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(CrushPlate)   Runaway turtle home after four-day, half-mile odyssey. "He's fine, he looks grumpy still, kind of like everything is an inconvenience for him"   ( crushplate.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, turtles  
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4265 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jun 2014 at 6:21 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



40 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-06-03 04:31:22 PM  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72igAtfEOVQ

This is why you always arrange for Hammy the Hamster to meet you at the gate with the escape boat or Jeep.
 
2014-06-03 04:48:58 PM  
All he needs to do now is make it up the Capitol steps.
 
2014-06-03 05:03:21 PM  
The female remains in one place during the mating process and her movement is often restricted to just the shifting of her rear legs.
 
I think I dated one of those turtles once
 
2014-06-03 05:32:11 PM  
...and this is different from his normal expression how?
 
2014-06-03 05:48:36 PM  
When temperatures get over 104 F, the tortoises heavily salivate and rub the saliva on their arms to cool down. They are known as voracious eaters and great climbers who will stop at nothing to get to brightly colored objects.

WTF? Tortoises climb?
 
2014-06-03 06:16:09 PM  

Roook: I think I dated one of those turtles once


I thought the fundies were crazy when they said this would happen if gay marriage were allowed. But it turns out they were right, you sick fark.
 
2014-06-03 06:26:39 PM  

gopher321: When temperatures get over 104 F, the tortoises heavily salivate and rub the saliva on their arms to cool down. They are known as voracious eaters and great climbers who will stop at nothing to get to brightly colored objects.

WTF? Tortoises climb?


Shiny!
 
2014-06-03 06:27:37 PM  

reported: Roook: I think I dated one of those turtles once

I thought the fundies were crazy when they said this would happen if gay marriage were allowed. But it turns out they were right, you sick fark.


He's not trying to *marry* the tortoise he just dated one (and farked it). Calm down, marriage is still intact.

But yes, Roook is a sick, sick fark for farking a tortoise.
 
2014-06-03 06:27:58 PM  

gopher321: When temperatures get over 104 F, the tortoises heavily salivate and rub the saliva on their arms to cool down. They are known as voracious eaters and great climbers who will stop at nothing to get to brightly colored objects.

WTF? Tortoises climb?


f.kulfoto.com
 
2014-06-03 06:28:01 PM  
melanieslifeonline.files.wordpress.com Happy melanieslifeonline.files.wordpress.com Angry melanieslifeonline.files.wordpress.com  Lonely melanieslifeonline.files.wordpress.com Horny melanieslifeonline.files.wordpress.com Constipated melanieslifeonline.files.wordpress.com Waiting in line at the Post Office
 
2014-06-03 06:28:05 PM  

reported: Roook: I think I dated one of those turtles once

I thought the fundies were crazy when they said this would happen if gay marriage were allowed. But it turns out they were right, you sick fark.


Don't judge us. You should have seen the shell she was wearing.
 
2014-06-03 06:28:55 PM  
"Females are mounted by the heavier and extremely vocal males, sometimes multiple times a day."

So these females are farked by the equivalnt of a politician?
 
2014-06-03 06:31:11 PM  
media.kgw.com

/oblig
 
2014-06-03 06:33:10 PM  

skinink: "Females are mounted by the heavier and extremely vocal males, sometimes multiple times a day."

So these females are farked by the equivalnt of a politician?


What the turtle equivalent of a politician might look like:

www.csmonitor.com
 
2014-06-03 06:33:30 PM  
i59.tinypic.com
 
2014-06-03 06:34:43 PM  

Victoly: skinink: "Females are mounted by the heavier and extremely vocal males, sometimes multiple times a day."

So these females are farked by the equivalnt of a politician?

What the turtle equivalent of a politician might look like:


He looks like Gary Oldman in Hannibal.
 
2014-06-03 06:44:06 PM  

Fark like a Barsoomian: Happy Angry   Lonely Horny Constipated Waiting in line at the Post Office


Isn't that the chick from Twilight?
 
2014-06-03 07:00:37 PM  
www.genesis-coaching.ca

/oblig
 
2014-06-03 07:05:44 PM  
Is it weird that I rubbed one out while watching the scene in "Cannibal Holocaust" when they really slaughtered that turtle?  I mean, that wasn't even close to the hottest thing in that movie.
 
2014-06-03 07:06:09 PM  
cdn.themetapicture.com
 
2014-06-03 07:09:47 PM  

Ryker's Peninsula: Is it weird that I rubbed one out while watching the scene in "Cannibal Holocaust" when they really slaughtered that turtle?  I mean, that wasn't even close to the hottest thing in that movie.


damnit. I've seen that movie around a dozen times. Usually because someone mentions a scene and I couldn't remember it so I rewatch that damn movie another time.  I don't remember the turtle killing.. I don't think I could sit though that awful film another time. Maybe if I follow it up with A Serbian Film, Destricted and Zoo.
 
2014-06-03 07:12:17 PM  
s1.postimg.org
"..like a frightened turtle!!!"
 
2014-06-03 07:21:20 PM  

Danger Avoid Death: [www.genesis-coaching.ca image 465x700]

/oblig


Alternative caption:  WHEEEE!!!!!!
 
2014-06-03 07:22:01 PM  
I saw a turtle...
 
