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(Marketwatch)   Fancy lavish weddings are getting too expensive. For guests   (marketwatch.com ) divider line
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2749 clicks; posted to Business » on 25 May 2014 at 2:58 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-05-25 02:07:20 PM  
or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels
 
2014-05-25 02:43:16 PM  

namatad: or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels fondue pot


I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.

If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way.  Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.
 
2014-05-25 03:09:32 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way. Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.


Tell that to my brother, who is getting married in Mexico next weekend.
 
2014-05-25 03:12:15 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: namatad: or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels fondue pot

I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.

If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way.  Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.


I can see having the dinner paid for by the couple getting married. But; I can also see letting the guests pay for the booze that they, personally, consume. Excluding, of course, the Champagne for the toast.

Wedding get really expensive, really quick. And, I don't really mind if the bride and groom put most the cost of the booze on the attendees.

But, then, I come from a family of Irish Catholics. The last family wedding reception that I attended floated 4 kegs in about an hour and a half.
 
2014-05-25 03:14:43 PM  
Exotic wedding?  I'll send a gift.  I'm not spending my vacation money/time this year on a trip to your wedding.
 
2014-05-25 03:18:46 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: namatad: or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels fondue pot

I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.

If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way.  Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.


So you get somebody useless instead of something useful?  That's nice.  I'm surprised the custom hasn't changed more considering so many people are living on their own for a long time and cohabitating before getting hitched and already have so much of the household stuff.
 
2014-05-25 03:20:24 PM  
Weddings can be fun, but seriously, I'd rather see a simple ceremony and know that they were putting their money towards a home/car/etc. than a massive destination wedding that inconveniences everyone else.
 
2014-05-25 03:29:32 PM  

12349876: Benevolent Misanthrope: namatad: or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels fondue pot

I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.

If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way.  Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.

So you get somebody useless instead of something useful?  That's nice.  I'm surprised the custom hasn't changed more considering so many people are living on their own for a long time and cohabitating before getting hitched and already have so much of the household stuff.


When someone invites me to something with the  expectation of a gift, you're damn right I play them.  It's rude.
 
2014-05-25 03:33:26 PM  
i62.tinypic.com
 
2014-05-25 03:36:18 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: 12349876: Benevolent Misanthrope: namatad: or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels fondue pot

I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.

If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way.  Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.

So you get somebody useless instead of something useful?  That's nice.  I'm surprised the custom hasn't changed more considering so many people are living on their own for a long time and cohabitating before getting hitched and already have so much of the household stuff.

When someone invites me to something with the  expectation of a gift, you're damn right I play them.  It's rude.


Just don't effin go. Not everyone gave me a gift for my wedding. I didn't care. I just wanted them to come and have some fun and some drinks.... which I paid for. And how in the world do you expect them to pay for everyone's plane ticket? You're invited. Come if you can, and if not it's completely understandable. Don't send garbage because you don't understand how humane interaction works.
 
2014-05-25 03:38:39 PM  
I just hate it when a bride invites me to multiple showers.

For example, before our wedding I had one engagement dinner thrown by my co-workers (no gifts), one shower and one engagement party (no gifts, just dinner). Our wedding catering was $250 pp and included elegant hors d'oeuvres (salad nicoise bites, beef carpaccio, lump crabcakes), soup, salad, the guest's choice of filet mignon or halibut, wedding cake and a dessert buffet. Favors were full bottles of wine. We also invited everyone to the rehearsal dinner, had welcome baskets for traveling guests (Garrett's popcorn, waters, chocolates, nuts, etc.) waiting in their hotel rooms, and invited everyone to a brunch the morning after.

Basically, we recognized that our guests were spending money on us so we made sure that we hosted meals throughout our wedding weekend and that everyone ate well.

In contrast, my husband's obnoxious friend got married later that same summer. His tacky bride had SIX showers and invited me to three of them. I had to give her three gifts in addition to a wedding present. My husband was in the wedding party, so he had to pony up cash for a tux rental (he has a nicer tux, but everyone's tuxes had to match) and for the bachelor party. Never mind that this dude didn't chip in for my husband's bachelor party and he had to pay for it himself. Our invitations stated black-tie optional because we didn't want people to feel pressured about buying a new outfit. Theirs stated black-tie.

