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(Slate)   Everything you need to pretend to know to not sound like a complete moron when you talk about soccer this month. Wait, you're talking about soccer? TOO LATE   (slate.com) divider line 82
    More: Fail, World Cup, Xabi Alonso, fake, Paris Saint-Germain, David Luiz, Franck Ribery, Edin Dzeko, Andrea Pirlo  
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987 clicks; posted to Sports » on 12 Jun 2014 at 2:46 PM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



82 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-06-12 11:47:12 AM  
Bandwagon hipster douches who only care about soccer one month out of every four years are even worse than the full time hipster douche soccer fans.
 
2014-06-12 12:13:30 PM  
Come for the soccer, stay for the bad acting.
 
2014-06-12 12:46:26 PM  
 
2014-06-12 02:49:45 PM  
I will not be discussing soccer for any reason this month.
 
2014-06-12 02:50:54 PM  

Saborlas: http://youtu.be/NKHyqjHqQLU?t=32s


Came for Arsenal walking it in, leaving with this.
 
2014-06-12 02:51:41 PM  

Wellon Dowd: I will not be discussing soccer for any reason this month.


You just did.
 
2014-06-12 02:53:08 PM  

Jackpot777: Wellon Dowd: I will not be discussing soccer for any reason this month.

You just did.


Nope.

Futball. Now THAT'S worth talking about for a month.
 
2014-06-12 02:58:43 PM  
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?


/I mean the Montreal Impact defense.
 
2014-06-12 03:00:56 PM  
 
2014-06-12 03:01:17 PM  

LucklessWonder: Did you see that ludicrous display last night?


/I mean the Montreal Impact defense.


Against DC! Who lets in four goals against DC?
 
2014-06-12 03:02:09 PM  

Jackpot777: LucklessWonder: Did you see that ludicrous display last night?


/I mean the Montreal Impact defense.

Against DC! Who lets in four goals against DC?


Marvel?

/i got nothin
 
2014-06-12 03:03:19 PM  
I like it when they kick the ball into the net. But not when people from other countries do that. I think that means I'm racist.
 
2014-06-12 03:04:19 PM  
As a public service, could someone point to good explanations of things noobs misunderstand about soccer rules.

I think I understand offside and offside position. Except when a player in offside position attention whores during one of the three kicks. I would think any movement that includes "hey kick it to me!" would change the status to offside.
 
2014-06-12 03:12:27 PM  
Soccer thread sexfecta complete. Septfecta in play
 
2014-06-12 03:15:56 PM  

Jackpot777: LucklessWonder: Did you see that ludicrous display last night?


/I mean the Montreal Impact defense.

Against DC! Who lets in four goals against DC?


It wasn't the first time this season.  I see you have no seen the resurgence that the best team in the east has had this season.  Woo, in 1st in the East at the break! Vamos United!!
 
2014-06-12 03:16:09 PM  

Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: As a public service, could someone point to good explanations of things noobs misunderstand about soccer rules.

I think I understand offside and offside position. Except when a player in offside position attention whores during one of the three kicks. I would think any movement that includes "hey kick it to me!" would change the status to offside.


You mean corner kick? You can't be offside in a corner kick because it is impossible to have fewer than 2 players from the other team between you and the ball. The ball is on the line already...
 
2014-06-12 03:30:51 PM  

Jackpot777: LucklessWonder: Did you see that ludicrous display last night?


/I mean the Montreal Impact defense.

Against DC! Who lets in four goals against DC?


As a DC United fan, I hope everybody does.
 
2014-06-12 03:33:56 PM  
www.failpics.net
 
2014-06-12 03:34:06 PM  
It's a sport so exciting, the audience sings and chants and looks for other things to do while it's playing.
 
2014-06-12 03:40:23 PM  
Soccer/futbol is so boring, it makes baseball seem exciting. And that is saying something.
 
2014-06-12 03:47:03 PM  
The Caps Lock really makes the joke. So witty.

