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(Yahoo)   Awkward dork with a foot fetish escapes the Friend Zone   (celebrity.yahoo.com) divider line 102
    More: Strange, Quentin Tarantino, friend zones, couture, Cannes Film Festival, Pulp Fiction  
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5028 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 29 May 2014 at 11:40 AM (35 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



102 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-05-29 09:17:57 AM  
There is no such thing as the friend zone.


That said, her feet are horrifying.
 
2014-05-29 10:49:32 AM  

LlamaGirl: That said, her feet are horrifying.


So naturally I had to Google that shiat.  They're rough, but it's probably from years of wearing heels.  Also, she's Uma Thurman, so even if she didn't have feet, that wouldn't be a dealbreaker.  Hell, she could look like a hobbit from the knees down and it wouldn't matter.
 
2014-05-29 11:44:58 AM  

LlamaGirl: There is no such thing as the friend zone.


It's outside the bone zone.
 
2014-05-29 11:46:05 AM  
Well done subby - your headline implied exactly who/what I thought it would be, but I still had to RTFA to confirm.
 
2014-05-29 11:50:40 AM  
Now Ula dance.....lucky bastard
 
2014-05-29 11:55:02 AM  
Isn't it weird that you can tell that much about a man from his movies?  That he's had a crush on this woman for decades? (and her feet)

How in the ever-loving-fark do you think that's going to work out?

/hope everyone ends up happy
 
2014-05-29 11:55:19 AM  
Should have gone with Hayek.

That's a scene that gives me a boner
 
2014-05-29 11:58:01 AM  
 
2014-05-29 11:59:23 AM  

LlamaGirl: There is no such thing as the friend zone.



Nah trust me...there is...
 
2014-05-29 12:01:44 PM  

LlamaGirl: There is no such thing as the friend zone.


That said, her feet are horrifying.


Says the woman in a rabbt suit.
 
2014-05-29 12:02:37 PM  
I escaped the friend zone with 2 women, both times she instigated things
 
2014-05-29 12:03:09 PM  

LlamaGirl: There is no such thing as the friend zone.


That said, her feet are horrifying.


Yes there is.  It's what a guy lands himself in when he puts out friend vibes to a woman he's attracted to instead of boyfriend vibes.  It's entirely self-inflicted and due to a warped sense of how such relationships work.
 
2014-05-29 12:04:22 PM  

Lsherm: I had to Google that shiat


Well, luckily, the third link that always types ahead in Google for any moderately attractive female celebrity is always name + "feet".
 
2014-05-29 12:09:59 PM  
One time, I told this chick who had me in the Friend Zone that I wanted her.

She started crying, and I never talked to her again.

Good riddance, I guess.
 
2014-05-29 12:12:40 PM  
Did he give her a footrub?
 
2014-05-29 12:13:25 PM  

MadCat221: Yes there is.  It's what a guy lands himself in when he puts out friend vibes to a woman he's attracted to instead of boyfriend vibes.  It's entirely self-inflicted and due to a warped sense of how such relationships work.


I think there's also a case for women who like to gather male friends who make them feel attractive.  If you see a woman who has 'friend-zoned' a guy, you'll usually also find several other male friends of hers around who were also friend-zoned.
 
2014-05-29 12:16:36 PM  

moel: Nah trust me...there is...


Uhm, no.
You interested in a woman? Stop doing nice shiat and expecting her to read your mind that you have developed feelings for her. Man up and tell her and ask her out. If she says no, hey you tried! EXPECTING a woman to f*ck you because you're nice or chivalrous or whatever else, is bonkers. Calling it a friendzone because she won't f*ck you is delusional.


Talented Ass Clown: Says the woman in a rabbt suit.


Whatevs, my Ralphie cosplay is amazing. You're just jealous!


MadCat221: Yes there is. It's what a guy lands himself in when he puts out friend vibes to a woman he's attracted to instead of boyfriend vibes. It's entirely self-inflicted and due to a warped sense of how such relationships work.


Well, in that case, we should really call it the "I'm a chickensh*t who is too afraid to ask out girls zone".
 
2014-05-29 12:19:11 PM  
this thread smells like fedorae
 
2014-05-29 12:19:53 PM  

MadCat221: LlamaGirl: There is no such thing as the friend zone.


That said, her feet are horrifying.

Yes there is.  It's what a guy lands himself in when he puts out friend vibes to a woman he's attracted to instead of boyfriend vibes.  It's entirely self-inflicted and due to a warped sense of how such relationships work.


1) doesn't have the stones to make the move he wants to make or 2) doesn't just cut the relationship off when she rejects his advance.
 
2014-05-29 12:23:51 PM  
Tarantino comes off in interviews as somebody I wouldn't want to spend longer than five minutes with.  I do like his movies though.
 
2014-05-29 12:25:49 PM  

LlamaGirl: moel: Nah trust me...there is...

Uhm, no.
You interested in a woman? Stop doing nice shiat and expecting her to read your mind that you have developed feelings for her. Man up and tell her and ask her out. If she says no, hey you tried! EXPECTING a woman to f*ck you because you're nice or chivalrous or whatever else, is bonkers. Calling it a friendzone because she won't f*ck you is delusional.


Talented Ass Clown: Says the woman in a rabbt suit.

Whatevs, my Ralphie cosplay is amazing. You're just jealous!


MadCat221: Yes there is. It's what a guy lands himself in when he puts out friend vibes to a woman he's attracted to instead of boyfriend vibes. It's entirely self-inflicted and due to a warped sense of how such relationships work.

Well, in that case, we should really call it the "I'm a chickensh*t who is too afraid to ask out girls zone".


I don't think jealous is the word....

/pass the eye bleach?

Uma has always been pretty hot. Not surprising that she's been hooking up with QT.
 
2014-05-29 12:26:16 PM  

LlamaGirl: Uhm, no.
You interested in a woman? Stop doing nice shiat and expecting her to read your mind that you have developed feelings for her. Man up and tell her and ask her out. If she says no, hey you tried! EXPECTING a woman to f*ck you because you're nice or chivalrous or whatever else, is bonkers. Calling it a friendzone because she won't f*ck you is delusional.


Will you go out with me?

No?!  WELL SCREW YOU THEN!  YOU OWE ME FOR THE TIME I SPENT PRETENDING TO BE YOUR FRIEND!
 
2014-05-29 12:26:48 PM  
GRCooper
Well done subby - your headline implied exactly who/what I thought it would be, but I still had to RTFA to confirm.


Reading the headline, I went in with odds of 90% for Tarantino and 10% for Joss Whedon - with odds for Whedon so low mostly because I think he's married.
 
2014-05-29 12:29:07 PM  
so Uma is now starring in Pulp Friction?
 
2014-05-29 12:29:09 PM  

Talented Ass Clown: I don't think jealous is the word....

/pass the eye bleach?


Well, that was absolutely uncalled for and rather rude. What the everloving f*ck dude???
 
2014-05-29 12:30:27 PM  

sign_of_Zeta: Will you go out with me?

No?! WELL SCREW YOU THEN! YOU OWE ME FOR THE TIME I SPENT PRETENDING TO BE YOUR FRIEND!


Shut up and lay in this mud puddle so I do not dirty my shoes!!!
 
2014-05-29 12:31:48 PM  

LlamaGirl: There is no such thing as the friend zone.


There is. Unfortunately it's been strawmanned and ridiculed into most people assuming that it's -

LlamaGirl: EXPECTING a woman to f*ck you because you're nice or chivalrous or whatever else, is bonkers. Calling it a friendzone because she won't f*ck you is delusional.


that right thar.

It happens when one has unrequited feelings for the other but doesn't break it off and continues to expose themself to the object of their affection even though it's not reciprocal. One wants more, the other doesn't, neither breaks it off.

It's not all about sex, you know. There are people who are in it for love first and the physical second. The amount of people who feign niceness in order to be "owed" anything in return is far, far smaller than people would have you believe.

But, hey, remaining rational about this subject isn't nearly as much fun or as satisfying as calling people assholes over the internet, right? It's so much better to try to disingenuously say that the lowest common denominator is representative of the whole.

