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(Yahoo)   Asking a champion barista to rate supermarket coffee is about as predictable and funny as Gordon Ramsay rating fast food hamburgers   (yahoo.com) divider line 91
    More: Amusing, Gordon Ramsay, valuations, supermarkets, Maxwell House, fast food, hamburgers, grocery stores, coffee  
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2348 clicks; posted to Geek » on 06 Jun 2014 at 10:32 AM (16 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



91 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-06-06 08:37:33 AM
We should throw this in there because not all of us go to regular supermarkets.

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-06-06 10:34:46 AM
The fact that there is such a thing as a champion barista makes me want to get all stabby.
 
2014-06-06 10:39:14 AM
I predict

community coffee
chock full of nuts
yuban
folgers
maxwell

huh

no spoilers here though. no sir. i'm not gonna say a thing.
 
2014-06-06 10:40:06 AM
treataday.com
 
2014-06-06 10:48:16 AM
If I was rating baristas, this guy would definitely get top marks for pretentiousness and douchebaggery.
 
2014-06-06 10:48:22 AM
That's retarded. Thousands if not millions every day enjoy folgers without vomiting. this guy has a medical condition and it may not all be physical.
 
2014-06-06 10:48:40 AM
Coffee is given far more importance than it deserves.
 
Ant
2014-06-06 10:52:52 AM

SpdrJay: The fact that there is such a thing as a champion barista makes me want to get all stabby.


Why? It does require skill.
 
Ant
2014-06-06 10:54:26 AM

Muta: Coffee is given far more importance than it deserves.


Wine is worse.
 
2014-06-06 10:55:33 AM

SigmaAlgebra: If I was rating baristas, this guy would definitely get top marks for pretentiousness and douchebaggery.


Isn't that what barista means?
 
2014-06-06 10:57:05 AM

Ant: SpdrJay: The fact that there is such a thing as a champion barista makes me want to get all stabby.

Why? It does require skill.


So does wiping your own ass.  I don't think we crown champions at that though.
 
2014-06-06 10:58:50 AM

nulluspixiusdemonica: SigmaAlgebra: If I was rating baristas, this guy would definitely get top marks for pretentiousness and douchebaggery.

Isn't that what barista means?


Not in a sexpresso joint.
 
2014-06-06 10:59:36 AM

Ant: SpdrJay: The fact that there is such a thing as a champion barista makes me want to get all stabby.

Why? It does require skill.


Yeah, remembering to pour filtered water through some ground up beans is hard, man! They had to go to college for 4 years, earning their Early Indian Arts & Western Chinese Music degree in order to earn the right to wear the thickest of thick black rimmed glasses, and most of them have 20/20 eyesight.
 
2014-06-06 11:00:18 AM
What a piece of pretentious garbage.

I'm sure the coffee does indeed taste shiatty compared to his usual fare, but "fish oil"?  No. No coffee tastes like fish oil, and anyone who says it does has jumped past "expert taster" and moved right up to "hyperbolic asshole".
 
2014-06-06 11:02:15 AM
Obviously, he'd have choked on one of his favorite brands as well if one was available in his testing batch and he didn't know it didn't come from the supermarket.
 
2014-06-06 11:04:18 AM

Ant: Muta: Coffee is given far more importance than it deserves.

Wine is worse.


At least wine gets you drunk.
 
2014-06-06 11:07:16 AM

Mr. Eugenides: Ant: 

Why? It does require skill.

So does wiping your own ass.  I don't think we crown champions at that though.


I am pretty well known in ass wiping circles.
 
2014-06-06 11:07:40 AM
Pain in the ass to post from phone but I agree with community coffee.  Trader joes is for aging hipsters.

But here is a pic from my window right now in Manizales colombia.  Bring it on barrista.
i635.photobucket.com
 
Ant
2014-06-06 11:08:38 AM

RoxtarRyan: Ant: SpdrJay: The fact that there is such a thing as a champion barista makes me want to get all stabby.

Why? It does require skill.

