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(Metro)   It's important to be able to distinguish an opossum from a porcupine - especially if you intend on slapping it   (metro.co.uk) divider line 65
    More: Dumbass, possums  
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3858 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jun 2014 at 12:57 AM (5 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



65 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-06-17 09:43:31 PM
Life is short. Grab a little gusto.
metrouk2.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-06-17 10:36:37 PM
*pffft*

/if you can't tell the difference between a rodent and a marsupial you deserve it
 
2014-06-17 11:04:03 PM
A likely story. Do you know how hard you have to masturbate to get quills on the palm of your hand?
 
2014-06-17 11:39:18 PM

cryinoutloud: A likely story. Do you know how hard you have to masturbate to get quills on the palm of your hand?


Why, yes...yes I do.
 
2014-06-17 11:53:57 PM

cryinoutloud: A likely story. Do you know how hard you have to masturbate to get quills on the palm of your hand?


I just knew that 'slapping the porcupine' was a euphemism.
 
2014-06-18 12:59:08 AM
Opps.
 
2014-06-18 01:00:50 AM
Why would anyone want to slap a possum in the first place?
 
2014-06-18 01:03:23 AM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Why would anyone want to slap a possum in the first place?


To make it up, duh.

/it was playing possum.
 
2014-06-18 01:04:03 AM

worlddan: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Why would anyone want to slap a possum in the first place?

To make it up, duh.

/it was playing possum.


Dammit. to wake it up.

/it was playing possum.
 
2014-06-18 01:08:19 AM

unyon: cryinoutloud: A likely story. Do you know how hard you have to masturbate to get quills on the palm of your hand?

I just knew that 'slapping the porcupine' was a euphemism.


I thought it was "slapping the possum". I guess it could go either way
 
2014-06-18 01:11:58 AM
Even if it wasn't a euphemism, why would you be slapping a possum? Those things are revolting.
 
2014-06-18 01:13:12 AM
If any dumb animal needs a smack, it's Harry...
 
2014-06-18 01:15:33 AM

Gyrfalcon: Even if it wasn't a euphemism, why would you be slapping a possum? Those things are revolting.


I think I got rabies just considering the question.
 
2014-06-18 01:17:21 AM
If you're stupid enough to slap the wildlife, especially without being versed in which is which, then you are stupid enough to have to pluck quills from your hand. Some lessons are meant to be painful. Betcha that they won't have problems identifying a porcupine in the future.

/stupid is as stupid does
 
2014-06-18 01:18:32 AM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Why would anyone want to slap a possum in the first place?


Possum be holding out?
 
2014-06-18 01:22:41 AM
Idiot does something stupid!

Film at 11.
 
2014-06-18 01:25:14 AM

cgraves67: I think I got rabies just considering the question.


Actually, opossums with rabies are pretty rare, because the virus doesn't thrive in their lower body temperature.
 
2014-06-18 01:27:33 AM
O.o I would not slap an Opossum, those things are evil and one might pull back a bloody stump instead of a hand.
 
2014-06-18 01:27:37 AM

unyon: cryinoutloud: A likely story. Do you know how hard you have to masturbate to get quills on the palm of your hand?

I just knew that 'slapping the porcupine' was a euphemism.


Wynona loved her big brown beaver
And she stroked him all the time
She pricked her finger one day
And it occurred to her
She might have a porcupine

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYDfwUJzYQg
 
2014-06-18 01:28:47 AM

sandbar67: unyon: cryinoutloud: A likely story. Do you know how hard you have to masturbate to get quills on the palm of your hand?

I just knew that 'slapping the porcupine' was a euphemism.

I thought it was "slapping the possum". I guess it could go either way


No, it can't.  That's the whole point.
 
2014-06-18 01:29:50 AM
discussions.texasbowhunter.com
 
2014-06-18 01:30:36 AM

sandbar67: unyon: cryinoutloud: A likely story. Do you know how hard you have to masturbate to get quills on the palm of your hand?

