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(Telegraph)   What to do after you win the lottery, but before you've told your boss exactly what you think of them and then moved so far away that your coworkers don't even remember what you looked like   (telegraph.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Interesting, Investment Company Institute, Michelin Guide, Camelot, Sir Richard Branson, lottery  
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17358 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jun 2014 at 12:02 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



85 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2014-06-08 11:14:36 AM  
Two chicks at one time?
 
2014-06-08 12:05:23 PM  
Quit? I just tell them I can be hired as a consultant

Then remodel or rebuild house

Chevy diesel cruze for me, A JAAAA-AAAG for the missus

Then we're going to Disney land
 
2014-06-08 12:08:00 PM  
List fails without cocaine and hookers ...
 
2014-06-08 12:10:43 PM  
Loose women, drugs, and booze. The rest I'd squander.
 
2014-06-08 12:10:51 PM  
1. Don't do anything outside your normal routine, until (at least) the first check clears.
 
2014-06-08 12:13:10 PM  
Hit the lottery ? Hell I'd get me some skirts for the double wide and get 'er anchored down, finally.
Oh, yea some new tires for the pick up so she"ll pass inspection, and get me a lifetime infield pass to all the NASCAR races.
Might even quit going to Dollar General and head on down to the WalMart, even though I like the Dollar General cause I don't have to get all dressed up, like when going to WalMart.
 
2014-06-08 12:17:52 PM  

Seequinn: 1. Don't do anything outside your normal routine, until (at least) the first check clears.


This.
 
2014-06-08 12:18:35 PM  
Round the clock inhouse care for mom.

Water treatment for the town..

Delivery van, walk in cooler, freezer, and industrial kitchen for the local food shelf

Post and beam barn to live in.

Oh, and  a month of Total Fark. Gotta remember charity.
 
2014-06-08 12:19:12 PM  
Call all your friends and family, tell them you won, and you'll be happy to loan them money to help get their dreams off the ground.
 
2014-06-08 12:20:03 PM  
They don't allow anonymous wins in my state. I always wondered if getting my name changed to "John Doe" should be the first move?
 
2014-06-08 12:22:30 PM  
Mistress Jedana?
No entiendo.
Yo no hablo Ingles.

Mi nombre es Senora Lucita Chiquita Vanequa Batiqua Rodica Morales.
No tengo familia.
Disculpeme, tengo que ir a pulir mis diamantes ahora...

/slashies son libres
//por lo slashies para todas!
 
2014-06-08 12:23:31 PM  
Split winnings evenly with immediate family members, that way there's trouble for everyone.
 
2014-06-08 12:24:58 PM  
Just me, or was that a disjointed, convoluted interview turned article?
 
2014-06-08 12:26:11 PM  

mjohnson71: They don't allow anonymous wins in my state. I always wondered if getting my name changed to "John Doe" should be the first move?


That has always been my thought to, win lotto, sit on ticket till name change is legal, take lump sum, change name back
 
2014-06-08 12:26:46 PM  
"What to do when you...aw fark it, let's interview this Dianne Thompson woman instead."
 
2014-06-08 12:27:06 PM  
Delete every "social media" profile you have, change you're phone number and just disappear for a while.
 
2014-06-08 12:28:43 PM  

mjohnson71: They don't allow anonymous wins in my state. I always wondered if getting my name changed to "John Doe" should be the first move?



Change your name
Collect prize
Change name again
 
2014-06-08 12:32:40 PM  
My first call is to an attorney/financial adviser then keep my mouth shut and take a month-long vacation in Italy.  St Jude Children's Hospital gets 1/4 of the winnings, USO gets 1/4 of the winnings and the rest is invested for the family, college for the kids - including the dog.

Then, maybe purchase that 4-slice toaster I have had my eye on.
 
2014-06-08 12:33:12 PM  

Seequinn: 1. Don't do anything outside your normal routine, until (at least) the first check clears.


2.  If you didn't have to go public, keep your job for a while.  Maybe a month or two.  Let your departure seen natural and planned.   Tell them you're going to work with a family member or something.

3.  While planning your escape, pay off any current bills and start thinking about what you *really* want.  The urge to go buy a Ferrari on day one is going to be strong, but take a deep breath.

4.  When you're ready to go, dive in with both feet.  Get a nice place to live, some nice cars, and some toys.  Enjoy it.
 
2014-06-08 12:37:54 PM  
then moved so far away that your coworkers don't even remember what you looked like


I'd like to see more research on this link between physical distance and memory. It raises some questions. For example, does memory lost over physical distance recover when physical proximity returns?

I'm going to DC for three days next week. Will my girlfriend forget what I look like while I'm gone? Will she recognize me when I return?

Answers. I seek them.
 
2014-06-08 12:37:57 PM  
I'm legally changing my name to "No You Ain't Gettin' Any" if I win the lottery.

I mean "when". WHEN I win the lottery.

