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(Short List)   A vain hope, but here's a handy guide to help you lot be slightly less offensive   (shortlist.com) divider line 59
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5706 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jun 2014 at 2:10 PM (6 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-06-12 01:36:34 PM
Get bent.
 
2014-06-12 02:11:31 PM
what a bunch of shyte.

/thanks, dickbagmitter
 
2014-06-12 02:11:51 PM
Fark off Subby
 
2014-06-12 02:13:21 PM

Crewmannumber6: Fark off Subby


I 2nd that emotion
 
2014-06-12 02:13:24 PM
Don't pick up the tab out of turn?  Seems to me it's more of an issue if you don't pick it up when it is your turn.

When's my turn to pick up the tab again?
 
2014-06-12 02:13:50 PM
Came to say "GO FARK YOURSELF".  See i'm in good company
 
2014-06-12 02:17:36 PM
Using a key to gouge expletives in another's vehicle is a sign of trust, and friendship.
 
2014-06-12 02:17:52 PM
I thought it was a great infographic. I hate the idea of appearing to be an uncouth barbarian in a foreign country just because I don't know the customs.
 
2014-06-12 02:18:37 PM
When visiting Canada, always buy your host beers.

Lots and lots of beers.
 
2014-06-12 02:18:40 PM
France? The rudest people on the planet, and you want me to act politely? How about you just take my 50 Euros and get back to suckin?
 
2014-06-12 02:19:20 PM

TerminalEchoes: I thought it was a great infographic. I hate the idea of appearing to be an uncouth barbarian in a foreign country just because I don't know the customs.


All the ones for the UK were total nonsense, if that helps.
 
2014-06-12 02:19:41 PM
I'm offended there is not one for Canada

And for the Submitter -"Get Bent, Meatbag"
 
2014-06-12 02:19:45 PM
The bullshiat is strong with this one.

Fark is so UK clueless in its greenlighting as to be insulting to both Brits and Yanks. One of the biggest complaint I have about Fark is the ignorant American bias. Example: I was surprised that Rik Mayall's obit made it to entertainment, not surprised that it didn't go to front page.
 
2014-06-12 02:19:50 PM

TerminalEchoes: I hate the idea of appearing to be an uncouth barbarian in a foreign country just because I don't know the customs.


I also hate the idea of appearing to be an uncouth barbarian.  Of course I am an uncouth barbarian -- I just don't like to be perceived that way.
 
2014-06-12 02:20:49 PM
Glad to see that there was at least one "don't do X in the U.S." piece in the retardicle... every time we'd visit foreign countries, we'd get an extensive cultural briefing by Protocol.  Which is FINE.

Whenever foreign military would visit our facilities... WE'D get an extensive cultural briefing by Protocol.  Never computed for me.

Oh wait, we're the Great Satan.  Now I get it.
 
2014-06-12 02:20:59 PM
Blow me where the pampers is
 
2014-06-12 02:21:36 PM
Never pour a drink for yourself? I guess they don't like lonely drunks.
 
2014-06-12 02:21:57 PM
Brazil - sneezing at a lunch or dinner table is a big no-no.

What am I supposed to when the sudden urge to sneeze hits me?  Run like a crazy person and hope I'm far enough away when it hits?  F that.
 
2014-06-12 02:22:02 PM
I can honestly say the ones pertaining to the UK are unutterable shiate.  I don't know if it's offensive to be unpunctual in Australia but every Australian I work with has a flexible attitude to timekeeping.  Bollocks article is bollocks.
 
2014-06-12 02:22:54 PM
Our lot does try hard to be inoffensive in all that we do; however, low-intellect coupled with poor upbringing and horrible life choices on your part make it difficult to even having a heartfelt greeting spoken to you that does not result in pools of saliva and knuckle-dragged blood.
 
2014-06-12 02:24:29 PM
The ones for the US are pretty random.  Especially the 2nd one, which basically ignores the fact that anyone & everyone has their hand out these days expecting free money a tip.
 
2014-06-12 02:29:54 PM
Germany: "Humor is not appreciated in a business context."

I guess that covers the "Don't mention the war" thingy?
 
2014-06-12 02:31:00 PM
Hey arsehole, this drink isn't gonna pour itself!
 
2014-06-12 02:33:37 PM
This headline makes no sense.
 
