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(Time)   The World Cup, explained so even an idiot can understand it. The world is looking at you, America (w/ easy-to-follow video)   (time.com) divider line 74
    More: Interesting, Internet Explorer  
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1086 clicks; posted to Sports » on 31 May 2014 at 3:55 PM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



74 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-05-31 01:46:17 PM  
Fine. So you've told us "what".
Wanna take a stab at "why"?
OK, that was snide and cheap. Here's a better question, given that it starts in less than two weeks and the Brazilians are about 6 years from completing preparations: "How?"
 
2014-05-31 02:04:53 PM  
1. bribe FIFA
2. ask yourself "Was that bribe venal and opulent enough?" If no, go to 1.  If yes, go to 1.
 
2014-05-31 02:19:12 PM  
This is like talking to my wife.
She also explains things I don't care about.
 
2014-05-31 02:58:48 PM  
I'm looking forward to it.
 
2014-05-31 03:12:37 PM  
Why is the Italian goaltender always lying down on the ground?
 
2014-05-31 04:06:11 PM  
Chapo Montes just shredded his tibia in the Mexico vs Ecuador friendly, just after he scored a tasty laser of a goal.

Poor bastard. No Mundial for him.
 
2014-05-31 04:31:33 PM  

rumpelstiltskin: Wanna take a stab at "why"?


Because for like two weeks straight there are games on from noon through dinner. Go to a mexican restaurant or british pub type place and get blasted.
 
2014-05-31 04:45:05 PM  

ElwoodCuse: rumpelstiltskin: Wanna take a stab at "why"?

Because for like two weeks straight there are games on from noon through dinner. Go to a mexican restaurant or british pub type place and get blasted.


I prefer my soccer watching to be free of pissbags.
 
2014-05-31 04:51:54 PM  

Mentat: Why is the Italian goaltender always lying down on the ground?


Because he just made some spectacular "TV-save".
 
2014-05-31 05:00:09 PM  
Oh, we understand it. We just don't give a shiat.
 
2014-05-31 05:01:43 PM  
Thanks for the primer, cockface.

I gave that silly bullshiat a shot 4 years ago, and made it about 5 games until the blatant, constant flopping and the vuvuzelas made it intolerable.
 
2014-05-31 05:07:44 PM  
0-0
 
2014-05-31 05:07:48 PM  
I'm really looking forward to the chaos and anarchy.   Have they even finished all the stadiums?

Brazilian police were out today in a show of force to warn people not to riot too much.

Is anyone taking bets on the death toll?
 
2014-05-31 05:18:00 PM  

Anderson's Pooper: ElwoodCuse: rumpelstiltskin: Wanna take a stab at "why"?

Because for like two weeks straight there are games on from noon through dinner. Go to a mexican restaurant or british pub type place and get blasted.

I prefer my soccer watching to be free of pissbags.


New racial slur?
 
2014-05-31 05:21:49 PM  

ElwoodCuse: rumpelstiltskin: Wanna take a stab at "why"?

Because for like two weeks straight there are games on from noon through dinner. Go to a mexican restaurant or british pub type place and get blasted.


Yeah, no. Last time this crap went on, some jackhole kept
blowing a farking vuvuzela in the bar. I told him his farts were gonna sound really funny if he kept blowing it and I shoved it up his ass.

/itg
 
2014-05-31 05:22:19 PM  

gfid: I'm really looking forward to the chaos and anarchy.


I can't wait to see what happens when Qatar hosts.  Of course that's still quite awhile away.
 
2014-05-31 06:26:46 PM  
Alternatively - Yet another FIFA match fixing scandal

My only take away from that video is that ESPN hired PitBull to do all their music for soccer as well as basketball.
 
2014-05-31 06:29:27 PM  
Halfback passes to center, back to wing, back to center, center holds it! Holds it! Holds It!


oi60.tinypic.com
 
2014-05-31 06:29:39 PM  
Is there a NASCAR race tomorrow?  Because f*ck NASCAR.  And I've always wanted to be one of those people who comes into a sports thread about a given topic specifically to express my disdain for that topic.

The sports tab is worse than the politics tab at times, I swear.
 
2014-05-31 06:38:21 PM  
Man what a boring sport. Nothing ever happens!

--says fan of sport with 11 minutes of playing time in 3 hours
 
2014-05-31 06:48:45 PM  

ten foiled hats: Is there a NASCAR race tomorrow?  Because f*ck NASCAR.  And I've always wanted to be one of those people who comes into a sports thread about a given topic specifically to express my disdain for that topic.

