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(NASCAR)   Will Jimmie be leading the other drivers on another Pocono parade? How will a certain network treat its race fans over these next 6 weeks? It's the Pocono 400 (1:00 PM, TNT)   (nascar.com) divider line 757
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118 clicks; posted to Sports » on 08 Jun 2014 at 12:30 PM (11 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-06-08 01:22:48 AM
Wow, super fast service tonight! Thanks admin.

Now BOF, I apologize for getting in before your Are You Not Sports Entertained list, but I have something important for this week.

pbs.twimg.com

Members of NASFARK,

As you may know, commercials are a constant scourge of television life. After all, someone has to pay the bills, right?

Unfortunately, NASCAR has some sort of thing where the more commercials and the more real good racing we miss (lead changes, cautions, etc.), the more money they somehow pocket. After all, if it isn't the France family getting rich every week, it sure is the pharmaceutical companies getting fat off the boner pill ads we must endure 36 weeks a year.

Therefore, I took it upon myself to get an unofficial tally of just what we, the race fans at home, miss as a result of greedy sports entertainment.

Now, this is not a definitive nor is it an accurate list of how much we missed throughout these 13 weeks on FOX, because I was unable to get the Las Vegas race due to a technical issue, and just because FOX will not put its lap counter back after returning from a break right away. After all, Sprint, KFC, Ford, and so many other companies have to be whored out first. The Richmond race is also inconclusive due to me being away from a TV for much of the race. I also did not track the All-Star Race due to it being a non-points race as well as it being aired on Fox Sports 1.

So, here is a boiled down, concise, summary of what DW and the boys at FOX did for us as a dis-service to racing this season.


Race 1: Daytona 500 - February 23, 2014

TOTAL COMMERCIAL BREAKS: 28
LAPS MISSED: 57 (28.5% of race)

Race 2: Phoenix #1 - March 2, 2014

TOTAL COMMERCIAL BREAKS: 18
LAPS MISSED: 115 (36.8% of race)

Race 3 - Las Vegas - March 9, 2014
NO REPORT due to Brian France catching wind of my activities and having NASCAR officials park my laptop for the race.

Race 4 - Bristol #1 - March 16, 2014

TOTAL COMMERCIAL BREAKS: 26
LAPS MISSED: Around 150 (30% of race)

Race 5 - Fontana - March 23, 2014

TOTAL COMMERCIAL BREAKS: 18
LAPS MISSED: 71 (35% of race)

Race 6 - Martinsville #1 - March 30, 2014

TOTAL COMMERCIAL BREAKS: 18
LAPS MISSED: 123 (24.6% of race)

Race 7 - Texas #1 - April 7, 2014

TOTAL COMMERCIAL BREAKS: 20
LAPS MISSED: 102 (30.5% of race)

Race 8 - Darlington - April 12, 2014

TOTAL COMMERCIAL BREAKS: 19
LAPS MISSED: 100 (27% of race)

Race 9 - Richmond #1 - April 26, 2014

TOTAL COMMERCIAL BREAKS: 13 (might have been 15 or 16)
LAPS MISSED: 99 (may have been more) (24.8% of race)

Race 10 - Talladega - May 4, 2014

TOTAL COMMERCIAL BREAKS: 21
LAPS MISSED: 70 (37.2% of race)

Race 11 - Kansas #1 - May 10, 2014

TOTAL COMMERCIAL BREAKS: 20
LAPS MISSED: 84 (31.4% of race)

Race 12 - World 600 - May 25, 2014

TOTAL COMMERCIAL BREAKS: 27
Laps Missed: 161 (40.2% of race)

Race 13 - Dover #1 - June 1, 2014

TOTAL COMMERCIAL BREAKS: 18
Laps Missed: 97 (24.0% of race)

Final FOX stats:

TOTAL COMMERCIAL BREAKS: 246
AVERAGE BREAKS PER RACE: 20.5
AVERAGE PERCENT OF RACE MISSED: 30.8%

RACE WITH MOST BREAKS: Daytona 500
RACE WITH LEAST BREAKS: Richmond (even by my estimate, would not have reached 18)

So for FOX, if we were able to miss 1/3 of the race every week, NASCAR would be sports entertained.