Here, a longer rant from a few days ago that I don't feel like copying and pasting.

/Yeah, I know. Welcome to the internet.
//Ultimately no one's opinions either way will change due to this discussion.
///Refer again to first slashy.
 
2014-05-29 12:36:02 PM  

LlamaGirl: Uhm, no.
You interested in a woman? Stop doing nice shiat and expecting her to read your mind that you have developed feelings for her. Man up and tell her and ask her out. If she says no, hey you tried! EXPECTING a woman to f*ck you because you're nice or chivalrous or whatever else, is bonkers. Calling it a friendzone because she won't f*ck you is delusional.


Sometimes it's a guy and a girl who are friends, one party wants to be 'more than friends' and the other doesn't.

That doesn't mean you should stop being friends.  That would only come into play if the 'friend-zoned' party can't handle being just friends after that point.
 
2014-05-29 12:38:17 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: But, hey, remaining rational about this subject isn't nearly as much fun or as satisfying as calling people assholes over the internet, right? It's so much better to try to disingenuously say that the lowest common denominator is representative of the whole.


Rationality goes out the window any time this subject comes up, as far as I have noticed.
 
2014-05-29 12:45:37 PM  

LlamaGirl: Rationality goes out the window any time this subject comes up, as far as I have noticed.


Well at least you're noticing your own comments.  That's a start.
 
2014-05-29 12:45:38 PM  
For Uma's sake I hope she buys good coffee and that she doesn't store dead Successful and Attractive African Americans in his garage.
 
2014-05-29 12:47:10 PM  

MugzyBrown: LlamaGirl: Uhm, no.
You interested in a woman? Stop doing nice shiat and expecting her to read your mind that you have developed feelings for her. Man up and tell her and ask her out. If she says no, hey you tried! EXPECTING a woman to f*ck you because you're nice or chivalrous or whatever else, is bonkers. Calling it a friendzone because she won't f*ck you is delusional.

Sometimes it's a guy and a girl who are friends, one party wants to be 'more than friends' and the other doesn't.

That doesn't mean you should stop being friends.  That would only come into play if the 'friend-zoned' party can't handle being just friends after that point.


I think the point is if you are in the situation where you are the person attracted to the other person you 1. cannot be mad at them for not dating you if you haven't expressed the interest in dating, and 2. you have to be willing to accept the rejection from that type of relationship if they won't date you.  If you can't handle 2, don't be friends with them.
 
2014-05-29 12:47:17 PM  

MugzyBrown: LlamaGirl: Rationality goes out the window any time this subject comes up, as far as I have noticed.

Well at least you're noticing your own comments.  That's a start.


Agreed. It appears that she actually believes she speaks for the entire human female gender.

Fascinating.
 
2014-05-29 12:50:58 PM  

MugzyBrown: Well at least you're noticing your own comments. That's a start.


Uh huh.


Talented Ass Clown: Agreed. It appears that she actually believes she speaks for the entire human female gender.

Fascinating.


Uh huh.
Can't see where I said that anywhere, but you're an awful person so I really shouldn't expect you to actually read what I said.
 
2014-05-29 12:51:18 PM  

LlamaGirl: CtrlAltDestroy: But, hey, remaining rational about this subject isn't nearly as much fun or as satisfying as calling people assholes over the internet, right? It's so much better to try to disingenuously say that the lowest common denominator is representative of the whole.

Rationality goes out the window any time this subject comes up, as far as I have noticed.


I agree.

The friendzone as a term only exists to massage egos and allow men to blame women for their lack of communication.

It's often used as a verb: "she friendzoned me."

If you're romantically interested in someone but too passive and entitled to not communicate it and instead masquerade as a friend it's not the woman's fault for being your friend and thinking it is platonic.

She is not "friendzoning" you, she is being a normal human being with the information she has been given.


We are better off without that term.  Throw it in the dustbin with "fake geek girl."  They only exist so lame men can't accept responsibility.
 
2014-05-29 12:54:10 PM  

Esc7: If you're romantically interested in someone but too passive and entitled to not communicate it and instead masquerade as a friend it's not the woman's fault for being your friend and thinking it is platonic.

She is not "friendzoning" you, she is being a normal human being with the information she has been given.


Precisely! It's all about communication. Sitting and pining away will get a person nowhere but stuck in that "friendzone".
 
2014-05-29 12:58:56 PM  

Esc7: If you're romantically interested in someone but too passive and entitled to not communicate it and instead masquerade as a friend it's not the woman's fault for being your friend and thinking it is platonic.


Back in reality, typically it  is communicated and rebuffed.

It's then the decision if you want to remain friends or not.

Sometimes you'd rather keep a long-term friendship with somebody you have feelings for than burn it to the ground because the two of you have different levels of affection for one another.

Sometimes you don't.
 
2014-05-29 01:00:33 PM  

MugzyBrown: Back in reality, typically it is communicated and rebuffed.


May I ask how you know this as fact?

Or are you just being anecdotal?
 
2014-05-29 01:08:29 PM  

MugzyBrown: Esc7: If you're romantically interested in someone but too passive and entitled to not communicate it and instead masquerade as a friend it's not the woman's fault for being your friend and thinking it is platonic.

Back in reality, typically it  is communicated and rebuffed.

It's then the decision if you want to remain friends or not.

Sometimes you'd rather keep a long-term friendship with somebody you have feelings for than burn it to the ground because the two of you have different levels of affection for one another.

Sometimes you don't.


That's not being friend zoned. That's a friend being honest with his/her feelings. Friendzoning is bad because it lays blame on someone for a situation where they shouldnt receive blame.
 
2014-05-29 01:13:52 PM  

LlamaGirl: CtrlAltDestroy: But, hey, remaining rational about this subject isn't nearly as much fun or as satisfying as calling people assholes over the internet, right? It's so much better to try to disingenuously say that the lowest common denominator is representative of the whole.

Rationality goes out the window any time this subject comes up, as far as I have noticed.


Unfortunately, yeah.

Twice I've grown feeling for someone after being friends for a while. Twice I've communicated that. Twice it wasn't reciprocal. Twice I've said my piece and walked away. I lost 2 friends and got hurt twice (neither rejection was kind). Shiat happens. You becomes jaded. You try again in the future. Hopefully one day something changes.

There's no way that I'd slowly torture myself by staying around a particular her in the hopes that she changes her mind. I don't need that in my life.

/Jaded.
//But realistic.
 
2014-05-29 01:19:17 PM  
Friendzoning by women still isn't as bad as the "friends-with-benefits-zoning" us guys can do with a woman who is fun in the sack but we really don't have enough in common with to want to actually seriously date with intentions of a long term commitment.
 
2014-05-29 01:25:59 PM  

Mad_Radhu: Friendzoning by women still isn't as bad as the "friends-with-benefits-zoning" us guys can do with a woman who is fun in the sack but we really don't have enough in common with to want to actually seriously date with intentions of a long term commitment.


if you are up front with it how is it bad
 
2014-05-29 01:27:57 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: LlamaGirl: CtrlAltDestroy: But, hey, remaining rational about this subject isn't nearly as much fun or as satisfying as calling people assholes over the internet, right? It's so much better to try to disingenuously say that the lowest common denominator is representative of the whole.

Rationality goes out the window any time this subject comes up, as far as I have noticed.

Unfortunately, yeah.

Twice I've grown feeling for someone after being friends for a while. Twice I've communicated that. Twice it wasn't reciprocal. Twice I've said my piece and walked away. I lost 2 friends and got hurt twice (neither rejection was kind). Shiat happens. You becomes jaded. You try again in the future. Hopefully one day something changes.

There's no way that I'd slowly torture myself by staying around a particular her in the hopes that she changes her mind. I don't need that in my life.

/Jaded.
//But realistic.


The reason people find themselves in a situation they blame on "the friendzone" is because they are precisely afraid of what you experienced: rejection and hurt.   But as you said, shiat happens.  You're doing things the right way.


Too many people let fear get the better of them and do nothing.  That's fine I guess.  What isn't fine is blaming your torment on some imaginary "zone" that a woman "put" you in.

