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(Adirondack Express)   The bears have figured out how to open your car doors, people. EVERYBODY PANIC   (adirondackexpress.com) divider line 72
    More: Scary  
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5699 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Jun 2014 at 12:26 AM (11 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-06-08 07:17:38 PM
They can open your car doors and go after you. It is time to be scared.
 
2014-06-08 07:27:12 PM
Someone taught bears how to use wire hangers?
 
2014-06-08 07:39:22 PM
Talk about not news
 
2014-06-08 08:46:46 PM
Stephan Colbert has been right all along.
 
2014-06-08 08:54:45 PM
Well, given the range of variation in bear intelligence, it shouldn't be surprising to find one that is smarter than the average bear.
 
2014-06-08 09:27:47 PM
This is way more scary than their previous method: tearing the car apart like a wet pinata with their bear claws and bear strength.
 
2014-06-08 09:35:18 PM
Ain't no bear like a Yosemite bear
ww3.hdnux.com
'Cuz a Yosemite bear iz in ur carz eatin ur cookeez
 
2014-06-08 11:01:52 PM
This is what the Right to Bear Arms has wrought.
 
2014-06-08 11:22:37 PM
Every Canadian has a bear story.  This is one of mine.

So a friend that we call Crazy Cowboy comes to visit at a friends cabin in the Rockies of Alberta, about halfway between Banff and Jasper.  His world is on his back and in his 1970s microbus.  They get up one morning, and the bus in the front yard is a rockin'.  Turns out that a brown bear had sussed out that there was food in that there vehicle and ripped through the pop top canvas to get in.  From the commotion inside, the bear is really partying it up.  CC is beside himself at the thought of everything he owns being destroyed by this bear.

So the question now is:  How do you get the bear out?

Cowboy sneaks up on the camper, rips open the side door, then hightails it back to the safety of the cabin.  But the bear isn't interested in leaving- he's got into something good.  So phase 2 is to spook it a bit- Cowboy opens the drivers side door, climbs in, fires up the engine then runs again.  Bear still isn't going anywhere.

So it's come to this- against wiser advice, he jumps in, throws the van into gear, and starts moving-  Door open, one leg already out ready to jump, shoulder checking the hell out of this critter.  Being his first trip in a car, the bear 3' behind his head is now well and truly panicking.  Bear takes the hint, exits stage right out of the van and shoulder rolls his way out of the van at about 15kph.

So just so you know for future reference, apparently that's one way to get a bear out of your vehicle.
 
2014-06-09 12:29:30 AM
what a thieving bear might look like
 
2014-06-09 12:30:14 AM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-06-09 12:33:16 AM
Some bigger pictures of the damage would have been nice.
 
2014-06-09 12:39:08 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Talk about not news


got that right
 
2014-06-09 12:43:06 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2014-06-09 12:44:21 AM

gnosis301: Someone taught bears how to use wire hangers?


i.ebayimg.com
 
2014-06-09 12:44:58 AM
Their paws make great soup.
 
2014-06-09 12:48:48 AM
Camping in Sequoia with all the bears running through the campsites is kind've an experience when you're a kid. =P  But the rangers tell you first thing.. don't leave food any food inside your car, they can and will get into it.
 
2014-06-09 12:49:55 AM
Good. He can drive home so at least he won't have to drink his own piss.
 
2014-06-09 12:50:24 AM

Strongbeerrules: Their paws make great soup.


You're thinking of the donuts. Those aren't literally bear claws.
 
2014-06-09 12:52:12 AM

brimed03: Strongbeerrules: Their paws make great soup.

You're thinking of the donuts. Those aren't literally bear claws.


Donut soup? That seems kind of weird. Must be a Portland thing.
 
2014-06-09 12:59:10 AM
The Saudis have the right idea. Only those with enough money to board a plane and fly out of the country, where Allah cannot see them, are allowed to consume alcohol.
 
2014-06-09 01:00:02 AM
stream1.gifsoup.com

They're learning!
 
2014-06-09 01:00:20 AM
unyon:

So just so you know for future reference, apparently that's one way to get a bear out of your vehicle.

I've never had a bear inside my car but one did climb on the hood and look inside at me through the windshield. I banged on the window and it ran off. Thankfully it was a juvenile otherwise the hood might have got squashed.  A car actually makes an excellent blind.

Anyway, I know someone who made the mistake of leaving an empty pizza box in their car while they were out camping. Trust me, a bear can do terrible damage to a vehicle and it taught me a valuable lesson. No open food, no garbage, nothing smelly in a car.
 
2014-06-09 01:00:31 AM
fark bears, they are persistent stubborn predators, who do anything to turn down your life..
 
2014-06-09 01:02:26 AM
Of course nothing in the article says anything about them being able to open a door.
But whatevs, typical Fark.
 
2014-06-09 01:02:48 AM

i.imgur.com



/YEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!
 
2014-06-09 01:05:32 AM
I'll just leave this here.
 
2014-06-09 01:06:03 AM

Begoggle: Of course nothing in the article says anything about them being able to open a door.
But whatevs, typical Fark.


Local bears have learned how to open car doors, trash bins and will enter unsecured porches and garages.
 
2014-06-09 01:07:41 AM

worlddan: Begoggle: Of course nothing in the article says anything about them being able to open a door.
But whatevs, typical Fark.

Local bears have learned how to open car doors, trash bins and will enter unsecured porches and garages.


They've been yanking open windows for years.
 
2014-06-09 01:09:35 AM
i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-06-09 01:18:09 AM
This is why my truck always has .30-06 stored when we go camping.
/boom!
/headshot!
 
2014-06-09 01:18:23 AM
They've known how to do this for years.

