average of 3 per game0.

17 > 3...
 
2014-06-18 08:49:08 PM  

ZAZ: Why are there no commercials?

They didn't really answer this one. The answer is tradition and a billion potentially angry fans. Soccer could take a commercial break any time the ball is out of play (throw in, kicks, scores).

I remember watching an F1 race that had been Americanized. It was on delay but they still didn't show the whole race. The race cut away to commercial and came back with two minutes of action missing. Could they get away with that in Europe?


That's the dumbest answer I've ever seen for that. Really? They could cut away during stoppages? The ball is out of play for like 10 seconds before it's back in, maybe 45 seconds before a free kick/goal kick, maybe 1.5 minutes after a goal. A goal can happen anytime during gameplay.

Hell, I missed the first US goal (28 seconds after kickoff) because I answered a text. Imagine missing a goal because it was a commercial break. There are typically ads above the score and then a bunch during half time. That's more than enough.

Why is this even a farking question? Do you really want more commercials?
 
2014-06-18 08:50:27 PM  

proteus_b: LordZorch: 3) So, you really have a majority of the games end in a draw?

3 games out of 20 have ended in a draw in the first round so far, with 60 goals being scored (for an average of 3 per game0.

17 > 3...


Now now, let him say his uninformed thing. I mean, it makes him sound like an ignorant moron, but it's his opinion.
 
2014-06-18 08:51:05 PM  
Why do they allow draws?

They didn't quite give the real answer, which is that there's so little scoring that if they didn't allow ties and stuck with overtimes, the game could go on God-damned forever.
 
2014-06-18 08:51:48 PM  

ZAZ: They didn't really answer this one. The answer is tradition and a billion potentially angry fans. Soccer could take a commercial break any time the ball is out of play (throw in, kicks, scores).


What with replays and celebrations after goals, and with how relatively quickly throw ins take place, I don't think there would be time for more than one or two short commercials at most.
 
2014-06-18 08:54:51 PM  
Someone got paid to write this.
 
2014-06-18 08:55:15 PM  
6) Does anything interesting ever happen?

No
 
2014-06-18 08:58:50 PM  
1. Is the referee on the take?
2. Why are so many players subjected to crippling injuries that magically heal in seconds?
3. Why the overenthusiastic celebration after scoring on a penalty kick, when they have an 85% success rate? Why not just celebrate the awarding of the penalty kick instead?
4. Why even bother with the penalty arc?
5. And the flags on the corners. Those are kind of stupid, too. Oh wait, this isn't a question. How about: aren't those flags on the corners kind of stupid?
 
2014-06-18 08:59:35 PM  
So the answer for the goalies wearing different uniforms is "'cause the rules say so."

If you couldn't tell by the big ol' gloves they're wearing then you probably shouldn't be allowed to be an official.

/also, I like the idea that anyone can be designated as goalie at any time by a glove exchange anywhere on the field
 
2014-06-18 09:01:39 PM  
"How the hell does offsides work?"
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-06-18 09:03:59 PM  
veale728

They would have to pause the game (and the clock) for a predetermined time to allow commercials, the same way the NFL has defined delays at certain pauses in the action.
 
2014-06-18 09:04:58 PM  

edmo: "How the hell does offsides work?"


Just like offsides in  Buzkashi.
 
2014-06-18 09:08:38 PM  
I tried watching soccer, I really did... but after a few minutes I had to switch to a baseball game just to stay awake.
 
2014-06-18 09:11:01 PM  

calbert: I tried watching soccer, I really did... but after a few minutes I had to switch to a baseball game just to stay awake.


Lol, baseball? Is that the joke?
 
2014-06-18 09:15:36 PM  
Why does the goalie wear a different color jersey?

Because the other players and referees need to know who the goalies are, and the giant Mickey Mouse gloves that goalies wear are invisible to other players and the referees. Strange but true. They could wear the same color jerseys but wear different colored shorts, or perhaps have the same design as the other players but just have a different color scheme, but...let's face it. The goalies have different color jerseys because they've ALWAYS had different color jerseys. And they ain't changing it.

