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(Telegraph)   Stephen Hawking calculates the strategy England should use for best odds of winning the World Cup, finds that when it comes to penalties England 'couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo' (he really said that)   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 43
    More: Amusing, World Cup, Stephen Hawking, England, Belo Horizonte, Save the Children, rational thoughts, Luis Suarez  
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3310 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 May 2014 at 12:55 PM (34 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



43 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-05-28 10:23:08 AM  
Are we sure he actually "said" that? Maybe somebody hacked into his voice computer.
 
2014-05-28 11:36:02 AM  

Riche: Are we sure he actually "said" that? Maybe somebody hacked into his voice computer.


I fully believe he actually said that.  He has a rather earthy sense of humour.
 
2014-05-28 11:49:45 AM  

DjangoStonereaver: Riche: Are we sure he actually "said" that? Maybe somebody hacked into his voice computer.

I fully believe he actually said that.  He has a rather earthy sense of humour.


Maybe that's what the hackers want you to think.

Poor Dr. Hawking might be desperately trying to blink out "PLEASE  HELP ME" in Morse Code but nobody's noticing because of the "earthy sense of humor" voice coming out of his computer. That, and he can't remember the proper code for blinking out the letter E.

Pretty sad when you think about it.

/My version of reality is WAY more interesting than yours.
 
2014-05-28 01:00:48 PM  
He calls it the Hawking strategy.
 
2014-05-28 01:00:51 PM  
Huh. I thought he was American. Shows how much I (don't) know.
 
2014-05-28 01:00:56 PM  
i1.cdnds.net

I call him "Wheels".
 
2014-05-28 01:01:02 PM  

Riche: Are we sure he actually "said" that? Maybe somebody hacked into his voice computer.


Someone monkeyed with his curse filter?
 
2014-05-28 01:01:13 PM  

Link

Riche: DjangoStonereaver: Riche: Are we sure he actually "said" that? Maybe somebody hacked into his voice computer.

I fully believe he actually said that.  He has a rather earthy sense of humour.

Maybe that's what the hackers want you to think.

Poor Dr. Hawking might be desperately trying to blink out "PLEASE  HELP ME" in Morse Code but nobody's noticing because of the "earthy sense of humor" voice coming out of his computer. That, and he can't remember the proper code for blinking out the letter E.

Pretty sad when you think about it.

/My version of reality is WAY more interesting than yours.






www.washingtonpost.com


/clicky for YOUTUBE video
 
2014-05-28 01:01:16 PM  

Tenga: He calls it the Hawking strategy.


+1
 
2014-05-28 01:02:16 PM  
He calculated that England's only mathematical chance of winning involved the formation of several simultaneous singularities.
 
2014-05-28 01:04:55 PM  
Hey Steven...

We have plenty of bookies.

How's about you wheel your brainy ass back to your office and think about something important...

OK?
 
2014-05-28 01:05:48 PM  
I shouldnt laugh since I'm a USA fan.


/points and laughs at England
 
2014-05-28 01:06:32 PM  

Crass and Jaded Mother Farker: Hey Steven...

We have plenty of bookies.

How's about you wheel your brainy ass back to your office and think about something important...

OK?


Oh, so you want to go out on penalites to Germany...again?  Ok then...
 
2014-05-28 01:07:00 PM  
Years ago, I left my laptop open at a Starbucks while I left to get my drink. When I returned, Stephen Hawking was sitting in front of my screen tapping away on the keyboard. Yes. Dr. Hawking. The "Hawk" . . . I looked over his shoulder as he anonymously posted a number of stories regarding encounters with himself. They ranged from tackling others, stealing food and other fun oddities. When he finished, he closed my laptop, looked up at me right  in the eye. Then he said, "No one will ever believe you" and wheeled away.
 
2014-05-28 01:08:47 PM  
So their only hope is that Brazil has a cold spell.
 
2014-05-28 01:18:55 PM  

This Looks Fun: Huh. I thought he was American. Shows how much I (don't) know.



Hawking can't be British. As every right thinking American knows he would of been killed thanks to those Death Panels that Britain has with its socialised healthcare.
 
2014-05-28 01:23:01 PM  
Goal for today: work that phrase into a conversation.
 
2014-05-28 01:32:07 PM  

Norfolking Chance: This Looks Fun: Huh. I thought he was American. Shows how much I (don't) know.


Hawking can't be British. As every right thinking American knows he would of been killed thanks to those Death Panels that Britain has with its socialised healthcare.


Uhhh you dummies couldn't tell by his accent????
 
2014-05-28 01:36:48 PM  
Why would someone kick (or throw) a banjo?  Is that common practice in England?
 
2014-05-28 01:41:11 PM  

Riche: he can't remember the proper code for blinking out the letter E.


seewhatyoudidthere.jpg
 
2014-05-28 01:47:53 PM  

Norfolking Chance: This Looks Fun: Huh. I thought he was American. Shows how much I (don't) know.


Hawking can't be British. As every right thinking American knows he would of been killed thanks to those Death Panels that Britain has with its socialised healthcare.


Luckily I don't run any grammar death panels... But seriously, I even lived in England and had no clue. Shame.
 
2014-05-28 01:48:33 PM  
Someone else studied this year ago and came up with a similar strategy, one which then captain Alan 'wanker' Shearer pooh-poohed. Wanker.
 
