If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(TMZ)   Gwyneth Paltrow compares being a celebrity trashed on the internet to being a soldier at war. Die with your Christian Louboutins on   (tmz.com) divider line 33
    More: Stupid, Gwyneth Paltrow, Veterans for Peace, Cindy McCain, breaking newses, Christian Louboutin, Tom Cruise  
•       •       •

2236 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 29 May 2014 at 6:25 PM (15 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-05-29 03:58:29 PM
13 votes:
I remember the horror I encountered in the jungle when rebels had left pungi sticks dipped in Gweneth Paltrow's Meyer Lemon aoli recipe.  A reminder that war is hell, and refreshingly light snack that will cheer up any summer weekend and is particularly suitable for pairing with a light wine with subtle tannins and vibrant apricot and mango fruit overtones.

The tangy deliciousness in my wounds still haunts me.  As I stewed alone in solitude for years in that prison.  Much to my surprise my wounds actually were a delicious marinade.  The worst torture was the grill my captors  provided me had only regular plebeian store bought charcoal, not the hand-treated Amish hardwood that my loins desperately cried out for.  Much to my pleasure the canes which they beat me mercilessly with were actually sugar cane and made for a festive stirrer in the mojitos I was able to whip up poolside with fresh Persian limes I was able to smuggle into the hellhole in a festive but inconspicuous Jane Spade bag that was gifted bagged to me at the Trail of Tears, the Nam, the unspeakable horror that was The Oscars.
2014-05-29 03:32:10 PM
10 votes:
After 17 years of military service, I can say without exception that the only thing that scares me any more is the thought of being on the receiving end of a negative tweet.
2014-05-29 04:42:27 PM
6 votes:

oldfarthenry: I wonder how she applies make-up on her face when her head is up her own ass 24/7?


I thought her head was in the box.
2014-05-29 06:40:22 PM
5 votes:
Our thoughts and prayers are with you Gwyneth.  I'll keep a yellow ribbon around a tree until you get through this.
2014-05-29 03:51:14 PM
5 votes:
I wonder how she applies make-up on her face when her head is up her own ass 24/7?
2014-05-29 03:50:38 PM
5 votes:
i1-news.softpedia-static.com

You see me now a veteran of a thousand Twitter wars
I've been living on the edge so long, where the winds of limbo roar
And I'm young enough to look at, and far too old to see
All the scars are on the inside
I'm not sure that there's anything left of me
2014-05-29 03:47:39 PM
5 votes:
Charlie don't surf the web!
2014-05-29 08:20:37 PM
4 votes:

Billy Liar: "I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said "yes" to a divorce...


Gwyneth didn't get called for the USO. She was dug in too deep or moving too fast. Her idea of great R&R was cold rice and a little rat meat risotto with a hint of truffle oil and toasted saffron pistils, served on hand-painted Goan china, accompanied by a Chateau de Marmoset '96 fume blanc and handmade artisan vanilla-rosewater candles. She had only two ways home: take the Gulfstream 6 via Gstaad, or have her driver pick her up in the Escalade.
2014-05-29 07:43:07 PM
4 votes:
"I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said "yes" to a divorce. When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the jungle. I'm here a week now... waiting for a mission... getting softer. Every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker, and every minute Gwyneth squats in the bush, she gets stronger. Each time I looked around the walls moved in a little tighter."

- Chris Martin, earlier today
2014-05-29 06:57:59 PM
4 votes:

Colour_out_of_Space: She needs to stop saying stupid things and to dress like Pepper Potts all the time.


I'll say this again - Pepper Potts is Gwyneth Paltrow's Snickers. She is 100% less idiotic when she's portraying her.
2014-05-29 06:47:45 PM
4 votes:
I've seen horrors... horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me an actor. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that... but you have no right to judge me. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror... Horror has a face... and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies! I remember when I was doing charity work with Sean Penn in Haiti... seems a thousand centuries ago. We went into a camp to inoculate some children. We left the camp after we had inoculated the children for polio, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn't see. We went back there, and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried, I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out; I didn't know what I wanted to do! And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it... I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought, my God... the genius of that! The genius! The will to do that! Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we, because they could stand that these were not monsters, these were men... trained cadres. These men who acted with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love... but they had the strength... the strength... to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men, our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral... and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling... without passion... without judgment... without judgment! Because it's judgment that defeats us.
2014-05-29 06:28:54 PM
4 votes:

WhiskeySticks: Fairly certain I can hear my grandpa rolling in his grave right now.