Ishkur: It's a sport so exciting, the audience sings and chants and looks for other things to do while it's playing.


Fans of no other sport chant while at games, only soccer. Scientific fact.
 
2014-06-12 03:53:53 PM  

Car_Ramrod: Fans of no other sport chant while at games, only soccer. Scientific fact.


Whole songs? For the whole game? Only the drabness of soccer invites such extracurricular activities.
 
2014-06-12 03:54:32 PM  

PowerSlacker: Bandwagon hipster douches who only care about soccer one month out of every four years are even worse than the full time hipster douche soccer fans.


WhyNotBoth.jpg


Me- Im just glad there is something to follow between the end of NBA/Hockey and the start of 'Murican football.
 
2014-06-12 04:03:42 PM  

Devo: PowerSlacker: Bandwagon hipster douches who only care about soccer one month out of every four years are even worse than the full time hipster douche soccer fans.

WhyNotBoth.jpg


Me- Im just glad there is something to follow between the end of NBA/Hockey and the start of 'Murican football.


You talking aboot Canadian Football?
 
2014-06-12 04:09:07 PM  
hahahaha who the hell calls leggy ground orb 'soccer' anymore?
 
2014-06-12 04:10:54 PM  
America needs to understand that soccer is the most popular sport in the rest of the world.

And the rest of the world needs to understand that soccer is what our sons with down syndrome and lesbian daughters play in America.
 
2014-06-12 04:13:28 PM  

Ishkur: Car_Ramrod: Fans of no other sport chant while at games, only soccer. Scientific fact.

Whole songs? For the whole game? Only the drabness of soccer invites such extracurricular activities.


Yup, they're singing because they're bored, not because it's a way to express their excitement. You cracked the case.
 
2014-06-12 04:13:58 PM  
OMG. Someone on the Bazillian team is going to die.
 
2014-06-12 04:16:07 PM  

Car_Ramrod: Yup, they're singing because they're bored, not because it's a way to express their excitement. You cracked the case.


What excitement?
 
2014-06-12 04:16:28 PM  

Ryker's Peninsula: America needs to understand that soccer is the most popular sport in the rest of the world.

And the rest of the world needs to understand that soccer is what our sons with down syndrome and lesbian daughters play in America.


I've never heard it explained in such simple, truthful terms.
 
2014-06-12 04:16:43 PM  
ITT
static.gamespot.com
 
2014-06-12 04:20:58 PM  

Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: As a public service, could someone point to good explanations of things noobs misunderstand about soccer rules.

I think I understand offside and offside position. Except when a player in offside position attention whores during one of the three kicks. I would think any movement that includes "hey kick it to me!" would change the status to offside.


This article isn't much on rules (or "Laws", as FIFA calls them), but it compares soccer strategy to other sports that Americans are more familiar with:

http://grantland.com/features/how-to-watch-the-world-cup-like-a-true -s occer-nerd/
 
2014-06-12 04:28:29 PM  

Ishkur: It's a sport so exciting, the audience sings and chants and looks for other things to do while it's playing.


So it's the world's equivalent of baseball then.
 
2014-06-12 04:32:17 PM  
i291.photobucket.com
 
2014-06-12 04:37:34 PM  
I like how people come in soccer threads and claiming it is boring yet in the 3 hours it take to play game of American football, only about 10 minutes is actual 'play', the rest of the time is spent watching a bunch of over paid 'roided up thugs milling about.
 
2014-06-12 04:46:15 PM  

Muta: I like how people come in soccer threads and claiming it is boring yet in the 3 hours it take to play game of American football, only about 10 minutes is actual 'play', the rest of the time is spent watching a bunch of over paid 'roided up thugs milling about.


Football?  How can people can watch 9 innings of baseball with a final score of 1-0 and not kill themselves?

\NFL IS rapidly making football unwatchable with the number of TV timeouts...
 
