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(CrushPlate)   Chuck Norris attacked his mother with a bed leg   (crushplate.com) divider line 38
    More: Dumbass, Chuck Norris, Coliseum Mobile Homes  
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9175 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 May 2014 at 11:19 AM (8 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



38 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-05-27 10:16:03 AM
When police arrived at the Coliseum Mobile Homes in Odessa, Texas, they heard a horrible commotion.  The thin layer of plywood and insulation was not enough to contain the sound of it-a distinct repetitive thud, as if someone used their palm to mute a xylophone bar and then struck it over and over again.  A sound that, as those who have heard it will swear, attaches to your soul forever like a leech.

Please, for the love of God, do not attempt to write a novel. You are not the next Ernest Hemingway.
 
2014-05-27 11:07:11 AM

bdub77: When police arrived at the Coliseum Mobile Homes in Odessa, Texas, they heard a horrible commotion.  The thin layer of plywood and insulation was not enough to contain the sound of it-a distinct repetitive thud, as if someone used their palm to mute a xylophone bar and then struck it over and over again.  A sound that, as those who have heard it will swear, attaches to your soul forever like a leech.

Please, for the love of God, do not attempt to write a novel. You are not the next Ernest Hemingway.


The night was moist...
 
2014-05-27 11:19:48 AM

gopher321: bdub77: When police arrived at the Coliseum Mobile Homes in Odessa, Texas, they heard a horrible commotion.  The thin layer of plywood and insulation was not enough to contain the sound of it-a distinct repetitive thud, as if someone used their palm to mute a xylophone bar and then struck it over and over again.  A sound that, as those who have heard it will swear, attaches to your soul forever like a leech.

Please, for the love of God, do not attempt to write a novel. You are not the next Ernest Hemingway.

The night was moist...


The only sound one could hear under that stormy moonlit sky was that of a soft thud, like a man continually smashing a bad writer in the face with a slightly rotten cabbage until his visage was a bloodied mass of bone, cartilage, and brain matter. The cops could feel the night, viscous, the entire world was consumed in honey. And beneath that sound, a swishy sound like that of genitals swaying unfettered under silk boxers.
 
2014-05-27 11:21:14 AM
I read that as "bad leg"... Was confuse
 
2014-05-27 11:28:19 AM
The reporter apparently fancies himself the Dashiell Hammett of Texas.
 
2014-05-27 11:28:20 AM
the Coliseum Mobile Homes in Odessa, Texas

You just KNOW that nothing good is going to follow that...
 
2014-05-27 11:31:28 AM

bdub77: When police arrived at the Coliseum Mobile Homes in Odessa, Texas, they heard a horrible commotion.  The thin layer of plywood and insulation was not enough to contain the sound of it-a distinct repetitive thud, as if someone used their palm to mute a xylophone bar and then struck it over and over again.  A sound that, as those who have heard it will swear, attaches to your soul forever like a leech.

Please, for the love of God, do not attempt to write a novel. You are not the next Ernest Hemingway.


That seriously needs to be entered into the Bulwer-Lytton Contest.
 
2014-05-27 11:31:55 AM
You gotta admire this lady's quick thinking. If the people down at the old folks home find out that she got punked out, by her kid, she's going to be mocked mercilessly. But there's no shame in getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris. "No, I didn't get beat up by my child...It was CHUCK NORRIS."
 
2014-05-27 11:32:45 AM
...attaches to your soul forever like a leech.

This is my new catch phrase. You can use it for anything you find disdainful. However, I will have to use my Vincent Price voice when doing it.
 
2014-05-27 11:33:31 AM

bdub77: The only sound one could hear under that stormy moonlit sky was that of a soft thud, like a man continually smashing a bad writer in the face with a slightly rotten cabbage until his visage was a bloodied mass of bone, cartilage, and brain matter. The cops could feel the night, viscous, the entire world was consumed in honey. And beneath that sound, a swishy sound like that of genitals swaying unfettered under silk boxers.


Thank you. That made my morning.

You should consider entering it here.
 
2014-05-27 11:35:05 AM

99.998er: ...attaches to your soul forever like a leech.