Thank you all for your continued patronage in NASFARK, and may we prepare ourselves for the last 6 weeks of misery on TNT --

img.photobucket.com
 
2014-06-08 01:26:36 AM

Are you n--


(Applebee's ad)


--ot sports en--

(Viagra ad)


While we were away...  tertained?


www.esquire.com

And now its time for...


MORE FREAKING COMMERCIALS!

"This week, how will Zombie J.R.'s latest scheme threaten his rivals.  Find out this week on Dallas!"


Your weekly NASFARK checklist!  Ever changing and hopefully not interrupted by TNT needing to show 55 more commercials in between.


(Created by DanZero & bluorangefyre, with contributions from Professor Farksworth, QueenMamaBee, Mzltplx, and a bunch of other Fark racing fans!)

1) Every 25th post is "DANICA," every 500th post is "CHECKERED FLAG!" and every 1,100th post is, "Screw the gredunza, I just did the double!"
2) Somebody asking "ARE YOU NOT SPORTS ENTERTAINED?" before the 10th post
3) Somebody comes in with a humorous "left/right turn/going in circles" comment
4) BOOGITY in some form when race starts
5) Idols/Buddhas/Transformers/Reactors being fired up
6) Complaints about TNT & ESPN race coverage (or if in TNT/ESPN coverage, how bad it is and how we pine for FOX again) ONLY VALID FOR 2014!
7) While we were away
8) Green flag pit stops
9) The inevitable race commentator foul up
10) Phantom cautions
11) "Austin Dillon driving car number three... the number made famous by the late/great Dale Earnhardt."
12) MLP deployment ONLY in the following instances: sad Rainbow Dash when Princess Crumplefenders (AKA Danica) inevitably wrecks, happy Rainbow Dash if she's running in the top 20, charging Rainbow Dash if she's in the top 10, and whatever the evil pony is that is the sister of the queen pony if we need some extra mojo to help the idols and Buddhas defeat car #48
13) Complaints and such if Jimmie Johnson wins again and celebrations from his fan(s)
14) Race is official when Kvapil, Reutimann, Wise or Danica bring out the caution (can be more than one)
15) BONUS OFFICIAL RACE: Mikey brings out the yellow
16) Something to do with potato salad and/or sugar free gummi bears
17) SPECIAL BONUS: One of us is actually at the track
18) Something not meant to catch fire does
19) We are reminded about how a track is famous for The Big One/Darlington Stripe/Eating tires/Fuel Mileage races.
20) "Because #3 car"
21) Race is boring... what are you drinking?
22) "Lord baby Jesus, smite Logano's engine!"
23) Somebody asking why they don't run in the rain followed by a quick explaination why its not a good idea
24) Idol collateral damage warning
25) DanZero's commercial recap from last week and running throughout the thread
 
2014-06-08 01:29:59 AM

DanZero: Now BOF, I apologize for getting in before your Are You Not Sports Entertained list


Its OK.  It took me forever to figure out where I was head--

(Toyota Tundra ad)
(Ford F-150 ad)
(RAM pickup ad)

--ed with it.
 
2014-06-08 01:33:52 AM
NASFARK TWITTER LIST, BROUGHT TO YOU BY THESE SPONSORS! (Updated 06/01/2014)

bluorangefyre - @bluorangefyre
QueenMamaBee - @KyJockeyLuvr
Mztlplx - @tinfoil_fedora
Professor Farksworth - @TDA_wooo
Foaming - @EvanOlson
Gonz - @Ben_Deckos
radiofreewill - @insert_funny

Follow us and add your name to this list!
 
