If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Huffington Post UK)   As Britain's Prince Philip turns 93, here's a collection of 23 of his most outstanding quotes, suggesting the British view the Royal Family not as sovereign figureheads but more like free cable   (huffingtonpost.co.uk) divider line 99
    More: Amusing  
•       •       •

10847 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Jun 2014 at 12:36 PM (11 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



99 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-06-11 11:28:38 AM
I see we have a contender for today's submission of "Unnecessary slide shows"
 
2014-06-11 12:38:08 PM
Where are the quotes?
 
2014-06-11 12:41:25 PM

I_Am_Weasel: I see we have a contender for today's submission of "Unnecessary slide shows"


Did you say slideshow, old chap?



www.sparkypower.com
 
2014-06-11 12:43:05 PM
You know, the fact that he's still allowed to talk to the media is proof that the monarchy just doesn't care anymore. The guy's a mix between Piers Morgan and George Wallace before he got the bullet in the gut.
 
2014-06-11 12:44:02 PM
Time to stick grampa in the home.
 
2014-06-11 12:44:21 PM
Deaf? If you're near there, no wonder you're deaf."
- To a group of deaf children standing next to a steel band


"It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons."
- At an exhibition of 'primitive' Ethiopian art

"Are you all one family?"
- To Britain's Got Talent winners Diversity

"You can't have been here long, you haven't got a pot belly."
- To a tourist in Budapest

"I thought it was against the law for a woman to solicit."
- To a woman solicitor

People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still drying out Windsor Castle."
- - To survivors of the Lockerbie bombing

"You look like you're ready for bed!"
- To President of Nigeria, who was wearing national dress

"Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car, is it?"
- To Elton John, about his gold Aston Martin

"During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual."
- At Hertfordshire University

"You are a woman, aren't you?"
- To a woman in Kenya

Well, you'll never fly in it, you're too fat to be an astronaut."
- To a 13-year-old child, while visiting the space shuttle

"You managed not to get eaten then?"
- To a student who had been backpacking in Papua New Guinea


"Do you work in a strip club?"
- To a female sea cadet

"Do you still throw spears at each other?"
- To a group of Aborigines


"What about Tom Jones? He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer."
- On getting rich in Britain

Aren't most of you descended from pirates?"
- To Cayman Islanders

"How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?"
- To a Scottish driving instructor

"It looks like a tart's bedroom."
- On the Duke of York's bedroom

"Are you running away from something?"
- To expats in Abu Dhabi

"The Philippines must be half-empty - you're all here running the NHS."
- To a Philippine nurse in a London hospital

"If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed."
- On a state visit to China

"Ghastly."
- Giving his verdict on Stoke-on-Trent

"Where did you get the hat?"
- To his wife after her coronation


ivy.aholic.us
 
2014-06-11 12:45:16 PM

Maud Dib: I_Am_Weasel: I see we have a contender for today's submission of "Unnecessary slide shows"

Did you say slideshow, old chap?

[www.sparkypower.com image 600x600]


That is one of my favorite things on the Internet.
 
2014-06-11 12:46:49 PM
A better list, no slideshow, which includes my favorite quote:

"I'd like to go to Russia very much - although the bastards murdered half my family."
 
2014-06-11 12:48:27 PM
Dear British people,

I am sorry to be the one to do this, but I need to point this out to you so you realize how ridiculous it is that you still pay any attention or grant any amount of unwarranted respect to the Windsors, i.e. your "Royal family"... Here goes:

The Windsors are the U.K.'s version of the Kardashians.

I grant you that they have more class and taste, but when it comes right down to it they're people who are famous for being famous. The monarchy holds no real power, and hasn't for generations. They might be part of some secret group of plutocrats that rule the world, but as far as the U.K. is concerned, they're primarily tabloid headlines and spectacles for the proles to watch. They are insanely rich for no good reason-- Their ancestors didn't build any corporations or invent anything-- They're just wealthy and powerful because, essentially, ages ago someone declared himself King and nobody was able to knock him off the throne.