The sports tab is worse than the politics tab at times, I swear.


Yeah! You'd think the headline was directed specifically at people who didn't like the sport!

/if I want to watch a bunch of wusses play 'football', I'll watch the Cowboys
 
2014-05-31 06:50:44 PM  

Anderson's Pooper: ElwoodCuse: rumpelstiltskin: Wanna take a stab at "why"?

Because for like two weeks straight there are games on from noon through dinner. Go to a mexican restaurant or british pub type place and get blasted.

I prefer my soccer watching to be free of pissbags.


Then why would you want to hang out around anglophiles?
 
2014-05-31 07:01:06 PM  

HaywoodJablonski: Anderson's Pooper: ElwoodCuse: rumpelstiltskin: Wanna take a stab at "why"?

Because for like two weeks straight there are games on from noon through dinner. Go to a mexican restaurant or british pub type place and get blasted.

I prefer my soccer watching to be free of pissbags.

New racial slur?


No.  The Mexican National Team fans have a habit of throwing bags of urine at the US team and their fans.

IAmRight: Then why would you want to hang out around anglophiles?


The English fans don't have that particular habit.
 
2014-05-31 07:12:21 PM  

HotWingAgenda: Oh, we understand it. We just don't give a shiat.


What's funny is if america did start to give a shiat they would dominate.
 
2014-05-31 07:12:51 PM  
it's simple you win some games you win a tournament and you call yourselves the best in the world.

/of course to win those games you may need to pay some officials...
 
2014-05-31 07:14:58 PM  

NeoCortex42: gfid: I'm really looking forward to the chaos and anarchy.

I can't wait to see what happens when Qatar hosts.  Of course that's still quite awhile away.


i really really really want the israeli team to make that world cup...
 
2014-05-31 07:16:58 PM  

Ray_Finkle: HotWingAgenda: Oh, we understand it. We just don't give a shiat.

What's funny is if america did start to give a shiat they would dominate.


Haha no.
 
2014-05-31 07:38:14 PM  

HotWingAgenda: Oh, we understand it. We just don't give a shiat.


Yep . I'm too busy not caring .
 
2014-05-31 07:46:38 PM  
Not mentioned: if your country speaks English, it's farked.
 
2014-05-31 08:08:28 PM  
If America waited until the 20th century to get out from under English rule, we'd probably be pretty dominant at soccer. But we told them we're tired of their crap early on so we were able to start creating good sports.
 
2014-05-31 08:09:47 PM  

llortcM_yllort: Not mentioned: if your country speaks English, it's farked.


Also not mentioned: International football sucks ass.
 
2014-05-31 08:11:33 PM  

llortcM_yllort: Not mentioned: if your country speaks English, it's farked.


But England won it once! England explained so Americans can understand it: England is like the Jets, they won it all once back in the day, have been clownshoes ever since, and get a disproportionate amount of media attention for a team that's not going anywhere.
 
2014-05-31 08:39:51 PM  

lifeboat: Halfback passes to center, back to wing, back to center, center holds it! Holds it! Holds It!


[oi60.tinypic.com image 580x299]


"GET THE DEFIBRILLATOR, THE "BEAUTIFUL GAME" HAS CLAIMED ANOTHER ONE!"
 
2014-05-31 09:10:37 PM  

Halli: Ray_Finkle: HotWingAgenda: Oh, we understand it. We just don't give a shiat.

What's funny is if america did start to give a shiat they would dominate.

Haha no.


If our best athletes focused on soccer instead of Football, Basketball, and Baseball as the primary athletic sports, then yes, the American teams would likely be substantially better.  When only our 3rd or 4th tier athletes go there, it will be an inferior product compared to if our top athletes focused exclusively on it as they do in many countries.
 
2014-05-31 09:18:51 PM  
If our best athletes focused on soccer instead of Football, Basketball, and Baseball as the primary athletic sports, then yes, the American teams would likely be substantially better.

Well, maybe after the youth leagues/coaching caught up. America's football deficit isn't down so much to athletic ability as it is to our players being years behind the curve in high level training and competition.
 
2014-05-31 09:23:47 PM  

Halli: Ray_Finkle: HotWingAgenda: Oh, we understand it. We just don't give a shiat.

What's funny is if america did start to give a shiat they would dominate.

Haha no.


US soccer team is ranked like 12th in the world. That puts us ahead of about 238 countries who's only sport is soccer and live and die it. Not bad considering it's like 5th at best for US sports.