How long does a game actually last?

It's a secret. They like to use clocks that run up instead of down, unlike every other goddamn sport in the world that's timed. And they don't believe in stopping the clock for injuries or penalties like every other sport in the world. They just tack on a few extra minutes at the end to compensate for the time that they should have stopped the clock for the injuries and penalties. Clocks that can be stopped and run down are kinda pricey. FIFA likes to save money where they can.

Why are there no commercials?

Since the clock doesn't stop, they can't have normal breaks. Plus, commercials are the tool of capitalist pig-dogs.

What's considered out of bounds?

That's a tough one. Soccer is so goddamn boring that most people don't even notice if a player leaves the field for a while. The furthest that a soccer player has traveled outside the lines and wasn't called out of bounds was 1.2 miles in 1972, when Carlo Migliorani (ITA) had to run home and turn off his iron that he accidentally left on. He was gone for 24 minutes. No one noticed.

Why do they allow draws?

Its because FIFA is cruel. They want you to travel halfway around the world, spend huge amounts of money on tickets and food, and THEN watch as your team punts a ball around a large field for at least 90 minutes, and then it ends with the same exact score that they started with before you did all of that. And then hopefully you'll go back to your hotel room and wonder why you even bothered.
 
2014-06-18 09:23:19 PM  

Lando Lincoln: Why do they allow draws?

Its because FIFA is cruel. They want you to travel halfway around the world, spend huge amounts of money on tickets and food, and THEN watch as your team punts a ball around a large field for at least 90 minutes, and then it ends with the same exact score that they started with before you did all of that. And then hopefully you'll go back to your hotel room and wonder why you even bothered.

Hell, they didn't even bother keeping score until 300 years after the sport was invented - it was just created for everyone to have fun drinking heavily and yelling racist epithets at poors. Then people started frowning on doing that directly so they decided to pretend there was a sport. This also explains the clock - initially they just grabbed a clock from someone's house and said "see, this is totes a sport, we have a game clock and everything".


/another way to improve soccer: If you want to have those stupid flags in the corners, then make it so if you capture either two (your end) or all four flags, you get a goal.
 
2014-06-18 09:41:12 PM  
If I hit the Powerball tonight, how much are the bribes for me to host the 2026 WC?

/ how much extra if I want Lithuania to win?
 
2014-06-18 09:41:19 PM  
Sorry subby, but your commie website tried to choke my computer.

/ Cricket has commercial breaks between overs, and if play is about to start, THEY INTERRUPT THE COMMERCIAL. I'm serious.
This is your clue that American sports are all just as real as pro wrestling.
 
2014-06-18 09:41:22 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: I answered all 5 correctly:

1. Who cares?
2. Who cares?
3. Who cares?
4. Who cares?
5. Who cares?


Times 12.

Fark you soccer and ESPN for pushing that shiat on us.
 
2014-06-18 09:43:14 PM  
4/5.  I wouldn't have been able to answer the Round of 16 and after overtime rules.
 
2014-06-18 09:46:20 PM  
Some funny, idiotic replies so far. Keep me coming.
 
2014-06-18 09:46:25 PM  
A lot of the sports tabs posters seem seriously threatened by soccer. It'll be interesting to see how mad you old sports fans get as soccer gets more popular.  I wonder if there's old assholes in Spain that get mad at basketball and make hacky jokes about it.
 
2014-06-18 09:47:02 PM  

HaywoodJablonski: Some funny, idiotic replies so far. Keep me coming.


Errrr. Keep EM coming. Goddamn autocorrect.
 
2014-06-18 09:47:05 PM  
Now now, let's not be a bunch of haters.

The World Cup is a perfectly fine sport to watch while taking an afternoon nap.
 