You've been able to ignore the Queen for ages now, and yet you still fawn over her as if she really does anything aside from looking fabulously wealthy and reminding you that you are not fabulously wealthy.

You gush over the royal weddings and babies the same way Americans gush over tabloid coverage of the Kardashians getting married and squeezing out darkspawn larva.

I'm sorry, Brits... I know for some of you this is a point of pride, and I have to ask: WHY? Why cling to this idea that the monarchy means anything significant anymore? They're your Kardashians. They're your national distraction.

I say we should stop paying attention to the Kardashians AND the Windsors. Send them all to live on a little island somewhere. Let them breed outside of their family lines a little bit, see what happens.

Thanks,

Nix
 
2014-06-11 12:51:31 PM

ChipNASA: Deaf? If you're near there, no wonder you're deaf."
- To a group of deaf children standing next to a steel band


"It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons."
- At an exhibition of 'primitive' Ethiopian art

"Are you all one family?"
- To Britain's Got Talent winners Diversity

"You can't have been here long, you haven't got a pot belly."
- To a tourist in Budapest

"I thought it was against the law for a woman to solicit."
- To a woman solicitor

People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still drying out Windsor Castle."
- - To survivors of the Lockerbie bombing

"You look like you're ready for bed!"
- To President of Nigeria, who was wearing national dress

"Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car, is it?"
- To Elton John, about his gold Aston Martin

"During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual."
- At Hertfordshire University

"You are a woman, aren't you?"
- To a woman in Kenya

Well, you'll never fly in it, you're too fat to be an astronaut."
- To a 13-year-old child, while visiting the space shuttle

"You managed not to get eaten then?"
- To a student who had been backpacking in Papua New Guinea


"Do you work in a strip club?"
- To a female sea cadet

"Do you still throw spears at each other?"
- To a group of Aborigines


"What about Tom Jones? He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer."
- On getting rich in Britain

Aren't most of you descended from pirates?"
- To Cayman Islanders

"How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?"
- To a Scottish driving instructor

"It looks like a tart's bedroom."
- On the Duke of York's bedroom

"Are you running away from something?"
- To expats in Abu Dhabi

"The Philippines must be half-empty - you're all here running the NHS."
- To a Philippine nurse in a London hospital

"If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed."
- On a state visit to China

"Ghastly."
- Giving his verdict on Stoke-on-Trent

"Where did you get the hat?"
- To his wife after her coronation


Thanks!
 
2014-06-11 12:51:59 PM
I read the quotes and laughed my ass off. Prince Phillip RULES.
 
2014-06-11 12:52:24 PM

Yakk: A better list, no slideshow, which includes my favorite quote:

"I'd like to go to Russia very much - although the bastards murdered half my family."


These are awesome. Thanks!

This one is my favorite so far: 65 "People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans."
 
2014-06-11 12:53:46 PM

Nix Nightbird: Dear British people,

I am sorry to be the one to do this, but I need to point this out to you so you realize how ridiculous it is that you still pay any attention or grant any amount of unwarranted respect to the Windsors, i.e. your "Royal family"... Here goes:

The Windsors are the U.K.'s version of the Kardashians.

I grant you that they have more class and taste, but when it comes right down to it they're people who are famous for being famous. The monarchy holds no real power, and hasn't for generations. They might be part of some secret group of plutocrats that rule the world, but as far as the U.K. is concerned, they're primarily tabloid headlines and spectacles for the proles to watch. They are insanely rich for no good reason-- Their ancestors didn't build any corporations or invent anything-- They're just wealthy and powerful because, essentially, ages ago someone declared himself King and nobody was able to knock him off the throne.

You've been able to ignore the Queen for ages now, and yet you still fawn over her as if she really does anything aside from looking fabulously wealthy and reminding you that you are not fabulously wealthy.

You gush over the royal weddings and babies the same way Americans gush over tabloid coverage of the Kardashians getting married and squeezing out darkspawn larva.