/If you aren't willing to risk your feelings, do you even like someone that much?
//How can you expect them to risk theirs?
 
2014-05-29 01:30:05 PM  
With all the pictures coming from the Kill Bill Facebook feed hinting at the scene with The Bride and the kid in the kitchen... and these 2 getting together again..

ohpleaseohpleaseohplease KB:V3 (or whatever the f you want to call it)
 
2014-05-29 01:34:56 PM  

Mad_Radhu: Friendzoning by women still isn't as bad as the "friends-with-benefits-zoning" us guys can do with a woman who is fun in the sack but we really don't have enough in common with to want to actually seriously date with intentions of a long term commitment.


It's all about who is misrepresenting themselves and miscommunicating.

If two people agree that a relationship is only for sex, not for romance, good on them.

If one of them is lying and secretly hoping it will evolve into a romantic relationship, it is not the other person's fault, the secret hoper shouldn't have gotten involved.

Likewise if one of them was vague or unclear about how the relationship was going to pan out while the other communicated a progressive more romantic relationship; If the vague one declares "its only physical" later, they're an asshole.


Communication.  Consent.  They're sexy.  Use them.
 
2014-05-29 01:37:37 PM  
flickeringscreen.files.wordpress.com

I've never understood everyone's attraction to her..
 
2014-05-29 01:43:28 PM  
When did the word "friend" become a pejorative?  A lot of people like having friends.  Or is it the fact that you are friends with a mere woman that you find humiliating?  Do you dump this much crap on your male acquaintances who won't sleep with you?
 
2014-05-29 01:45:03 PM  

Esc7: Throw it in the dustbin with "fake geek girl."


I was with you all the way to this part. Fake Geek Girls have existed for at least as long as horn-rimmed glasses have been available with plain lenses, and probably before that. I knew a FGG in high school who even put unnecessary tape on her unnecessary glasses, to further geek them up.
 
2014-05-29 01:47:18 PM  

Esc7: LlamaGirl: CtrlAltDestroy: But, hey, remaining rational about this subject isn't nearly as much fun or as satisfying as calling people assholes over the internet, right? It's so much better to try to disingenuously say that the lowest common denominator is representative of the whole.

Rationality goes out the window any time this subject comes up, as far as I have noticed.

I agree.

The friendzone as a term only exists to massage egos and allow men to blame women for their lack of communication.

It's often used as a verb: "she friendzoned me."

If you're romantically interested in someone but too passive and entitled to not communicate it and instead masquerade as a friend it's not the woman's fault for being your friend and thinking it is platonic.

She is not "friendzoning" you, she is being a normal human being with the information she has been given.


We are better off without that term.  Throw it in the dustbin with "fake geek girl."  They only exist so lame men can't accept responsibility.


False.

About 5 years ago I was randomly contacted by someone I hadn't seen in eons. A girl, a very attractive girl, who remembered me from middle school of all places. We chatted online, and I asked her out. Made it more than known that not only was I attracted to her, but our personalities had become extremely compatible despite the enormous length of time since we had interacted.

It was very much communicated up front what my intentions were, I even referred to us meeting up as a date, etc, etc. 

End of the night rolls around? "I honestly can only think of you as a friend. I don't know why, it's not that I'm not attracted to you, I am. Maybe it's just how we reconnected, or something. I'm not sure. But I don't think I'll ever think of you as anything more than a friend." 

I'm not saying this applies to all situations. But the friendzone very much exists. It is a thing, and there are instances where escape is nearly impossible. Some people, and I've seen women be friendzoned by men this is not a one wayed deal, just setup these mental barriers in relation to other people. And to try and act like this doesn't exist is absolutely silly. Sometimes it has to do with a lack of communication, but there are a great number of instances where that isn't the problem.
 
2014-05-29 02:01:30 PM  

Strategeryz0r: False.

About 5 years ago I was randomly contacted by someone I hadn't seen in eons. A girl, a very attractive girl, who remembered me from middle school of all places. We chatted online, and I asked her out. Made it more than known that not only was I attracted to her, but our personalities had become extremely compatible despite the enormous length of time since we had interacted.

It was very much communicated up front what my intentions were, I even referred to us meeting up as a date, etc, etc. 

End of the night rolls around? "I honestly can only think of you as a friend. I don't know why, it's not that I'm not attracted to you, I am. Maybe it's just how we reconnected, or something. I'm not sure. But I don't think I'll ever think of you as anything more than a friend." 

I'm not saying this applies to all situations. But the friendzone very much exists. It is a thing, and there are instances where escape is nearly impossible. Some people, and I've seen women be friendzoned by men this is not a one wayed deal, just setup these mental barriers in relation to other people. And to try and act like this doesn't exist is absolutely silly. Sometimes it has to do with a lack of communication, but there are a great number of instances where that isn't the problem.


Oh my god you were friendzoned for a few hours!
 
2014-05-29 02:06:30 PM  

Esc7: Mad_Radhu: Friendzoning by women still isn't as bad as the "friends-with-benefits-zoning" us guys can do with a woman who is fun in the sack but we really don't have enough in common with to want to actually seriously date with intentions of a long term commitment.

It's all about who is misrepresenting themselves and miscommunicating.

If two people agree that a relationship is only for sex, not for romance, good on them.

If one of them is lying and secretly hoping it will evolve into a romantic relationship, it is not the other person's fault, the secret hoper shouldn't have gotten involved.

Likewise if one of them was vague or unclear about how the relationship was going to pan out while the other communicated a progressive more romantic relationship; If the vague one declares "its only physical" later, they're an asshole.


Communication.  Consent.  They're sexy.  Use them.


This. People of both sexes are guilty of not effectively communicating their wants. People of both sexes are guilty of using someone they know is into them but they aren't that interested.
 
2014-05-29 02:06:44 PM  

Esc7: Strategeryz0r: False.

About 5 years ago I was randomly contacted by someone I hadn't seen in eons. A girl, a very attractive girl, who remembered me from middle school of all places. We chatted online, and I asked her out. Made it more than known that not only was I attracted to her, but our personalities had become extremely compatible despite the enormous length of time since we had interacted.

It was very much communicated up front what my intentions were, I even referred to us meeting up as a date, etc, etc. 

End of the night rolls around? "I honestly can only think of you as a friend. I don't know why, it's not that I'm not attracted to you, I am. Maybe it's just how we reconnected, or something. I'm not sure. But I don't think I'll ever think of you as anything more than a friend." 

I'm not saying this applies to all situations. But the friendzone very much exists. It is a thing, and there are instances where escape is nearly impossible. Some people, and I've seen women be friendzoned by men this is not a one wayed deal, just setup these mental barriers in relation to other people. And to try and act like this doesn't exist is absolutely silly. Sometimes it has to do with a lack of communication, but there are a great number of instances where that isn't the problem.

Oh my god you were friendzoned for a few hours!


Oh my god you totally got the point!

Solid post.
 
2014-05-29 02:08:22 PM  

Esc7: Mad_Radhu: Friendzoning by women still isn't as bad as the "friends-with-benefits-zoning" us guys can do with a woman who is fun in the sack but we really don't have enough in common with to want to actually seriously date with intentions of a long term commitment.

It's all about who is misrepresenting themselves and miscommunicating.

If two people agree that a relationship is only for sex, not for romance, good on them.

If one of them is lying and secretly hoping it will evolve into a romantic relationship, it is not the other person's fault, the secret hoper shouldn't have gotten involved.

Likewise if one of them was vague or unclear about how the relationship was going to pan out while the other communicated a progressive more romantic relationship; If the vague one declares "its only physical" later, they're an asshole.


Communication.  Consent.  They're sexy.  Use them.


This. Both sexes are guilty of not expressing their wants successfully. Both sexes are guilty of using someone who they can tell is into them but they aren't interested.
 
2014-05-29 02:09:57 PM  

Esc7: Oh my god you were friendzoned for a few hours!


I think his point is that one can be kept at arms length, held away in the area (or zone) where friends are kept at even after making one's intentions perfectly clear.