2014-06-08 11:31:58 AM
BOOgetty BOOgetty BOOgetty, let's go comercialling, boys!
 
2014-06-08 11:35:44 AM
I'll probably be in and out today because I will be  doing everything in my power to keep from hopping on I-80 and heading to the outside of turn one to throw something at HWSNBN organizing stuff in the house for a bit.  I'll try to be around for the start, though.
 
2014-06-08 11:58:59 AM
Oh and I guess I'll tell everyone who isn't in the NASFARK group on the book of faces. Kentucky Speedway's race on June 28th will score the Special Bonus as I will be sitting in Section GS6A, Row 15, Seat 14 (at the exit of Turn 4 across from pit road entrance). I will also be attending a Meet and Greet with Kevin Harvick so I'm assuming I shall be receiving a package of gummi bears from QMB who will attempt to take my place.
 
2014-06-08 12:35:44 PM
Awwright..

Get Cole Whitt it!
Go RyTru!
Go... eh, just.. try not to fark up, A-Bow.
Go A new season of Falling Skies in two weeks on TNT!
 
2014-06-08 12:36:37 PM
I like this track. I hate this network.
Took me a while to even find the channel this morning.
 
2014-06-08 12:38:14 PM
Hello race fans!
semi-related question, anybody have an online feed for the F1 race today?
 
2014-06-08 12:40:32 PM

bluorangefyre: DanZero: Now BOF, I apologize for getting in before your Are You Not Sports Entertained list

Its OK.  It took me forever to figure out where I was head--

(Toyota Tundra ad)
(Ford F-150 ad)
(RAM pickup ad)

--ed with it.


That's OK, yo-

(ad for TNT drama)
(ad for TNT drama)
(ad for movie on TNT

-u did po-

(ad for movie on TNT)
(ad for TNT drama)
(ad for movie on TNT)

-st it so all's go-

(Ford F-150 ad)
(Toyota Tundra ad)
(ad for TNT drama)

-od.
 
2014-06-08 12:41:36 PM

crotchgrabber: I like this track. I hate this network.
Took me a while to even find the channel this morning.


I used to like Pocono, but Gen6 kinda enboringnated it. Maybe/hopefully it's a fluke and things return to glory now.
 
2014-06-08 12:50:09 PM

The Bestest: crotchgrabber: I like this track. I hate this network.
Took me a while to even find the channel this morning.

I used to like Pocono, but Gen6 kinda enboringnated it. Maybe/hopefully it's a fluke and things return to glory now.


They made a potentially big track change this year, so we'll see if it matters in the end. A driver with big stones going for broke might be able to make it stick instead of getting himself killed.

By the way, I made a concession to my son last night and missed the IndyCar race. Was it good? Also, should I be watching this exclusively or flipping back and forth between this and F1?
 
2014-06-08 12:50:37 PM

Professor Farksworth: Oh and I guess I'll tell everyone who isn't in the NASFARK group on the book of faces. Kentucky Speedway's race on June 28th will score the Special Bonus as I will be sitting in Section GS6A, Row 15, Seat 14 (at the exit of Turn 4 across from pit road entrance). I will also be attending a Meet and Greet with Kevin Harvick so I'm assuming I shall be receiving a package of gummi bears from QMB who will attempt to take my place.


I will be in "Fireball" Roberts Tower, Row 14, somewhere in seats 1-4 for the Coke Zero 400 at Daytona on July 5.

I will very likely be too drunk to take pictures, though.

Also trying to make it to Homestead for the final race.
 
2014-06-08 12:54:23 PM

Mztlplx: Professor Farksworth: Oh and I guess I'll tell everyone who isn't in the NASFARK group on the book of faces. Kentucky Speedway's race on June 28th will score the Special Bonus as I will be sitting in Section GS6A, Row 15, Seat 14 (at the exit of Turn 4 across from pit road entrance). I will also be attending a Meet and Greet with Kevin Harvick so I'm assuming I shall be receiving a package of gummi bears from QMB who will attempt to take my place.

