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(Mother Nature Network)   How to clean all the dead skin cells, dust mites, bed bug larvae, Cheetos crumbs, and gravy stains off your mattress   (mnn.com) divider line 81
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12889 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jun 2014 at 6:30 PM (13 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-06-12 03:21:13 PM
www.reactiongifs.us
 
2014-06-12 03:30:34 PM
Subby's "gravy stains" = man gravy
 
2014-06-12 03:33:19 PM

gopher321: Subby's "gravy stains" = man gravy


Erm, eating mashed potatoes in bed is a time-honoured tradition in some states/countries.
 
2014-06-12 03:43:37 PM
To quote Sir Robin, "THAT'S EASY!"
 
2014-06-12 03:49:29 PM
If one uses those "air-permeable/waterproof" mattress covers, the mattress stays mint.
 
2014-06-12 05:04:34 PM
Most people on the planet: "What's a mattress?"
 
2014-06-12 05:25:32 PM
One time, when I was moving, I found a mummified hoagie between my waterbed mattress, and the liner.
 
2014-06-12 06:32:25 PM
Pffft... like Cheetos live long enough to make it to the bedroom.
 
2014-06-12 06:32:45 PM
I thought that said Mistress, that sounded like fun.
 
2014-06-12 06:33:37 PM
Should I ask the 6 nude Croatian supermodels to get up first?
 
2014-06-12 06:36:07 PM
Do you have any idea what my cats would do if I left baking soda on my mattress for several hours?

No thank you. xD
 
2014-06-12 06:36:07 PM
4.  Vacuum up the baking soda with the hose attachment from your household vacuum cleaner. Do this part slowly, since lingering over each part of your mattress with the hose will allow it to suction up as much dust from inside the mattress as possible.
 
why not just put the vacuum on the bed and vacuum the bed?  oh yeah, rules.
 
2014-06-12 06:36:10 PM
there's this short term lease building a few blocks away from my house, and some people said they had bedbugs.

kill with fire is not enough.  nuke it from orbit.  only way to be sure.
 
2014-06-12 06:37:49 PM
Um, if there's a funky smell coming from your mattress, covering it up with lavender oil isn't the best idea. Get a new one, and be careful not to shiat the bed this time.
 
2014-06-12 06:37:52 PM

gopher321: Subby's "gravy stains" = man gravy


and for the record..that over there is not a dried up potato chip...
 
2014-06-12 06:38:40 PM
You could follow all those steps. Or, you could just spray it with Lysol every time you strip the sheets. By the time the wash load is done, that "ass" smell will have dissipated.

/Also, the smell of Lysol will be gone
 
2014-06-12 06:40:45 PM
FTA: First, take off your sheets and wash them in the hottest water possible. This will help to kill any mites living on your sheets.


cdn.static.ovimg.com
But the guilt afterwards!
 
2014-06-12 06:42:55 PM

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: gopher321: Subby's "gravy stains" = man gravy

and for the record..that over there is not a dried up potato chip...


It's a dead animal that your cat thought you'd like to play with two years ago.
 
2014-06-12 06:42:56 PM

PreMortem: Most people on the planet: "What's a mattress?"


what planet are you referring too?
 
2014-06-12 06:44:05 PM
Easier just to not need a mattress.

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-06-12 06:45:05 PM
Mattress bag + mattress pad and change the sheets once a week.

There's also tanic acid you can dillute with squirt bottle for the behind the furniture spots that dont get vacumed regularly.
 
2014-06-12 06:47:19 PM
If I use too much baking soda, will the wet spots create biscuits?
 
2014-06-12 06:49:07 PM
Use your vacuum cleaner = freaking obvious.

Use baking soda = terrible advice. All that will do is wreck your vaccuum cleaner. (As I know to my peril: previous owners of our house sprinkled baking soda all over the carpets to get rid of their pet smell, and broke my vaccuum cleaner in the process.
 
2014-06-12 06:49:31 PM
I'm starting to think I'm the only person on the planet who uses a mattress pad.
 