What a coont.


That's no way to speak about your grandpa!
2014-05-29 09:33:46 PM
3 votes:

doyner: After 17 years of military service, I can say without exception that the only thing that scares me any more is the thought of being on the receiving end of a negative tweet.


Lulz...

Put on a reflective belt, fire up your computer and gird your loins.  Think mortars are bad?  Wait for the hashtags.  I still wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat over those farking hashtags.

/And Paltrow an eat a bag of dicks.
2014-05-29 06:29:18 PM
3 votes:

BadReligion: oldfarthenry: I wonder how she applies make-up on her face when her head is up her own ass 24/7?

I thought her head was in the box.


24.media.tumblr.com
2014-05-29 08:05:21 PM
2 votes:

GhostFish: It's almost like how, in war, you go through this bloody, dehumanizing thing, and then something is defined out of it.

Oh big farking deal. She wasn't saying they were equal.

The War On Christmas. The War on Women. The War on hunger.

World of Warcraft.

Warhammer.

All these things equate lesser things with war! So tear them all down for not showing proper respect, because we're a bunch of literal minded brain donors.


She's not going to sleep with you. I've defended her on Fark for the past year, and not even scored a handjob from her.
2014-05-29 07:46:34 PM
2 votes:
Your weren't there, man.  Back when we were in "Duets"... that was some real shiat.  So you weren't there, man.  You weren't there.
2014-05-29 03:16:55 PM
2 votes:
Paltrow -- whose most recent life struggle was probably a scuffed nail -- added, "My hope is, as we get out of it, we'll reach the next level of conscience."

The next level of unconsciousness is easier to reach.
whiskeynose.com
2014-05-30 03:28:56 AM
1 votes:

skinink: I don't like to see her trashed and smeared by losers on the internet. On the other hand, I like seeing her objectified.
[www.moustachemagazine.com image 635x872]


I don't normally find her bad looking or anything, but for some reason all I can think of when I see that picture is how freaking big her head is. And not metaphorically, she looks like a human lollipop.
2014-05-30 03:08:38 AM
1 votes:
Everyone is scared in her first feature film. If she says he's not, she's a liar. Some are cowards but they act as well as the brave or they get the heck slammed out of them watching Twitter fights amongst movie reviewers who are as scared as they are. The real hero is the actor who acts even though she is scared. Some get over stage fright in a minute under the spotlight. For some, it takes an hour. For some, it takes days. But a real actor will never let their fear of a bad review overpower her arrogance, her sense of duty to her agent, and her innate attention whoriness. Hollywood is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is base and it removes all that is best.

/Farkers, you magnificent bastards ... I read your posts.
//thank God it's Failday.
2014-05-30 12:38:10 AM
1 votes:
By Oscar, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth tweet of my divorce;
It yearns me not if you my Prada wear
Such outward things dwell not in my desires:
But if it be a sin to love attention,
I am the most offending soul alive!
2014-05-30 12:25:48 AM
1 votes:

Internet Meme Rogers: I didn't say you were a killer.

I don't know what those other sites you mentioned are.

I saw you use the exact same sentence in two threads that had nothing whatever to do with feminism.

I stand by my guess that you're old.


No, you just said I was like that spree killer.

Well that settles it, Internet Meme Rogers, we're through and  I am no longer going to masturbate to you as my manic pixie dream girl.
2014-05-29 11:26:52 PM
1 votes:

Internet Meme Rogers: RoyBatty: when I tell you off you

LOL


LOL.

misogyny: hatred of women.,

I hate women because:

+ I think feminist claims of PTSD from twitter is ludicrous
+ I think feminist demands for trigger warnings are ludicrous
+ I think Jezebel is ludicrous
+ when you compare me to a spree killer I think you are ludicrous
+ when you call me a pussy I tell you of your sandy vagina

This is why you think it's reasonable to make the claim I hate women, although I haven't made a single statement about women.

