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(Topless Robot)   Seven things learned from watching Star Wars with a Star Wars virgin   (toplessrobot.com) divider line 161
    More: Silly, Star Wars, Rebel Alliance, Greedo, Death Star, Dr. Strangelove, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, visual styles  
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14080 clicks; posted to Geek » on 27 May 2014 at 8:50 PM (52 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



161 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-05-27 08:32:58 PM  
Ugh! Spoilers!!!

/Star Wars Virgin
 
2014-05-27 08:34:18 PM  
I still haven't seen The Goonies.
 
2014-05-27 08:35:32 PM  
My sister hasn't seen them. I think she's compensating for me. I want to sit her down for 6+ hours to watch the originals but she's an active normal person so that's not happening.
 
2014-05-27 08:36:16 PM  
Oh, and I've never seen The Princess Bride.
 
2014-05-27 08:40:29 PM  
I've seen IV (on laserdisc no less I believe) and the prequels (Episode 1 in the theater, the other two on HBO).  I've seen bits and pieces of the other two original movies, but I can't recall ever watching them through from beginning to end.  That's something I should do at some point.
 
2014-05-27 08:52:43 PM  
"Star Wars virgin"...But you repeat yourself.
 
2014-05-27 08:55:05 PM  
The prequels will have to wait for another time.

Honestly, they really don't.
 
2014-05-27 08:55:58 PM  
It's been so long since I saw the original, unmodified trilogy that I might as well have never seen them. And until they release a quality remaster of the originals on DVD, Blu-Ray, streaming, etc., I see no point in watching them now.
 
2014-05-27 08:57:12 PM  
Should have made it clearer: until they release a quality remaster of the UNMODIFIED originals I see no point in watching them.
 
2014-05-27 08:58:17 PM  

B.L.Z. Bub: It's been so long since I saw the original, unmodified trilogy that I might as well have never seen them. And until they release a quality remaster of the originals on DVD, Blu-Ray, streaming, etc., I see no point in watching them now.


The Harmy despecialized editions are your friend.

/have the bluray set and enjoy them both.
 
2014-05-27 09:01:05 PM  

Tr0mBoNe: Oh, and I've never seen The Princess Bride.


I used to work with a girl who had never seen a Star Wars, Star Trek, Indiana Jones or James Bond movie.

/csb
 
2014-05-27 09:01:39 PM  

What a Star Wars virgin may look like:


media.independent.com

 
2014-05-27 09:04:33 PM  

Tr0mBoNe: Oh, and I've never seen The Princess Bride.


INCONCEIVABLE.
 
2014-05-27 09:06:52 PM  

fusillade762: Tr0mBoNe: Oh, and I've never seen The Princess Bride.

I used to work with a girl who had never seen a Star Wars, Star Trek, Indiana Jones or James Bond movie.

/csb


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCiJQLzHroI
 
2014-05-27 09:06:56 PM  
Star Wars virgin

www.lifewithoutpants.com

Is there another kind?
 
2014-05-27 09:08:59 PM  
Oh, this same premise for a blog that happens every week? Cool.
 
2014-05-27 09:09:24 PM  
I have many issues with TFA.  But I will sum them up with "Han shoots first" is BS.

Only one shot is fired in that scene.  Han shoots.  Full stop.  It makes as much sense to say "Han shoots last."
 
2014-05-27 09:13:16 PM  

Confabulat: I still haven't seen The Goonies.


I knew I couldn't be the only one.

/born in '80
 
2014-05-27 09:14:04 PM  
www.egscomics.com

/obligatory
 
2014-05-27 09:14:45 PM  
What an average farker in a star wars thread might look like:


img.fark.net
 
2014-05-27 09:16:10 PM  

mcmnky: Only one shot is fired in that scene.


I dunno, I remember watching it to see what all the fuss was about.
There's two shots in quick succession - Han's killing shot, then Greedo's accidental discharge from getting shot.
 
2014-05-27 09:16:30 PM  

mcmnky: I have many issues with TFA.  But I will sum them up with "Han shoots first" is BS.

Only one shot is fired in that scene.  Han shoots.  Full stop.  It makes as much sense to say "Han shoots last."


Han shoots and leaves.

/look it up in a dictionary

/it made sense in my head.

