Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(New York Daily News)   If you rob five banks in one day and end up with less than $450 for your efforts, perhaps you should consider a different line of work   (nydailynews.com) divider line 31
    More: Fail  
•       •       •

1776 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jun 2014 at 9:03 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



31 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2014-06-17 07:42:21 PM  
Nothing lets you fade into the crowd in NYC better than wearing a Cincinnati Reds cap...
 
2014-06-17 08:14:25 PM  
Next time hit the vault and not just the registers.
 
2014-06-17 08:33:23 PM  
Or try banks that aren't about to be taken over by the Fed
 
2014-06-17 09:06:11 PM  
If at first you don't succeed, try again. If you still don't succeed, quit, there's no use being a fool about it

/or something like that
 
2014-06-17 09:10:59 PM  
Stories like this make me feel better... "See, self, how matter how hard you fail at anything, you will never be that sad."
 
2014-06-17 09:14:21 PM  
They said there'd be no math
 
2014-06-17 09:16:12 PM  
450 is more than i make in a day.
 
2014-06-17 09:18:14 PM  
Hey A for effort in robbing that many banks, but F on the reward pard seems like a very high risk for low reward. If I ever robbed a bank it would have to be for some serious FU money.
 
2014-06-17 09:19:58 PM  
In before someone from that other thread makes the claim that only robbers with liberal arts degrees make that little.
 
2014-06-17 09:22:29 PM  

fotodork: 450 is more than i make in a day.


A day? So, if your job is robbing 5 banks a day every day, take weekends off, and a two week vacation, 250 days a year = 1250 banks robbed for $112,500. You could comfortably support a middle-class lifestyle for a family of three with that kind of cash. And it's tax free! You'd probably get pretty good at it too, after that many robbed banks.
 
2014-06-17 09:26:11 PM  
The big dirty...
 
2014-06-17 09:26:39 PM  

groppet: Hey A for effort in robbing that many banks, but F on the reward pard seems like a very high risk for low reward. If I ever robbed a bank it would have to be for some serious FU money.


Like I said, you have to go for the vault. There's no reason for tellers to have that much cash anymore. And with the silent alarms, "traffic" cameras everywhere, it'd be pretty hard to make a getaway. Plus it's a federal beef if you get busted as opposed to sticking up a Hooters. I'm surprised people still try to rob banks anymore. Holding up an Amscott, that's a way to go.
 
2014-06-17 09:36:51 PM  
Hold up a Wal-mart/Target.  I don't know about you, but I have never heard of one of those ever being robbed - they wouldn't see it coming and I know from watching the supervisor walk around with her little bag of cash picking up the skims from the tills, you'd make $450 off the first till - and there's another 12-20 more tills to go!

Start at the end, everyone hit the floor, yell out the instructions clearly for the cashiers "Pull out your cash drawers right now... put them down at the end on the bag wrapping area" step away from the cash and no one f***** move and we will be gone in 60 seconds."

Easy 10 grand right there - everyone friggin shops at Wal-mart and a LOT still use cash to pay.

Hit em up around 1-3 pm before the kids get out of school and the morning/noon rush has come and gone.

/Should make a movie!
 
2014-06-17 09:40:44 PM  
i291.photobucket.com

It's not about the money, it about making a statement.
 
2014-06-17 09:41:27 PM  

sharphead: Hold up a Wal-mart/Target.  I don't know about you, but I have never heard of one of those ever being robbed - they wouldn't see it coming and I know from watching the supervisor walk around with her little bag of cash picking up the skims from the tills, you'd make $450 off the first till - and there's another 12-20 more tills to go!

Start at the end, everyone hit the floor, yell out the instructions clearly for the cashiers "Pull out your cash drawers right now... put them down at the end on the bag wrapping area" step away from the cash and no one f***** move and we will be gone in 60 seconds."

Easy 10 grand right there - everyone friggin shops at Wal-mart and a LOT still use cash to pay.

Hit em up around 1-3 pm before the kids get out of school and the morning/noon rush has come and gone.

/Should make a movie!



You do not announce that you are robbing the place.  The bigger the place, the more likely someone you are not near is alerting the authorities, so keep it quiet or the cops will be there before you get to the third register.
 
2014-06-17 09:43:10 PM  

sharphead: Hold up a Wal-mart/Target.


The only flaw in your plan is that the people who work there don't care if they live or die so you're dealing with people with nothing to lose. That could be dangerous.

A strip club. Once you take care of the bouncer, it's just all drunk/drugged out people in an almost all cash business. And you can kill the DJ an they'll never convict you.
 
2014-06-17 09:46:15 PM  

nytmare: fotodork: 450 is more than i make in a day.