The kicker? Their venue was not nearly as nice, and they served chicken as the entree. It's one thing to throw a wedding on a budget, but it's another to EXPECT people to spend $1,000 to attend your wedding and then serve your guests chicken.
 
2014-05-25 03:39:58 PM  
picturescrazy: don't understand how humane human interaction works.

FTFM
 
2014-05-25 03:42:05 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: 12349876: Benevolent Misanthrope: namatad: or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels fondue pot

I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.

If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way.  Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.

So you get somebody useless instead of something useful?  That's nice.  I'm surprised the custom hasn't changed more considering so many people are living on their own for a long time and cohabitating before getting hitched and already have so much of the household stuff.

When someone invites me to something with the  expectation of a gift, you're damn right I play them.  It's rude.


Distinguish between traditional idea of a wedding - two young people leaving their families and setting up their own home - and later life weddings.

With the first, parents put on a pissup and the guests brought things to help the newlyweds set up their new household. And the expectation that this was reciprocated.

In that situation I don't have a problem with an uneven contribution - give them what I can afford, based on how connected I am to them

.
 
2014-05-25 03:49:08 PM  
The sad thing is, odds are high that the folks will separate/divorce. My unproven (too lazy to research) observation is the more lavish/exotic the wedding (and pre-wedding activities), the more likely the couple won't be together in 5-10 years. Perhaps because the unrestrained expenditures do not prepare one for the reality of marital finances, and finances are the top reason marriages dissolve.
 
2014-05-25 04:05:02 PM  
It's only really the years between say, 25 and 35 that are that wedding intensive. I doubt I've been to one in 15 years or so. Feel free to skip 75% of your college friends weddings cause in 5 years the only place you'll ever hear from them is on the computer anyway. So unless you have a big family they are easy to avoid. Staying single yourself helps as well, singletons NEVER get asked to be in the wedding party, so you can just show up and drink.
 
2014-05-25 04:06:24 PM  
Couples throwing a wedding spent $220 per guest on food and entertainment in 2013

That is insanity.   So are wedding guests supposed to spend $500 as a gift?

Years ago a wedding gifts were supposed to help the bride and groom start their new lives together.  Now it seems that the gifts don't come close to the cost of the wedding and newlyweds are instead burdened by the debt of their big day.
 
2014-05-25 04:26:29 PM  
For our wedding we tried doing a 'no gift' wedding.  She had already moved in with me and we had 3 of most things and were paring stuff down.  (No, we don't need another damned toaster).

We spent about $5,000 on the wedding for around 50 people.  None of our gifts were over $50 or so that I can think of.  We had a maid of honor and a best man so they could wear whatever they wanted and didn't have to get some stupid looking dress/suit that they'd never be able to wear again.  The wedding and the reception were at the same place, and the entire thing lasted about 4 hours, so people weren't stuck with us all day.

Everyone said they had a good time and it worked out.  We paid for it so we didn't have any relative interference or BS.  I printed the invitations on my laser printer.

A cousin of my wife's had an even lower budget wedding.  Her dress cost $30 off the rack, (yes, thirty bucks), and they had use of a gazebo somewhere for an hour for free and then they went back to the family property and the family cooked the food.  It was under $1000.

If you want to spend the big bucks more power to you.  But there is a lot less drama when you keep it simple.
 
2014-05-25 04:35:34 PM  

MintyBurns: I just hate it when a bride invites me to multiple showers.

For example, before our wedding I had one engagement dinner thrown by my co-workers (no gifts), one shower and one engagement party (no gifts, just dinner). Our wedding catering was $250 pp and included elegant hors d'oeuvres (salad nicoise bites, beef carpaccio, lump crabcakes), soup, salad, the guest's choice of filet mignon or halibut, wedding cake and a dessert buffet. Favors were full bottles of wine. We also invited everyone to the rehearsal dinner, had welcome baskets for traveling guests (Garrett's popcorn, waters, chocolates, nuts, etc.) waiting in their hotel rooms, and invited everyone to a brunch the morning after.