/boring conversation, anyway
 
2014-05-27 09:17:49 PM  

mcmnky: I have many issues with TFA.  But I will sum them up with "Han shoots first" is BS.

Only one shot is fired in that scene.  Han shoots.  Full stop.  It makes as much sense to say "Han shoots last."


How about "Han shoots. Greedo dies." It doesn't have context with just "Han shoots." Han shoots like 50 times between the 3 movies.
 
2014-05-27 09:24:17 PM  
It kills me to say this, but, there's a purpose to the Special Editions. Moreover, there's a reason for the 2004 re-vamp. This doesn't mean that I like them. I just (kind of) understand why they exist.

No. There isn't.

I have the original from laserdisc versions (the originals as released in theatre) and every time I watch them it's like having an orgasm for the first time, every time.
 
2014-05-27 09:24:47 PM  
"We dated for over a decade and I never bothered to share  Empire Strikes Back with him. A while back, Carlos mentioned that he would watch the original trilogy if I could find it the pre-Special Editions versions. So, I went to my mom's house and dug through the old family VHS collection and found the 1995 THX box set. Last month, on our first anniversary, Carlos finally saw  Star Wars. We followed it up with  Empire Strikes Backand  Return of the Jedi later that weekend. The prequels will have to wait for another time."

Another spacetime if you will
mindblown.gif
 
2014-05-27 09:26:23 PM  

no icon tact: "We dated for over a decade and I never bothered to share  Empire Strikes Back with him. A while back, Carlos mentioned that he would watch the original trilogy if I could find it the pre-Special Editions versions. So, I went to my mom's house and dug through the old family VHS collection and found the 1995 THX box set. Last month, on our first anniversary, Carlos finally saw  Star Wars. We followed it up with  Empire Strikes Backand  Return of the Jedi later that weekend. The prequels will have to wait for another time."

Another spacetime if you will
mindblown.gif


They dated for ten years than got married a year ago? What's so hard to understand?
 
2014-05-27 09:33:03 PM  
I got the extra super special Director's Cut from this guy I know in Russia.

It has two hours of previously unseen footage with added CGI in every frame!
 
2014-05-27 09:35:58 PM  

bdub77: It kills me to say this, but, there's a purpose to the Special Editions. Moreover, there's a reason for the 2004 re-vamp. This doesn't mean that I like them. I just (kind of) understand why they exist.

No. There isn't.

I have the original from laserdisc versions (the originals as released in theatre) and every time I watch them it's like having an orgasm for the first time, every time.


I'm not sure you should be proud of that...

Personally I have no problem with the special editions. And if anything they make the prequel/sequels run together smother.

Keep in mind I used to watch the Star Wars series once a year on my birthday. So I wasn't hampered my nostalgia.
 
2014-05-27 09:39:20 PM  

TofuTheAlmighty: Confabulat: I still haven't seen The Goonies.

I knew I couldn't be the only one.

/born in '80


I, too, have never seen The Goonies.

Nor have I seen The Princess Bride.
 
2014-05-27 09:39:54 PM  

Jerseysteve22: no icon tact: "We dated for over a decade and I never bothered to share  Empire Strikes Back with him. A while back, Carlos mentioned that he would watch the original trilogy if I could find it the pre-Special Editions versions. So, I went to my mom's house and dug through the old family VHS collection and found the 1995 THX box set. Last month, on our first anniversary, Carlos finally saw  Star Wars. We followed it up with  Empire Strikes Backand  Return of the Jedi later that weekend. The prequels will have to wait for another time."

Another spacetime if you will
mindblown.gif

They dated for ten years than got married a year ago? What's so hard to understand?


Contrived farking story of her heroic franchise fandom and of his insistence on pre Special Edition ten years on. More like 10 years knowing each other and having had dates at some pt.
 
2014-05-27 09:44:52 PM  
to be honest, though I like Star Wars, I really can't imagine being that impressed with the movies if you're older than 15 and seeing them for the first time.
 