This is my new catch phrase. You can use it for anything you find disdainful. However, I will have to use my Vincent Price voice when doing it.


acertaincinema.com

"GET THE BUTTER."
 
2014-05-27 11:36:24 AM
Apparently, a roundhouse kick was too good for her.
 
2014-05-27 11:39:28 AM
The boys in genpop will get a kick of of him.
Or the other way around.
 
2014-05-27 11:41:01 AM

Sin_City_Superhero: the Coliseum Mobile Homes in Odessa, Texas

You just KNOW that nothing good is going to follow that...


You know how it is...

Never a tornado around when you really need one.
 
2014-05-27 11:50:56 AM

bdub77: When police arrived at the Coliseum Mobile Homes in Odessa, Texas, they heard a horrible commotion.  The thin layer of plywood and insulation was not enough to contain the sound of it-a distinct repetitive thud, as if someone used their palm to mute a xylophone bar and then struck it over and over again.  A sound that, as those who have heard it will swear, attaches to your soul forever like a leech.

Please, for the love of God, do not attempt to write a novel. You are not the next Ernest Hemingway.


I guess I'm an optimist, just glad to see that an English major found a job that doesn't involve a frialator
 
2014-05-27 11:51:47 AM
Meh. John Denver attacked his wife with a chainsaw.
 
2014-05-27 11:54:58 AM

myrrh: Meh. John Denver attacked his wife with a chainsaw.


Bob Denver would have made it funnier.
 
2014-05-27 12:00:46 PM
Beds don't have legs, stupid.  They only have one foot!
 
2014-05-27 12:12:19 PM

bdub77: gopher321: bdub77: When police arrived at the Coliseum Mobile Homes in Odessa, Texas, they heard a horrible commotion.  The thin layer of plywood and insulation was not enough to contain the sound of it-a distinct repetitive thud, as if someone used their palm to mute a xylophone bar and then struck it over and over again.  A sound that, as those who have heard it will swear, attaches to your soul forever like a leech.

Please, for the love of God, do not attempt to write a novel. You are not the next Ernest Hemingway.

The night was moist...

The only sound one could hear under that stormy moonlit sky was that of a soft thud, like a man continually smashing a bad writer in the face with a slightly rotten cabbage until his visage was a bloodied mass of bone, cartilage, and brain matter. The cops could feel the night, viscous, the entire world was consumed in honey. And beneath that sound, a swishy sound like that of genitals swaying unfettered under silk boxers.



<OOG>
 
2014-05-27 12:14:18 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: the Coliseum Mobile Homes in Odessa, Texas

You just KNOW that nothing good is going to follow that...


The Google View of a lifeless industrial hellscape doesn't help either.
 
2014-05-27 12:17:27 PM
Third leg busy?
 
2014-05-27 12:40:30 PM
"A sound that, as those who have heard it will swear, attaches to your soul forever like a leech"

It's not the best imagery, but it isn't wrong either.

Years ago, in the previous century, my girlfriend and I had an apartment in a part of town that was notorious for illegal drug sales. It wasn't a particularly dangerous area, but the pushers were annoying. Downstairs from our apartment there was a restaurant whose owner rented the apartment across the hall from us. Every day after closing he would walk over to the bank to place the days revenues in the night deposit box. Anyhow, on this one occasion he was once more accosted by a couple of pushers to whom he responded in French "j'en ai a revendre" which is a standard expression to indicate that you're not interested, but which litteraly says that you have enough extra that you could sell it. Poor choice of expression: the pushers followed him home where they attacked him in his apartment. They had him face down on his bed and were hitting him over the head with the butt of a handgun trying to get him to tell them where he kept his supposed stash.

From across the hall we could clearly hear the sound of gun hitting skull and the accompanying muffled moans. Once you have heard this sound, you can never, ever, forget it. It really does attach itself to your soul.

The story has a happy ending: after we called 911 the bad guys were arrested, and we moved out the day after. I did meet the neighbour when going back to get stuff out of the apartment. He had received 200 stitches to his head, but was back operating his restaurant within days. He did credit us with saving his life, so food and drinks were free.
 