I'm sorry, Brits... I know for some of you this is a point of pride, and I have to ask: WHY? Why cling to this idea that the monarchy means anything significant anymore? They're your Kardashians. They're your national distraction.

I say we should stop paying attention to the Kardashians AND the Windsors. Send them all to live on a little island somewhere. Let them breed outside of their family lines a little bit, see what happens.

Thanks,

Nix


4/10, mostly for effort.
 
2014-06-11 12:57:09 PM
In 1979, when Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip were guests of US President Jimmy Carter, Prince Philip was approached by White House butler Lynwood Westray and another unnamed butler. Westray asked him "Your majesty, would you like a cordial?", and Prince Phillip responded, "I'll take one if you'll let me serve you". "Oh my God, this had never happened before," said Westray. "There we were standing there. I was holding the glasses and my buddy was holding the liqueurs and we looked at each other, and I said 'If that's the only way you'll have it, we'll go along with it.' And the prince served us what he was having, and the three of us had a drink and a conversation. It was an honour to let him do it."
 
2014-06-11 01:00:08 PM
"If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it."
 
2014-06-11 01:03:05 PM

The Numbers: 4/10, mostly for effort.


I'm told that if I have a few beers, a 4 will look like a 10.
 
2014-06-11 01:03:36 PM
43 When offered wine in Rome in 2000, he snapped: "I don't care what kind it is, just get me a beer!"


So what's his Fark handle?
 
2014-06-11 01:03:40 PM
"And what exotic part of the world do you come from?"

From now on I'm asking that of every black person I meet, cuz you never know, could be interesting.
 
2014-06-11 01:03:49 PM

vgss: "If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it."


From what I've seen, he isn't wrong.
 
2014-06-11 01:07:37 PM
 
2014-06-11 01:10:41 PM

Yakk: A better list, no slideshow, which includes my favorite quote:

"I'd like to go to Russia very much - although the bastards murdered half my family."


Thank you for doing the Lords work.
 
2014-06-11 01:11:40 PM
Joe Biden definitely is Prince Phil's love child from an illicit affair with "ahem....American"...
 
2014-06-11 01:12:20 PM
Hey, quit hatin' on the old guy...

We can't all be Joe Biden.
 
2014-06-11 01:17:38 PM

Nix Nightbird: The Windsors are the U.K.'s version of the Kardashians.

I grant you that they have more class and taste


Well, you clearly haven't been paying attention for the last few decades.
 
2014-06-11 01:18:31 PM
He sure likes the word ghastly.  I can't use it - it loses a lot of impact with an American accent.
 
2014-06-11 01:23:09 PM
He's farking hilarious.  I love that inbred bastard.

/God save the Queen!
 
2014-06-11 01:30:18 PM
 
2014-06-11 01:38:41 PM
Let's face it, if you had a job where you couldn't get fired, you might say some of those things too.
 
2014-06-11 01:41:14 PM
       Subby: As Britain's Prince Phillip

oh_please: Prince Phillip RULES.



Dear dumb Americans; it's spelled "PHILIP."

Thank you.
Signed,
The Commonwealth
 
2014-06-11 01:44:28 PM
Any chance of getting Biden to sit down with him for a taped conversation?  Would be comedy gold!!
 
2014-06-11 01:54:50 PM
Christ, what an asshole.

The  Saxe-Coburg's should pack their shiat and go back to Germany.  The last Englishman on the English throne wasn't even a man, it was Elizabeth I. The Stewards were Scottish, and William was Norse.  These clowns came into power when the Stewart's died out and had to migrate over from the Fatherland.
 
2014-06-11 02:00:16 PM

oh_please: I read the quotes and laughed my ass off. Prince Phillip RULES.


Double plus.

I'd like to see a US president getting away with a single one of those quotes.

See, that's how you know royalty.
 
2014-06-11 02:02:38 PM

Nix Nightbird: Dear British people,


Dear colony, no one cares what you think.
 
2014-06-11 02:09:39 PM
The guy's a hoot! I respect people that manage to remain students all of their lives.
 