We're also one of the few teams that doesn't dive and flop and bribe fifa and the refs which cuts deep into our chances of winning the wc
 
2014-05-31 09:23:51 PM  

ten foiled hats: And I've always wanted to be one of those people who comes into a sports thread about a given topic specifically to express my disdain for that topic.


I 99% of the time agree with the sentiment that these people are vile, but this particular headline was pretty much asking for it.
 
2014-05-31 09:31:35 PM  
US soccer team is ranked like 12th in the world

Yeah, rankings don't mean much. The US is nowhere near being the 12th best team in the world.
 
2014-05-31 09:39:11 PM  

drewogatory: US soccer team is ranked like 12th in the world

Yeah, rankings don't mean much. The US is nowhere near being the 12th best team in the world.


Shrug, we made the world cup which puts us ahead of 218 countries that live and die soccer.

We own every other major sport. We own both summer and winter Olympics. Point was to counter the trolls that got nothing except "but but but Americans soccer..."
 
2014-05-31 10:19:15 PM  

Daedalus27: Halli: Ray_Finkle: HotWingAgenda: Oh, we understand it. We just don't give a shiat.

What's funny is if america did start to give a shiat they would dominate.

Haha no.

If our best athletes focused on soccer instead of Football, Basketball, and Baseball as the primary athletic sports, then yes, the American teams would likely be substantially better.  When only our 3rd or 4th tier athletes go there, it will be an inferior product compared to if our top athletes focused exclusively on it as they do in many countries.


Better maybe but domination. Not a chance.

NakedDrummer: Shrug, we made the world cup which puts us ahead of 218 countries that live and die soccer.


Probably wouldn't have made if you had to qualify in UEFA or Comnebol.
 

NakedDrummer: We own every other major sport. We own both summer and winter Olympics. Point was to counter the trolls that got nothing except "but but but Americans soccer..."


Well not Hockey. You have lost at basketball at the Olympics and in the world championships. Nobody plays American football outside of the US. I'm not so sure about your baseball domination. Needs better international competition than WBC. You don't own the winter Olympics. You haven't won the medal table since 1932. Freaking Norway kicks your ass in that. But you do well in the summer Olympics.
 
2014-05-31 10:26:15 PM  
i.imgur.com

LOL
 
2014-05-31 10:28:17 PM  

Ray_Finkle: HotWingAgenda: Oh, we understand it. We just don't give a shiat.

What's funny is if america did start to give a shiat we would dominate.


America is the Hypotethical World Champion of Everything. If America's big black 6'8 280lb NFL players played soccer, they'd dominate right? Because that's what it takes to be a superior soccer player, big, black and run really fast for 5 seconds.
 
2014-05-31 10:33:25 PM  
Let me play you the song of my people:
picchore.com
 
2014-05-31 10:36:25 PM  
When the US wins someday, and Americans don't care that will be the ultimate troll of the world.  I hope it happens.
 
2014-05-31 10:50:26 PM  

parkthebus: When the US wins someday, and Americans don't care that will be the ultimate troll of the world.  I hope it happens.


More Americans watched the last World Cup Final between two European countries than watched the MLB World Series or NBA Finals.
 
2014-05-31 10:53:40 PM  

Halli: Daedalus27: Halli: Ray_Finkle: HotWingAgenda: Oh, we understand it. We just don't give a shiat.

What's funny is if america did start to give a shiat they would dominate.

Haha no.

If our best athletes focused on soccer instead of Football, Basketball, and Baseball as the primary athletic sports, then yes, the American teams would likely be substantially better.  When only our 3rd or 4th tier athletes go there, it will be an inferior product compared to if our top athletes focused exclusively on it as they do in many countries.

Better maybe but domination. Not a chance.

NakedDrummer: Shrug, we made the world cup which puts us ahead of 218 countries that live and die soccer.

Probably wouldn't have made if you had to qualify in UEFA or Comnebol.
 NakedDrummer: We own every other major sport. We own both summer and winter Olympics. Point was to counter the trolls that got nothing except "but but but Americans soccer..."

Well not Hockey. You have lost at basketball at the Olympics and in the world championships. Nobody plays American football outside of the US. I'm not so sure about your baseball domination. Needs better international competition than WBC. You don't own the winter Olympics. You haven't won the medal table since 1932. Freaking Norway kicks your ass in that. But you do well in the summer Olympics.


USA has 2400 summer and 281 winter
Norway has 148 summer and 329 winter

whatever.. USA is first in summer and 2nd in winter.
combined total USA 2681 and next best is soviet union with 1204.