2014-06-12 06:50:47 PM

cyberspacedout: Um, if there's a funky smell coming from your mattress, covering it up with lavender oil isn't the best idea. Get a new one, and be careful not to shiat the bed this time.


Read once about using a hypodermic needle to inject milk into a victim's mattress, permanently and unbearably stenchifying the mattress. Never got a chance to try it.

 - end threadjack -
 
2014-06-12 06:51:49 PM

jtown: I'm starting to think I'm the only person on the planet who uses a mattress pad.


Now that's a Maxi Pad.
 
2014-06-12 06:53:01 PM

Isitoveryet: 4.  Vacuum up the baking soda with the hose attachment from your household vacuum cleaner. Do this part slowly, since lingering over each part of your mattress with the hose will allow it to suction up as much dust from inside the mattress as possible.
 
why not just put the vacuum on the bed and vacuum the bed?  oh yeah, rules.



 You mock!  But the rolling beater bar would snag on a thin thread and rip large strips of the covering.
It really must be this way.  Do not trifle with the soda vacuum hose gods.
 
2014-06-12 06:58:36 PM
I want my mites! I need my mites! That is what makes us who we are.

imageshack.com
 
2014-06-12 07:02:02 PM
Helping a friend move his grandmas furniture, we had to tilt the mattress to carry it down the stairs. He was covered in an avalanche of dead skin.
 
2014-06-12 07:03:38 PM
Even if I lived in magical fairy la-la land where it was feasible to sleep 1/3 of my life away (i.e. 8 hours a day), which I don't, no stupid writer, I do not spend 1/3 of my life in my bed.

You see, I have this thing where I sleep in my bed sometimes, I sleep in other peoples' beds sometimes, it's not uncommon for me to crash on the couch or in a chair, and heck, I even think it's fun to sleep on the floor some nights.

Besides, why worry about the harmless microscopic critters you can't really see and can't really rid yourself of? If you are going to be worried, you might as well worry about all the other crap that can and probably does get in your bed with you. You know like fleas and ticks and spiders and roaches and bed bugs and scorpions and moths and centipedes and a multitude of other creatures.  I live in the South, I've woken up with one of those enormous green praying mantises on my face. I'm not scared of them, but you try waking up to the sensation of being poked in the face by dozens ofacupuncture needles only to see a giant green alien being preparing to dig its mandibles into your eye socket. Then get back to me about a few itty bitty little mites.
 
2014-06-12 07:05:07 PM

gweilo8888: Use baking soda = terrible advice.


I would think if you have one of those bagless vacuums with a HEPA filter, the baking soda would linger in it for a long time...or with some vacuums perhaps blow the baking soda into the air.
 
2014-06-12 07:05:13 PM
I'm making gravy!
37.media.tumblr.com
Turn it off I'm dry!!!
 
2014-06-12 07:11:06 PM
Weekly? monthly? Haven't changed the sheets in over 24 months and counting. Who has time.

Why yes I'm married and and yes i sleep with my wife.

No gravy stains unfortunately. Maybe if there were then sheets would get changed more often.

I know, sad life...
 
2014-06-12 07:12:31 PM
It's taken over 40 years for me to establish a symbiotic mutualistic relationship with my dust mite partners. Once my negotiation position was enhanced by the onset of psoriasis and purchase of a Dyson Animal, no more one-sided terms in their favor. Now, I'm in control. Who's the parasite now?! Haha haha!
 
2014-06-12 07:18:09 PM

thesharkman: I thought that said Mistress, that sounded like fun.


The Moon is a Harsh Mattress.
 
2014-06-12 07:21:03 PM
Mite.....mite not
 
2014-06-12 07:24:06 PM
Strangest thing I ever found in my bed was my wife's boyfriend
 
2014-06-12 07:26:08 PM

MrHappyRotter: Even if I lived in magical fairy la-la land where it was feasible to sleep 1/3 of my life away (i.e. 8 hours a day), which I don't, no stupid writer, I do not spend 1/3 of my life in my bed.

