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(Daily Mail)   The 10 worst things you can do in a hotel, from talking on a cell phone during check in to denying after the fact that you ordered an XXX movie. Typical - you ponce in here expecting to be waited on hand and foot, while I'm trying to run a hotel here   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 35
    More: Interesting, concierges, 4PM  
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13745 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 May 2014 at 9:28 AM (26 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-05-26 09:49:48 AM  
5 votes:
#11 Trying to obtain 'full service' from the maids

static01.nyt.com
2014-05-26 10:26:57 AM  
3 votes:
Pro-tip:  If you ever go back to your room during the day to find that it's not made-up, but you wish it was, simply sit down for a leisurely dump.  That biatch will be along directly.
2014-05-26 10:02:44 AM  
3 votes:
5. Leaving your rubbish in the hallway
Room service trays are fine. 48 crushed beer cans, three pizza boxes, an empty mouthwash bottle, and what we're really hoping isn't a used condom? Not cool.



Leave them in front of someone else's door.  Problem solved.
2014-05-26 10:02:30 AM  
3 votes:
images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com
Nick Schaffer: What's this $110?
Hotel Clerk: Those are your in-room movies.
Nick Schaffer: No, I didn't watch any movies.
Hotel Clerk: Okay, let's see... Afro Whores.
Nick Schaffer: Afro Whores?
Hotel Clerk: You watched it... let's see... uh, 11 times.
Nick Schaffer: No, no, no...
Hotel Clerk: Afro Whores, 2:30. Afro Whores, 4 o'clock. Afro Whores, 5:30. It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes and then switched back over to Afro Whores.
Nick Schaffer: I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.
Hotel Clerk: This is not a record, sir.
Nick Schaffer: It... It's a delete.
Hotel Clerk: Okay, fine. How many times *did* you watch it?
Nick Schaffer: None! I didn't watch it!
Hotel Clerk: Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters... "
Nick Schaffer: [screaming] I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it! I didn't.
[hotel clerk raises her eyebrows]
2014-05-26 08:48:29 PM  
2 votes:
I don't know why you would deny watching a XXX movie, it doesn't even have real porn.

whatculture.com

/he was better in Pitch Black anyway
2014-05-26 11:12:57 AM  
2 votes:

Clemkadidlefark: What's a Concierge?


not sure.. maybe ask jeeves?
2014-05-26 10:11:11 AM  
2 votes:

OtherLittleGuy: texdent: Delta1212: nulluspixiusdemonica: " you ponce in here expecting to be waited on hand and foot "

When did ponce get the verb upgrade?

All nouns have become verbs, all adjectives have become nouns and the verbs have all been shot.

What about adverbs?

Lolly has them.


i291.photobucket.com
2014-05-26 10:04:54 AM  
2 votes:

texdent: Delta1212: nulluspixiusdemonica: " you ponce in here expecting to be waited on hand and foot "

When did ponce get the verb upgrade?

All nouns have become verbs, all adjectives have become nouns and the verbs have all been shot.

What about adverbs?


Lolly has them.
2014-05-26 09:54:53 AM  
2 votes:
So it is OK to use the sewing kit to sew the sheets to the drapes.
2014-05-26 09:13:55 AM  
2 votes:

texdent: As someone who has worked in hotels before, yes don't talk on your cell while checking in! We need information from you


Sometimes that information is not readily available though.

"No, no.  I'm at the hotel now.  Did you book us under Mr & Mrs Smith or was it Jones?   Oh, and can I have your credit card number, if I use mine my wife will ask questions"
2014-05-26 08:46:16 PM  
1 votes:

imfallen_angel: Clemkadidlefark: What's a Concierge?

The guy that bangs your mother and/or girlfriend and/or your wife while you go get drunk at the bar alone.


Travelling with your mother, your wife,  and your girlfriend on the same trip? You're a braver man than I, sir.
2014-05-26 12:16:35 PM  
1 votes:
I worked for a company that provided movies, video games and non theatricals(porn) to hotels. Front desk staff would call and ask if they could remove Backdoor sluts 9 from the bill and we'd say, yes you can but  57 minutes of it appeared on their tv which was powered on so we're still charging your hotel.