I will be in "Fireball" Roberts Tower, Row 14, somewhere in seats 1-4 for the Coke Zero 400 at Daytona on July 5.

I will very likely be too drunk to take pictures, though.

Also trying to make it to Homestead for the final race.


Please do make it to Homestead one way or another because you may need to be on-site to personally mess up HWSNBN's chances.
 
2014-06-08 12:55:51 PM
Are we discussing the F1 race here as well, or is there another thread of those of us of the go-faster-turn-right persuasion?
 
2014-06-08 12:57:47 PM

Flab: Are we discussing the F1 race here as well, or is there another thread of those of us of the go-faster-turn-right persuasion?


No F1 thread in the pipeline yet (not even a redlit one). Might have to submit one of my own, if there isn't one in the pipe soon.
 
2014-06-08 01:00:22 PM

Adolf Oliver Nipples: Was it good?


Marco went en fuego on lap 3, then about 150 laps of Will Power dominance (nearly lapped the field), then a caution got the field caught back up, then near the end Power got a speeding ticket, still finished 2nd.
 
2014-06-08 01:01:50 PM
Oh my look at the time. When was Sin Cara booked to do the prayer?
 
2014-06-08 01:02:19 PM

bluorangefyre: Mztlplx: Professor Farksworth: Oh and I guess I'll tell everyone who isn't in the NASFARK group on the book of faces. Kentucky Speedway's race on June 28th will score the Special Bonus as I will be sitting in Section GS6A, Row 15, Seat 14 (at the exit of Turn 4 across from pit road entrance). I will also be attending a Meet and Greet with Kevin Harvick so I'm assuming I shall be receiving a package of gummi bears from QMB who will attempt to take my place.

I will be in "Fireball" Roberts Tower, Row 14, somewhere in seats 1-4 for the Coke Zero 400 at Daytona on July 5.

I will very likely be too drunk to take pictures, though.

Also trying to make it to Homestead for the final race.

Please do make it to Homestead one way or another because you may need to be on-site to personally mess up HWSNBN's chances.


Fine. But I expect a thread of my own later that evening:

(Florida) Man arrested at Homestead Speedway for throwing Tiny Buddhas at a passing car.

Now....I'll need a decent stock of little Buddha figurines....
 
2014-06-08 01:02:54 PM
I love me some vintage birds
 
2014-06-08 01:04:45 PM
TNT!
MICHAEL BAY!
DRAMA!
BOOM!
 
2014-06-08 01:06:07 PM

ClavellBCMI: Flab: Are we discussing the F1 race here as well, or is there another thread of those of us of the go-faster-turn-right persuasion?

No F1 thread in the pipeline yet (not even a redlit one). Might have to submit one of my own, if there isn't one in the pipe soon.


D'oh, it's a mid-week race, not a weekend reace this time.
 
2014-06-08 01:09:24 PM
why don't they ever do a crank it up when they have the drivers start their engines?
 
2014-06-08 01:09:49 PM

Professor Farksworth: Oh and I guess I'll tell everyone who isn't in the NASFARK group on the book of faces. Kentucky Speedway's race on June 28th will score the Special Bonus as I will be sitting in Section GS6A, Row 15, Seat 14 (at the exit of Turn 4 across from pit road entrance). I will also be attending a Meet and Greet with Kevin Harvick so I'm assuming I shall be receiving a package of gummi bears from QMB who will attempt to take my place.


and potato salad :)
 
2014-06-08 01:10:24 PM

ClavellBCMI: ClavellBCMI: Flab: Are we discussing the F1 race here as well, or is there another thread of those of us of the go-faster-turn-right persuasion?

No F1 thread in the pipeline yet (not even a redlit one). Might have to submit one of my own, if there isn't one in the pipe soon.

D'oh, it's a mid-week race, not a weekend reace this time.


Uh...no. It's on at 2EDT on NBCSports.
 
