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(Mother Nature Network)   Eight ways to make your morning more pleasant and productive. This list can't be right because it says nothing about drinking a bloody mary to take the edge off of the previous night's activities   (mnn.com) divider line 25
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3074 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jun 2014 at 5:07 PM (13 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



25 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-06-18 04:27:23 PM
Shamelessly slinking back into your own bed for a nap after a night of debauchery isn't on the list?
 
2014-06-18 05:11:55 PM
Have eight (happy) women gathered around you?
 
2014-06-18 05:13:13 PM
cdn.themetapicture.com
 
2014-06-18 05:26:15 PM
Oh for farks sake is this the list for rich housewives??? LOL.

heres my list and there's nothing pleasant about it.

6:15 alarm goes off
6:45 after a few hits of the snooze button I'm in the shower
7:00 out the dizzoor
8:30 arrive in the office after a 1.5hr blood vessel straining, traffic filled commute. I am already shot for the day but I have a minimum of 10 hours of soul sucking interactions with clients judging my teams creative work.
8:35 I try to eat a quick breakfast but I make it about 5 minutes in MAX before some BS emergency hits. Sometimes more than one.
8:35-noon try and get enough work done so I can rest for 15 minutes while I eat my lunch.(rarely happens something always comes up)

Is this shiat pleasant and productive enough for you hippies at the Mother nature Network?? Now if only I could "set my alarm to 8:15 instead" you spoiled twats.
 
2014-06-18 05:37:26 PM
"Bloody Mary, full of vodak,
blessed are you among cocktails.
Come to me now and in my final hour which I pray is soon."
 
2014-06-18 05:38:07 PM
There's a fine line between "meditating" and "going back to sleep".
 
2014-06-18 05:43:45 PM

BEER_ME_in_CT: Oh for farks sake is this the list for rich housewives??? LOL.

heres my list and there's nothing pleasant about it.

6:15 alarm goes off
6:45 after a few hits of the snooze button I'm in the shower
7:00 out the dizzoor
8:30 arrive in the office after a 1.5hr blood vessel straining, traffic filled commute. I am already shot for the day but I have a minimum of 10 hours of soul sucking interactions with clients judging my teams creative work.
8:35 I try to eat a quick breakfast but I make it about 5 minutes in MAX before some BS emergency hits. Sometimes more than one.
8:35-noon try and get enough work done so I can rest for 15 minutes while I eat my lunch.(rarely happens something always comes up)

Is this shiat pleasant and productive enough for you hippies at the Mother nature Network?? Now if only I could "set my alarm to 8:15 instead" you spoiled twats.


Hey Beerme, what's happening?
I notice you didn't use the new cover sheet on your TPS report.
Did you get the memo?
I'll just go ahead and shoot you another one...
 
2014-06-18 05:44:09 PM

BEER_ME_in_CT: Oh for farks sake is this the list for rich housewives??? LOL.

heres my list and there's nothing pleasant about it.

6:15 alarm goes off
6:45 after a few hits of the snooze button I'm in the shower
7:00 out the dizzoor
8:30 arrive in the office after a 1.5hr blood vessel straining, traffic filled commute. I am already shot for the day but I have a minimum of 10 hours of soul sucking interactions with clients judging my teams creative work.
8:35 I try to eat a quick breakfast but I make it about 5 minutes in MAX before some BS emergency hits. Sometimes more than one.
8:35-noon try and get enough work done so I can rest for 15 minutes while I eat my lunch.(rarely happens something always comes up)

Is this shiat pleasant and productive enough for you hippies at the Mother nature Network?? Now if only I could "set my alarm to 8:15 instead" you spoiled twats.


You'd be more pleasant if you had a decent job.
 
2014-06-18 05:53:31 PM
Blowjob
coffee
Egg sandwich
Smoothie
4. I only came up with 4 things to start off a good day.
 
2014-06-18 06:02:16 PM
The alcohol isn't to take the edge off last night... it's to remove the edge for today.
 
2014-06-18 06:05:25 PM
Heres my list and there's nothing pleasant about it.