2014-06-12 02:38:02 PM
The Dutch appreciate it if you acknowledge their invention of the oven with a long, resonant fart. Also, it is traditional to finger a dyke at Schipol.
 
2014-06-12 02:40:36 PM
Yeah Subster...Bite the wax tadpole...

/this is fun!  Who can we insult next!
 
2014-06-12 02:42:06 PM

Mr. Eugenides: Don't pick up the tab out of turn?  Seems to me it's more of an issue if you don't pick it up when it is your turn.

When's my turn to pick up the tab again?


Let me buy you a drink.
What?  fark YOU!  It's Dave's turn, you goddamn asshole!!!
 
2014-06-12 02:59:11 PM

usafdave: Glad to see that there was at least one "don't do X in the U.S." piece in the retardicle... every time we'd visit foreign countries, we'd get an extensive cultural briefing by Protocol.  Which is FINE.

Whenever foreign military would visit our facilities... WE'D get an extensive cultural briefing by Protocol.  Never computed for me.


Came here to say something similar. Our military bases in the Middle East all have to subscribe to the host country's (asinine, religion-based, offensive) customs, such as not allowing women to drive, no slutty ankle-exposure, no booze, etc.

But when some never-employed, dipsh#t Saudi "prince" flies into the U.S., we make certain not to offend his (misogynistic, backward-assed, self-congratulator) sensibilities by not even allowing female air traffic controllers to handle his flight.
 
2014-06-12 03:07:10 PM
Barricaded Gunman:  But when some never-employed, dipsh#t Saudi "prince" flies into the U.S., we make certain not to offend his (misogynistic, backward-assed, self-congratulator) sensibilities by not even allowing female air traffic controllers to handle his flight.

srsly?
 
2014-06-12 03:07:38 PM

TerminalEchoes: I thought it was a great infographic. I hate the idea of appearing to be an uncouth barbarian in a foreign country just because I don't know the customs.


Doesn't seem to stop half the foreigners I've encountered.
 
2014-06-12 03:11:31 PM

oakleym82: Barricaded Gunman:  But when some never-employed, dipsh#t Saudi "prince" flies into the U.S., we make certain not to offend his (misogynistic, backward-assed, self-congratulator) sensibilities by not even allowing female air traffic controllers to handle his flight.

srsly?


Shiat you, he does not.
 
2014-06-12 03:17:19 PM
For years I've heard that Aussies show up when they damn well please, and that rarely translates to on time or early.
 
2014-06-12 03:22:58 PM
As a Brit add me to the 'The UK ones are rubbish' chorus.
 
2014-06-12 03:26:30 PM

uttertosh: TerminalEchoes: I thought it was a great infographic. I hate the idea of appearing to be an uncouth barbarian in a foreign country just because I don't know the customs.

All the ones for the UK were total nonsense, if that helps.


They were right about the eye contact. Staring people in the eye constantly during a business lunch may sometimes cause mild unease. I might give half credit for the shirt pocket being best left empty but that depends on how distracting its contents are. I like to attend my business meetings with my shirt pocket filled with sweets, balloons and an adorable dormouse poking its head out the top from time to time to beg crumbs from the table. Toasting your elders is perfectly acceptable provided you don't toast their forthcoming death and the wonderful promotion opportunity it will provide, at least not before the sixth round of drinks.


Dreyelle: Brazil - sneezing at a lunch or dinner table is a big no-no.

What am I supposed to when the sudden urge to sneeze hits me?  Run like a crazy person and hope I'm far enough away when it hits?  F that.


Cover it up with a well timed fart?
 
2014-06-12 04:04:36 PM
I enjoy being offensive.
 
2014-06-12 04:12:19 PM

Dreyelle: Brazil - sneezing at a lunch or dinner table is a big no-no.

What am I supposed to when the sudden urge to sneeze hits me?  Run like a crazy person and hope I'm far enough away when it hits?  F that.


I don't understand people saying bless you when you sneeze especially if you aren't sick, and dying.   I burp and I have to say excuse me, but if I spray saliva and mucus I get blessed.
 
2014-06-12 04:13:28 PM
There are weirder 'foreign' customs...

http://www.weirduniverse.net/blog/categories/C29
 
2014-06-12 04:14:26 PM
China: Do not finish your meal.

