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(Chicago Trib)   Chicago is being plagued by murder memorials, and there are so many it's getting hard to navigate the sidewalks and streets on the South Side. Perhaps those memorials should be made illegal, solving the problem entirely   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 72
    More: Unlikely, Chicago, DePaul University, wrought-iron, monuments, Madison Street, familiar  
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3654 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jun 2014 at 4:14 PM (36 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-06-18 03:02:38 PM  
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/bummer.  I was going to read the article, then comment on how it should be illegal to kill somebody or something in liberal paradises
 
2014-06-18 03:15:19 PM  
"A lot of my friends, they gone. They're not here no more, so I've signed a lot of them," Hilliard, 35, said last month while sipping a cup of Remy Martin cognac near his nephew's memorial.

l.wigflip.com
 
2014-06-18 04:16:20 PM  
If memorials are outlawed, only outlaws will have memorials.
 
2014-06-18 04:17:08 PM  
IIT represent!

alumni.iit.edu

3300 S. Wabash
 
2014-06-18 04:17:16 PM  
Maybe if they enforced litter laws...
 
2014-06-18 04:17:49 PM  
Bad things happen when it gets dark.
 
2014-06-18 04:17:57 PM  
I feel like that headline is supposed to elicit some response in certain people, maybe an angry response. Like it was written to poke fun at somebody, or set us off in some way.

But it's probably just me.
 
2014-06-18 04:18:59 PM  
I really hate those things.  That's what cemeteries are for.  Stop putting up signs, ribbons, flowers, toys, booze, whatever.  Just because someone you know died there doesn't mean other people don't still need to use the space.

And stop putting crosses on the side of the road for accidents.  That's creepy as fark too.

Go put that stuff next to their headstone/grave marker.
 
2014-06-18 04:19:44 PM  
More gun laws will fix this problem of criminals ignoring gun laws right up.
 
2014-06-18 04:20:40 PM  
They should construct some kind of wall memorial with all their names.
 
2014-06-18 04:20:40 PM  

LaughingRadish: Maybe if they enforced litter laws...


I was wondering that as well. A local litter law in my area specifically has memorial displays mentioned where they can only stay for 6 months.
 
2014-06-18 04:21:14 PM  

I Like Shiny Things: Bad things happen when it gets dark.


Sometimes I trip over things and spill my drink...

But I don't see what that has to do with Chicago.
 
2014-06-18 04:22:39 PM  

miss diminutive: "A lot of my friends, they gone. They're not here no more, so I've signed a lot of them," Hilliard, 35, said last month while sipping a cup of Remy Martin cognac near his nephew's memorial.

[l.wigflip.com image 620x574]


I wouldn't dump a sip out "in memory of fallen homey", that shiat is expensive.
 
2014-06-18 04:25:28 PM  
Less killings, less memorials.  Problem solved!
 
2014-06-18 04:25:55 PM  

I Like Shiny Things: Bad things happen when it gets dark in Chicago.

 
2014-06-18 04:26:22 PM  
They should just make mourning the dead illegal.

/Problem solved.
 
2014-06-18 04:26:49 PM  

pkellmey: LaughingRadish: Maybe if they enforced litter laws...

I was wondering that as well. A local litter law in my area specifically has memorial displays mentioned where they can only stay for 6 months.


People must not die at the same rate where you are from, clean that shiat up after a week!
 
2014-06-18 04:26:52 PM  

bikerbob59: Less killings, less memorials.  Problem solved!


Not if you are a memorial salesmen.
 
2014-06-18 04:27:41 PM  
Obligatory link:  http://www.porkjerky.com/rip/

This guy travelled the country, taking pictures of himself waving beside roadside memorials and making fun of them.
 
2014-06-18 04:28:08 PM  
Chicago is a HORRIBLE place.  Just last year I went there and I can't tell you how terrible it was.  First, they charge almost $20 to get to the top of the Willis Tower.  Now, we thought the view from the Willis Tower was nice, but at $20 the Willis Tower is a bit overpriced considering we can see our whole town for free at Parker's Hill.

Then, the line for the Cheesecake Factory was over an hour long.  The portions were so tiny and they cost an arm and a leg.  I wasn't even full so I went to a hot dog vendor and ordered what he called a polished sausage.  I think he said polished.  I could hardly tell over his foreign accent.  I think he was Iranian because he was hairy and he kept trying to sell me this thing called a "yeerow".  Anyway, they didn't even have any ketchup for my polished sausage.  What kind of a shoddy operation is that?