2014-06-18 09:47:40 PM  

TheJoe03: A lot of the sports tabs posters seem seriously threatened by soccer. It'll be interesting to see how mad you old sports fans get as soccer gets more popular.  I wonder if there's old assholes in Spain that get mad at basketball and make hacky jokes about it.


That's adorable. You actually think soccer will become popular.
 
2014-06-18 09:50:12 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-06-18 09:52:49 PM  

gunsmack: TheJoe03: A lot of the sports tabs posters seem seriously threatened by soccer. It'll be interesting to see how mad you old sports fans get as soccer gets more popular.  I wonder if there's old assholes in Spain that get mad at basketball and make hacky jokes about it.

That's adorable. You actually think soccer will become popular.


It's already more popular than hockey. The MLS isn't as big as the NHL but soccer is bigger than hockey for sure. It's certainly on the upswing. It's adorable that you can't see the obvious. People fear what they don't understand, boomers and gen x just didn't grow up with any familiarity with it and react in a very ignorant manner towards it. Its not even in my top 3 sports or anything but I enjoy a high level soccer competition, and this World Cup has been great to watch.
 
2014-06-18 09:54:50 PM  

edmo: "How the hell does offsides work?"


i291.photobucket.com
 
2014-06-18 09:59:32 PM  

TheJoe03: gunsmack: TheJoe03: A lot of the sports tabs posters seem seriously threatened by soccer. It'll be interesting to see how mad you old sports fans get as soccer gets more popular.  I wonder if there's old assholes in Spain that get mad at basketball and make hacky jokes about it.

That's adorable. You actually think soccer will become popular.

It's already more popular than hockey. The MLS isn't as big as the NHL but soccer is bigger than hockey for sure. It's certainly on the upswing. It's adorable that you can't see the obvious. People fear what they don't understand, boomers and gen x just didn't grow up with any familiarity with it and react in a very ignorant manner towards it. Its not even in my top 3 sports or anything but I enjoy a high level soccer competition, and this World Cup has been great to watch.


You seriously believe that anyone in the US will care about soccer between this WC and the next one? Bless your little heart.
 
2014-06-18 10:01:17 PM  

gunsmack: TheJoe03: gunsmack: TheJoe03: A lot of the sports tabs posters seem seriously threatened by soccer. It'll be interesting to see how mad you old sports fans get as soccer gets more popular.  I wonder if there's old assholes in Spain that get mad at basketball and make hacky jokes about it.

That's adorable. You actually think soccer will become popular.

It's already more popular than hockey. The MLS isn't as big as the NHL but soccer is bigger than hockey for sure. It's certainly on the upswing. It's adorable that you can't see the obvious. People fear what they don't understand, boomers and gen x just didn't grow up with any familiarity with it and react in a very ignorant manner towards it. Its not even in my top 3 sports or anything but I enjoy a high level soccer competition, and this World Cup has been great to watch.

You seriously believe that anyone in the US will care about soccer between this WC and the next one? Bless your little heart.


They already do. I know it's not big with old white guys but America is more than that.
 
2014-06-18 10:02:11 PM  
How exact is stoppage time, would they end the game on time as a player was just about to kick the ball into an open net or would they let the play continue?
 
2014-06-18 10:10:48 PM  

DrewCurtisJr: How exact is stoppage time, would they end the game on time as a player was just about to kick the ball into an open net or would they let the play continue?


The Ref always lets the team with the ball finish their attack/possession. Which means the game will usually end on a stoppage in play (out of bounds, penalty, etc.) or change in possession. Kind of like how a football team can finish their last play if they snap the ball before the clock runs out.

That's why they don't put an actual scoreboard up. The Ref decides when the game is over, not the clock.
 
2014-06-18 10:11:58 PM  
I r A dumBass at futbol.  I had to ask where the line was for offsides today of my co-worker who is really in to it.