2014-06-11 02:13:59 PM

Rent Party: Christ, what an asshole.

The  Saxe-Coburg's should pack their shiat and go back to Germany.  The last Englishman on the English throne wasn't even a man, it was Elizabeth I. The Stewards were Scottish, and William was Norse.  These clowns came into power when the Stewart's died out and had to migrate over from the Fatherland.


i278.photobucket.com
 
2014-06-11 02:17:30 PM

spawn73: Nix Nightbird: Dear British people,

Dear colony, no one cares what you think.

... until scary people in the world start using guns.  Then we expect you to do all the heavy lifting while we self-righteously criticize and second-guess the way you do everything.
 
2014-06-11 02:17:44 PM

Danger Avoid Death: Rent Party: Christ, what an asshole.

The  Saxe-Coburg's should pack their shiat and go back to Germany.  The last Englishman on the English throne wasn't even a man, it was Elizabeth I. The Stewards were Scottish, and William was Norse.  These clowns came into power when the Stewart's died out and had to migrate over from the Fatherland.

[i278.photobucket.com image 567x421]


A brief history of the English throne.  Lets start in 1066.  I'll leave it to you to figure out why.

Normans:  French
Plantagenets:  English
Lancasters: English
Tudors (of which Elizabeth was the last of the line):  English
Stewarts:  Scottish
Saxe-Coburg (a.k.a. The  Windsors):  German

There ya go.
 
2014-06-11 02:22:10 PM

Rent Party: Danger Avoid Death: Rent Party: Christ, what an asshole.

The  Saxe-Coburg's should pack their shiat and go back to Germany.  The last Englishman on the English throne wasn't even a man, it was Elizabeth I. The Stewards were Scottish, and William was Norse.  These clowns came into power when the Stewart's died out and had to migrate over from the Fatherland.

[i278.photobucket.com image 567x421]

A brief history of the English throne.  Lets start in 1066.  I'll leave it to you to figure out why.

Normans:  French
Plantagenets:  English
Lancasters: English
Tudors (of which Elizabeth was the last of the line):  English
Stewarts:  Scottish
Saxe-Coburg (a.k.a. The  Windsors):  German

There ya go.


Thanks, but I know the history quite well. That was just a dumb joke featuring a cliched Patrick Stewart meme. I forgot to bold the "Steward" in your post. I could have also gone with:


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-06-11 02:23:16 PM
They forgot the one when he was asked what he'd like to be reincarnated as and answered "a virus, so I could kill millions." Creepy old fark.
 
2014-06-11 02:28:25 PM

lamecomedian: spawn73: Nix Nightbird: Dear British people,

Dear colony, no one cares what you think....

 until scary people in the world start using guns.  Then we expect you to do all the heavy lifting while we self-righteously criticize and second-guess the way you do everything.


Nope. Your fantasies does not mimic reality.
 
2014-06-11 02:31:41 PM

lamecomedian: spawn73: Nix Nightbird: Dear British people,

Dear colony, no one cares what you think.... until scary people in the world start using guns.  Then we expect you to do all the heavy lifting while we self-righteously criticize and second-guess the way you do everything.


Yes, your comedy is indeed lame.
 
2014-06-11 02:33:59 PM
Man some of those comments make bush look flat-out diplomatic by comparison...

//still, he talks like a regular day on fark.
 
2014-06-11 02:34:20 PM
 
2014-06-11 02:37:23 PM

spawn73: Nix Nightbird: Dear British people,

Dear colony, no one cares what you think.


Dear Denmark,
Aren't you the cutest little insignificant little turd in the punch bowl and your welcome.

Love,
The Marshall Plan
 
2014-06-11 02:42:56 PM
Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8bqQ-C1PSE
 
2014-06-11 02:45:57 PM

HootyMagoo: spawn73: Nix Nightbird: Dear British people,

Dear colony, no one cares what you think.

Dear Denmark,
Aren't you the cutest little insignificant little turd in the punch bowl and your welcome.