2014-05-27 09:48:17 PM  

no icon tact: Jerseysteve22: no icon tact: "We dated for over a decade and I never bothered to share  Empire Strikes Back with him. A while back, Carlos mentioned that he would watch the original trilogy if I could find it the pre-Special Editions versions. So, I went to my mom's house and dug through the old family VHS collection and found the 1995 THX box set. Last month, on our first anniversary, Carlos finally saw  Star Wars. We followed it up with  Empire Strikes Backand  Return of the Jedi later that weekend. The prequels will have to wait for another time."

Another spacetime if you will
mindblown.gif

They dated for ten years than got married a year ago? What's so hard to understand?

Contrived farking story of her heroic franchise fandom and of his insistence on pre Special Edition ten years on. More like 10 years knowing each other and having had dates at some pt.


Yeah, the comment on how the Star Wars virgin requested unaltered original trilogy kinda set off alarms in my mind as to the authenticity of this article. Sure she writes it off as wanting to know how the phenomenon started, but your average Star Wars virgin isn't likely to know there's been several different versions of the movies even if he is married to a Star Wars fan.
 
2014-05-27 09:49:22 PM  

Confabulat: I still haven't seen The Goonies.


I finally saw The Goonies over the Christmas holiday.

I didn't hate it, but I had trouble watching it simply as a film. It was more like opening a time capsule and marveling at how things used to be, not just the way the characters were dressed, or some of the jokes, but in the storytelling and production. It was... weird. I'm not sure that it could be remade today. We suspended our disbelief for some pretty crazy crap in the '80s.
 
2014-05-27 09:50:07 PM  

mcmnky: I have many issues with TFA.  But I will sum them up with "Han shoots first" is BS.

Only one shot is fired in that scene.  Han shoots.  Full stop.  It makes as much sense to say "Han shoots last."


Ugh, people keep saying that. Greedo was going to shoot Han but Han shot Greedo first. So there's nothing wrong with the phrase, "Han Shot First". Jeez. Now I almost sound like some sort of nerd.
 
2014-05-27 09:52:15 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: TofuTheAlmighty: Confabulat: I still haven't seen The Goonies.

I knew I couldn't be the only one.

/born in '80

I, too, have never seen The Goonies.

Nor have I seen The Princess Bride.


I don't hold it against people. The Princess Bride is a great 80s movie, as is the Goonies, for being 80s movies. They have unique characteristics. They'd be fun to watch probably. But in some respect one day people will talk about stuff in this decade, or last decade.

I was on vacation recently, and a table next to us, full of rich 20-something frat brats (believe me that fit that to a T) were loudly quoting Wayne's World. And it made me smile, because as much as I saw and watched that movie as a teenager, I'd not quoted the more random parts of the movie since about 1997. And I realized this was probably their weird 90s nostalgia flick. And in a few years it'll be Pokemon or something everyone will be like you never watched Pokemon?? WTF is wrong with you.

Along those same lines, it's why Super 8 kind of failed with me. It tried to recreate the 80s nostalgia effect but it was sadly missing the qualities that made the original Spielburg movies so great - some funny adult moments, a compelling creature, the zeitgeist of an era of working class people and the rise of materialism. Anyway something didn't work with me. It's too bad, I felt like it had a chance at the beginning but got lost somewhere.
 
2014-05-27 10:01:59 PM  
In my entire life I've only ever fallen asleep during 2 movies: The Matrix (or maybe Matrix 2 or whichever one had the tedious 13 hour-long car chase in it), and Star Wars 1 (no, it's not Star Wars 4 you farking nerd).

Love science fiction, love space stuff, etc, but never saw the attraction of Star Wars.  The writers didn't even pretend to care about making sense, literally EVERYTHING was as ugly as it possibly could be, and the plot was uninspiring.

SW only made such an impact because it was the first big-budget space action movie with special effects and such.  If the original Star Trek movie had come out 2 years earlier and been competently edited, no one would remember Star Wars today
 
2014-05-27 10:08:08 PM  

dookdookdook: In my entire life I've only ever fallen asleep during 2 movies: The Matrix (or maybe Matrix 2 or whichever one had the tedious 13 hour-long car chase in it), and Star Wars 1 (no, it's not Star Wars 4 you farking nerd).


It's not Star Wars 1, and it's not Star Wars 4.

It's Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.
 
2014-05-27 10:11:15 PM  
Kumana Wanalaia:It's not Star Wars 1, and it's not Star Wars 4.