Yeah, remembering to pour filtered water through some ground up beans is hard, man! They had to go to college for 4 years, earning their Early Indian Arts & Western Chinese Music degree in order to earn the right to wear the thickest of thick black rimmed glasses, and most of them have 20/20 eyesight.


I'm not saying that it's brain surgery, but using a manual or semi-auto espresso machine and grinder is more than just pouring water over grounds. That's like saying cooking is just burning food with fire. There's the grind size, the tamping, and on manual machines, there's water pressure and temperature. Do it wrong, and the results can be pretty disgusting. Do it all right, and you get delicious crema like the photo below.

pnsales.com.au
 
2014-06-06 11:09:30 AM
Should have been a blind test. He knew what each was and thus prejudiced.
 
2014-06-06 11:10:25 AM
i.imgur.com

Funny, Lorenzo never asks for a 25th cup of coffee at home...
 
2014-06-06 11:12:55 AM

pup.socket: Obviously, he'd have choked on one of his favorite brands as well if one was available in his testing batch and he didn't know it didn't come from the supermarket.


Unlikely; a fresh batch of recently roasted coffee (last month or so) builds quite a head on it when you add water, unlike supermarket brands which stay flat. This is due to trapped gasses in the beans which gradually release as the coffee sits. The first thing this guy would check would be roast date, or in lieu of that the 'bloom' as the coffee absorbs water.
 
Ant
2014-06-06 11:13:38 AM

eltejon: Should have been a blind test. He knew what each was and thus prejudiced.


The article claims it was a blind test. Folgers really is disgusting unless it's too hot to actually taste.
 
2014-06-06 11:14:39 AM
i lol'ed at the despair flavour reference.. I'm going to use that next time mrs sedric tries out one of her nutty quinoea recipes

this tastes like ..  .. despair.

/liquids and their crazy flavours
 
2014-06-06 11:18:14 AM

RoxtarRyan: Ant: SpdrJay: The fact that there is such a thing as a champion barista makes me want to get all stabby.

Why? It does require skill.

Yeah, remembering to pour filtered water through some ground up beans is hard, man! They had to go to college for 4 years, earning their Early Indian Arts & Western Chinese Music degree in order to earn the right to wear the thickest of thick black rimmed glasses, and most of them have 20/20 eyesight.


Plus all those years in the gym to learn what I refer to as the "artisanal hunch-over". That bending in close with hands tucked into chest and chin down but out. With the nose leading the way, nostrils flared. And the eyes slightly crossed and irises narrowed.

It takes years to develop the physical mastery of the artisanal hunch-over.

s1.yimg.com

this guy's good but his left hand is weak. he needs to go back to the gym for a while.
 
Ant
2014-06-06 11:20:47 AM

sedric: i lol'ed at the despair flavour reference.. I'm going to use that next time mrs sedric tries out one of her nutty quinoea recipes

this tastes like ..  .. despair.

/liquids and their crazy flavours


Why the fark does everything have to have quinoa in it now? I will grudgingly admit that my wife's quinoa tabbouleh was pretty good, but not as good as when it's made with real cous cous.
 
2014-06-06 11:22:56 AM

Ant: The article claims it was a blind test.


It wasn't, since he was able to look at the packaging and give "bonus points for pleasant graphic design".
 
2014-06-06 11:26:52 AM
I like Community, but they didn't even test the best off the shelf brands...,
c51creations.com
i.walmartimages.com
And I'm sorry, but I drink a LOT of coffee, and I'm not going to spend exorbitant amounts of money on just because some coffee snob says to. For me, coffee serves a purpose, and if it tastes good (even passable), well that's good too. But paying $16.00 (Counter Culture) for a 12oz. bag to brew at home? Screw that...
 
2014-06-06 11:28:00 AM

Ant: sedric: i lol'ed at the despair flavour reference.. I'm going to use that next time mrs sedric tries out one of her nutty quinoea recipes

this tastes like ..  .. despair.

/liquids and their crazy flavours

Why the fark does everything have to have quinoa in it now? I will grudgingly admit that my wife's quinoa tabbouleh was pretty good, but not as good as when it's made with real cous cous.