2014-05-28 01:48:50 PM  
To which, England snottily replied "well, neither could you"
 
2014-05-28 01:51:17 PM  
No wonder UKIP did so well in the EU Parliament elections.  England's chances in the World Cup are roughly Great Britain's chances in Eurovision.  Do Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland even field a team?
 
2014-05-28 01:54:38 PM  

CADMonkey79: Why would someone kick (or throw) a banjo?  Is that common practice in England?


No, but it should be.
/fark Mumford and Sons
 
2014-05-28 02:01:50 PM  
I think what Stephen Hawking is really trying to say is the odds of England winning the world cup is about the same as if the English team consist of him as the only player.

/which is true
 
2014-05-28 02:01:59 PM  

Yamaneko2: No wonder UKIP did so well in the EU Parliament elections.  England's chances in the World Cup are roughly Great Britain's chances in Eurovision.  Do Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland even field a team?


Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland all failed to qualify for the finals.
 
2014-05-28 02:03:55 PM  

Norfolking Chance: Yamaneko2: No wonder UKIP did so well in the EU Parliament elections.  England's chances in the World Cup are roughly Great Britain's chances in Eurovision.  Do Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland even field a team?

Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland all failed to qualify for the finals.


Shame Bale wont ever play in a WC. I guess he'll have his CL medal and 100+ million Euros to keep him warm at night
 
2014-05-28 02:14:27 PM  
Hawking is a Player.  (and not a football player at that...)
 
2014-05-28 02:17:12 PM  
im pretty sure he hasnt 'really' said anything in about 30 years.
 
2014-05-28 02:24:29 PM  

vudukungfu: Years ago, I left my laptop open at a Starbucks while I left to get my drink. When I returned, Stephen Hawking was sitting in front of my screen tapping away on the keyboard. Yes. Dr. Hawking. The "Hawk" . . . I looked over his shoulder as he anonymously posted a number of stories regarding encounters with himself. They ranged from tackling others, stealing food and other fun oddities. When he finished, he closed my laptop, looked up at me right  in the eye. Then he said, "No one will ever believe you" and wheeled away.


I'm pretty that was Bill Murray.
 
2014-05-28 02:31:04 PM  

Norfolking Chance: This Looks Fun: Huh. I thought he was American. Shows how much I (don't) know.

Hawking can't be British. As every right thinking American knows he would of been killed thanks to those Death Panels that Britain has with its socialised healthcare.


For anyone who might have missed the original... link.
 
2014-05-28 02:32:18 PM  
Delta1212:

I'm pretty

I bet you're cute as a button.
 
2014-05-28 02:32:54 PM  

Delta1212: vudukungfu: Years ago, I left my laptop open at a Starbucks while I left to get my drink. When I returned, Stephen Hawking was sitting in front of my screen tapping away on the keyboard. Yes. Dr. Hawking. The "Hawk" . . . I looked over his shoulder as he anonymously posted a number of stories regarding encounters with himself. They ranged from tackling others, stealing food and other fun oddities. When he finished, he closed my laptop, looked up at me right  in the eye. Then he said, "No one will ever believe you" and wheeled away.

I'm pretty that was Bill Murray.


Bill Murray is in a wheelchair?!? What happened to him?
 
2014-05-28 02:41:25 PM  
Old war wound.

unrealitymag.bcmediagroup.netdna-cdn.com
 
2014-05-28 02:57:16 PM  
He would be the worst bookie known to man. Past performance is not an indicator of future results, dipshiat!
 
2014-05-28 03:04:28 PM  
Imagine a spherical Rooney in a vacuum.
 
2014-05-28 03:20:05 PM  

Ivo Shandor: Norfolking Chance: This Looks Fun: Huh. I thought he was American. Shows how much I (don't) know.

Hawking can't be British. As every right thinking American knows he would of been killed thanks to those Death Panels that Britain has with its socialised healthcare.

For anyone who might have missed the original... link.


Hehe, count me as one of those. Nice.
 
2014-05-28 05:10:00 PM  

CADMonkey79: Why would someone kick (or throw) a banjo?  Is that common practice in England?


Maybe they swing the banjo.

/looks kinda like a cricket bat, amirite?
 
2014-05-28 05:22:44 PM  

Delta1212: vudukungfu: Years ago, I left my laptop open at a Starbucks while I left to get my drink. When I returned, Stephen Hawking was sitting in front of my screen tapping away on the keyboard. Yes. Dr. Hawking. The "Hawk" . . . I looked over his shoulder as he anonymously posted a number of stories regarding encounters with himself. They ranged from tackling others, stealing food and other fun oddities. When he finished, he closed my laptop, looked up at me right  in the eye. Then he said, "No one will ever believe you" and wheeled away.

I'm pretty that was Bill Murray.


I knew that story sounded familiar!
 
2014-05-28 06:46:22 PM  
Huh.  Just another armchair football manager.


This Looks Fun: Huh. I thought he was American. Shows how much I (don't) know.


It's that stupid Uncle Sam hat he's always wearing and that phony accent he puts on.  I swear, he's like the reverse-Madonna.
 
2014-05-28 06:50:45 PM  

eagles95: Norfolking Chance: Yamaneko2: No wonder UKIP did so well in the EU Parliament elections.  England's chances in the World Cup are roughly Great Britain's chances in Eurovision.  Do Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland even field a team?

Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland all failed to qualify for the finals.

Shame Bale wont ever play in a WC. I guess he'll have his CL medal, a bevy of Madrid hotties, and 100+ million Euros to keep him warm at night


Fixed for reality.
 
2014-05-28 08:25:33 PM  
So? Neither could he...
 
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