Basically, we recognized that our guests were spending money on us so we made sure that we hosted meals throughout our wedding weekend and that everyone ate well.

In contrast, my husband's obnoxious friend got married later that same summer. His tacky bride had SIX showers and invited me to three of them. I had to give her three gifts in addition to a wedding present. My husband was in the wedding party, so he had to pony up cash for a tux rental (he has a nicer tux, but everyone's tuxes had to match) and for the bachelor party. Never mind that this dude didn't chip in for my husband's bachelor party and he had to pay for it himself. Our invitations stated black-tie optional because we didn't want people to feel pressured about buying a new outfit. Theirs stated black-tie.

The kicker? Their venue was not nearly as nice, and they served chicken as the entree. It's one thing to throw a wedding on a budget, but it's another to EXPECT people to spend $1,000 to attend your wedding and then serve your guests chicken.


This post is the reason I remain, 30 married years later, glad that we agreed on a Friday afternoon to get married at the courthouse the following Monday morning
 
2014-05-25 04:47:01 PM  
if they can afford a wedding of that caliber should be able to afford their own crock pot
 
2014-05-25 04:55:12 PM  

MintyBurns: In contrast, my husband's obnoxious friend got married later that same summer. His tacky bride had SIX showers and invited me to three of them. I had to give her three gifts in addition to a wedding present. My husband was in the wedding party, so he had to pony up cash for a tux rental (he has a nicer tux, but everyone's tuxes had to match) and for the bachelor party. Never mind that this dude didn't chip in for my husband's bachelor party and he had to pay for it himself. Our invitations stated black-tie optional because we didn't want people to feel pressured about buying a new outfit. Theirs stated black-tie.


That is truly obnoxious, but you didn't have to go to every shower. Maybe I'm not going to the right weddings, but almost every one cost about the same for me to attend. I don't expect the couple to pay for me to get there or stay.
 
2014-05-25 05:11:10 PM  
My wedding was under $20k total, including all rings and the honeymoon to Aruba. And I thought even that much was crazy. Paring down a guest list when you are the type of person who always wants to invite everyone to everything is hard a hell.

I recently spent about $2000 on my friend's wedding. OK, so $1700 of that was for the bachelor party in Vegas, but still.
 
2014-05-25 05:27:05 PM  
Ugh just go get married by Elvis after blowing $5000 at a casino.  You'll still be ahead by like $20k.
 
2014-05-25 05:41:46 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.


As a manufacturer of moderately-priced fondue pots, I want to personally thank you for supporting my industry.
 
2014-05-25 05:42:52 PM  
As it turns out you can afford a hell of a wedding once your parents' generation has destroyed the housing market and the viability of retirement.
 
2014-05-25 05:58:38 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: namatad: or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels fondue pot

I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.

If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way.  Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.


As the recipient of a regifted crock pot, I salute you. My friends got three for their wedding, and I think I used one they let me have far more than they used the other two. Worked that sucker 'til the ceramic cracked, then buried the cracked ceramic pot in the yard as a planter.
 
2014-05-25 06:03:22 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: namatad: or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels fondue pot

I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.

If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way.  Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.


You continue to sound more and like a miserable human being, incapable of smiling or sharing joy with anyone.
 
2014-05-25 06:04:19 PM  

Nemo's Brother: Benevolent Misanthrope: namatad: or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels fondue pot

I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.

If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way.  Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.

You continue to sound more and like a miserable human being, incapable of smiling or sharing joy with anyone.


well, she IS a misanthrope.
 
2014-05-25 06:06:34 PM  
Could be worse.  We have a sort-of relative (she's my sister-in-law's cousin and mother to my cousin's first kid) who has been married three or four times now.  (She's farking 32.)  She has had a wedding shower every time, and every time it's been a greenback shower.  And I'm pretty sure she's expected gifts at each wedding too.  She's that sort of special.

