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(Newser)   Honey, before we commit to the eternal bonds of holy matrimony, I need to know you'll never talk about my penis on Facebook   (newser.com) divider line 39
    More: Spiffy  
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8199 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Jun 2014 at 6:34 PM (14 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



39 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-06-09 05:39:02 PM
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes it's true.
[pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman: This man has no dick.
Walter Peck: Jeez!
[Charges at Venkman]
Mayor: Break it up! Hey, break this up! Break it up!
Walter Peck: All right, all right, all right!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, that's what I heard!
 
2014-06-09 06:25:21 PM
Who gets to determine what's embarrassing?
 
2014-06-09 06:37:00 PM

EvilEgg: Who gets to determine what's embarrassing?


The penis.
 
2014-06-09 06:38:53 PM
If either feels the need to draw up such a contract, it's probably not a good idea to get married in the first place.
 
2014-06-09 06:46:57 PM
No need for my sexy fiance to comment about my enormous penis after we have our very expensive wedding.
www.theblubber.com
After all, it's a short subject that never comes up.

You can tell it's not shopped by the pixels.
 
2014-06-09 06:47:17 PM

Atomic Spunk: If either feels the need to draw up such a contract, it's probably not a good idea to get married in the first place.


Probably less a "we must make a contract to control our social media impulses" thing and more of a "we're already writing up a prenup, we missing any common causes of divorce or arguments that get out of hand, lawyer?  Oh, social media bullshiat?  Good idea, hadn't thought of that one, let's put it on the list."
 
905
2014-06-09 06:49:00 PM

Atomic Spunk: If either feels the need to draw up such a contract, it's probably not a good idea to get married in the first place.


Hell, if either feels the need to freely and extensively discuss private matters like that in a public forum, it's probably not a great idea either.

That's all social media is, one big quilting circle.

/says the idiot posting on Fark.
 
2014-06-09 06:51:31 PM
Well, guess he can't discuss her body at all, either, right?

/turnabout is fair play
//time to take out ads in the local newspaper, with pictures
 
2014-06-09 06:53:34 PM
*unless you embellish length and girth by three, and it is in you mouth or anus.

/necessary fine print.
 
2014-06-09 06:59:31 PM
I don't care if my wife wants to talk about that on facebook, but I can't imagine there are many people who want to be reading that.
 
2014-06-09 07:07:15 PM
She posts:  His dick tastes like shiat.

My post:  It is not my fault that your brother asks to borrow $20 bucks before you ask for money for groceries.
 
2014-06-09 07:08:06 PM
She has talked about worse on there....half our friends know the truth anyway...
 
2014-06-09 07:11:53 PM
pfft.  as long as she dont talk about OTHER GUYS PENIS, WTF is the problem?  let her brag.  my 9cms is GOD!
 
2014-06-09 07:12:06 PM

Atomic Spunk: If either feels the need to draw up such a contract, it's probably not a good idea to get married in the first place.


I agree in principle. However I often preface my embarrassing stories with, don't post this on Facebook.

She has trouble with over sharing sometimes.
 
2014-06-09 07:14:50 PM
Ahh yes, the newest pre-nup trend!*

*Only for idiot New Yorkers making around $5million a year
 
2014-06-09 07:23:55 PM

Anastacya: Well, guess he can't discuss her body at all, either, right?

/turnabout is fair play
//time to take out ads in the local newspaper, with pictures


Ha! Joke's ok you, it's too small to show up in pictures!

Oh wait, that's not a good thing... I'll just click the delete button here... <click> oh shiat that was "Add Comment"

:D
 
2014-06-09 07:27:35 PM
It's like a baby's arm holding an apple.
 
2014-06-09 07:32:15 PM
If I had a nickel. .
 
2014-06-09 07:42:10 PM

Boo_Guy: It's like a baby's arm holding an apple.


Mine's a personally autographed picture of Randy Mantooth
 
2014-06-09 07:42:52 PM

Dahnkster: No need for my sexy fiance to comment about my enormous penis after we have our very expensive wedding.

After all, it's a short subject that never comes up.

You can tell it's not shopped by the pixels.


Dr. Krieger, is that you?
 
2014-06-09 08:08:32 PM
A friend of mine once volunteered the information that her husband has "a huge penis". Now that's love.

//she might have also been a little drunk.
 
2014-06-09 08:29:23 PM
I have a picture of my penis for my linked in profile.
 
2014-06-09 08:56:31 PM

Jim_Callahan: Atomic Spunk: If either feels the need to draw up such a contract, it's probably not a good idea to get married in the first place.

Probably less a "we must make a contract to control our social media impulses" thing and more of a "we're already writing up a prenup, we missing any common causes of divorce or arguments that get out of hand, lawyer?  Oh, social media bullshiat?  Good idea, hadn't thought of that one, let's put it on the list."


Probably this.  Makes it so she can't say "his dick is so small and it takes like 2 Viagra and an hour of porn to get hard" if they're fighting.

/or "she's only willing if she's drunk, high, and I have to approach from a 135 degree angle"
 
2014-06-09 09:13:11 PM

Arkanaut: A friend of mine once volunteered the information that her husband has "a huge penis". Now that's love.

//she might have also been a little drunk.