I like quinoa. It is better than rice for stuffed bell peppers.

Ymmv, eat whatever the fark you want.
 
2014-06-06 11:31:36 AM

Because People in power are Stupid: We should throw this in there because not all of us go to regular supermarkets.


Fun fact: more Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee is sold every year than is actually produced.
 
2014-06-06 11:34:47 AM

Mr. Eugenides: Ant: SpdrJay: The fact that there is such a thing as a champion barista makes me want to get all stabby.

Why? It does require skill.

So does wiping your own ass.  I don't think we crown champions at that though.


My children will be so disappointed.
 
2014-06-06 11:36:00 AM

Smackledorfer: What a piece of pretentious garbage.

I'm sure the coffee does indeed taste shiatty compared to his usual fare, but "fish oil"?  No. No coffee tastes like fish oil, and anyone who says it does has jumped past "expert taster" and moved right up to "hyperbolic asshole".


Try Maxwell House single serve coffee packets with random hotel tap water, then get back to us about the fish oil flavor never being a part of coffee.  Unfortunately I've experienced such dreck.  BTW, same water source with Peet's house blend was half decent - and it's flaws had nothing to do with fish oil flavors.
 
2014-06-06 11:36:57 AM

Ant: sedric: i lol'ed at the despair flavour reference.. I'm going to use that next time mrs sedric tries out one of her nutty quinoea recipes

this tastes like ..  .. despair.

/liquids and their crazy flavours

Why the fark does everything have to have quinoa in it now? I will grudgingly admit that my wife's quinoa tabbouleh was pretty good, but not as good as when it's made with real cous cous.


i got raspberry jam made with quinao added as a thickener - made a pbj and used that jam. i didnt think you could ruin a pbj but i learned something that day
 
2014-06-06 11:45:35 AM
At least he'd drink coffee in my office
 
2014-06-06 11:52:09 AM

SpdrJay: The fact that there is such a thing as a champion barista makes me want to get all stabby.


To play devil's advocate, do you get stabby at BBQ champions? Or is it only drinks and not food that don't deserve it.

Humans largely love competition and will compare anything among a group. Why not coffee?
 
2014-06-06 11:52:55 AM
misread headline, was looking forward to a show with GR raging on fast food reviews.
 
2014-06-06 11:56:06 AM
Ok then.

*sips her Folgers*

Fark you too.
 
2014-06-06 12:02:51 PM
Dunkin' Donuts original blend is definitely my favorite coffee of the moment, I drink that shiat like it's going out of style.

/BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
 
2014-06-06 12:04:27 PM

RoxtarRyan: Ant: The article claims it was a blind test.

It wasn't, since he was able to look at the packaging and give "bonus points for pleasant graphic design".


I like drinking coffee, but I have yet to taste the difference between nice packaging and ugly packaging.
 
2014-06-06 12:06:22 PM

El Dudereno: Mr. Eugenides: Ant: SpdrJay: The fact that there is such a thing as a champion barista makes me want to get all stabby.

Why? It does require skill.

So does wiping your own ass.  I don't think we crown champions at that though.

My children will be so disappointed.


lmao X-D

I was originally in here to post snark, generally re-troll those who think being a barista is barely above fingerpainting as an art, but I got a genuine chuckle from your post. Seriously, a proper from-the-gut laugh.

Thank you. Thank you so much. And god bless your kids!!
 
2014-06-06 12:15:20 PM

MadHatter500: Smackledorfer: What a piece of pretentious garbage.

I'm sure the coffee does indeed taste shiatty compared to his usual fare, but "fish oil"?  No. No coffee tastes like fish oil, and anyone who says it does has jumped past "expert taster" and moved right up to "hyperbolic asshole".

Try Maxwell House single serve coffee packets with random hotel tap water, then get back to us about the fish oil flavor never being a part of coffee.  Unfortunately I've experienced such dreck.  BTW, same water source with Peet's house blend was half decent - and it's flaws had nothing to do with fish oil flavors.