At this point, pretty much everyone who's not part of her immediate family has said "fark her" in one way or another.
 
2014-05-25 06:25:09 PM  
I was just happy that people took the time out of their lives to come to my wedding.  I'm still happy that the people who really mattered to me were able to come, albeit some of them late and with hip waders on.  The wedding photo is fabulous by the way, I wouldn't replace it with a wall of people in tuxedos and fancy dresses.  Of course it was an ultra cheap and small wedding where still nothing went right, it was perfect.

If your guests are not your friends, don't invite them.  Treat your guests like you would your friends.  Don't go into it expecting your friends to help cover costs because they're doing you a favor by being there. It's easy and drama free.
 
2014-05-25 06:28:53 PM  
My wedding was awesome.

Married in a garden, so we didn't buy flowers.  Spent $900 on the venue.

Spent $30 on the dress.  Spent maybe another $100 on a lace shrug and shoes.

Spent most of the money on the food.  The reception was in the same area as the ceremony.  Had cake, champagne, figs, cheese, bread and home made booze.  Whole foods caters for cheap.

No showers.  We invited all our friends bowling the weekend before.  We had breakfast with the whole family the day before, and then with individual members of the family for the next week.  We went to a water park for the honeymoon.

Music provided by an iPod and a little $60 portable speaker.

Got it done for $5000, including rings and honeymoon.  Had family and friends tell us it was the best wedding ever.  Remember, nobody remembers what they wore or what you said, they remember the stress, the company, and the food.  Spend money on that and a decent photographer.
 
2014-05-25 06:29:44 PM  
Had my wedding in Vegas. Cheap, fun and everyone that came treated it like a vacation. We ended up spending like 2k total.
 
2014-05-25 06:39:35 PM  

picturescrazy: Benevolent Misanthrope: 12349876: Benevolent Misanthrope: namatad: or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels fondue pot

I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.

If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way.  Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.

So you get somebody useless instead of something useful?  That's nice.  I'm surprised the custom hasn't changed more considering so many people are living on their own for a long time and cohabitating before getting hitched and already have so much of the household stuff.

When someone invites me to something with the  expectation of a gift, you're damn right I play them.  It's rude.

Just don't effin go. Not everyone gave me a gift for my wedding. I didn't care. I just wanted them to come and have some fun and some drinks.... which I paid for. And how in the world do you expect them to pay for everyone's plane ticket? You're invited. Come if you can, and if not it's completely understandable. Don't send garbage because you don't understand how humane interaction works.


Or......just have the wedding in the US and honeymoon elsewhere.  Since you want them to come and have fun, but know they can't afford the plane ticket.......
 
2014-05-25 06:43:54 PM  
I want people to come to my wedding and have fun.


I don't need a new toaster. However, there is really no way for me to politely decline gifts.  I'm also told that it is rude NOT to register, because then you expect people to give you cash.

I'll take the cash of course, but I wish people didn't feel obligated to give us a gift. We live together. We have all the stuff we need.

I'm not sure how to handle this, actually.
 
2014-05-25 06:50:42 PM  
My guests were expected to spend an average 0f $0 per guest, because I wasn't an asshole. I didn't demand gifts, didn't require them to fly anywhere, and didn't force other onerous expectations on them, because my guests were my friends and family.

I've no problem with the idea of guests providing brand-new, starting-out young couples with the things that they need to get a home up & running - but that assumes that the new couple is broke (or at least needs to drum up additional resources and household goods to ensure a good start.) That's why the tradition was started. The idea that anyone already with money would need guests to shell out over half a grand each, just to line the pockets of some greedy couple thinking that the purpose of the marriage was to have an "event wedding" at the expense of their families and friends, is wrong to me. It's a symbol of materialism in this country that weddings justify a "Monty Haul" attitude.
 
2014-05-25 06:52:27 PM  

what_now: I want people to come to my wedding and have fun.


I don't need a new toaster. However, there is really no way for me to politely decline gifts.  I'm also told that it is rude NOT to register, because then you expect people to give you cash.