Average view time of a non theatrical? 8 minutes.
2014-05-26 12:16:35 PM  
1 votes:
On PPV Videos at checkout - "and did you enjoy "Cock-Mongers"?" Robert Schimmel - RIP
2014-05-26 11:37:11 AM  
1 votes:

Clemkadidlefark: What's a Concierge?


The guy that gets you whores in nice hotels. Motel 6 calls that the pimp round back yo.
2014-05-26 11:10:39 AM  
1 votes:
images2.static-bluray.com
2014-05-26 11:02:54 AM  
1 votes:

Clemkadidlefark: What's a Concierge?


There's this thing called Google.
2014-05-26 11:00:28 AM  
1 votes:
What's a Concierge?
2014-05-26 10:51:35 AM  
1 votes:

FormlessOne: Conversely, a list for hotels:

1. Actually have staff willing to do their jobs. Porters that refuse to help with luggage, coupled with cleaning staff that can't make a bed, is a waste of time.
2. Actually have a concierge capable of the job. A concierge that doesn't know anything about the area, or cops an attitude when asked basic questions, is a waste of time.
3. Fix problems before guests encounter them. Good hotels ensure that the remote's checked - bad hotels lose the friggin' remote and try to charge you for it.
4. Handle criticism well. Don't blow off bad reviews on Yelp, or angry customers, because, hey, fark them, right?
5. Provide adequate waste facilities. A table for trays and a wastebasket larger than a helmet ensures that the hall doesn't fill up with trash because there's no place in the room to place it.
6. Stop stealing my stuff. Sure, I may have misplaced that $2.00 plastic card used to get into my room, but your staff certainly didn't - half my wardrobe didn't get up and walk off by itself.
7. Actually ensure that what's ordered for room service shows up. I've been in more than one hotel where the order's not just wrong, but for the wrong room, and the hotel still tried to charge us for it.
8. I'll stop denying "adult features" when you stop denying bedbugs. I'm tired of hosting your guests in my house after a trip. You pay for cleaning & fumigation, I'll pay for Big Booty Bombshells 3. Deal?
9. Ensure that my room's ready on check-in. There's nothing worse than standing in the lobby, with my luggage, for an hour while you hurriedly mop up jizz after the last "guest".
10. Likewise. When I'm checking in, stop answering the goddamned phone and complete the process - check-in shouldn't take 45 minutes because you have better things to do.




I love the Yelp reviews where people complain about the weather.
2014-05-26 10:42:31 AM  
1 votes:
Excuse me, I need to check my mail in another browser. I'll comment on this thread in juuuust a moment...
2014-05-26 10:41:38 AM  
1 votes:

Delta1212: All nouns have become verbs, all adjectives have become nouns and the verbs have all been shot.


Or, rather, all nouns have verbed, all adjectives are nounly, and the verbs have ceased to be!

< grinds teeth >

As for hotel behavior, where is making the bathroom floor about six inches deep with soap bars, vomit, and grapefruit rinds, mixed with broken glass?  What about leaving the rug so thick with marijuana seeds that it appears to be turning green? Or  creating a general back-alley ambience so rotten, so incredibly foul, that you could probably get away with claiming it was some kind of 'Life-slice exhibit' brought down from Haight Street, to show cops from other parts of the country how deep into filth and degeneracy the drug people will sink, if left to their own devices?

'cuz *that's* living!
2014-05-26 10:33:53 AM  
1 votes:
But as far as being on the phone while at other places, such as the store when you're checking in. I don't talk much to the customer anyways while I'm dealing with their groceries aside from some small talk, but I want them to at least pay attention. The other day I had this one guy who on the phone the entire time and when everything was done, he walked away without his cart. I had to call after him to return
2014-05-26 10:30:39 AM  
1 votes:

lindalouwho: texdent: DrBrownCow: texdent: As someone who has worked in hotels before, yes don't talk on your cell while checking in! We need information from you

OK, just as soon as the front desk workers stop answering the phone when I'm trying to check in.

/I don't really talk on the phone during transactions.

That really can't be helped especially if you're the only one at the front desk and the hotels I've worked at want you to get the phone by the third ring.