I wont say that the friendzone doesn't exist. Again, I define it as the situation where there is unrequited emotions. What I do say is that what you do once you realize that you're there is what matters. That is the measure of you as a person. Being put there in the first place isn't always in your control. The decision to stay or leave, however, is.
 
2014-05-29 02:12:07 PM  

Barricaded Gunman: Esc7: Throw it in the dustbin with "fake geek girl."

I was with you all the way to this part. Fake Geek Girls have existed for at least as long as horn-rimmed glasses have been available with plain lenses, and probably before that. I knew a FGG in high school who even put unnecessary tape on her unnecessary glasses, to further geek them up.


Glasses are a fashion accessory.  Many people wear non-prescription lenses.


The term "Fake Geek Girl" only makes sense if you know nothing about how it is used.  "Fake Geek" can makes some semblance of sense, and then that creates "Fake Geek Girls" and "Fake Geek Boys."

But what is funny, in practice, you almost never hear of anyone say "Fake Geek Boy."  It seems to be a insult merely for girls.  And it is used not to expose pretentious assholes (hipsters) but instead to exclude women from hobbies that are predominately male.

Again, the problem isn't the semantic meaning of "Fake Geek Girl."  It is the misogynist usage that insular groups of men use to exclude and denigrate women, often to a ridiculous hairsplitting degree.  ("You love the avengers but don't know all the gems in the infinity gauntlet?  FAKE GEEK GIRL!")  We don't need that term.


And who makes anyone the arbiter of geekiness?  Why do you care so much if someone decides to dress a certain way?  We don't need people 'policing' subcultures and rebuffing them and excluding them.
 
2014-05-29 02:14:00 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-05-29 02:20:07 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: Esc7: Oh my god you were friendzoned for a few hours!

I think his point is that one can be kept at arms length, held away in the area (or zone) where friends are kept at even after making one's intentions perfectly clear.

I wont say that the friendzone doesn't exist. Again, I define it as the situation where there is unrequited emotions. What I do say is that what you do once you realize that you're there is what matters. That is the measure of you as a person. Being put there in the first place isn't always in your control. The decision to stay or leave, however, is.


Agree. It is up to the individual how to deal with being put in that situation.
 
2014-05-29 02:33:50 PM  

Esc7: Barricaded Gunman: Esc7: Throw it in the dustbin with "fake geek girl."

I was with you all the way to this part. Fake Geek Girls have existed for at least as long as horn-rimmed glasses have been available with plain lenses, and probably before that. I knew a FGG in high school who even put unnecessary tape on her unnecessary glasses, to further geek them up.

Glasses are a fashion accessory.  Many people wear non-prescription lenses.


The term "Fake Geek Girl" only makes sense if you know nothing about how it is used.  "Fake Geek" can makes some semblance of sense, and then that creates "Fake Geek Girls" and "Fake Geek Boys."

But what is funny, in practice, you almost never hear of anyone say "Fake Geek Boy."  It seems to be a insult merely for girls.  And it is used not to expose pretentious assholes (hipsters) but instead to exclude women from hobbies that are predominately male.

Again, the problem isn't the semantic meaning of "Fake Geek Girl."  It is the misogynist usage that insular groups of men use to exclude and denigrate women, often to a ridiculous hairsplitting degree.  ("You love the avengers but don't know all the gems in the infinity gauntlet?  FAKE GEEK GIRL!")  We don't need that term.


And who makes anyone the arbiter of geekiness?  Why do you care so much if someone decides to dress a certain way?  We don't need people 'policing' subcultures and rebuffing them and excluding them.


While your example could be true, I am sure every group of people with similar interests that has a majority of one sex discriminates against people with the same interests who are of the opposite sex. In general it isn't a misogynist action, but a human one.
 
2014-05-29 02:38:55 PM  
Rex Ryan?
 
2014-05-29 02:42:20 PM  

Esc7: And who makes anyone the arbiter of geekiness?  Why do you care so much if someone decides to dress a certain way?  We don't need people 'policing' subcultures and rebuffing them and excluding them.


?

I've always taken "fake geek girl" to describe the women who pretend to be into something so that lonely guys who are also into it will shower them with attention. Which does happen.

I've never seen a group ostracize a girl/woman for not being deep enough into their hobby. I'm sure that it happens, but I've never seen it. I have seen the "pretend in order to get attention" thing, though.
 
2014-05-29 02:51:49 PM  
CtrlAltDestroy:  I have seen the "pretend in order to get attention" thing, though.

I have seen that be a general human action.
 
2014-05-29 02:51:59 PM  

kagemaru026: this thread smells like fedorae

trilbys

FTFY
 
2014-05-29 03:02:08 PM  

BATMANATEE: trilbys


What is that?

Also, your profile cracks me up.
 
2014-05-29 03:26:10 PM  
The Friend Zone sounds like a good name for a bar.
 
2014-05-29 03:39:45 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: Esc7: Oh my god you were friendzoned for a few hours!

I think his point is that one can be kept at arms length, held away in the area (or zone) where friends are kept at even after making one's intentions perfectly clear.

I wont say that the friendzone doesn't exist. Again, I define it as the situation where there is unrequited emotions. What I do say is that what you do once you realize that you're there is what matters. That is the measure of you as a person. Being put there in the first place isn't always in your control. The decision to stay or leave, however, is.


Bingo. There are those situations where you're just going to be friends and nothing else. It sucks, but no amount of communication or emotion can overcome certain mental barriers. 

Granted people going "omg I've been friendzoned" has gotten out of control, and often times is just them being stupid and not saying how they feel. But when you legitimately are in the friend zone with someone, you really know it. There's no romantic chemistry, sexual tension, whatever you want to call it. It really is just like hanging out with a buddy. And overcoming that can be incredibly difficult.
 
2014-05-29 03:49:22 PM  
I was friend-zoned, she was my buddy's sister. I'd go out drinking with my friend and she'd show up with her friends. I'd spend 1/2 the night surrounded by women who had absolutely no interest in me or worse yet, treat me as a brother.
 
2014-05-29 03:53:48 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: I think his point is that one can be kept at arms length, held away in the area (or zone) where friends are kept at even after making one's intentions perfectly clear.


Sure, and that's happened to me too. I don't call it being "friend-zoned", however, as that term has long become the limp-dick, bitter nice guy ballad about "dumb whores" not appreciating how nice and sweet they are (no, not every guy under 40 who uses it means that, but there's a good handful of them unfortunately).

The onus should be on the individual left hanging in this supposed "friend-zone" to decide whether or not to bail completely if the setting is too painful or uncomfortable. The way a bunch of people explain it, they expect the object of affection to make that decision for them.
 
2014-05-29 04:06:32 PM  

The Voice of Doom: GRCooper
Well done subby - your headline implied exactly who/what I thought it would be, but I still had to RTFA to confirm.

Reading the headline, I went in with odds of 90% for Tarantino and 10% for Joss Whedon - with odds for Whedon so low mostly because I think he's married.


Yeah, I guessed Tarantino first, but then I wondered if Whedon finally hooked up with Amy Acker after years of putting her in shows.
 
2014-05-29 04:12:53 PM  
I read all that and nothing stood out to me that they're actually dating. Unless the paparazzi catches them kanoodling on a yacht or their people released a joint press release I'm going to assume that his "comforting her" is purely platonic. She stayed over the weekend at his villa. So what. I've crashed at a male friend's place for a week and no one ever assumed we were boning. They're holding hands and physically close. Sure. Maybe because they've been close close friends and collaborators for 20 years? I'd be shocked if her kids don't call him Uncle Q.
 
2014-05-29 04:13:18 PM  

szyska: I was friend-zoned, she was my buddy's sister. I'd go out drinking with my friend and she'd show up with her friends. I'd spend 1/2 the night surrounded by women who had absolutely no interest in me or worse yet, treat me as a brother.


Sounds like they thought you were gay.
 
2014-05-29 04:22:58 PM  

LlamaGirl: BATMANATEE: trilbys

What is that?

Also, your profile cracks me up.