I'll take the cash of course, but I wish people didn't feel obligated to give us a gift. We live together. We have all the stuff we need.

I'm not sure how to handle this, actually.


You could handle it the way we handled it 14 years ago - we told our guests, explicitly, that gifts were unnecessary. Some folks brought small cash gifts anyway, because they're still friends and family, but we emphasized that we wanted their company - their presence during our wedding was their gift to us.
 
2014-05-25 06:59:17 PM  

FormlessOne: what_now: I want people to come to my wedding and have fun.


I don't need a new toaster. However, there is really no way for me to politely decline gifts.  I'm also told that it is rude NOT to register, because then you expect people to give you cash.

I'll take the cash of course, but I wish people didn't feel obligated to give us a gift. We live together. We have all the stuff we need.

I'm not sure how to handle this, actually.

You could handle it the way we handled it 14 years ago - we told our guests, explicitly, that gifts were unnecessary. Some folks brought small cash gifts anyway, because they're still friends and family, but we emphasized that we wanted their company - their presence during our wedding was their gift to us.




That's fine for friends. Especially those that will fly in for the ceremony. But my relatives will complain.

Of course, their going to complain about the lack of bridesmaids, flowers, religion, and rings and they probably won't understand why my dress will be green.

But the food will be awesome and the bar will be open, which is all I care about.
 
2014-05-25 07:21:19 PM  
We just received a wedding invitation that had us laughing out loud. 27 days away...in Los Angeles because the precious snowflake bride thinks asking 165 people to fly from Texas to California is a cute "get away" for every one. She was even thoughtful enough to reserve a block of $200 a night rooms for everyone for 3 nights. Guests are expected to pay for those no less than 15 days before the wedding - this was noted on the invite with swirly hearts. Gifts can sent ahead via Fed Ex. Black tie only and please...no red or green dresses...the bride doesn't care for red & green.

Fark her and my nephew. They will be getting a $75 gift card to Lowes or Home Depot wrapped in giant whore red ribbon because I am a snarky biatch and I will not be wasting cash or time flying across the country for their foolishness.
 
2014-05-25 07:25:16 PM  
cdn1.sbnation.com
 
2014-05-25 07:36:23 PM  

Hoarseman: Weddings can be fun, but seriously, I'd rather see a simple ceremony and know that they were putting their money towards a home/car/etc. than a massive destination wedding that inconveniences everyone else.


Wife (fiancée at the time, obviously) and I flew to Mexico, partied a bit after a simple ceremony. Anybody that wanted to go to Mexico paid their own way.

When we got back we had a party. Couple of kegs, assorted sides, and a full pig roasted to perfection. Add in a DJ and a couple tents. Cheap party, lots of fun.
 
2014-05-25 07:42:37 PM  
If you're having a 'destination wedding' I take the hint that you only want close family to attend a small private ceremony and respond to the invitation accordingly.
 
2014-05-25 07:45:56 PM  

what_now: I want people to come to my wedding and have fun.


I don't need a new toaster. However, there is really no way for me to politely decline gifts.  I'm also told that it is rude NOT to register, because then you expect people to give you cash.

I'll take the cash of course, but I wish people didn't feel obligated to give us a gift. We live together. We have all the stuff we need.

I'm not sure how to handle this, actually.


Register for a lot of cheap gifts.
 
2014-05-25 07:47:43 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: namatad: or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels fondue pot

I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.

If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way.  Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.


There was the time a friend of ours refused to provide a wedding registry. He got over a dozen toasters. These toasters were all the same make, model and color. I dont think he's forgiven us yet.
 
2014-05-25 07:52:30 PM  
20 years ago, $11,000 total for 300+ people with food, open bar and a live band.

Works out to less than $18k in today's dollars.
 
2014-05-25 07:59:23 PM  

Elfich: Benevolent Misanthrope: namatad: or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels fondue pot

I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.

If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way.  Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.