USA is undisputed in professional basketball and baseball.
USA stands their ground in hockey.  Canada, Russia, and some Scandinavian countries are damn good at it too.
Lots of countries have tried NFL style football but failed so bad they gave up.  Canada has a decent league, and Germany has a okay history at it.  It's far too complex for most countries and really, can you picture some of these soccer countries ever putting together a team together that could rival a USA team?  The athletic ability and diversity required to put together an NFL team is so high a cap it's never going to happen.  That's why they stick to soccer.
 
2014-05-31 10:59:27 PM  

NakedDrummer: Halli: Daedalus27: Halli: Ray_Finkle: HotWingAgenda: Oh, we understand it. We just don't give a shiat.

What's funny is if america did start to give a shiat they would dominate.

Haha no.

If our best athletes focused on soccer instead of Football, Basketball, and Baseball as the primary athletic sports, then yes, the American teams would likely be substantially better.  When only our 3rd or 4th tier athletes go there, it will be an inferior product compared to if our top athletes focused exclusively on it as they do in many countries.

Better maybe but domination. Not a chance.

NakedDrummer: Shrug, we made the world cup which puts us ahead of 218 countries that live and die soccer.

Probably wouldn't have made if you had to qualify in UEFA or Comnebol.
 NakedDrummer: We own every other major sport. We own both summer and winter Olympics. Point was to counter the trolls that got nothing except "but but but Americans soccer..."

Well not Hockey. You have lost at basketball at the Olympics and in the world championships. Nobody plays American football outside of the US. I'm not so sure about your baseball domination. Needs better international competition than WBC. You don't own the winter Olympics. You haven't won the medal table since 1932. Freaking Norway kicks your ass in that. But you do well in the summer Olympics.

USA has 2400 summer and 281 winter
Norway has 148 summer and 329 winter

whatever.. USA is first in summer and 2nd in winter.
combined total USA 2681 and next best is soviet union with 1204.

USA is undisputed in professional basketball and baseball.
USA stands their ground in hockey.  Canada, Russia, and some Scandinavian countries are damn good at it too.
Lots of countries have tried NFL style football but failed so bad they gave up.  Canada has a decent league, and Germany has a okay history at it.  It's far too complex for most countries and really, can you picture some of these soccer countries ever putting together a team together that could r ...


Olympics is irrelevant amateur sports, most US medals come from women's sports and swimming, and the world doesn't give a shiat about American sports. Nobody cares about American football, lol @ "failed so bad they gave up".

Soccer is far too big and competitive for any country to dominate it. America would be much better in soccer if the youth development system was fixed, but no country can dominate soccer the way America dominates sports nobody else cares about.
 
2014-05-31 11:07:39 PM  

NakedDrummer: USA is undisputed in professional basketball and baseball.


Baseball. Japan since they win WBC. Basketball is awfully close at times and the US hardly invincible. If other countries put their best players into basketball they would dominate the sport.

NakedDrummer: USA stands their ground in hockey. Canada, Russia, and some Scandinavian countries are damn good at it too.


I see standing their ground means not winning anything for decades.

NakedDrummer: Lots of countries have tried NFL style football but failed so bad they gave up. Canada has a decent league, and Germany has a okay history at it. It's far too complex for most countries and really, can you picture some of these soccer countries ever putting together a team together that could rival a USA team? The athletic ability and diversity required to put together an NFL team is so high a cap it's never going to happen. That's why they stick to soccer.


Some fat guys and sprinters. Yeah no country but the US could do that. Or you know there just isn't any interest in the sport.
 
2014-05-31 11:31:37 PM  

Halli: Some fat guys and sprinters. Yeah no country but the US could do that. Or you know there just isn't any interest in the sport.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_leagues_of_American_and_Canadia n_ football
plenty of leagues, all total suck compared to USA's MLS even.

Say what you want about America.  I don't care.  But if you think America is anything but the most dominate sports country in the world 10x over, you're delusional.
The Olympics, the major tean sports, tennis, cycling, triathlons, you name it..
Soccer is far too corrupt to be used as a judgment of athletic ability and sport prowess.
 
2014-05-31 11:31:58 PM  

nwave: parkthebus: When the US wins someday, and Americans don't care that will be the ultimate troll of the world.  I hope it happens.

More Americans watched the last World Cup Final between two European countries than watched the MLB World Series or NBA Finals.


Yeah, but our "couldn't care less about it" attitude--which will be televised around the world--will fire up the old world something fierce.
 
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