2014-06-03 07:40:54 PM  

gopher321: When temperatures get over 104 F, the tortoises heavily salivate and rub the saliva on their arms to cool down. They are known as voracious eaters and great climbers who will stop at nothing to get to brightly colored objects.

WTF? Tortoises climb?


So do ground hogs.

Shocking.
 
2014-06-03 08:01:26 PM  

SearchN: gopher321: When temperatures get over 104 F, the tortoises heavily salivate and rub the saliva on their arms to cool down. They are known as voracious eaters and great climbers who will stop at nothing to get to brightly colored objects.

WTF? Tortoises climb?

[f.kulfoto.com image 500x399]


I'll be the pedant: that's a snapping turtle, not a tortoise, and those badasses are so badass. Still a funny picture, though.
 
2014-06-03 08:05:46 PM  

Fark like a Barsoomian: Happy Angry   Lonely Horny Constipated Waiting in line at the Post Office


So Kristin Stewart is a tortoise. Who knew?
 
2014-06-03 08:07:00 PM  
Goddamn it, subby:

Turtle:
3.bp.blogspot.com

Tortoise:

employees.oneonta.edu

/sheesh
 
2014-06-03 08:10:19 PM  
media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com

So my turtle sez to me, "Make me a burger." So I made him a burger.
 
2014-06-03 08:33:14 PM  

orezona: Goddamn it, subby:

Turtle:
[3.bp.blogspot.com image 850x637]

Tortoise:

[employees.oneonta.edu image 801x757]

/sheesh



Now, what's a terrapin?

The closest I can work out is that Turtles are saltwater animals, terrapins fresh or brackish water and tortoises land creatures.

My Turtle/Terrapin is awesome.  He swims about in his tank, climbs up on shiat and then throws himself into the water.

Doesn't like me screwing with his tank though, every time I clean his tank out he gets in a pissy mood for about a week.  Hisses and squeaks like a biatch when I pick him up.
 
2014-06-03 09:47:27 PM  
De Chelonian Mobile
 
2014-06-03 10:07:47 PM  
Now that he's back, take him for a walk just to piss him off.
 
2014-06-03 10:34:58 PM  
"He's fine, he looks grumpy still, kind of like everything is an inconvenience for him. And it's him, all the way down."
 
2014-06-03 10:58:21 PM  
What was up with that last paragraph?

img.fark.net
 
2014-06-03 11:35:38 PM  

Roook: The female remains in one place during the mating process and her movement is often restricted to just the shifting of her rear legs.
 
I think I dated one of those turtles once


upload.wikimedia.org

Once, in Hawaii, I had sex with a hundred-and-two-year-old male turtle. It would be hard to argue that it was consensual. I would like to apologize to the turtle, his family, the Kahala Hilton Hotel, and the hundred or so diners at the Hilton's outdoor cafe. I would also like to apologize to my loyal wife Karen, who had to endure the subsequent news item in the "Also Noted" section of the Santa Barbara Women's Club Weekly.

/Next you'll start writing about Red Guys.
 
2014-06-04 12:00:11 AM  

DigitalCoffee: I saw a turtle...


You weren't even a Farker...
 
2014-06-04 12:15:24 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-06-04 03:01:29 AM  

orezona: Goddamn it, subby:

Turtle:
[3.bp.blogspot.com image 850x637]

Tortoise:

[employees.oneonta.edu image 801x757]

/sheesh


Not exactly.  Tortoises are turtles.  Turtles are the overall name of the entire group.  Tortoises happen to be one family of turtles: Testudinidae

Pinko_Commie: orezona: Goddamn it, subby:

Turtle:
[3.bp.blogspot.com image 850x637]

Tortoise:

[employees.oneonta.edu image 801x757]

/sheesh


Now, what's a terrapin?

The closest I can work out is that Turtles are saltwater animals, terrapins fresh or brackish water and tortoises land creatures.

My Turtle/Terrapin is awesome.  He swims about in his tank, climbs up on shiat and then throws himself into the water.

Doesn't like me screwing with his tank though, every time I clean his tank out he gets in a pissy mood for about a week.  Hisses and squeaks like a biatch when I pick him up.


Terrapin is just a common name for aquatic turtles, typically in Europe.  It has no taxonomic basis.

It goes like this:

Class Reptilia
Order Testudines (all turtles)

Within Testudines, you have sea turtles (one group), tortoises (one group), side-necked turtles (one group), softshelled turtles (one group), and then several groups of other types of turtles that mostly (but not all) live in freshwater.
 
2014-06-04 03:03:04 AM  

juvandy: Terrapin is just a common name for aquatic turtles, typically in Europe.  It has no taxonomic basis.


I should clarify- there is one species of "normal" turtle (ie non-sea turtle) that lives in brackish water on the east coast of the US whose common name is diamondbacked terrapin.
 
2014-06-04 01:22:17 PM  

juvandy: juvandy: Terrapin is just a common name for aquatic turtles, typically in Europe.  It has no taxonomic basis.

I should clarify- there is one species of "normal" turtle (ie non-sea turtle) that lives in brackish water on the east coast of the US whose common name is diamondbacked terrapin.


What are you?  Some kind of Herpetologist?  There's a joke in there somewhere about McConnell and Derpetology.
 
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