A) What if its tasty?
B) I didnt know China was rolling in food enough to spare it
C) I am Captain of the Clean Plate Club

/ Sounds fat
 
2014-06-12 04:28:59 PM
Hey everyone, your customs are farking stupid.  Etiquette for etiquette's sake (with no legitimate purpose behind it) is farking stupid.  Hey Brazil, sneezing is an involuntary biological function.  I'll turn away and cover my mouth.  If that's not good enough, may I politely invite you to go fark yourself?  And step the fark back, I like my personal space.  Hey India, if the answer's no, farking say so you equivocating pansies.  And you know what else?  I'm having the veal.
 
2014-06-12 04:31:13 PM

Agent Smiths Laugh: I enjoy being offensive.


What an asshole. I like you in a go fark yourself way
 
2014-06-12 04:56:10 PM

stonicus: Mr. Eugenides: Don't pick up the tab out of turn?  Seems to me it's more of an issue if you don't pick it up when it is your turn.

When's my turn to pick up the tab again?

Let me buy you a drink.
What?  fark YOU!  It's Dave's turn, you goddamn asshole!!!


Dave's not here man!
 
2014-06-12 06:01:01 PM
sneezing is a huge nono?  wtf!?
 
2014-06-12 06:43:31 PM

Precision Boobery: Hey everyone, your customs are farking stupid.  Etiquette for etiquette's sake (with no legitimate purpose behind it) is farking stupid.  Hey Brazil, sneezing is an involuntary biological function.  I'll turn away and cover my mouth.  If that's not good enough, may I politely invite you to go fark yourself?  And step the fark back, I like my personal space.  Hey India, if the answer's no, farking say so you equivocating pansies.  And you know what else?  I'm having the veal.



rodneydangerfieldgolfpants.jpg

/That was excellent.
 
Ral
2014-06-12 07:23:00 PM
As an American, I'm glad to learn that the UK ones in the link are ridiculous, because I never heard of them and I considered myself reasonably well-read concerning UK etiquette.

The eye-contact thing isn't so much "we avoid eye contact" as it is "staring is kinda creepy and rude".
 
2014-06-12 07:24:55 PM
More tips for dealing with Americans:

Pertinence is important to us.  Don't provide more detail than is necessary in order to make your point.  We do not have the holistic perceptive habits most Asians have, so when you drown us in irrelevant details, we begin to think you're lying to us about something.  And no, this doesn't mean we're stupid.  It means we process information differently.  Trust me, the shoe does get on the other foot when you demand a complete and holistic set of information, including details we *know* aren't pertinent to the project, before starting it.

On the topic of lying, talk straight.  If the answer's no, goddamn say no.  If you equivocate or waffle, we will lose all respect for you.
 
Oak
2014-06-12 09:56:22 PM

Mr. Eugenides: stonicus: Mr. Eugenides: Don't pick up the tab out of turn?  Seems to me it's more of an issue if you don't pick it up when it is your turn.

When's my turn to pick up the tab again?

Let me buy you a drink.
What?  fark YOU!  It's Dave's turn, you goddamn asshole!!!

Dave's not here man!


Dave's here.

/Dave
 
2014-06-12 10:52:36 PM

Oak: Mr. Eugenides: stonicus: Mr. Eugenides: Don't pick up the tab out of turn?  Seems to me it's more of an issue if you don't pick it up when it is your turn.

When's my turn to pick up the tab again?

Let me buy you a drink.
What?  fark YOU!  It's Dave's turn, you goddamn asshole!!!

Dave's not here man!

Dave's here.

/Dave


It was your turn to buy the round hours ago!
 
2014-06-12 11:16:28 PM

uttertosh: All the ones for the UK were total nonsense, if that helps.


Look me in the eye and say that.
 
2014-06-12 11:27:42 PM
That thing about not eating all your food. GO FARK YOURSELF AND YOUR MOTHER! If you don't want me to eat, don't farking feed me. You can eat my shiat, howzat? For a country full of starving people, you have some farking nerve. 

Every time you eat, be it in the Sahara or in a Palace, you have to recognize how lucky you are to be eating. To throw it away for the sake of some arbitrary norm IS OFFENSIVE.
 
2014-06-12 11:31:39 PM
oh and 

i962.photobucket.com
 
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