Also open trash cans, cabin doors, windows, dumpsters, and they're working on those "bear proof containers," give them another week or so.
 
2014-06-09 01:18:34 AM

Apos: [i.imgur.com image 240x274]

/YEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!



I chuckled.
 
2014-06-09 01:18:39 AM
They do have these giant door opening devices called paws.

A bear could probably rip a car door off without effort.

/ here's a vid of a bear opening a door MUCH easier http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HBFRLtlzmQ&sns=em (copy/pasta)
 
2014-06-09 01:25:58 AM
The bears have figured out how to open your car doors, people. EVERYBODY PANICPICNIC!
 
2014-06-09 01:27:49 AM

worlddan: Begoggle: Of course nothing in the article says anything about them being able to open a door.
But whatevs, typical Fark.

Local bears have learned how to open car doors, trash bins and will enter unsecured porches and garages.


A Farker skimming TFA then claiming a pertinent detail was missing when it was there all along?
Yep, typical Fark!

*sitcom lafftrak*
 
2014-06-09 01:29:21 AM

voodoomedic: This is why my truck always has .30-06 stored when we go camping.
/boom!
/headshot!


So when the bear opens your truck we now have a armed bear, while very pro second amendment and all I have to wonder if you have thought your cunning plan all the way through?
 
2014-06-09 01:29:50 AM
Hope they find a security camera video because watching the bear rip the car apart would be hilarious. Well, not so hilarious for the car owners, maybe. The rest of us can laugh though.

No good bear stories, just many sightings.

Well a mother bear and cub were eating the apples from the trees in Curry Village in Yosemite. We tourists hung around at a safe distance just beyond apple core throwing range. There were so many apples she'd just take a bite or two and then hurl the rest away. The cub came down and didn't like the look of us, but then got back up in the tree. The mother bear gave zero farks and just kept chowing down on the apples.

One idiot tried to get closer but listened to his pals who told him to get back.
 
2014-06-09 01:30:05 AM

sirrerun: A Farker skimming TFA then claiming a pertinent detail was missing when it was there all along?
Yep, typical Fark!

*sitcom lafftrak*


Dude, learn to make salsa already.
 
2014-06-09 01:40:00 AM
What Kevin72 might look like encountering an urban bear:

s25.postimg.org
image hosting websites
 
2014-06-09 01:40:35 AM

LadySusan: Hope they find a security camera video because watching the bear rip the car apart would be hilarious. Well, not so hilarious for the car owners, maybe. The rest of us can laugh though.

No good bear stories, just many sightings.

Well a mother bear and cub were eating the apples from the trees in Curry Village in Yosemite. We tourists hung around at a safe distance just beyond apple core throwing range. There were so many apples she'd just take a bite or two and then hurl the rest away. The cub came down and didn't like the look of us, but then got back up in the tree. The mother bear gave zero farks and just kept chowing down on the apples.

One idiot tried to get closer but listened to his pals who told him to get back.


Bears in Curry Village happens a bit more often than I had expected.
 
2014-06-09 01:45:12 AM
Years ago, things were made so only creatures with opposable thumbs could use them. Then, a small but thumbless minority, had them change everything. This is what happens when you slap evolution in the face.
 
2014-06-09 01:57:37 AM

Solty Dog: Years ago, things were made so only creatures with opposable thumbs could use them. Then, a small but thumbless minority, had them change everything. This is what happens when you slap evolution in the face.


Jesus Christ man, just rub Adoni-bezek's powdered genitals on your face already.  We get it, he was an important guy and he managed to right about some decisions.
 
2014-06-09 01:59:28 AM
img.fark.net
 
2014-06-09 01:59:53 AM

Kevin72: What Kevin72 might look like encountering an urban bear:

[s25.postimg.org image 450x800]
image hosting websites


It's nice you were willing to take the time to pose with some dude on crutches.
 
2014-06-09 02:07:37 AM

worlddan: unyon:

So just so you know for future reference, apparently that's one way to get a bear out of your vehicle.

I've never had a bear inside my car but one did climb on the hood and look inside at me through the windshield. I banged on the window and it ran off. Thankfully it was a juvenile otherwise the hood might have got squashed.  A car actually makes an excellent blind.

Anyway, I know someone who made the mistake of leaving an empty pizza box in their car while they were out camping. Trust me, a bear can do terrible damage to a vehicle and it taught me a valuable lesson. No open food, no garbage, nothing smelly in a car.


Well then how the heck am I supposed to get anywhere?
 
2014-06-09 02:15:33 AM

davidphogan: Kevin72: What Kevin72 might look like encountering an urban bear:

[s25.postimg.org image 450x800]
image hosting websites

It's nice you were willing to take the time to pose with some dude on crutches.


Favorited in yellow3 unless you have some other color preference. Dude on crutches said one more month because tendons heal slowly.
 
2014-06-09 02:19:53 AM
MaudlinMutantMollusk nailed it.

Yosemite bears know how to get their claws behind the top of a car door and bend it until the window pops, or to slide the claws between the top of the window and the door frame and just push the window down into the door.  Then they climb inside and pretty much have a crack binge on all your food.

You are in big trouble if your car gets raided by a bear in Yosemite.

If the rangers catch you, you get a federal offense on your record, a nice fine, and since you committed a crime your insurance won't pay.

If nobody knows it happened, best move is to make the car as visually passable as you can and skedaddle out of the park by the nearest exit before anyone finds out.
 
2014-06-09 02:33:02 AM
snakkle.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com
 
2014-06-09 02:38:23 AM

Dinjiin: I'll just leave this here.


Came in for this. Leaving satisfied.
 
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