I just knew that 'slapping the porcupine' was a euphemism.

I thought it was "slapping the possum". I guess it could go either way


Guys "slap the porcupine", because they have a prick.
I guess "slap the possum" could work for gals, on account of the topologically-equivalent pouch.
 
2014-06-18 01:35:00 AM

cyberspacedout: unyon: cryinoutloud: A likely story. Do you know how hard you have to masturbate to get quills on the palm of your hand?

I just knew that 'slapping the porcupine' was a euphemism.

Wynona loved her big brown beaver
And she stroked him all the time
She pricked her finger one day
And it occurred to her
She might have a porcupine

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYDfwUJzYQg


i291.photobucket.com

jokerclap.gif to you sir/madame
 
2014-06-18 01:37:24 AM

cryinoutloud: A likely story. Do you know how hard you have to masturbate to get quills on the palm of your hand?


No but I didn't get the quills stuck in my hand...
 
2014-06-18 01:38:29 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2014-06-18 01:38:59 AM

redmid17: cryinoutloud: A likely story. Do you know how hard you have to masturbate to get quills on the palm of your hand?

No but I didn't get the quills stuck in my hand...


So "harder than you have masturbated thus far"?
 
2014-06-18 01:40:18 AM
Mr Mororó was forced to get a tenanus jab and a course of antibiotics afterwards.

Ten? Christ, what an asshole.
 
2014-06-18 01:45:33 AM

LordOfThePings: Mr Mororó was forced to get a tenanus jab and a course of antibiotics afterwards.

Ten? Christ, what an asshole.


He must be full of shiat.
 
2014-06-18 01:48:57 AM
How drunk do you have to be to mistake a porcupine for an opossum?

img.fark.net

img.fark.net

Just guessing on the species. Those depicted in TFA are the North American Porcupine and the Virginia Opossum, neither of which range into Brazil. So, after a lot of Googling and browsing, here are the Brazilian Porcupine (Coendou prehensilis) and the Big-Eared Opossum (Didelphis aurita) respectively,both of which are apparently common. (Plus that porcupine looks to have yellowish quills.)

I guess from the back, it might only take a couple beers to make that mistake. From the front, it would take oh so much more. Dat nose!

Personally, last time I slapped an opossum (Virginia, not Big-Eared) it was with a broom. Had to get the thing out of the chicken coop somehow and they're stubborn SOBs.

/Porcupines rarely, if ever, invade chicken coops
//As far as I know
///Never slap a porcupine
 
2014-06-18 02:02:30 AM
It's "monkey." And one "spanks" it. As did the 2nd best local Baltimore band in the early '90s.

And Peter Gabriel.
 
2014-06-18 02:09:33 AM
I don't care how drunk you are. How do you see those big quills and decide "I think I should slap that" instead of "Maybe I should just nudge it away with my foot?"
 
2014-06-18 02:15:44 AM

khyberkitsune: I don't care how drunk you are. How do you see those big quills and decide "I think I should slap that" instead of "Maybe I should just nudge it away with my foot?"


If he thought he was slapping an opossum, I doubt he was seeing quills.

Must have been quite the party.
 
2014-06-18 02:16:31 AM
A friend of mine has a pet possum.  I'll have to show her this.
 
2014-06-18 02:17:47 AM

Thanks for the Meme-ries: i291.photobucket.com

jokerclap.gif to you sir/madame


Sir, and thanks, Thanks.
 
2014-06-18 02:20:47 AM
FTFA: We've all slapped an opossum at one time or another

Harry Readhead, you should probably keep your embarrassingly desperate attempts at rationalizing your opossum fetish to yourself.
 
2014-06-18 02:24:40 AM
i.chzbgr.com
 
2014-06-18 02:28:11 AM
Submitter:especially if you intend on slapping it

Does this parse really strangely for anyone else, or is it just me? Shouldn't it be "intend to slap" or "are intent on slapping"? Is "intend on [doing]" an actual thing, or is it something like "should of [done]"?