Thanks. I wish I could say the artwork was mine, but it isn't.
 A trilby is the kind of short brimmed hat favored by douchbags who think it's a fedora. They get it wrong so often that it's turning into a meme.

static.fjcdn.com
 
2014-05-29 04:23:49 PM  

Jim from Saint Paul: szyska: I was friend-zoned, she was my buddy's sister. I'd go out drinking with my friend and she'd show up with her friends. I'd spend 1/2 the night surrounded by women who had absolutely no interest in me or worse yet, treat me as a brother.

Sounds like they thought you were gay.



Not likely, I made my intentions known out right and I would have said OK and moved on but since she was conntected to my friend I would to have either leave or flat out ignore her anytime she showed up and I wasn't doing that.
 
2014-05-29 04:27:19 PM  

BATMANATEE: Thanks. I wish I could say the artwork was mine, but it isn't.
A trilby is the kind of short brimmed hat favored by douchbags who think it's a fedora. They get it wrong so often that it's turning into a meme.


Well, thank you! I now know to inform my father that he is in fact, still cool.
 
2014-05-29 04:31:55 PM  

Strategeryz0r: There's no romantic chemistry, sexual tension, whatever you want to call it. It really is just like hanging out with a buddy. And overcoming that can be incredibly difficult.


I don't quite understand, if there's no chemistry between you why would you want to force something?


szyska: I'd spend 1/2 the night surrounded by women who had absolutely no interest in me or worse yet, treat me as a brother.


You have to admit, that doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world.


KatjaMouse: I read all that and nothing stood out to me that they're actually dating. Unless the paparazzi catches them kanoodling on a yacht or their people released a joint press release I'm going to assume that his "comforting her" is purely platonic. She stayed over the weekend at his villa. So what. I've crashed at a male friend's place for a week and no one ever assumed we were boning. They're holding hands and physically close. Sure. Maybe because they've been close close friends and collaborators for 20 years? I'd be shocked if her kids don't call him Uncle Q.


What the hell are you talking about?  Oh right, the article.
 
2014-05-29 04:40:02 PM  

Esc7: szyska: I'd spend 1/2 the night surrounded by women who had absolutely no interest in me or worse yet, treat me as a brother.


You have to admit, that doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world.


Nothing sounds better then spending a night out as young healthy adult with sexual urges and hanging out with your hot sisters the whole time.

Sounds great.
 
2014-05-29 04:58:53 PM  

Jim from Saint Paul: Nothing sounds better then spending a night out as young healthy adult with sexual urges and hanging out with your hot sisters the whole time.


Snark aside, there is value for a guy hanging out with women in public, even if you can't *touch* the ones you're with.

Let's just say the time I lived with two way-out-of-my-league girls in my first place after college, and their willingness to drag me out to the bars with them, paid dividends.
 
2014-05-29 05:03:47 PM  
I am a single girl...and I like to go out and hang with my male friends. If you text me, asking if I want to grab a beer, my thought is that we are just two friends hanging out over drinks and food. If you expect our time together to be an actual date, it deserves a phone call, with your intentions made very clear.

I recently told a guy that I wasn't interested in anything romantic. It's been cool since then, and we have a lot of fun hanging out. Yet, one of my friends still accuses me of leading him on and keeping him in the friendzone. My thought is this: he is a grown man that should be able to handle being friends with me. Any further expectations that he may or may not have are his own problem to deal with.

My friendship should not be viewed as a consolation prize
 
2014-05-29 05:07:17 PM  

See My Az Go: Any further expectations that he may or may not have are his own problem to deal with.


Precisely. All I can ask for is a clear understanding of where YOU stand with me. How I feel and how I deal with it is my issue to work out.
 
2014-05-29 05:11:54 PM  

See My Az Go: My friendship should not be viewed as a consolation prize


Right. And it's a good thing that the " quote nice guy unquote who thinks that he's owed sex for acting nice" is a hell of a lot rarer than feminists would like us to believe.

Seriously, that boogie man is more of a strawman and urban legend than it is every day occurrence. Stop defaulting to accusing people of that. It's just looks hyper defensive and sad.
 
2014-05-29 05:18:48 PM  

See My Az Go: I am a single girl...and I like to go out and hang with my male friends. If you text me, asking if I want to grab a beer, my thought is that we are just two friends hanging out over drinks and food. If you expect our time together to be an actual date, it deserves a phone call, with your intentions made very clear.

I recently told a guy that I wasn't interested in anything romantic. It's been cool since then, and we have a lot of fun hanging out. Yet, one of my friends still accuses me of leading him on and keeping him in the friendzone. My thought is this: he is a grown man that should be able to handle being friends with me. Any further expectations that he may or may not have are his own problem to deal with.

My friendship should not be viewed as a consolation prize


That comic made me raise an eyebrow. It seems like a gross simplification of all sides -- I guess because I see dating as a way to try to build a relationship, rather than screwing.

/Has been turned down once & still friends.
//Doesn't believe in the friendzone.
 
2014-05-29 05:23:23 PM  

Dinobot: I guess because I see dating as a way to try to build a relationship, rather than screwing.


But we're men. According to so many people all we want is sex and the only thing we view women as are things to get sex from. It's unthinkable that we'd put emotions before sex. You know. Because we're men and sex is the only thing that we want. Because we have penises. And we're stupid simpletons. Because we're men. And the only thing we want from women is sex.

/That only went on about as long as often it feels like certain vocal women love to shout that about our gender
//It's farking annoying, and terribly ironic, that we get simplified in such a way
///Pick the lowest example -> try to make it represent the whole = "nice guy" wharrgarbl
 
2014-05-29 05:25:07 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: See My Az Go: My friendship should not be viewed as a consolation prize

Right. And it's a good thing that the " quote nice guy unquote who thinks that he's owed sex for acting nice" is a hell of a lot rarer than feminists would like us to believe.

Seriously, that boogie man is more of a strawman and urban legend than it is every day occurrence. Stop defaulting to accusing people of that. It's just looks hyper defensive and sad.


I linked the comic because I thought it was funny...and I like some of the points. And I have enough faith in most men that I truly believe that they are genuinely nice guys who enjoy being friends. But I have met the occasional a-hole who acts all butthurt and cheated because I didn't put out. Those are actually the ones more likely to take advantage of you when you're drunk.
 
2014-05-29 05:29:34 PM  

See My Az Go: I linked the comic because I thought it was funny...and I like some of the points. And I have enough faith in most men that I truly believe that they are genuinely nice guys who enjoy being friends. But I have met the occasional a-hole who acts all butthurt and cheated because I didn't put out. Those are actually the ones more likely to take advantage of you when you're drunk.


Oh, I agree with you.

I remember me and my cousin defending a mutual friend from drunkards in bourbon street after she got wasted and was barely conscious. That was fun... (and yeah, nothing happened even after we managed to get to the hotel.)

/And then our friend slapped a mounted cop's horse on the way to the cab -- luckily we didn't get arrested.
 
2014-05-29 05:30:08 PM  

See My Az Go: I am a single girl...and I like to go out and hang with my male friends. If you text me, asking if I want to grab a beer, my thought is that we are just two friends hanging out over drinks and food. If you expect our time together to be an actual date, it deserves a phone call, with your intentions made very clear.

I recently told a guy that I wasn't interested in anything romantic. It's been cool since then, and we have a lot of fun hanging out. Yet, one of my friends still accuses me of leading him on and keeping him in the friendzone. My thought is this: he is a grown man that should be able to handle being friends with me. Any further expectations that he may or may not have are his own problem to deal with.

My friendship should not be viewed as a consolation prize


LONGish CSB: I met my wife when she was dating a work friend of mine. We hit it off real well at a birthday party and hung out most of that day by ourselves (we were under 21 and her BF was over... he decided to go drinking that night). We didn;t kiss, make out, nothing like that. We hung out. It was fun, she was pretty and she was interesting. She gave me her number.

After she drove away I threw the # to the ground. I wanted to be friends with her. I also thought I wanted more (sex, of course, being a part of it). I wanted her attention focused on me like it was on her boyfriend. It wasn;t about getting laid, it was about the whole package (time, closeness, all the good stuff that comes with relationships). Yes, after one night. She was awesome for me.