I was getting pretty sick of that place so we decided to go to Grant's Park.  There were bums everywhere.  Some shifty one kept screaming "STREETWISE STREETWISE STREETWISE" in an obvious attempt to confuse me while his THUG HOMEY friends absconded with my wife.  I hear they like them big.  If only I had my piece I could have put down those THUGS right there.  I could have been the next George Zimmerman:  American Hero.

That's the last time I'll go to that dump.  Next year we're going to Atlanta for some real Southern Hospitality or maybe Dallas for an authentic Texas frontier experience.  I better get my cowboy hat!
 
2014-06-18 04:30:00 PM  
But, if they ban the memorials, where will I get a 40 here or there when I need one?
 
2014-06-18 04:30:26 PM  

Satan's Bunny Slippers: And stop putting crosses on the side of the road for accidents.  That's creepy as fark too.


When you think about it. All crosses are creepy. Thousands of years ago, millions of people were slowly tortured to death on those things. And yet, thousands of years later, cult fanatics of the fairy tale put them all over the place like little memorials for their hairy fairy god who rose like a zombie after being pegged with iron spikes and bled out with a spear.
If you're going to outlaw memorials, out law that creepy farking thing.
If he had been hanged, they'd all be walking around with nooses around their necks, which would be an improvement.
But that whole licking the torture device thing is pretty farked up.
And it is a dangerous cult.
 
2014-06-18 04:31:16 PM  

chitownmike: pkellmey: LaughingRadish: Maybe if they enforced litter laws...

I was wondering that as well. A local litter law in my area specifically has memorial displays mentioned where they can only stay for 6 months.

People must not die at the same rate where you are from, clean that shiat up after a week!


Don't you be dissing someone's grieving process.
 
2014-06-18 04:32:00 PM  

Rapmaster2000: Chicago is a HORRIBLE place.  Just last year I went there and I can't tell you how terrible it was.  First, they charge almost $20 to get to the top of the Willis Tower.  Now, we thought the view from the Willis Tower was nice, but at $20 the Willis Tower is a bit overpriced considering we can see our whole town for free at Parker's Hill.

Then, the line for the Cheesecake Factory was over an hour long.  The portions were so tiny and they cost an arm and a leg.  I wasn't even full so I went to a hot dog vendor and ordered what he called a polished sausage.  I think he said polished.  I could hardly tell over his foreign accent.  I think he was Iranian because he was hairy and he kept trying to sell me this thing called a "yeerow".  Anyway, they didn't even have any ketchup for my polished sausage.  What kind of a shoddy operation is that?

I was getting pretty sick of that place so we decided to go to Grant's Park.  There were bums everywhere.  Some shifty one kept screaming "STREETWISE STREETWISE STREETWISE" in an obvious attempt to confuse me while his THUG HOMEY friends absconded with my wife.  I hear they like them big.  If only I had my piece I could have put down those THUGS right there.  I could have been the next George Zimmerman:  American Hero.

That's the last time I'll go to that dump.  Next year we're going to Atlanta for some real Southern Hospitality or maybe Dallas for an authentic Texas frontier experience.  I better get my cowboy hat!


OK, that was funny.  However, I do know a few places in Chicago (almost said Chitown) where you can get your sausage polished.
 
2014-06-18 04:32:38 PM  
Crime? What crime? There's no crime here. All is well! All is well!
-CPD and most Chicago politicians

blogs.chicagosports.chicagotribune.com
 
2014-06-18 04:34:40 PM  

bikerbob59: Rapmaster2000: Chicago is a HORRIBLE place.  Just last year I went there and I can't tell you how terrible it was.  First, they charge almost $20 to get to the top of the Willis Tower.  Now, we thought the view from the Willis Tower was nice, but at $20 the Willis Tower is a bit overpriced considering we can see our whole town for free at Parker's Hill.

Then, the line for the Cheesecake Factory was over an hour long.  The portions were so tiny and they cost an arm and a leg.  I wasn't even full so I went to a hot dog vendor and ordered what he called a polished sausage.  I think he said polished.  I could hardly tell over his foreign accent.  I think he was Iranian because he was hairy and he kept trying to sell me this thing called a "yeerow".  Anyway, they didn't even have any ketchup for my polished sausage.  What kind of a shoddy operation is that?

I was getting pretty sick of that place so we decided to go to Grant's Park.  There were bums everywhere.  Some shifty one kept screaming "STREETWISE STREETWISE STREETWISE" in an obvious attempt to confuse me while his THUG HOMEY friends absconded with my wife.  I hear they like them big.  If only I had my piece I could have put down those THUGS right there.  I could have been the next George Zimmerman:  American Hero.

That's the last time I'll go to that dump.  Next year we're going to Atlanta for some real Southern Hospitality or maybe Dallas for an authentic Texas frontier experience.  I better get my cowboy hat!