Love,
The Marshall Plan


Dear ignorant,

We were allied with Germany, but you got confused when we saved all our Jews.


The Marshall plan was quaint. We're still richer than you.
 
2014-06-11 02:47:32 PM

Danger Avoid Death: Rent Party: Danger Avoid Death: Rent Party: Christ, what an asshole.

The  Saxe-Coburg's should pack their shiat and go back to Germany.  The last Englishman on the English throne wasn't even a man, it was Elizabeth I. The Stewards were Scottish, and William was Norse.  These clowns came into power when the Stewart's died out and had to migrate over from the Fatherland.

[i278.photobucket.com image 567x421]

A brief history of the English throne.  Lets start in 1066.  I'll leave it to you to figure out why.

Normans:  French
Plantagenets:  English
Lancasters: English
Tudors (of which Elizabeth was the last of the line):  English
Stewarts:  Scottish
Saxe-Coburg (a.k.a. The  Windsors):  German

There ya go.

Thanks, but I know the history quite well. That was just a dumb joke featuring a cliched Patrick Stewart meme. I forgot to bold the "Steward" in your post. I could have also gone with:


[2.bp.blogspot.com image 300x350]


Ah gotcha.

Sorry for missing the joke.
 
2014-06-11 02:48:51 PM

Rent Party: Danger Avoid Death: Rent Party: Christ, what an asshole.

The  Saxe-Coburg's should pack their shiat and go back to Germany.  The last Englishman on the English throne wasn't even a man, it was Elizabeth I. The Stewards were Scottish, and William was Norse.  These clowns came into power when the Stewart's died out and had to migrate over from the Fatherland.

[i278.photobucket.com image 567x421]

A brief history of the English throne.  Lets start in 1066.  I'll leave it to you to figure out why.

Normans:  French
Plantagenets:  English
Lancasters: English
Tudors (of which Elizabeth was the last of the line):  English
Stewarts:  Scottish
Saxe-Coburg (a.k.a. The  Windsors):  German

There ya go.


Supposedly, Princess Diana privately referred to the family into which she'd married as "the Germans."
 
2014-06-11 02:48:58 PM

Rent Party: Danger Avoid Death: Rent Party: Christ, what an asshole.

The  Saxe-Coburg's should pack their shiat and go back to Germany.  The last Englishman on the English throne wasn't even a man, it was Elizabeth I. The Stewards were Scottish, and William was Norse.  These clowns came into power when the Stewart's died out and had to migrate over from the Fatherland.

[i278.photobucket.com image 567x421]

A brief history of the English throne.  Lets start in 1066.  I'll leave it to you to figure out why.

Normans:  French
Plantagenets:  English
Lancasters: English
Tudors (of which Elizabeth was the last of the line):  English
Stewarts:  Scottish
Saxe-Coburg (a.k.a. The  Windsors):  German

There ya go.


If you really knew your stuff, and weren't just repeating barely understood garbage, you might have suggested the Twdwrs/Tewdors were Welsh. If Elizabeth II is German, then Henry VII is Welsh. But then how far back in lineage do you go? King George I himself is descended from James Stewart, so fark calling him German, he's Scottish!! They're all descended from Africans anyway. 

The real problem with this argument is that if I moved to America with a wifey and had children over there, would those children not be considered American? Yes, they would. Within a generation they wouldn't be English, they'd be American. So stop this stupid "they're German!!" nonsense. It's so tiresome.
 
2014-06-11 02:52:53 PM

Nix Nightbird: Dear British people,

I am sorry to be the one to do this, but I need to point this out to you so you realize how ridiculous it is that you still pay any attention or grant any amount of unwarranted respect to the Windsors, i.e. your "Royal family"... Here goes:
(snip lots of words)
Thanks,

Nix


The song was called: "The People Who Grinned Themselves to Death"
The band was called: "The Housemartins"
The time was: about 30 years ago in the mid-late 1980's
 
Displayed 50 of 99 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report