2014-05-27 12:47:46 PM

JonnyBGoode: The reporter apparently fancies himself the Dashiell Hammett of Texas.


Texas really just needs a sympathic short bus driver.
 
2014-05-27 12:52:17 PM
Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
 
2014-05-27 12:56:15 PM

gopher321: bdub77: When police arrived at the Coliseum Mobile Homes in Odessa, Texas, they heard a horrible commotion.  The thin layer of plywood and insulation was not enough to contain the sound of it-a distinct repetitive thud, as if someone used their palm to mute a xylophone bar and then struck it over and over again.  A sound that, as those who have heard it will swear, attaches to your soul forever like a leech.

Please, for the love of God, do not attempt to write a novel. You are not the next Ernest Hemingway.

The night was moist...


fap
 
2014-05-27 12:56:15 PM
Only Chuck Norris can prevent teen pregnancy.
 
2014-05-27 12:57:50 PM
Even Chuck Norris couldn't lift Odysseus' bed.
 
2014-05-27 01:04:37 PM
"When the eyes of the douchebag are upooooon you..."
 
2014-05-27 01:17:28 PM

gopher321: bdub77: When police arrived at the Coliseum Mobile Homes in Odessa, Texas, they heard a horrible commotion.  The thin layer of plywood and insulation was not enough to contain the sound of it-a distinct repetitive thud, as if someone used their palm to mute a xylophone bar and then struck it over and over again.  A sound that, as those who have heard it will swear, attaches to your soul forever like a leech.

Please, for the love of God, do not attempt to write a novel. You are not the next Ernest Hemingway.

The night was moist...


s.mcstatic.com
 
2014-05-27 01:28:45 PM
whitsblog.com
 
2014-05-27 02:04:02 PM
Wood eye! Oh wait, that's peg leg
 
2014-05-27 02:25:25 PM

TheGogmagog: gopher321: bdub77: When police arrived at the Coliseum Mobile Homes in Odessa, Texas, they heard a horrible commotion.  The thin layer of plywood and insulation was not enough to contain the sound of it-a distinct repetitive thud, as if someone used their palm to mute a xylophone bar and then struck it over and over again.  A sound that, as those who have heard it will swear, attaches to your soul forever like a leech.

Please, for the love of God, do not attempt to write a novel. You are not the next Ernest Hemingway.

The night was moist...

[s.mcstatic.com image 640x360]


SULTRY!
 
2014-05-27 02:51:36 PM
"My God! What on Earth are you doing with the furniture?"
 
2014-05-27 03:08:04 PM
Fun Fact: today is Vincent Prices AND Christopher Lees birthday
 
2014-05-27 03:10:34 PM
Let me guess, he was a hard up 22 year old virgin who hated women?
Wait, that was the other thread. I'm so easily confused...

Seriously, WTFark is wrong with people?!? I'm no angel and have my share of issues, but never did I even consider or conceive of writing something as atrocious as that!

The son in the article is almost as bad as the author; I hope he fell down a lot when the police caught him, and continues to stumble and fall his entire stay in prison.
 
2014-05-27 04:04:08 PM
Chuck Norris does not use a bed leg to hit his mother...the bed leg hit the mother per the wishes of Chuck Norris
 
2014-05-27 05:09:31 PM

capt.hollister: "A sound that, as those who have heard it will swear, attaches to your soul forever like a leech"

It's not the best imagery, but it isn't wrong either.


I agree.  My first job out of college was working for a navy lab, and that year there was a particularly brutal double-murder in a nearby town.  The investigators brought in a tape from an answering machine at the crime scene (yes...those used to use tape).  Somehow the machine was turned on and recorded the audio of the entire event, including a yappy dog barking the whole time.  They asked us to help them clean up the audio.  (the lab specialized in sonar recording and processing)

The murder was two people being bludgeoned to death by a baseball bat.  The audio was a few minutes of the sound of the farking dog barking, a couple people crying and pleading for their lives (at first), and the unmistakable sound of something hard smacking against something soft-ish over and over.  I'll never forget that sound.
 
2014-05-27 07:51:25 PM
1000 years of darkness indeed...
 
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