OK, that was funny.  However, I do know a few places in Chicago (almost said Chitown) where you can get your sausage polished.


Most of them are in Boystown.
 
2014-06-18 04:38:15 PM  

2chris2: Obligatory link:  http://www.porkjerky.com/rip/

This guy travelled the country, taking pictures of himself waving beside roadside memorials and making fun of them.



I am liking that site WAY more than I should....

On January 16th 2003 at 3 a.m. (wait that's got to be a typo, I must have meant 'p.m.'), 19 year old Christy Handley rolled her 1999 Mustang and died. According to investigators, excessive speed and alcohol (probably another typo on my part, her being 19 and all) probably contributed to the crash.

Here's the part that callouses my cock, her mother lobbied to have that stretch of highway declared the "Chrissy Handley Miracle Highway". She also faults the DOT in her daugther's death because the lack of guard rails and jagged rocks made it an unsafe area to roll your Mustang in the wee hours of the morning while driving god knows how fast and under the influence of god knows what. fark me in the ass with my own dick.

Wait, don't puke yet, there's more. She also believes that miracles have occured from her daughter's death. Like what you ask? Good question with a farking nutcase of an answer: People passed out roses around town with Handley's name on it; Someone tipped really big at Denny's, (seriously, I am starting to think I am making this shiat up. But, I am not, I have sources: Artlcle of her death, mother's letter to paper, poem by Chrissy.), and Someone who looked sad was talked to at the mall.

Is anyone else counting? Because that's 3 miracles. Call the pope, she can now officially become a saint. While you're at it see if its possible for him to ex-communicate or declare a jihad against me, because after all, I am the one who is the asshole for finding all that out.
 
2014-06-18 04:39:01 PM  

Prey4reign: chitownmike: pkellmey: LaughingRadish: Maybe if they enforced litter laws...

I was wondering that as well. A local litter law in my area specifically has memorial displays mentioned where they can only stay for 6 months.

People must not die at the same rate where you are from, clean that shiat up after a week!

Don't you be dissing someone's grieving process.


fark that, there is a memorial (hit by car, not shooting), half a mile from my place that has been up for over a year. At a certain point its not in memory of the person's life it is a reminder of a shiatty way to die
 
2014-06-18 04:46:30 PM  
I have discovered Jews are awesome drivers.

You NEVER see a Star of David on the side of the road!

/not mine
//but funny anyway
/// + for the memories.
 
2014-06-18 04:46:45 PM  
FTA: "I wish ... I could've made it to the NBA. I could've gotten everybody out," Hilliard said in a somber tone. "But it is what it is."

Really? Your way to save everyone was a fantasy about being the next Michael Jordan? Was the lottery your backup plan?

I read a short fiction story a few years ago about a company that would create professional looking memorial walls for different tragedies. That way it wouldn't look like a tacky hodge-podge of junk and posters. For a fee they would get photos of the victims, color coordinated ribbons and balloons, stuffed animals if kids were involved, etc. Of course, if sales were going slow they would occasionally  cause a tragedy thus bumping up business.
 
2014-06-18 04:47:41 PM  

Slypork: FTA: "I wish ... I could've made it to the NBA. I could've gotten everybody out," Hilliard said in a somber tone. "But it is what it is."

Really? Your way to save everyone was a fantasy about being the next Michael Jordan? Was the lottery your backup plan?

I read a short fiction story a few years ago about a company that would create professional looking memorial walls for different tragedies. That way it wouldn't look like a tacky hodge-podge of junk and posters. For a fee they would get photos of the victims, color coordinated ribbons and balloons, stuffed animals if kids were involved, etc. Of course, if sales were going slow they would occasionally  cause a tragedy thus bumping up business.


Dibs!

/Noe I need financial backers and someone with a gun.
 
2014-06-18 04:48:20 PM  
Not sure why you'd want to constantly be reminded of a murder.  That seems like something people would pay Tom Wilkinson to make them  forget.  Instead, they put up a memorial right where it happened?  What the fark?  "Look, you can still kind of see the stain from where she bled out!"
 
2014-06-18 04:49:44 PM  

I Like Shiny Things: Bad things happen when it gets dark.


cdn.memegenerator.net
 
2014-06-18 04:50:06 PM  
Best idea I have is just undistrict the South Side, call it a demilitarized zone, and launch regular mortar and air raids until the residents agree to behave.

I call it the "Gaza Strip" meets "Eighties Miami" solution.
 
2014-06-18 04:53:50 PM  
If I come across one of these sidewalk memorials and tag it with florescent orange spray paint, that's art.
 
2014-06-18 04:54:42 PM  
Memorials are a good source of free flowers for the ones you love.
 