Congratulations on your gender studies degree.
2014-05-29 10:17:28 PM
1 votes:
wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net
 Knows your pain.
Veteran of the rec.arts.startrek Wars,1987 to 1990
2014-05-29 08:50:42 PM
1 votes:
Oh, I dunno.

Twitter has been known to give feminists PTSD. Many other feminists find the need for all sorts of trigger warnings and censoring on the net in order to make it a safe place for them.

To me that sounds a lot like how refugees in a war zone might feel after the various sorts of maltreatment they have been through.

I am going to have to give this round to Ms. Paltrow.

I read Jezebel so I know these things.
2014-05-29 08:35:59 PM
1 votes:

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: GhostFish: It's almost like how, in war, you go through this bloody, dehumanizing thing, and then something is defined out of it.

Oh big farking deal. She wasn't saying they were equal.

The War On Christmas. The War on Women. The War on hunger.

World of Warcraft.

Warhammer.

All these things equate lesser things with war! So tear them all down for not showing proper respect, because we're a bunch of literal minded brain donors.

She's not going to sleep with you. I've defended her on Fark for the past year, and not even scored a handjob from her.


Oh, NOW I get it.

A year ago, she knocked on my door, dropped to her knees and asked me "are you abe?"

I thought she said "are you able?"

I said "sure" and she's been blowing me nightly ever since
2014-05-29 08:25:17 PM
1 votes:
farking hell. You guys are such butt hurt sensitive sissies that I find myself in the unenviable position of white knighting a vapid celebrity.

You twunts even got the analogy wrong, she wasn't comparing it directly to war, but to being dehumanized and then defined by a traumatic experience. Could be anything in particular, but noooo, the butt hurt brigade had to get all upset and blow this out of proportion just so that they can stamp their tiny little feet in anger.

Really, I farking hate this chick, but I hate people who have to manufacture shiat to get upset about worse. Go find a real problem.
2014-05-29 07:24:20 PM
1 votes:
Some people lack the "know when to shut up" gene.
2014-05-29 06:41:05 PM
1 votes:
This just in. Wealthy people have a vastly, vastly inflated sense of how difficult their lives are.
2014-05-29 06:38:09 PM
1 votes:
When your comments start to echo the drivel that leaks out of Kanye West's mouth, you may want to re-evaluate your opinions.
2014-05-29 06:30:23 PM
1 votes:
Biatch was born on third base and thinks she hit a triple.
2014-05-29 05:54:20 PM
1 votes:

brap: Charlie don't surf the web!


brap: I remember the horror I encountered in the jungle when rebels had left pungi sticks dipped in Gweneth Paltrow's Meyer Lemon aoli recipe.  A reminder that war is hell, and refreshingly light snack that will cheer up any summer weekend and is particularly suitable for pairing with a light wine with subtle tannins and vibrant apricot and mango fruit overtones.

The tangy deliciousness in my wounds still haunts me.  As I stewed alone in solitude for years in that prison.  Much to my surprise my wounds actually were a delicious marinade.  The worst torture was the grill my captors  provided me had only regular plebeian store bought charcoal, not the hand-treated Amish hardwood that my loins desperately cried out for.  Much to my pleasure the canes which they beat me mercilessly with were actually sugar cane and made for a festive stirrer in the mojitos I was able to whip up poolside with fresh Persian limes I was able to smuggle into the hellhole in a festive but inconspicuous Jane Spade bag that was gifted bagged to me at the Trail of Tears, the Nam, the unspeakable horror that was The Oscars.


This is why I have brap favorited in super-fun Purple 3.
2014-05-29 04:40:34 PM
1 votes:
Just when I think she couldn't be a bigger twunt, she goes and opens her mouth again.
2014-05-29 04:11:03 PM
1 votes:
Although I usually try to avoid judging people based solely on publicity and rumours, virtually every single story I've heard/read about her makes her out to be one Dyson sphere sized biatch.
 
Displayed 33 of 33 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report