/not trying to be a grammar nazi; it just seems weird to me and I'm wondering if that's because it is weird or if I am weird
//whynotboth.jpg
 
2014-06-18 02:30:33 AM

mamoru: Submitter:especially if you intend on slapping it

Does this parse really strangely for anyone else, or is it just me? Shouldn't it be "intend to slap" or "are intent on slapping"? Is "intend on [doing]" an actual thing, or is it something like "should of [done]"?

/not trying to be a grammar nazi; it just seems weird to me and I'm wondering if that's because it is weird or if I am weird
//whynotboth.jpg


Maybe it's a Britishism? Like how they say "different to" rather than "different than".
 
2014-06-18 02:36:05 AM

fusillade762: Maybe it's a Britishism? Like how they say "different to" rather than "different than".


Good point. Like "at the weekend"... That one always makes me twitch since it breaks the simple rule of time prepositions: "at" exact times (clock times), "on" medium sized times (days and weekends), "in" large sized times (months, years, and longer time periods). 

Crazy Brits. Just what language do they think they're speaking anyway! :p ;)
 
2014-06-18 02:53:48 AM
My parents leave out a bowl of cheap cat food for the neighborhood strays. I pulled up late one night and freaked out a possum that was taking advantage of the dish, it ran straight into the garage door with a resounding "thunk".
 
2014-06-18 02:55:02 AM

mamoru: Submitter:especially if you intend on slapping it

Does this parse really strangely for anyone else, or is it just me? Shouldn't it be "intend to slap" or "are intent on slapping"? Is "intend on [doing]" an actual thing, or is it something like "should of [done]"?

/not trying to be a grammar nazi; it just seems weird to me and I'm wondering if that's because it is weird or if I am weird
//whynotboth.jpg


Intellectually, I feel like you're right, but nevertheless, when I say it out loud, I'm not getting the sense of wrongness I usually get with the regular failures are article editing. Sounds OK to me.
 
2014-06-18 02:55:12 AM
There was a Scottie who went to the country for a visit...
 
2014-06-18 02:57:26 AM
Scotty, not Scottie. I hate my proofreader.
 
2014-06-18 03:23:26 AM

mamoru: Submitter:especially if you intend on slapping it

Does this parse really strangely for anyone else, or is it just me? Shouldn't it be "intend to slap" or "are intent on slapping"? Is "intend on [doing]" an actual thing, or is it something like "should of [done]"?

/not trying to be a grammar nazi; it just seems weird to me and I'm wondering if that's because it is weird or if I am weird
//whynotboth.jpg


If you understood it, then it's correct. That's how natural languages work.
 
2014-06-18 03:38:00 AM

Zavulon: If you understood it, then it's correct. That's how natural languages work


Correctness this is at you? Shirley, its understanding could make by you nuff to get meaning, amirite? Wow. So grammar. Much correct. Yes?

/yes, languages can evolve and what is considered "correct" or "natural sounding" grammar and structure changes over time, but that doesn't automatically make anything which can be understood be considered correct :-/
 
2014-06-18 03:40:14 AM
Dude must really like pricks in his hand.
 
2014-06-18 03:48:10 AM

Emposter: FTFA: We've all slapped an opossum at one time or another

Harry Readhead, you should probably keep your embarrassingly desperate attempts at rationalizing your opossum fetish to yourself.


Seriously! I don't know what he's talking about. I've never slapped an opossum. At one time, or another!
 
2014-06-18 05:01:15 AM

Gyrfalcon: Even if it wasn't a euphemism, why would you be slapping a possum? Those things are revolting.


It doesn't matter why. Habaus Corpus isn't required during a revolt.
 
2014-06-18 05:02:19 AM
Habeas Corpus, dammit.
 
2014-06-18 05:08:32 AM
Is that a new sexual phrase?

Back in my day it was called 'choking the chicken'
 
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