4:00 wake in a sweaty panic, trying to differentiate painfully lucid dreams vs reality
7:00 roll out of bed to let dog into backyard
7:15 arrive in my home office (virtual employee) - office is 12' from bedroom
7:16 I try to endure corporate emails/meetings/et al - and feign 'enthusiasm' to maintain necessary front/paycheck/benefits
6:00 Try to logout of system so I can go downstairs to now empty house/once full of children (now gone living with evangelical ex who's shtuping the youth minister), begin binge drinking, tv, etc
9:30 Take Ambien/Valium combo and take dog outside for final pee
11:00 Back to bed secretly begging for sudden death
 
2014-06-18 06:10:45 PM

BEER_ME_in_CT: Oh for farks sake is this the list for rich housewives??? LOL.

heres my list and there's nothing pleasant about it.

6:15 alarm goes off
6:45 after a few hits of the snooze button I'm in the shower
7:00 out the dizzoor
8:30 arrive in the office after a 1.5hr blood vessel straining, traffic filled commute. I am already shot for the day but I have a minimum of 10 hours of soul sucking interactions with clients judging my teams creative work.
8:35 I try to eat a quick breakfast but I make it about 5 minutes in MAX before some BS emergency hits. Sometimes more than one.
8:35-noon try and get enough work done so I can rest for 15 minutes while I eat my lunch.(rarely happens something always comes up)

Is this shiat pleasant and productive enough for you hippies at the Mother nature Network?? Now if only I could "set my alarm to 8:15 instead" you spoiled twats.


Being self-employed, sometimes I feel a little lonely and isolated. Then I read comments like this and realize that life is very, very good.

/3 hours commuting per day?
 
2014-06-18 06:14:27 PM

bump: 9:30 Take Ambien/Valium combo


There's your problem.  Smoke pot instead.
 
2014-06-18 06:31:56 PM
My mornings are very pleasant. I sleep until noon.
 
2014-06-18 06:33:12 PM
1. Punch out a smelly hippie at MNN.
2. Go back to bed.
3. Done in 2.
 
2014-06-18 06:38:45 PM
BEER_ME_in_CT: heres my list and there's nothing pleasant about it.


6:45 Alarm goes off.  Get up, set it to the 7:15 alarm.  Go back to bed
6:46 Cat jumps on chest then crawl under covers.  Immediately begins to purr loud enough to wake the dead
7:05 Cat freaks out, hauls ass out of bed at breakneck speed
7:06 Get back up, turn alarm off
7:10 Finish dressing if other cat will leave me alone long enough to finish
7:15 if not
7:20 coffee made, smoothie made
7:25 coffee gone, check Facebook and Fark
7:40 smoothie gone, make final offensive and/or snarky comment on Fark
7:41 commence driving to work
7:42 catch red light
7:46 catch red light
7:52 catch red light
7:56 catch red light
7:58 catch red light
8:01 arrive at work
8:02 turn on computer, get coffee
8:12 computer finally finishes turning on.  Cuss at IT puke for insisting that the cut rate virus protection at the server will suffice and putting on any additional virus protection at the work stations is a firing offense
8:22 file finally opened
8:23 project manager tells me we need to do this small thing in another file.  Begin opening 350MB file
8:23:15 project manager wants to know if I have it up yet
8:33 inform project manager that the file is finally opened
8:35 project manager takes a 3 hour conference call on speaker phone.  Project manager is the office LOUD HOWARD.
8:36 another project manager needs a screen shot of a conflict.  Disappears before saying which version of the file it is
8:37 check want ads for a job opening at a place that's sane
 
2014-06-18 08:07:52 PM
8. Be rich and enjoy the view from your mountaintop, while relaxing with your trophy spouse.
 