"Would you please hold? I have a customer in front of me who I'm in the process of checking in/out."


"No! I'm more important! I'm ON THE PHONE!!"

/damned either way
2014-05-26 10:27:29 AM  
1 votes:

texdent: DrBrownCow: texdent: As someone who has worked in hotels before, yes don't talk on your cell while checking in! We need information from you

OK, just as soon as the front desk workers stop answering the phone when I'm trying to check in.

/I don't really talk on the phone during transactions.

That really can't be helped especially if you're the only one at the front desk and the hotels I've worked at want you to get the phone by the third ring.


"But I'm more important! I'm VISIBLE!!!"
2014-05-26 10:22:17 AM  
1 votes:
I have a friend who is a travel agent who travels all over the world all the time.

He was in a Marriot in DC and noticed a cigarette butt on the table next to the elevator.

He saw it there the next day and took a pic of it and posted it on Marriots forum.

The next day it was still there so he placed a spoon next to it, and posted another pic.

He was in DC for about 8 days, so for 8 days he kept adding items, receipts, and orange peel, and kept posting them.

Marriot club members were responding him and calling him an asshole and all sorts of names.

However, when he got home to Bogota, there was a package from Marriot.  It was a video camera with a letter thanking him for his work and the hotel staff had been instructed on how they hotel should be cleaned, and they asked him to bring the video camera with him whenever he stayed in one of their properties so he could post videos on their hotels failings with his funny commentaries.
2014-05-26 10:14:49 AM  
1 votes:

texdent: Delta1212: nulluspixiusdemonica: " you ponce in here expecting to be waited on hand and foot "

When did ponce get the verb upgrade?

All nouns have become verbs, all adjectives have become nouns and the verbs have all been shot.

What about adverbs?


These days, I prefer gerunding instead.
2014-05-26 10:08:45 AM  
1 votes:
you ponce in here


img1.wikia.nocookie.net

"Hai guyz ... what's going on in this thread?"
2014-05-26 09:59:23 AM  
1 votes:

great_tigers: Last shaved my balls a few trips back as soon as I got into the room. Then discovered a very slow drain in the shower. The cleaning staff must have been pissed.

Let's make that #11.


wife and I went completely bald on our honeymoon.. in the in room hottub. ..yeah.. bad idea apparently
2014-05-26 09:54:09 AM  
1 votes:

Delta1212: nulluspixiusdemonica: " you ponce in here expecting to be waited on hand and foot "

When did ponce get the verb upgrade?

All nouns have become verbs, all adjectives have become nouns and the verbs have all been shot.


Aaand favorited!
2014-05-26 09:52:02 AM  
1 votes:
I normally check in and replace all the light bulbs I can with black light bulbs.  Then I connect a few strobe lights, placing them strategically in the room.  Then comes the fog machine - running full blast.

If you want to bring a few large potted plants and have jungle noises playing repeatedly (but not full blast), feel free.  I would not suggest bringing a chimpanzee to scare the daylights out of housekeeping when they come to clean.  That is going too far.

/better when done in a long-term stay hotel
//best when done in one of the residential hotels with LARGE rooms
2014-05-26 09:40:00 AM  
1 votes:
Is this another one of those articles/threads where minimum wageslaves bravely tell their paying customers how best to offer up their patronage via internet rants *after* an impotent encounter?  Ok then.

/I should tip 30% at least, right?
2014-05-26 09:37:06 AM  
1 votes:

Gunderson: I guess accidentally killing the hooker in the bathroom doesn't rate high enough.


Also, shooting yourself in the head and getting brain matter on the mirror will usually get you kicked out of the place


then why bother giving me a "please do not disturb" door hangar?
2014-05-26 09:34:58 AM  
1 votes:
I guess accidentally killing the hooker in the bathroom doesn't rate high enough.


Also, shooting yourself in the head and getting brain matter on the mirror will usually get you kicked out of the place
2014-05-26 09:33:53 AM  
1 votes:
" you ponce in here expecting to be waited on hand and foot "

When did ponce get the verb upgrade?
2014-05-26 08:35:34 AM  
1 votes:
Don't mention the war.
2014-05-26 08:23:54 AM  
1 votes:
Behaayyve.
 
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