Fast forward 2 months and she gets my # from the same coworker from the bd party. Seems she is a bit on the outs with her boyfriend. I decide to hang with her one more time and tell her "if he won;t take you out for valentines day, I will". very clearly making the point it wasn;t just as a "buddy" or "friend". he didn't, I did. Been together 15+ years at this point.

The point is that there is middle ground for all this shiat. Guys don't have to be friend zoned. They can leave.  They can also want to be more then friends because they want more then just sex.

I would not have gone out with my wife as a "friend", because it WOULD have been a consolation prize. She was awesome and I wanted all the awesome, not just parts of it.  I also would and had walked away when I thought it wasn;t going to happen.

/And 2nd place? 2nd... sucks.
 
2014-05-29 05:40:44 PM  

See My Az Go: I am a single girl...and I like to go out and hang with my male friends. If you text me, asking if I want to grab a beer, my thought is that we are just two friends hanging out over drinks and food. If you expect our time together to be an actual date, it deserves a phone call, with your intentions made very clear.

I recently told a guy that I wasn't interested in anything romantic. It's been cool since then, and we have a lot of fun hanging out. Yet, one of my friends still accuses me of leading him on and keeping him in the friendzone. My thought is this: he is a grown man that should be able to handle being friends with me. Any further expectations that he may or may not have are his own problem to deal with.

My friendship should not be viewed as a consolation prize


*threadjack*

I am a master of karate and friendship for everyone, we should hang out.

I'm just kidding, I'm not allowed in Florida anymore!  But I've always wondered: what event led to you jumping over a fire hurdle?  Is that just a typical weekend activity in our nation's most sophisticated state?

*end threadjack*
 
2014-05-29 05:45:08 PM  

See My Az Go: I linked the comic because I thought it was funny...and I like some of the points.


The entire thing is based on a false dilemma, a huge misrepresentation of how men see relationships, and very insulting assumptions about men in general. It's setting up the perfectly flawed opponent so they you can defeat it and claim victory. It simply isn't representative of a majority, or even significant enough minority, of men. It's a strawman. It's about as valid as the idea that all men are potential rapists. Most of us are not like that. Very, very few are.

Continuing to flaunt this idea of us as being this way does nothing but make me respect the people doing so even less. And when self identified feminists do it the result is even further harm to the already ridiculous current variant of the movement.

Flip the genders and replace the thing desired from dating to clothes and jewels. The girl is mad because she wants to guy that she is dating to spend lots of money on her because she blew him. Pretty insulting to paint women like that, right?

That comic doesn't work unless you make some very insulting and untrue assumptions about men.

And I have enough faith in most men that I truly believe that they are genuinely nice guys who enjoy being friends.

Fair enough.

But I have met the occasional a-hole who acts all butthurt and cheated because I didn't put out.

Those are just assholes in general, not "nice guys". Women do that, too. Cheating when they aren't getting what they want. Sometimes it's sex, sometimes it's not.

Those are actually the ones more likely to take advantage of you when you're drunk.

True. Again, those are the assholes in general. General assholes are a significant enough to worry about percentage of men because assholes a significant enough percentage of humans, gender being irrelevant.
 
2014-05-29 05:47:58 PM  
Lsherm: But I've always wondered: what event led to you jumping over a fire hurdle?  Is that just a typical weekend activity in our nation's most sophisticated state?

*end threadjack*


I was an obstacle course racer, then a marathoner, and most recently a GoRuck-er. If you can lead me to my next crazy adventure, I'd be happy to hang :)
 
2014-05-29 05:56:24 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: That comic doesn't work unless you make some very insulting and untrue assumptions about men.



I'm genuinely sorry if you were offended by the assumptions made in that comic. But couldn't the same be said about any sort of comic or comedic routine?
 
2014-05-29 06:07:29 PM  

See My Az Go: CtrlAltDestroy: That comic doesn't work unless you make some very insulting and untrue assumptions about men.


I'm genuinely sorry if you were offended by the assumptions made in that comic. But couldn't the same be said about any sort of comic or comedic routine?


To an extent, yeah. There's a difference between, say, Ellen Degeneres' brand of comedy and someone like Chris Rock. One is more innocent and the other pushes the subject for effect.

Hell, I'd say that sometimes the fact that someone got offended by it is the mark of good comedy.

That comic just doesn't work, IMHO, because it's based on an insulting and uncommon premise. It's like someone taking offense to a joke based on how all black people will rob you in an alley. I get what they were going for, but it's based on a venomous idea.

I get the idea. And if I believed what the author seems to believe then I'd probably get a chuckle out of it. But, as it stands, that comic wants me to believe that an appreciable amount of me and mine are mostly, or only, in it for the sex and are willing to use guilt or coercion to obtain it.
 
2014-05-29 06:09:40 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: But we're men. According to so many people all we want is sex and the only thing we view women as are things to get sex from. It's unthinkable that we'd put emotions before sex. You know. Because we're men and sex is the only thing that we want. Because we have penises. And we're stupid simpletons. Because we're men. And the only thing we want from women is sex.


Um, I've been assured by several men right here that that's precisely how men think. Silly me--prior to being on Fark, I thought that men sometimes liked to be friends with women. I'd be friends with them. Nope, apparently not, according to many jeers I got from certain things I posted. If I ain't farking, they ain't interested in my company.

Now, I have you farkied as "a very nice person" for various reasons, so maybe you're the exception to the rule. But I didn't get this idea from my ass. It was actually a shock to me, that I was that naive at my age. I got that idea from men, right here.
 
2014-05-29 06:34:08 PM  

cryinoutloud: CtrlAltDestroy: But we're men. According to so many people all we want is sex and the only thing we view women as are things to get sex from. It's unthinkable that we'd put emotions before sex. You know. Because we're men and sex is the only thing that we want. Because we have penises. And we're stupid simpletons. Because we're men. And the only thing we want from women is sex.

Um, I've been assured by several men right here that that's precisely how men think. Silly me--prior to being on Fark, I thought that men sometimes liked to be friends with women. I'd be friends with them. Nope, apparently not, according to many jeers I got from certain things I posted. If I ain't farking, they ain't interested in my company.

Now, I have you farkied as "a very nice person" for various reasons, so maybe you're the exception to the rule. But I didn't get this idea from my ass. It was actually a shock to me, that I was that naive at my age. I got that idea from men, right here.


I'll pretty much agree with you. The girls I'm friends with are my girlfriend's friends, but none of them have ever expressed interest to join my buddies and I when we get together to watch a UFC fight and I've never been interested in joining them when they get together for wine and watching Real Housewives *shrugs* I don't care about gender roles or anything like that, but that's just how it worked out for me. I'll admit that if you are a female and I am actively seeking your attention then I want to sleep with you. I've never felt that "She's so cool. I wanna hang out with her and that's all." pang with a woman than I do when I make a great guy friend. That's all probably going to come out bad, but whatever lol.
 
2014-05-29 06:47:29 PM  

MugzyBrown: MadCat221: Yes there is.  It's what a guy lands himself in when he puts out friend vibes to a woman he's attracted to instead of boyfriend vibes.  It's entirely self-inflicted and due to a warped sense of how such relationships work.

I think there's also a case for women who like to gather male friends who make them feel attractive.  If you see a woman who has 'friend-zoned' a guy, you'll usually also find several other male friends of hers around who were also friend-zoned.


I have seen this in quite a few instances, and been one of those guys myself before I wised up and let it go. For me this was a girl who would always be asking for rides, or help with something, texting at 2am crying about a breakup, etc. She loved getting compliments and attention. Every once and while if she felt you were losing interest she would make out with me (presumably other guys as well) while drunk, but then get cold feet before it went anywhere else, and "forget" it happened the next day. This happened to me on four separate occasions over the span of about a year and a half. I ended up chatting with another friend of hers on Facebook and found out the same kind of things happened with him. She'd give you just enough "maybe I have a chance" attention to keep you at her side but never actually caring enough to either date you if you asked, or just tell you she's not interested and let you go from there. She had about 4 other male friends, and I can only assume it was mostly the same with them. All quiet kind of nerdy guys who loved being that shoulder to cry on, helping out whenever they could, doing her homework for her, even signing their name as her AA meeting leader after she got an OWI (I never stooped that low).  She was hot as hell and the few make out sessions were fun enough to keep me interested for a long time. But after I wised up she tried it one last time, I told her that I couldn't see her anymore. Got called a lot of horrible things and never heard from her again.