2014-06-18 04:58:48 PM  
Dresden has really got to stop lighting the buildings on fire.
 
2014-06-18 04:59:03 PM  

Porous Horace: Memorials are a good source of free flowers for the ones you love.


And stuffed animals for that child's birthday you forgot about.
 
2014-06-18 04:59:11 PM  

rjakobi: Best idea I have is just undistrict the South Side, call it a demilitarized zone, and launch regular mortar and air raids until the residents agree to behave.

I call it the "Gaza Strip" meets "Eighties Miami" solution.


Well, they've been trying, and failing, to deal with gang violence there for a while.
A long, long while.
i18.photobucket.com
 
2014-06-18 05:01:03 PM  

2chris2: Obligatory link:  http://www.porkjerky.com/rip/

This guy travelled the country, taking pictures of himself waving beside roadside memorials and making fun of them.


Locally, we had a group coming out to visit a roadside memorial in the dark. they got hit by a car killing another one and injuring two or something like that.

Darwinism at it's finest.
 
2014-06-18 05:08:09 PM  

SauronWasFramed: To continue reading this PLUS story, you need to be a digital member. Choose an option below to continue. If you're already registered just sign in below.

/bummer.  I was going to read the article, then comment on how it should be illegal to kill somebody or something in liberal paradises


You can actually block that from appearing.  The Tribune has changed their coding twice, but AdBlock conquers all.
 
2014-06-18 05:17:13 PM  

kendelrio: I have discovered Jews are awesome drivers.

You NEVER see a Star of David on the side of the road!



What, and pay for all that wood and nails? never.
 
2014-06-18 05:23:04 PM  

bikerbob59: Next year we're going to Atlanta for some real Southern Hospitality or maybe Dallas for an authentic Texas frontier experience.  I better get my cowboy hat!


You ever drive through Atlanta? The highway going thru has entrances and exits on either side of you, everyone gives you the finger if you drive anywhere NEAR the speed limit cuz they're goin' 85 in a 40. Under no circumstances should you return the finger.
 
2014-06-18 05:24:12 PM  

Satan's Bunny Slippers: I really hate those things.  That's what cemeteries are for.  Stop putting up signs, ribbons, flowers, toys, booze, whatever.  Just because someone you know died there doesn't mean other people don't still need to use the space.

And stop putting crosses on the side of the road for accidents.  That's creepy as fark too.

Go put that stuff next to their headstone/grave marker.


Actually, I have no problem with impromptu grave markers like this.  They serve a useful precautionary purpose.  Basically, "Look, bozo, some poor bastard got killed here.  Pay attention or you could end up the same way."
 
2014-06-18 05:26:44 PM  

LaughingRadish: Maybe if they enforced litter laws...


At first I thought you meant litter, as in an animal litter, and I thought you were maybe an asshole and racist. Then after reading other replies to your comment I realized you likely meant litter, as in trash on the ground. Then I realized maybe I'm the ass.

:/
 
2014-06-18 05:33:50 PM  
I believe here in NM, there's a law regarding "memorials", requiring they be removed after 6 months, if they aren't properly "maintained". I see, in the median of I-25, every fwe months, a "family" maintaining a memorial, presumably by a car crash. They even have a couple of solar lights on it too. Sometimes at night, that's really creepy. Every few months, you see the vehicles parked in the middle of the interstate, they're grooming the memorial. been there for at least the 5 years I've owned my houses out by there.
 
2014-06-18 05:46:32 PM  

vudukungfu: When you think about it. All crosses are creepy. Thousands of years ago, millions of people were slowly tortured to death on those things. And yet, thousands of years later, cult fanatics of the fairy tale put them all over the place like little memorials for their hairy fairy god who rose like a zombie after being pegged with iron spikes and bled out with a spear.
If you're going to outlaw memorials, out law that creepy farking thing.
If he had been hanged, they'd all be walking around with nooses around their necks, which would be an improvement.
But that whole licking the torture device thing is pretty farked up.
And it is a dangerous cult.



Picture of vudukungfu

static.ddmcdn.com
 
2014-06-18 05:47:04 PM  

2chris2: Obligatory link:  http://www.porkjerky.com/rip/

This guy travelled the country, taking pictures of himself waving beside roadside memorials and making fun of them.


Holy shiat, that's hilarious.
 
2014-06-18 05:50:50 PM  
It's originally a Spanish Catholic custom, very common here in New Mexico & the other border states. Called a "descanso", meaning "rest" or "rest stop", the idea was that you stopped for there a rest on your journey & said a prayer for the deceased.

How the hell it crossed cultures I have no idea.
 
2014-06-18 05:52:22 PM  
Chicago is being plagued by guns coming into the city from other places.
 
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