Fine. Now show me one that tastes like surrender or smells like unhappy children.

The article was more dreck than the coffee he describes.
 
2014-06-06 12:19:20 PM

BMFPitt: I like drinking coffee, but I have yet to taste the difference between nice packaging and ugly packaging.


You need glasses with darker rims. If you don't need glasses, get them anyways.
 
2014-06-06 12:25:41 PM

uttertosh: El Dudereno: Mr. Eugenides: Ant: SpdrJay: The fact that there is such a thing as a champion barista makes me want to get all stabby.

Why? It does require skill.

So does wiping your own ass.  I don't think we crown champions at that though.

My children will be so disappointed.

lmao X-D

I was originally in here to post snark, generally re-troll those who think being a barista is barely above fingerpainting as an art, but I got a genuine chuckle from your post. Seriously, a proper from-the-gut laugh.

Thank you. Thank you so much. And god bless your kids!!


I aim to please.
 
2014-06-06 12:32:38 PM

Ant: SpdrJay: The fact that there is such a thing as a champion barista makes me want to get all stabby.

Why? It does require skill.


Baristas can do things like this:

www.venezianocoffee.com.au

I'm only annoyed when the coffee jerk at Starbucks thinks he is a "barista".
 
2014-06-06 12:43:14 PM
That "champion barista"  sounds like a pretentious douche bag that deserves to be punched in the throat.
 
2014-06-06 12:52:52 PM
Oh, and another thing... :P

The fascination people have with the "quality" of their coffee I find totally bizarre.

It's farking bean infused water for christ's sake.

The flavors are simply not that farking different, caring about it seems like such a waste. I feel the same way about wines... just don't get it.

That being said, I am however, an ICEE machine snob. I know the places in town that have the good ICEE machines.
Please tell me there are people that know the difference between a Slushy and an ICEE?? Sushies are just some crushed ice and some crappy syrup. The ICEE is gloriously processed into an unworldly, puffy ice confection. These things matter!
 
2014-06-06 12:58:45 PM

Perlin Noise: Oh, and another thing... :P

The fascination people have with the "quality" of their coffee I find totally bizarre.

It's farking bean infused water for christ's sake.

The flavors are simply not that farking different, caring about it seems like such a waste. I feel the same way about wines... just don't get it.

That being said, I am however, an ICEE machine snob. I know the places in town that have the good ICEE machines.
Please tell me there are people that know the difference between a Slushy and an ICEE?? Sushies are just some crushed ice and some crappy syrup. The ICEE is gloriously processed into an unworldly, puffy ice confection. These things matter!


I don't know if I'd go as far as coffee snobbery, but folgers is bad, community is good and if you can afford Kona or Blue mountain coffees you should try it

and try it in a french press if you can
 
2014-06-06 01:00:31 PM
I drink coffee for the caffeine and to put cream (real,heavy) and, maybe, sugar in.

The coffee maker also matters. Cheap plastic flavored coffee will ruin a good coffee.
 
2014-06-06 01:03:51 PM

loonatic112358: I don't know if I'd go as far as coffee snobbery, but folgers is bad, community is good and if you can afford Kona or Blue mountain coffees you should try it

and try it in a french press if you can


Don't get me wrong, Oreo cookies are much better than those generic versions or even most attempted copies. Bad quality is bad quality... I just think that all the "smells like tulips, grandmothers quilt and rainwater" stuff is total bullshiat and obviously such.
 
2014-06-06 01:05:01 PM

Perlin Noise: loonatic112358: I don't know if I'd go as far as coffee snobbery, but folgers is bad, community is good and if you can afford Kona or Blue mountain coffees you should try it

and try it in a french press if you can

Don't get me wrong, Oreo cookies are much better than those generic versions or even most attempted copies. Bad quality is bad quality... I just think that all the "smells like tulips, grandmothers quilt and rainwater" stuff is total bullshiat and obviously such.


oh hell if I know that's accurate, all i notice is it smells like coffee, strong coffee, bad coffee or coffee too long on the burner(that's a shame)
 
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