You see, I have this thing where I sleep in my bed sometimes, I sleep in other peoples' beds sometimes, it's not uncommon for me to crash on the couch or in a chair, and heck, I even think it's fun to sleep on the floor some nights.

Besides, why worry about the harmless microscopic critters you can't really see and can't really rid yourself of? If you are going to be worried, you might as well worry about all the other crap that can and probably does get in your bed with you. You know like fleas and ticks and spiders and roaches and bed bugs and scorpions and moths and centipedes and a multitude of other creatures.  I live in the South, I've woken up with one of those enormous green praying mantises on my face. I'm not scared of them, but you try waking up to the sensation of being poked in the face by dozens ofacupuncture needles only to see a giant green alien being preparing to dig its mandibles into your eye socket. Then get back to me about a few itty bitty little mites.


Don't forget all the bacteria and fungi that inhabit the human body. There are 10 times more bacteria than human cells in you body (though they are much smaller).
 
2014-06-12 07:27:16 PM

steadyb: Helping a friend move his grandmas furniture, we had to tilt the mattress to carry it down the stairs. He was covered in an avalanche of dead skin.


Ew. D:

This was one of those posts I tried to scroll past really quickly to avoid ever thinking about again.
 
2014-06-12 07:29:17 PM

Lenny.Bostoch: Weekly? monthly? Haven't changed the sheets in over 24 months and counting. Who has time.


Same. My sheet (yes, I only use the bottom one) is lucky if it gets changed every six months.
 
2014-06-12 07:31:32 PM
1) Mattress cover.

2) Vacuum bed on a regular basis.

3) Wash sheets in contact with you regularly.
 
2014-06-12 07:35:54 PM

BluVeinThrobber: Strangest thing I ever found in my bed was my wife's boyfriend


Was she in the bed at the time?
/Mite make a difference
//NTTAWWT
 
2014-06-12 07:38:08 PM
Lenny.Bostoch: Weekly? monthly? Haven't changed the sheets in over 24 months and counting. Who has time.

fusillade762: Same. My sheet (yes, I only use the bottom one) is lucky if it gets changed every six months.


Don't have to wash all the blankets. Just those sheets in contact with you. The one that stretches over the mattress and the flat sheet - the one at the bottom of all the blankets, the one actually in contact with you. The mattress cover and flat sheet can go in a regular washing machine and dryer. Takes as much time as regular laundry, plus the removal/reinstallation of the sheets which is probably 30 minutes total max.
 
2014-06-12 07:38:18 PM
article fail... it takes more about washing the sheets than the actual mattress!
 
2014-06-12 07:38:20 PM

gweilo8888: Use your vacuum cleaner = freaking obvious.

Use baking soda = terrible advice. All that will do is wreck your vaccuum cleaner. (As I know to my peril: previous owners of our house sprinkled baking soda all over the carpets to get rid of their pet smell, and broke my vaccuum cleaner in the process.


How did the baking soda break your vacuum cleaner? I have vacuumed up baking soda with no problems.
 
2014-06-12 07:40:00 PM
I wash my sheets once a week or once every week and a half. I use the water-tight air permeable mattress and pillow covers mentioned above. Mattress looks and smells new. I could piss all night if I wanted to and the mattress would laugh.
 
2014-06-12 07:40:51 PM

rkiller1: BluVeinThrobber: Strangest thing I ever found in my bed was my wife's boyfriend

Was she in the bed at the time?
/Mite make a difference
//NTTAWWT


No that mite have caused a dust-up
 
2014-06-12 07:42:56 PM
I'm only going to say this once:

YOU PEOPLE STOP AIRING YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY IN PUBLIC!!
 
2014-06-12 07:45:13 PM
NSCSB-
Spent the night at a motel, then saw a bedbug on the shower curtain.... at least I didn't bring them home (Thanks Diatomaceous Earth!)
Had a wicked itchy time of it for about a week afterward.
Always check under the mattress before settling in!
 
2014-06-12 07:46:21 PM
But I like having friends/snacks!
 
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