A day? So, if your job is robbing 5 banks a day every day, take weekends off, and a two week vacation, 250 days a year = 1250 banks robbed for $112,500. You could comfortably support a middle-class lifestyle for a family of three with that kind of cash. And it's tax free! You'd probably get pretty good at it too, after that many robbed banks.


The best part is, after ten years or so, you can call yourself a robbery consultant and hire your services and experience out for aspiring bank robbers or wall street barons for premium dollars.  The only downside, no 401K.
 
2014-06-17 09:48:37 PM  

nytmare: fotodork: 450 is more than i make in a day.

A day? So, if your job is robbing 5 banks a day every day, take weekends off, and a two week vacation, 250 days a year = 1250 banks robbed for $112,500. You could comfortably support a middle-class lifestyle for a family of three with that kind of cash. And it's tax free! You'd probably get pretty good at it too, after that many robbed banks.


Well, yeah, hire on an efficiency expert, get up to 8 - 10 banks a day. Maybe get some specialists, move into robbing businesses, individuals, governments, anything. Get really good at it, get really big, and people will look up at you and call you "banker".
 
2014-06-17 09:53:21 PM  
It's getting to a point where robbing a bank is a wasted effort. Most banks these days have automated dispensers that only release the cash when an authorized transaction takes place, and the ones who still use a cash drawer only keep a couple hundred in it and larger transactions have to go through an automated machine.
 
2014-06-17 10:01:02 PM  

felching pen: nytmare: fotodork: 450 is more than i make in a day.

A day? So, if your job is robbing 5 banks a day every day, take weekends off, and a two week vacation, 250 days a year = 1250 banks robbed for $112,500. You could comfortably support a middle-class lifestyle for a family of three with that kind of cash. And it's tax free! You'd probably get pretty good at it too, after that many robbed banks.

Well, yeah, hire on an efficiency expert, get up to 8 - 10 banks a day. Maybe get some specialists, move into robbing businesses, individuals, governments, anything. Get really good at it, get really big, and people will look up at you and call you "banker".


Or get really good at robbing/ripping off people/corporations and start your own company doing it for money; but of course you're the bad guys doing good things against evil people/corporations....

Wait, I've seen this before....


simoncantan.com
 
2014-06-17 10:02:43 PM  
5 banks...clicks link.... yep and this one has moobs.
 
2014-06-17 10:02:57 PM  
WTF were they robbing, bitcoin?
 
2014-06-17 10:06:54 PM  
to be honest, i thought bank robbing was way more lucrative.

didn't ISIS get 400 million from robbing just one bank? our banks must be poor.
 
2014-06-17 10:38:29 PM  

FoonFlake: Nothing lets you fade into the crowd in NYC better than wearing a Cincinnati Reds cap...


Actually, that might have worked to his advantage.

"Look over there, honey: It's a Cincinnati Reds fan, how sad is that? Look away, don't stare at him. I'm sure he's already embarrassed enough as it is."
 
2014-06-17 10:43:16 PM  
What would you know about it, Capone?
 
2014-06-17 10:56:36 PM  

toraque: The only downside, no 401K.


It's pretty much the same thing.  The money you take from the bank is tax deferred too.
 
2014-06-17 11:58:04 PM  
Skips the banks and your Targets.... got to a college town on a weekend and rob a bar after it closes. You can easily make $50,000 in small, untraceable, vomit-covered bills.
 
2014-06-18 12:23:22 AM  
Any time I see stuff like this, I often imagine it's someone just bucking for a free ride in prison. Either homeless or in need of health care. Maybe I'm projecting a bit, but something just seems desperate about it.
 
2014-06-18 06:01:08 AM  

some_beer_drinker: to be honest, i thought bank robbing was way more lucrative.

didn't ISIS get 400 million from robbing just one bank? our banks must be poor.


That's because of all the tax payers' money shipped over there that was in those banks. Lulz. Proxy wars are cool.
 
2014-06-18 09:40:22 AM  

some_beer_drinker: to be honest, i thought bank robbing was way more lucrative.

didn't ISIS get 400 million from robbing just one bank? our banks must be poor.


That was a branch of the Iraqi central bank. You could probably get a lot of money by robbing a Federal Reserve branch, but that is a Very Bad Idea.
 
2014-06-18 10:47:36 AM  

YixilTesiphon: That was a branch of the Iraqi central bank. You could probably get a lot of money by robbing a Federal Reserve branch, but that is a Very Bad Idea.


Even worse idea to start a competing currency that isn't based in usuary, that'll get you invaded by every other nation running that scam.
 
Displayed 31 of 31 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report