It's Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.


www.quickmeme.com
 
2014-05-27 10:13:25 PM  

dookdookdook: SW only made such an impact because it was the first big-budget space action movie with special effects and such.


Nope.
 
2014-05-27 10:16:02 PM  
i just found out the other day that my grandmother has never seen star wars, and didn't even know how many movies were in the series.  she was like "they made more than one, right?"  what doesn't make sense is that my father (her son) has always been a huge fan of science-fiction so it amazes me that she's never watched it.  this is the same woman who watches award winning movies and bizarre "art" films because the critics tell her they're good, but she won't watch movies that her own family recommends.
 
2014-05-27 10:16:05 PM  

Kumana Wanalaia: dookdookdook: In my entire life I've only ever fallen asleep during 2 movies: The Matrix (or maybe Matrix 2 or whichever one had the tedious 13 hour-long car chase in it), and Star Wars 1 (no, it's not Star Wars 4 you farking nerd).

It's not Star Wars 1, and it's not Star Wars 4.

It's Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.


mindlessones.com
 
KIA
2014-05-27 10:29:57 PM  

fusillade762: I used to work with a girl who had never seen a Star Wars, Star Trek, Indiana Jones or James Bond movie.


An appalling number of the young uns in my office haven't seen the original Indiana Jones.

Thankfully, there is an Alamo Cinema and Drafthouse just a few miles away...
 
2014-05-27 10:32:05 PM  
I have IV, V, and VI on vhs, theatrical release.

/csb
//never seen The Big Lebowski
 
2014-05-27 10:36:35 PM  
For a true Star Wars virgin, I would recommend the following:

1.  Watch Harmy's "Star Wars"
2.  Watch Harmy's "The Empire Strikes Back"
3.  For completeness sake, watch Harmy's "Return Of The Jedi", but be prepared to be disappointed.  (And if you're a real nerd like me, be prepared to imagine your own, much better version of the third movie.)
4.  Don't watch any of the prequel movies, because they are bloated and entirely unnecessary, and they're not very good movies.  Not just "they're not good Star Wars movies", they're just plain old not good movies, period.

fark "Machete Order"; this is how it should be done.  And make sure they're Harmy's versions of the movies (as close to the originals as you can get in 720p), at least until Disney releases fully restored Blu Rays of the originals, which I'd bet my life savings they will do in conjunction with the release of Episode VII.
 
2014-05-27 10:39:36 PM  
As someone that likes the series well enough... if you haven't seen them, who cares?  They're just movies, and while they have some cultural relevance most of it is contextual and only really interesting in relation to film history.

They're not really 'must see' movies as such, any of them.  No reason to avoid them if your friends want to watch it with you for in-joke value or whatever, but that can be said about a lot of films, no need to seek 'em out specifically.
 
2014-05-27 10:52:23 PM  

TofuTheAlmighty: Confabulat: I still haven't seen The Goonies.

I knew I couldn't be the only one.

/born in '80


I've seen it like A Lot of times...but not since I was around eight or so.  Been meaning to watch it again, but I'm Very Scared seeing it now might just piss all up in my Wheaties.

/'79
 
2014-05-27 11:07:26 PM  
mcmnky: I sense that you are being unintentionally obtuse. As if you have not seen the subsequent altered versions of the movie where Greedo does, in fact, shoot first. Are you truthfully unaware that not only is this the case but additionally why it is a big deal? particularly with regard to Han's character?
 
2014-05-27 11:14:06 PM  

Tr0mBoNe: Oh, and I've never seen The Princess Bride.


I've still never seen The Wizard Of Oz or It's A Wonderful Life. And I'm 45.
 
2014-05-27 11:15:59 PM  
The only version of the prequels worth watching is the Red Letter media plinkett reviews. All of them, but especially the first, are hysterical. He breaks down exactly why they are not only bad star wars movies, but just plain bad entertainment. Definitely watch.
 
2014-05-27 11:20:45 PM  

Jaws_Victim: The only version of the prequels worth watching is the Red Letter media plinkett reviews. All of them, but especially the first, are hysterical. He breaks down exactly why they are not only bad star wars movies, but just plain bad entertainment. Definitely watch.


Indeed.  It's like watching The Room.  Only the Rifftrax version is watchable.
 
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