Dammit, now I've jinxed myself.
 
2014-06-08 12:38:09 PM  
Spend as little as possible on things you won't still have in the morning. So hookers and blow are out. Don't aspire to more than an upper-middle class lifestyle. So no Rolls Royce or Lambo for you. Hire a good accountant. Keep a lawyer on retainer. Invest very conservatively. If you give any away, make sure it's to an entity the IRS recognizes as a charity. Otherwise, the gift taxes can kill you. Pay the Feds and the state their due, the minute it comes due. Make sure you get all your kids through college with no debt. After that, no more farking money. You don't want them to be lazy, useless shiatheads just hanging around like vultures waiting for you to die, do you? That would probably keep a big lottery winner out of bankruptcy court in the next 5-10 years after the win. Will any of them do any of those things? Probably not.
 
2014-06-08 12:40:41 PM  
keep doing the same job, only do all the things that you've never tried because you knew you'd be sacked for doing them

after being sacked, go to job interviews for a hobby, say and do wtf stuff to see what makes an interview interesting and/or memorable and/or uncomfortable


get hired somewhere, but don't show up the first day, see how long you can postpone actually starting before they retract offer
 
2014-06-08 12:42:22 PM  
Here is the BEST advice you'll read and this lady followed it.  Long but worth it  http://www.ar15.com/archive/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=749519
 
2014-06-08 12:42:50 PM  

forgotmydamnusername: Otherwise, the gift taxes can kill you.


Gift taxes get paid by the donee, not the donor.
 
2014-06-08 12:43:20 PM  

Baz744: then moved so far away that your coworkers don't even remember what you looked like


I'd like to see more research on this link between physical distance and memory. It raises some questions. For example, does memory lost over physical distance recover when physical proximity returns?

I'm going to DC for three days next week. Will my girlfriend forget what I look like while I'm gone? Will she recognize me when I return?

Answers. I seek them.


No
Yes
No

Happy?
 
2014-06-08 12:43:34 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-06-08 12:44:59 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Call all your friends and family, tell them you won, and you'll be happy to loan them money to help get their dreams off the ground.


Don't do that!  http://www.ar15.com/archive/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=749519
 
2014-06-08 12:51:51 PM  
I don't know who this woman is, but my quick skim off tfa suggests that she ran a private lottery. Didn't even know such things existed, if that's what was going on.
 
2014-06-08 12:52:40 PM  

Baz744: then moved so far away that your coworkers don't even remember what you looked like


I'd like to see more research on this link between physical distance and memory. It raises some questions. For example, does memory lost over physical distance recover when physical proximity returns?

I'm going to DC for three days next week. Will my girlfriend forget what I look like while I'm gone? Will she recognize me when I return?

Answers. I seek them.


I've had experience with this. She won't remember you at all. Feel free to bring back a girlfriend or two. Also, you won't remember her, either. So win-win for everyone.
 
2014-06-08 01:03:54 PM  
1) Wait for check to clear

2) Set phone to block 99% of phone calls and text messages

2) Disappear for a few weeks
 
2014-06-08 01:04:21 PM  
Get a financial adviser. In some states you can incorporate and claim your winnings as "whoeverthefarkyouare incorporated" so that if you die or something you can bequeath your corporation which continues to collect your annuity (assuming you choose annuity).

I think if I won the lottery I'd wait at least a few weeks to claim it. I wouldn't tell anyone except perhaps my immediate family. I'd probably take the lump sum and donate 25% to charity, put 50% in some kind of safe investment (T-bill, CD, whatever my financial adviser recommended [some kind of safe, "hands-off" thing]) and the remaining 25% would be used to buy a house and get it on solar, lavishly gift my family, travel around, spend frivolously (i.e. hookers & blow) and cover living expenses.
 
2014-06-08 01:07:32 PM  
If you've alienated all your friends and family, 90% of lottery winning "problems" vanish. So just be a complete d*ck to everyone you know, and you can play the lottery with peace of mind.
 
2014-06-08 01:07:37 PM  

forgotmydamnusername: Spend as little as possible on things you won't still have in the morning. So hookers and blow are out. Don't aspire to more than an upper-middle class lifestyle. So no Rolls Royce or Lambo for you. Hire a good accountant. Keep a lawyer on retainer. Invest very conservatively. If you give any away, make sure it's to an entity the IRS recognizes as a charity. Otherwise, the gift taxes can kill you. Pay the Feds and the state their due, the minute it comes due. Make sure you get all your kids through college with no debt. After that, no more farking money. You don't want them to be lazy, useless shiatheads just hanging around like vultures waiting for you to die, do you? That would probably keep a big lottery winner out of bankruptcy court in the next 5-10 years after the win. Will any of them do any of those things? Probably not.


For friends and family, talk to your accountant about starting a corporation, think tank etc. Open an investment account in your name for each "employee". Pay them the annual dividends as a "salary".
 