There was the time a friend of ours refused to provide a wedding registry. He got over a dozen toasters. These toasters were all the same make, model and color. I dont think he's forgiven us yet.


I thought they were waffle irons.

And no, we haven't been forgiven.
 
2014-05-25 08:10:49 PM  
Clearly the TFA doesn't realize that the reason for a destination wedding, unless you're a celebrity, is because you want a small wedding but are obligated to invite lots of guests. The destination wedding allows you to invite all the relatives you really don't want but have to invite, while knowing that they won't come.

Either that, or most of your friends and family will have to travel anyway and so you've decided instead of making them travel to your boring podunk town, you'll go somewhere fun. In that case a destination wedding at an all inclusive resort in some tourist area with cheap flights can be the cheaper option for most of your guests.
 
2014-05-25 08:21:58 PM  
Well, I did not pay for guests airfare, but then neither were they required to come and we said "no gifts" on the invite, but plenty of people ASKED our parents, so we had to give a short list, like most, we'd been living together for years by the time we got hitched.

But we had about 70 people come, mostly family, a smattering of good friends - the entire event cost just over $12K but that was because I decided that we had to have live music, and I was willing to pay for it., we also had a premium setup for Margaritas, a keg of beer, wine and champagne.

Catering the meal was probably the most expensive as we hired a tent and such as well - outdoor event and in case of rain we needed a roof - best of all, we needed it as sun shade!

And while it seems like we spent a lot, compared to some of the lavish weddings, we were pikers.  And yea, we paid it ourselves.

I see nothing wrong with spending less money on the wedding these days.  Much better to use the money for something that has perhaps a longer lifespan - down payment on house comes immediately to mind.
 
2014-05-25 08:43:35 PM  

what_now: I'll take the cash of course, but I wish people didn't feel obligated to give us a gift. We live together. We have all the stuff we need.

I'm not sure how to handle this, actually.


I'm handling it by registering for nicer stuff than we already have and/or "fun" stuff even though I'd probably prefer either cash or nothing. I think people understand that a gift is appreciated, but not required. If people feel as though I am unfairly burdening them by inviting them to be a part of my wedding, that's their problem. Not mine.

If someone thinks that I'm gonna do a 180 and start expecting shiat from them other than friendship just because I'm getting married, then maybe they shouldn't bother coming at all.

That said, I wouldn't realize that was a realistic concern if I didn't go on Fark. This place's attitude towards weddings is poisonous. I feel like some of you people would expect me to apologize for having mine in a nice venue.
 
2014-05-25 08:47:46 PM  
My dad and I offered one sibling a full wedding in Vegas but no - his wife insisted in a full on fark'n catholic wedding which tortured everyone and cost a fark'n fortune. Fortunately my other sibling took the offer which only cost us 5k and involved less drama. Guess which sibling hasn't been near divorce at least three times now?

/getting married sometime this year - not inviting anyone
 
2014-05-25 08:51:59 PM  

soze: Elfich: Benevolent Misanthrope: namatad: or you can just not go and send them a nice set of towels fondue pot

I swear, in cases where someone expects me to spend money on their party, I politely decline and try to think of a traditional wedding gift for about $50 that they'll never use.  The electric fondue pot is my current favourite.  I do sometimes give a crock pot, since I know they'll get at least 4.  Those are for people who don't cook.  For those that do, I'll send cheap knives.

If you invite someone to a party, the implication is that you as the host pay their way.  Asking them to pay for their share of anything - and especially a flight - is beyond the pale.

There was the time a friend of ours refused to provide a wedding registry. He got over a dozen toasters. These toasters were all the same make, model and color. I dont think he's forgiven us yet.

I thought they were waffle irons.

And no, we haven't been forgiven.


Oh yes - the fun I've had with bridal registries.  Again - I'm not talking about my best friend.  I'm talking about people I'm not that close to inviting me and expecting a gift - as a amateur of fact, inviting me for the sole purpose of receiving a gift.  Never expect a gift, even for a wedding.
 
2014-05-25 08:53:02 PM  
amateur?  WTF autocorrect?
 
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