So no, the friendzone is not a made up thing nor is it always some creepy guy who just wants to bang some innocent sweet girl who just doesn't have those feelings for him. Many many times the female knows exactly what is going on and cultivates a group of guys who are prone to this sort of thing for the sole purpose of getting constant attention, compliments, and help.
 
2014-05-29 06:58:51 PM  

cryinoutloud: Um, I've been assured by several men right here that that's precisely how men think. Silly me--prior to being on Fark, I thought that men sometimes liked to be friends with women. I'd be friends with them. Nope, apparently not, according to many jeers I got from certain things I posted. If I ain't farking, they ain't interested in my company.

Now, I have you farkied as "a very nice person" for various reasons, so maybe you're the exception to the rule. But I didn't get this idea from my ass. It was actually a shock to me, that I was that naive at my age. I got that idea from men, right here.


There is some truth to that. Please allow me a moment to elaborate on this.

There are men like that. Without a doubt. However, there are a couple of characteristics with them (typically) where they wouldn't apply much to the discussion at hand.

Men who are in it just for the sex have a tendency to be rather unabashed about it and rather see through. They're not usually difficult to spot. They also are in it for the easy and quick score. The "nice guy" routine, as described by some people, involves playing the long game. It involves, nay, requires focusing much of one's attention on a single person and playing up an act for several months to several years. Guys who are looking to get pussy for the sake of pussy aren't going to do that.

Why spend so much of your time doting on a single girl when they can be making crude, forward remarks to coworkers and trolling for drunk women in bars? When it's a numbers game, playing the long haul for a single target isn't appealing. They'd rather go for checkers when the "nice guy" is playing Risk.

Unfortunately the guys who are pussy hounds tend to be very vocal about it. In their circles, getting as much as possible is seen as a state of dominance and they're jockeying for the front of the pack by announcing how many women have been part of their conquest. This type of person tends to stick out to people for this reason of loudness and because they're the more... interesting or flamboyant examples of the gender.

Part of it, indeed, is confirmation bias. These types don't blend into the background the way that most people do. They make their presence known and they're the first to boast. When there's an air horn in your face it's easy to forget the chirping birds in the tree behind you. Except that they're annoying horns. They're vuvuzelas. Loud, annoying, and flashy.

So, yeah, they're there and they're more than happy to remind you that they're there. I feel the need to toss in a "their" after that so that it doesn't get lonely. Ahem. Try to think of them as like the people who speed dangerously on motorcycles. They catch your attention very easily and they sure to stand out while being proud of their flashy behavior. But there's also the regular bikers who are more than content to behave properly and play nice with the rest of traffic.

The fact that I'm here saying all of this would be some indicator that there is another side of this coin called man. Well, we're more like a 20 sided die, but let's keep this fairly simple for now and only focus on a couple of the sides. I've assaulted your eyes with enough letters just discussing one narrow aspect of human relations.

The normal, mostly respectable guys are out there in the mix but we don't draw nearly as much attention to ourselves. It's like a 24 hour news outlet. There aren't many stories saying, "Everything was OK today and there was even a dog and cat who lived in harmony for about an hour". Instead people would rather talk about how the sky is falling because people would rather listen to said diminutive fowl play. Because normal is boring.

The guys worth having tend to be in the center of the bell curve and as such, unremarkable at a glance. But, like the middle of the bell curve itself, are the majority.

Why, yes, I am usually this verbose. I'm as long winded as tornado alley. If tornadoes were made out of guys who wax intellectual at a forum that's known for snark and toilet humor.

/Wait. maybe there's something to this Fark = tornado alley thing...
//I'm not sure what I did to receive such a title on your Fark list, but I'm flattered.
 
2014-05-29 07:05:57 PM  

Esc7: LlamaGirl: CtrlAltDestroy: But, hey, remaining rational about this subject isn't nearly as much fun or as satisfying as calling people assholes over the internet, right? It's so much better to try to disingenuously say that the lowest common denominator is representative of the whole.

Rationality goes out the window any time this subject comes up, as far as I have noticed.

I agree.

The friendzone as a term only exists to massage egos and allow men to blame women for their lack of communication.

It's often used as a verb: "she friendzoned me."

If you're romantically interested in someone but too passive and entitled to not communicate it and instead masquerade as a friend it's not the woman's fault for being your friend and thinking it is platonic.

She is not "friendzoning" you, she is being a normal human being with the information she has been given.


We are better off without that term.  Throw it in the dustbin with "fake geek girl."  They only exist so lame men can't accept responsibility.


Umm...what happens when two people are friends, one then developed feelings for the other, the other rejects them, and they just go back to being friends? It is possible for that to happen in this world.

I've tend to notice that people ALWAYS assume that the person with feelings is just pretending to be friends to get into the other's pants. Sometimes friends developed feelings for their friends.
 
2014-05-29 07:16:00 PM  

cryinoutloud: CtrlAltDestroy: But we're men. According to so many people all we want is sex and the only thing we view women as are things to get sex from. It's unthinkable that we'd put emotions before sex. You know. Because we're men and sex is the only thing that we want. Because we have penises. And we're stupid simpletons. Because we're men. And the only thing we want from women is sex.

Um, I've been assured by several men right here that that's precisely how men think. Silly me--prior to being on Fark, I thought that men sometimes liked to be friends with women. I'd be friends with them. Nope, apparently not, according to many jeers I got from certain things I posted. If I ain't farking, they ain't interested in my company.

Now, I have you farkied as "a very nice person" for various reasons, so maybe you're the exception to the rule. But I didn't get this idea from my ass. It was actually a shock to me, that I was that naive at my age. I got that idea from men, right here.


Part of the problem is gender expectations and behaviours. I have literally been told that if I am too nice, women won't be interested in me, by both men and women. Men are expected to be assertive, that is, to act confident, dominant and initiate social interaction with women. It's right here in the thread. "If you find a woman attractive, just ask her out, and if she doesn't say yes, move on".

Well, think about that for a second. Think about the assumptions and expectations about masculine behaviour involved there. It's assumed to be quite normal for a man's first serious interaction with a woman he finds attractive to be a romantic/sexual overture. It's assumed that he doesn't care if she finds this acceptable behaviour or not. It's assumed that if she says no, he should then simply ignore her rejection and move on, behaviour which normally signifies only superficial interest no matter what the context.

Where in this behaviour does the man get to know the women he approaches as people, as opposed to an attractive face and body? Where's the basis for a friendship to go along with the lust?

Frankly, I would never want to be treated that way by anyone. If a woman I barely knew made a pass at me, I'd very likely say no by reflex, and I would find it offputting, even if I found her physically attractive, because there's much more to a relationship than lust. Even if I did say not reject her advance out of hand, I'd be guarded with her until I actually got to know her.

I believe, fundamentally, in treating people the way I would wish to be treated by others. That means I approach women I am attracted to with respect and honesty. I make it clear that I am interested in her the first chance I get, but I don't invade her space, get touchy, or make an overt sexual pass until I've gotten to know her.

The catch-22 in all this is that men who are very assertive with women (not outright jerks, but who make a sexual overture early in the interaction, and who lose interest and move on immediately when rejected) tend to be successful on average, simply by trying more often. And those same behaviours are seen as signs of high social standing, i.e. "alpha males" so quite often they are actually perceived as more attractive on average simply for that behaviour. A man who is not socially assertive in the manner described will on average be perceived as somewhat less attractive. There's extensive research in social psychology about this phenomenon.

(Agentic behaviour is the umbrella term for this sort of behaviour in the social sciences, contrasted with communal behaviour which is oriented towards being friendly and conciliatory; note these are not opposites, one can be high in both or low in both).