2014-06-08 01:09:33 PM  
I like my boss and also my job. Super-duper. I can hardly think of anything that I would change. Maybe invest some money in the company, or buy my boss a new car, who knows. But first I need to get the raise that I was promised 6 months ago.
 
2014-06-08 01:12:24 PM  
I would want to go to every bad boss I've had and tell them to fark off. The I thought I'd rather send them a postcard from an exotic location to taunt them. Now I feel like I'd rather put the past behind me and start fresh, knowing I'll never have to see any of them again anyways.
 
2014-06-08 01:14:59 PM  
Husband: "Honey, I just won the lottery!  Pack your bags!"
Wife: "That's great!  Where are we going"
Husband: "I just won the lottery, I am not going anywhere"
 
2014-06-08 01:15:46 PM  

Seequinn: 1. Don't do anything outside your normal routine, until (at least) the first check clears.


And get a lawyer. And if you can, remain anonymous. Don't stand up in front of the cameras and get the big fake check. Every long lost cousin, ex-lover, childhood friend and freeloader will be at your door.
 
2014-06-08 01:17:03 PM  
That article was so British I lost four teeth reading it.

/once knew a guy that claimed if he won the lottery, he'd stand outside the company gate and pay people 10k each to quit, just to fark with the day's production.
 
2014-06-08 01:21:15 PM  

Active introvert: Seequinn: 1. Don't do anything outside your normal routine, until (at least) the first check clears.

And get a lawyer. And if you can, remain anonymous. Don't stand up in front of the cameras and get the big fake check. Every long lost cousin, ex-lover, childhood friend and freeloader will be at your door.


So much this. Avoid the limelight as much as possible.
 
2014-06-08 01:23:06 PM  

skinink: I would want to go to every bad boss I've had and tell them to fark off. The I thought I'd rather send them a postcard from an exotic location to taunt them. Now I feel like I'd rather put the past behind me and start fresh, knowing I'll never have to see any of them again anyways.


Call them from the exotic location to taunt them. Call collect.
 
2014-06-08 01:24:03 PM  
I would have a crew of henchmen and minions and flunkies and jesters, a mere entourage is passé.
 
2014-06-08 01:29:17 PM  
Hank Scorpio in full effect.
 
2014-06-08 01:44:10 PM  
I actually like my supervisor, but some of my Bible-thumping co-workers can DIAF. ( I'd be OK if I never saw them again)

/ and a few of them are almost worth paying for a contract-hit out on their asses....
 
2014-06-08 01:44:30 PM  

rkiller1: Here is the BEST advice you'll read and this lady followed it.  Long but worth it  http://www.ar15.com/archive/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=749519


Wow, excellent advice!  Saved for future reference.
 
2014-06-08 01:46:55 PM  

Spanky McStupid: rkiller1: Here is the BEST advice you'll read and this lady followed it.  Long but worth it  http://www.ar15.com/archive/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=749519

Wow, excellent advice!  Saved for future reference.


seconded - that was one of the most informative and logical posts about money and human nature that I've read in a long time.
 
2014-06-08 01:50:09 PM  

Spanky McStupid: rkiller1: Here is the BEST advice you'll read and this lady followed it.  Long but worth it  http://www.ar15.com/archive/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=749519

Wow, excellent advice!  Saved for future reference.


Chronomorte: Spanky McStupid: rkiller1: Here is the BEST advice you'll read and this lady followed it.  Long but worth it  http://www.ar15.com/archive/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=749519

Wow, excellent advice!  Saved for future reference.

seconded - that was one of the most informative and logical posts about money and human nature that I've read in a long time.


Thirded - archived, you know, just in case.
 
2014-06-08 01:53:59 PM  
Me?  I'd disappear.  Hire a trustworthy financial consultant, hit the road, and that would be that last you heard from Toy Bo ...

404
 
2014-06-08 01:55:07 PM  
Keep my job for a while(however no extra work for the company). Tell no-one, including my wife, until I have the first check in the bank and cleared. 10% goes to leukemia and lymphoma society . I would do it on that day Limbaugh does it once a year too just to watch Farkers heads explode. Buy a house somewhere where I have access to broadband and still have enough land to install full solar panels between the house and the edge of the property to fully run the property. Freshwater well on property as well, with filtering system built into house. Help SOME of the family. Save the rest and invest as seems appropriate.
 
2014-06-08 02:11:40 PM  

jayphat: Keep my job for a while(however no extra work for the company). Tell no-one, including my wife, until I have the first check in the bank and cleared. 10% goes to leukemia and lymphoma society . I would do it on that day Limbaugh does it once a year too just to watch Farkers heads explode. Buy a house somewhere where I have access to broadband and still have enough land to install full solar panels between the house and the edge of the property to fully run the property. Freshwater well on property as well, with filtering system built into house. Help SOME of the family. Save the rest and invest as seems appropriate.


Go Team!
 
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