I have a friend who once tried to show me a dick pic her husband sent her. (I'm a girl.) Her husband happens to be one of my coworkers. I averted my gaze before I caught a glimpse of it. I couldn't help but feel like, if I was her husband, I would be pretty mad if I knew my wife was doing that.
 
2014-06-09 09:37:22 PM

Snooki Punch: Arkanaut: A friend of mine once volunteered the information that her husband has "a huge penis". Now that's love.

//she might have also been a little drunk.

I have a friend who once tried to show me a dick pic her husband sent her. (I'm a girl.) Her husband happens to be one of my coworkers. I averted my gaze before I caught a glimpse of it. I couldn't help but feel like, if I was her husband, I would be pretty mad if I knew my wife was doing that.


Hahaha. Oh man.
 
2014-06-09 09:54:26 PM
A long time ago my soon to be wife used to describe my enormous schlong to her friends in real life right in front of me, none of this facebook bullplop.   It was embarrassing but only kindasorta....fast forward two decades and she wants nothing to do with it even with my great personality.
 
2014-06-09 09:58:54 PM

Snooki Punch: Arkanaut: A friend of mine once volunteered the information that her husband has "a huge penis". Now that's love.

//she might have also been a little drunk.

I have a friend who once tried to show me a dick pic her husband sent her. (I'm a girl.) Her husband happens to be one of my coworkers. I averted my gaze before I caught a glimpse of it. I couldn't help but feel like, if I was her husband, I would be pretty mad if I knew my wife was doing that.


Based on extensive research I've performed on the internet, I believe you were being invited to fix the cable.
 
2014-06-09 09:59:45 PM
I actually have a "social penis story". Back when I was playing in a band I started to see this cute little redhead who dated a friend of a friend for a little while. I had a party and this guy shows up pretty drunk, and not saying much. I have about 25-30 people over, most of which are girls who came to see us play. So, party is going good and all of a sudden dude blurts out "so Anna tells me Ooba has a really big dick". Silence. I was aghast. I didn't even know this guy well at all. I was quite embarrassed and a little angry. Turned out pretty well though after Anna and I stopped seeing eachother soon after. More than a few of those ladies were curious to be the judge of things themselves. I should of thanked him.
 
2014-06-09 10:00:32 PM
*have. Ugh /
 
2014-06-09 10:06:00 PM
Oh yeah. Not hung like a horse. Slightly above average. Not studman
 
2014-06-09 11:12:52 PM
My wife talks about my penis; she likes to brag to her friends. Whatever; I know most of what she posts on her private pages and chats anyways.
 
2014-06-09 11:24:37 PM

Atomic Spunk: If either feels the need to draw up such a contract, it's probably not a good idea to get married in the first place.


Why buy a car with a warranty.  It seems like you are expecting the thing to break.  Why get such a low quality item?
 
2014-06-09 11:44:50 PM

Nutsac_Jim: Atomic Spunk: If either feels the need to draw up such a contract, it's probably not a good idea to get married in the first place.

Why buy a car with a warranty.  It seems like you are expecting the thing to break.  Why get such a low quality item?


Similarly, if you liken your wife to an automobile, your marriage may be in trouble.
 
2014-06-10 03:21:37 AM
So, TFA says not just prenups but that married (rich, Manhattanites) also agree to fine each other within the marriage if they make embarrassing social media posts. How the fark does that work? How the fark are you going to fine your wife/husband? That's your money too... I can think of few things more pointless than trying to fine my own spouse in money.
 
2014-06-10 08:05:49 AM

Arkanaut: A friend of mine once volunteered the information that her husband has "a huge penis". Now that's love.

//she might have also been a little drunk.


Had an ex that used to do that too, never understood why she kept doing so even months after we split up. She told her friends, my friends, my roommates, etc.
 
2014-06-10 08:39:59 AM

vegas_greaser: Arkanaut: A friend of mine once volunteered the information that her husband has "a huge penis". Now that's love.

//she might have also been a little drunk.

Had an ex that used to do that too, never understood why she kept doing so even months after we split up. She told her friends, my friends, my roommates, etc.


#humblebrag
 
2014-06-10 09:45:43 AM

lamecomedian: Nutsac_Jim: Atomic Spunk: If either feels the need to draw up such a contract, it's probably not a good idea to get married in the first place.

Why buy a car with a warranty.  It seems like you are expecting the thing to break.  Why get such a low quality item?

Similarly, if you liken your wife to an automobile, your marriage may be in trouble.


Too true. Too true. My car lets me ride it every day without complaint.
 
2014-06-10 11:36:51 AM

vegas_greaser: Arkanaut: A friend of mine once volunteered the information that her husband has "a huge penis". Now that's love.

//she might have also been a little drunk.

Had an ex that used to do that too, never understood why she kept doing so even months after we split up. She told her friends, my friends, my roommates, etc.


Maybe it was a situation similar to this?
 
2014-06-10 11:39:44 AM
Ya know, and I know I can trust you guys to be sympathetic and understanding 'cause this is Fark, I am not large by any measurement (even centimeters - ba-dum-TISH) and I have NEVER had a partner, current or ex, to judge me or criticize me. My experience has been, by the time we're naked we've already accepted each other. Whenever I read stuff like this, I wonder what's wrong with the dude for picking a woman with whom this would be an issue,
 
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