2014-06-12 04:50:40 PM  

Thanks for the Meme-ries: [i291.photobucket.com image 700x500]


nice.
 
2014-06-12 04:51:02 PM  

PowerSlacker: Ishkur: It's a sport so exciting, the audience sings and chants and looks for other things to do while it's playing.

So it's the world's equivalent of baseball then.


No, the world actually goes to soccer games. Can;t barely get a full house at a baseball game.
 
2014-06-12 04:53:36 PM  

Jim from Saint Paul: Best Goal EVER.


I love that video.
 
2014-06-12 05:02:31 PM  

Thanks for the Meme-ries:


Came for this. Surprised it took that any posts to get it.
 
2014-06-12 05:16:50 PM  
I don't mind sports fans. What I hate are the euro-philes who become rabid soccer fans once every 4 years. The rest of the time they give everyone shiat about how sports are for losers. But apparently, sports that Europe likes are totally cool. I'm a loser for watching a 10am football game, but they're cool for getting up at 4 am to watch soccer.
 
2014-06-12 05:31:22 PM  

madgonad: Soccer/futbol is so boring, it makes baseball seem exciting. And that is saying something.


www.collegebaseballtoday.com
 
2014-06-12 05:33:08 PM  

Pants_Optional: Muta: I like how people come in soccer threads and claiming it is boring yet in the 3 hours it take to play game of American football, only about 10 minutes is actual 'play', the rest of the time is spent watching a bunch of over paid 'roided up thugs milling about.

Football?  How can people can watch 9 innings of baseball with a final score of 1-0 and not kill themselves?

\NFL IS rapidly making football unwatchable with the number of TV timeouts...


I could watch a million 1-0 baseball games and love it, while being bored to tears watching soccer.  Given the choice of watching old people knit, or watching the world cup, I'd choose knitting.  I love baseball.  Soccer just isn't interesting.

/agree with your NFL statement
 
2014-06-12 05:34:07 PM  

PowerSlacker: Bandwagon hipster douches who only care about soccer one month out of every four years are even worse than the full time hipster douche soccer fans.


"hipster' must mean something a lot different where you are from
 
2014-06-12 05:40:47 PM  

Ishkur: Car_Ramrod: Yup, they're singing because they're bored, not because it's a way to express their excitement. You cracked the case.

What excitement?


The excitement of participating in a 40,000 person sing-along!  Duh!
 
2014-06-12 05:42:38 PM  

Muta: I like how people come in soccer threads and claiming it is boring yet in the 3 hours it take to play game of American football, only about 10 minutes is actual 'play', the rest of the time is spent watching a bunch of over paid 'roided up thugs milling about.


There is a scoring opportunity every time the ball is snapped.  Soccer is objectively the most boring sport when measure not only by score, but by scoring opportunities.   90 minutes with 15 or 16 shots on goal should, and does, put people that like real sports to sleep.
 
2014-06-12 05:46:24 PM  

Saborlas: http://youtu.be/NKHyqjHqQLU?t=32s


That was quick, thank you.

Cockney neck is no laughing matter.
 
2014-06-12 06:09:14 PM  

Rent Party: The excitement of participating in a 40,000 person sing-along! Duh!


You know what? That DOES sound pretty exciting. Good thing there's nothing important going on that might interrupt it.
 
2014-06-12 06:10:30 PM  

PowerSlacker: Bandwagon hipster douches who only care about soccer one month out of every four years are even worse than the full time hipster douche soccer fans.


Just be proud to know you've cut people into arbitrary and meaningless groups to judge them and feel good about yourself.  That's the path to success.
 
2014-06-12 06:18:12 PM  

Ishkur: Rent Party: The excitement of participating in a 40,000 person sing-along! Duh!

You know what? That DOES sound pretty exciting. Good thing there's nothing important going on that might interrupt it.


You must be referring to the vuzuvela accompaniment.
 
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