Note the emphasis on average. Individual cases can and will buck the trends; as with all things social and psychological these are tendencies not absolutes. Obviously, if you're physically gorgeous, rich and have an established reputation as an unparalleled lover, you're probably not going to have any problems. Mere mortals may not have all those advantages, alas.

I make no claims about whether this is nature, nurture, or both. All I am saying is that it happens, and it's not a simple problem. An ethical man faced with these problems will simply keep trying despite frequent failure for lack of any other options - but that doesn't make his dilemma either trivial or any fun to deal with. Loneliness is corrosive.

On the other hand, the archetypal "nice guy" douchebag who tries to pressure women into sex by being their "friend" is itself a form of serious social maladjustment, it's quite rare but human being remember the assholes more easily than we remember the unassuming actual nice guys who don't pull crap like that. Ascribing those motivations to all men who don't choose to be highly socially assertive with women is just as insulting and incorrect as saying that all assertive men are automatically insensitive jerks.
 
2014-05-29 07:33:17 PM  

KiltedBastich: I believe, fundamentally, in treating people the way I would wish to be treated by others. That means I approach women I am attracted to with respect and honesty. I make it clear that I am interested in her the first chance I get, but I don't invade her space, get touchy, or make an overt sexual pass until I've gotten to know her.


I don't understand people. I mean, I understand psychology, I understand WHY people do the things they do, I just don't get it. I seem to be kind of autistic or something; I don't act like them. I've spent most of my life not understanding certain social things that seem to be basic. Maybe because my family was pretty dysfunctional....OK, probably that.

So I learned a few things over the years, but geez, now it's OK for me to be an "eccentric." I'm old enough now. Take your social skills and your understanding of the human dynamic elsewhere, it's too late for me.  I give up.
 
2014-05-29 07:33:47 PM  

taurusowner: MugzyBrown: MadCat221: Yes there is.  It's what a guy lands himself in when he puts out friend vibes to a woman he's attracted to instead of boyfriend vibes.  It's entirely self-inflicted and due to a warped sense of how such relationships work.

I think there's also a case for women who like to gather male friends who make them feel attractive.  If you see a woman who has 'friend-zoned' a guy, you'll usually also find several other male friends of hers around who were also friend-zoned.

I have seen this in quite a few instances, and been one of those guys myself before I wised up and let it go. For me this was a girl who would always be asking for rides, or help with something, texting at 2am crying about a breakup, etc. She loved getting compliments and attention. Every once and while if she felt you were losing interest she would make out with me (presumably other guys as well) while drunk, but then get cold feet before it went anywhere else, and "forget" it happened the next day. This happened to me on four separate occasions over the span of about a year and a half. I ended up chatting with another friend of hers on Facebook and found out the same kind of things happened with him. She'd give you just enough "maybe I have a chance" attention to keep you at her side but never actually caring enough to either date you if you asked, or just tell you she's not interested and let you go from there. She had about 4 other male friends, and I can only assume it was mostly the same with them. All quiet kind of nerdy guys who loved being that shoulder to cry on, helping out whenever they could, doing her homework for her, even signing their name as her AA meeting leader after she got an OWI (I never stooped that low).  She was hot as hell and the few make out sessions were fun enough to keep me interested for a long time. But after I wised up she tried it one last time, I told her that I couldn't see her anymore. Got called a lot of horrible things and never heard from h ...


Dude, that is NOT "the friendzone."  That's dick in a glass case.  Or low self-esteem. Possibly mental illness.

Either way, the problem is that you let the idea of having sex with her get in the way of treating her the way you should have in the first place: like a person with issues who was taking advantage of you.  Seriously, you wouldn't put up with a male friend who built you up and then ignored you without explanation, would you?   And to be fair, you weren't treating her like a real person because you wanted to penis her.  You were putting up with bullshiat you wouldn't have if she were male.  Sounds like the other guys were as well.

Also this:

Every once and while if she felt you were losing interest she would make out with me (presumably other guys as well) while drunk, but then get cold feet before it went anywhere else, and "forget" it happened the next day.

Prior to the internets, or in the 1970-aughts I grew up in, that would be a clear "nope, never going to happen."  It's a NO.  That is a lonely woman who got drunk with someone she was comfortable with, went a little too far, and then felt awful about it the next morning.  It's not a signal to keep pressing, it's not a sign that she's maybe interested in you, and it's not a way forward.  At best, it's a conversation starter about what kind of relationship you two will have beginning the very next day.  And if she can't give clear answers about it, then that's another "nope, never going to happen" and you need to decide if you can live with that or not.  If not, then do what you did and leave.  But if you stay, understand you've been told repeatedly that you aren't the guy that's doing it for her, just not quite as directly as you'd like.

Slate, in one of their almost non-trolling articles, pointed out that Louis CK has a pretty good take on it:

"He goes to kiss her, and she does an amazing thing that women somehow learn how to do-she hugged him very warmly. Men think this is affection, but what this is is a boxing maneuver." Women "are better at rejecting us than we are," C.K. said. "They have the skills to reject men in the way that we can then not kill them."

Sure, she probably tried making out with you to feel better about herself, right up until the point she realized it was a mistake.  But if she was drunk and she still didn't want to seal the deal with you, that's an outright rejection.  That's as clear as you'd be if you stopped with a woman who had a hairy mole on her chest after she took her shirt off.  It means even impaired you aren't the guy she wants to have a sexual relationship with.  It's not a direct signal, but given even a little bit of thought it's an extremely clear one.

Glad to see you wised up, but don't make the same mistake again.  If you get a no, however indirect, then figure out if it's worth having any relationship with the person at all.  And the easiest way to figure that out is to answer this yes/no question: "Would I feel bad if this person slept with someone else?"  If you answer yes, then it's time to move on.  Nothing good can come from you hanging around.
 
2014-05-29 08:03:31 PM  

LlamaGirl: There is no such thing as the friend zone.


That said, her feet are horrifying.


media2.giphy.com

/That's hawt!!!
 
2014-05-29 08:31:58 PM  
The friend vibe can come from the guy. I worked with a woman and we hung out about once a week. We had great fun. A friend said "why don't you want to go out with her?". I said "we don't like the same TV shows/movies/music so we'd run out of things to do quickly. Once a week is often enough to have fun" She was also about 10 years younger than me, thus the lack of common ground in many things.
/everyone in the office thought we were an item
//to the point that a guy there asked me about her and I told him to go for it
///they are married for about 15 years now and have 2 kids
////I went to their wedding, they came to mine
 
2014-05-29 09:43:55 PM  

See My Az Go: If you can lead me to my next crazy adventure, I'd be happy to hang :)


I'm old enough to have done all my crazy adventures, but if I ever get let back into Florida and I'm thinking of doing something crazy, we'll hang :)
 
2014-05-30 12:40:03 AM  
Didn't read the whole thread, but I'm sure every eventuality has already been explored.

Here's my armchair psychology $0.02:

if you want to have carnal relations with her, don't let time accumulate.  Make your intentions known immediately.  By immediately I mean within a week of meeting.  Be classy and confident about it, like it would be fun if she said yes but no great loss if she says no.  Appeal to what you've gleaned of her personality thus far.  Make her laugh.  Be light-hearted.  She'll either respond with reciprocal signals, or deflect and bow out.  The manner in which she deflects and bows out will be either classy or ugly, depending on the person.

Then she will either a) politely and gracefully steer clear of you or b) create false expectation of a future liason for the purpose of keeping you around as a sycophant to feed her ego.  If she hasn't slept with you within a few weeks, she isn't going to.

If she falls under a), move on.  More fish in the sea, although you just might see her show up again with renewed interest if you score with one of her friends.  That's my truck, stop playing with it, and all that.

If she falls under b), disassociate and move on quickly.
 
2014-05-30 10:11:17 AM  
All y'all suck. This could have been an awesome Uma thread with pics of her hotness, but NOOOOOOO...
Thanks to BATMANATEE for showing what a fedora actually is. As a middle-aged man who occasionally wears one, I never understood the hatred for it.
 
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