2014-06-18 08:26:05 PM
12:01 a.m. : Toss
12:02 a.m. : Turn
12:03 a.m. : Toss
12:04 a.m. : Turn
12:05 a.m. : Nocturnal emission
12:06 a.m. : Wake up in sweat
12:07 a.m. : Wipe off with towel
12:08 a.m. : Take shower
12:09 a.m. : Prepare breakfast
12:10 a.m. : Eat breakfast
12:11 a.m. : Feed dog
12:12 a.m. : Poop
12:13 a.m. : Wipe butt
12:14 a.m. : Flush
12:15 a.m. : Take dog out
12:16 a.m. : Pick up dog poop
12:17 a.m. : Eat breakfast
12:18 a.m. : Turn on TV
12:19 a.m. : Browse Fark
12:20 a.m. : Drive to work
12:21 a.m. : Start working
12:22 a.m. : Make coffee
12:23 a.m. : Drink coffee
12:24 a.m. : Chew gum
12:25 a.m. : Plan day
12:26 a.m. : Drink coffee
12:27 a.m. : Design logo
12:28 a.m. : Submit logo to client
12:29 a.m. : Client revisions to logo
12:30 a.m. : Go pee
12:31 a.m. : Small talk in mens' room
12:32 a.m. : Stop by boss's office
12:33 a.m. : Take 15 minute break
12:34 a.m. : Tackle expense report
12:35 a.m. : Replace battery in mouse
12:36 a.m. : Inspect toenails
 
2014-06-18 08:30:22 PM
I don't like the Bloody Mary they serve on Fark.  It's too burning.  They don't even put tomato juice.  They put snappy peppy.  Drew Curtis, remember him?  Morning, noon, and night he drank the Bloody Marys with the peppy snappy.  You know where he is now?  Dead from that.

Drew Curtis is not dead.  Drew Curtis is alive.

No.

Rob Malda you're talking about.  The one from Slashdot who walks sideways like this.

No sir, Rob Malda didn't walk like that.  Rob Malda, to my memory, walked just like this...   ...a little irregular.

(if you're loud and annoying, psychologically people don't notice you)
 
2014-06-18 08:53:45 PM
Of course it doesn't mention Bloody Marys, because tomato juice is disgusting. Pour your vodak into some OJ. That shiat's got vitamins and shiat, so its OK to drink in the AM.
 
2014-06-18 09:40:23 PM
All you really need is to get the hell out of bed, drink a big glass of water, take a shiat, then go for a run.  You are now ready to take on the world.

If you can't do that five days a week you're probably a whiny little snowflake.  Really, who the hell can't get out of bed on time?  Lazy people that's who.
 
2014-06-18 09:50:08 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-06-19 01:10:04 AM
The Googles Do Nothing:   Really, who the hell can't get out of bed on time?  Lazy people that's who.

Farkers
 
2014-06-19 02:45:59 AM

Billy Bathsalt: "Bloody Mary, full of vodak,
blessed are you among cocktails.
Come to me now and in my final hour which I pray is soon.

"

Bike Week" Daytona, morning after, local bar, $2 BMs, why's mine blue?
Dumbass you ordered a margarita!
 
2014-06-19 08:50:36 AM

Smeggy Smurf: BEER_ME_in_CT: heres my list and there's nothing pleasant about it.


6:45 Alarm goes off.  Get up, set it to the 7:15 alarm.  Go back to bed
6:46 Cat jumps on chest then crawl under covers.  Immediately begins to purr loud enough to wake the dead
7:05 Cat freaks out, hauls ass out of bed at breakneck speed
7:06 Get back up, turn alarm off
7:10 Finish dressing if other cat will leave me alone long enough to finish
7:15 if not
7:20 coffee made, smoothie made
7:25 coffee gone, check Facebook and Fark
7:40 smoothie gone, make final offensive and/or snarky comment on Fark
7:41 commence driving to work
7:42 catch red light
7:46 catch red light
7:52 catch red light
7:56 catch red light
7:58 catch red light
8:01 arrive at work
8:02 turn on computer, get coffee
8:12 computer finally finishes turning on.  Cuss at IT puke for insisting that the cut rate virus protection at the server will suffice and putting on any additional virus protection at the work stations is a firing offense
8:22 file finally opened
8:23 project manager tells me we need to do this small thing in another file.  Begin opening 350MB file
8:23:15 project manager wants to know if I have it up yet
8:33 inform project manager that the file is finally opened
8:35 project manager takes a 3 hour conference call on speaker phone.  Project manager is the office LOUD HOWARD.
8:36 another project manager needs a screen shot of a conflict.  Disappears before saying which version of the file it is
8:37 check want ads for a job opening at a place that's sane


LOL yep. I feel your pain.
 
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