He also really likes hockey.  I asked why they don't just paint a farking line on the field.  I don't know, but to me I like things defined like the blue line in hockey instead of a judgement call about where the three defenders where lined up.

/whatever, I guess it works for them
//also, go Netherlands
///oh, I only got 2 questions correct.  Didn't like the format of the quiz with the answers right there though, that's just lazy
 
2014-06-18 10:11:58 PM  
Maybe we just don't care.
 
2014-06-18 10:14:32 PM  

TheJoe03: calbert: I tried watching soccer, I really did... but after a few minutes I had to switch to a baseball game just to stay awake.

Lol, baseball? Is that the joke?



If the MLS stays competently run, soccer surpasses baseball in America in one generation.
 
2014-06-18 10:16:30 PM  

DrewCurtisJr: How exact is stoppage time, would they end the game on time as a player was just about to kick the ball into an open net or would they let the play continue?


Depends on the team.  If it's Brazil who needs the goal, extra time will be extended as much as Koman Coulibaly dares and won't blow the whistle anywhere near a potential goal.

One of these games I should grab a stopwatch and stop it for every activity every other sport would stop it for (injuries, out of bounds, substitutions, resetting after a goal, goalie standing there forever holding the ball) and see how the breakdown of play to dead ball really pans out.

that said, goodbye Spain, come on USA USA USA
 
2014-06-18 10:22:36 PM  
This article is bad and you should feel bad, subby.
 
2014-06-18 10:22:55 PM  
September - January:  NFL football.

August - May:  European soccer.

October - June:  NHL hockey.

July - November:  CFL football.

My sports year is covered by these.  June sucks usually, but this wonderful World Cup has it covered until the CFL kicks off!

Hooray for years with World Cups and Summer Olympics!
 
2014-06-18 10:23:24 PM  

Ishkur: DrewCurtisJr: How exact is stoppage time, would they end the game on time as a player was just about to kick the ball into an open net or would they let the play continue?

The Ref always lets the team with the ball finish their attack/possession. Which means the game will usually end on a stoppage in play (out of bounds, penalty, etc.) or change in possession. Kind of like how a football team can finish their last play if they snap the ball before the clock runs out.

That's why they don't put an actual scoreboard up. The Ref decides when the game is over, not the clock.


Thanks.
 
2014-06-18 10:24:41 PM  
heh i knew all of those.
 
2014-06-18 10:24:55 PM  

DrewCurtisJr: How exact is stoppage time, would they end the game on time as a player was just about to kick the ball into an open net or would they let the play continue?


they let scoring chances continue (except in the ncaa with its craptacular rules) until it's over.
 
2014-06-18 10:29:53 PM  

Wadded Beef: TheJoe03: calbert: I tried watching soccer, I really did... but after a few minutes I had to switch to a baseball game just to stay awake.

Lol, baseball? Is that the joke?


If the MLS stays competently run, soccer surpasses baseball in America in one generation.


Wholeheartedly agree.  I don't think there is any question that soccer is gaining popularity in the US.  In WC's past, my husband and I were alone in watching.  This time around, we have friends throwing viewing parties and can actually have informed conversations about it. Woot!

Baseball?  Now that's a snore fest. Watching at the ballpark is fun, but watching them on TV is like watching paint dry.
 
2014-06-18 10:35:33 PM  
You'll never see "instant replay challenge" in soccer. The refs are a part of the game. Challenge a ref more than please and thank you and you'll see a card.

I've learned to love this about the sport. Flopping seems like a huge drama and annoyance in a sporting match, but the first time you see a player get red carded for it you'll have a different appreciation for how this thing is run. Same for running your mouth or unsportsmanlike "extra curricular activity after the whistle", as they call it in the NFL.

Get off the playing surface, douche bag. And don't come back for a few games.
 
2014-06-18 10:37:43 PM  
Pretty sure the average IQ of the bros who whine about soccer is less than those who like it or don't biatch about it.
 
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