2014-06-08 01:10:25 PM

ClavellBCMI: D'oh, it's a mid-week race, not a weekend reace this time.


hm? The race is at 2 on NBC
 
2014-06-08 01:10:36 PM
*YAWN STRETCH*

mornin, kids! Do we miss the Fox team yet, or will we wait until the end of the race to look back and realize how good we had it?
 
2014-06-08 01:10:47 PM
Get your cards ready!

img.photobucket.com
 
2014-06-08 01:11:10 PM
NASCAR should be racing and Montreal, and F1 should be at Pocono.
 
2014-06-08 01:12:29 PM

WELCOME TO THE POCONOS!

img.photobucket.com

Pacedog's keepin' 'em honest for now.  Next time, its for real.  NOW LET'S GET IT ON!

smc14.files.wordpress.com

 
2014-06-08 01:12:55 PM

Jensaarai: NASCAR should be racing and Montreal, and F1 should be at Pocono.


I'd watch.
 
2014-06-08 01:13:14 PM

cameroncrazy1984: ClavellBCMI: ClavellBCMI: Flab: Are we discussing the F1 race here as well, or is there another thread of those of us of the go-faster-turn-right persuasion?

No F1 thread in the pipeline yet (not even a redlit one). Might have to submit one of my own, if there isn't one in the pipe soon.

D'oh, it's a mid-week race, not a weekend reace this time.

Uh...no. It's on at 2EDT on NBCSports.


The Bestest: ClavellBCMI: D'oh, it's a mid-week race, not a weekend reace this time.

hm? The race is at 2 on NBC


ESPN *really* needs to fix their F1 calendar... unless they are delaying *their* coverage two days because not on ESPN?
 
2014-06-08 01:14:33 PM
And TNT didn't take long to hit checklist item #11.
 
2014-06-08 01:14:39 PM
Should be able to get a little NASFARK on before work today.
 
2014-06-08 01:14:53 PM
Well, we got our 3 love out of the way early.
 
2014-06-08 01:14:58 PM
...and TNT breaks the ice on the "because Earnhardt" checklist item.
 
2014-06-08 01:15:56 PM
Odds on what catches fire this week? I'm going with...the grass.
 
2014-06-08 01:17:05 PM

cameroncrazy1984: Uh...no. It's on at 2EDT on NBCSports.


NBC Prime. (the pre-race is on nbcsn though)
 
2014-06-08 01:17:45 PM
Do we still do BOOGITY cubed without Dee-Dub?
 
2014-06-08 01:17:45 PM
Who's this Alex Kennedy person?
 
2014-06-08 01:18:05 PM

The Bestest: cameroncrazy1984: Uh...no. It's on at 2EDT on NBCSports.

NBC Prime. (the pre-race is on nbcsn though)


Ooh the big time.
 
2014-06-08 01:18:51 PM
Oh, I had F1 qualifying on last night, and they mentioned Danica possibly driving for the new Haas F1 team.  He wasn't doing anything to downplay that.
 
2014-06-08 01:18:57 PM
Translation: Jeff Gordon is OLD.
 
2014-06-08 01:18:59 PM
Jeff Gordon pity party

www.openculture.com
 
2014-06-08 01:19:22 PM
my favorite track. hopefully the number 5 can get it going.

drink every time they say tunnel turn
drink every time they say triangle
 
2014-06-08 01:19:28 PM

Adolf Oliver Nipples: Do we still do BOOGITY cubed without Dee-Dub?


yes, but you must provide your own boogities
 
2014-06-08 01:19:44 PM
What's Chad's strategy to getting JJ to the front? Cheating. Always cheating.
 
2014-06-08 01:19:52 PM
So 6 more races and we're done with TNT forever?
 
2014-06-08 01:19:58 PM

Adolf Oliver Nipples: Do we still do BOOGITY cubed without Dee-Dub?


We ALWAYS boogtiy. It's the way Marshie wants it.

img.fark.net
 
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