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(Huffington Post)   The Book of Hammer, chapter one, verse one: "And the Lord did say, give that skateboarding kid a beatdown"   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 37
    More: Dumbass, KABC-TV, higher power, Rancho Santa Margarita, verses, unified school district  
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4252 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 May 2014 at 5:22 PM (14 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



37 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-05-23 12:51:23 PM
Kid misperformed an ollie. He's lucky that the bees didn't get him.
 
2014-05-23 01:49:04 PM
What a wacko. He needs to be locked up in the loony bin, and he definitely shouldn't be anywhere near a school.
 
2014-05-23 02:11:55 PM
I'll just drop this here.

I wanted to make a full blown ani-gif from this but:
1) There are too many discontinuities in the scene and
2) The fark image size limit guarantees that nobody could post it.
3) I'm actually at work and have to look busy.
 
2014-05-23 02:31:58 PM
Hammer 1:1: U Can't Touch This.
 
2014-05-23 02:49:42 PM
Please, Hammer, don't hurt 'em!
 
2014-05-23 03:13:14 PM
By Odin's beard!
 
2014-05-23 03:14:31 PM
I was a little perplexed by the grand theft charge because the skateboard didn't seem like it would be that valuable, but
apparently California law says grand theft applies if you take something directly from somebody.
 
2014-05-23 05:28:25 PM
Just be glad he didn't summon the bears.
 
2014-05-23 05:28:33 PM
The little shiat probably deserved it.
 
2014-05-23 05:28:47 PM

JerseyTim: Please, Hammer, don't hurt 'em!


came for this
 
2014-05-23 05:28:50 PM
Never fark with Hammer.
tikiloungetalk.com
 
2014-05-23 05:30:48 PM
They should have gotten off his lawn.

/wish the video showed what caused this
 
2014-05-23 05:33:05 PM
img3.wikia.nocookie.net
(obvious caption goes here)
 
2014-05-23 05:33:30 PM
He was about to layeth the smacketh down.
 
2014-05-23 05:35:03 PM
he was trying to prevent the boys from what he considered to be serious danger.

Which is why the first thing he does is push the kid off the board and into the street.
 
2014-05-23 05:35:41 PM
What God said to him:

img2.joyreactor.com
 
2014-05-23 05:36:54 PM
Looks like he tried to give the "higher power" the skateboard, but it declined.

/second try always works
 
2014-05-23 05:41:10 PM

jigger: Never fark with Hammer.
[tikiloungetalk.com image 346x400]


i51.photobucket.com
 
2014-05-23 05:48:59 PM
I was wondering how it could be grand theft.  According to Wiki Cali law calls it grand theft "when the property is taken from the person of another."

My brother would have been in jail for stealing my french fries.
 
2014-05-23 05:53:52 PM

CruJones: They should have gotten off his lawn.

/wish the video showed what caused this


Nothing caused it.

-Kids were grinding on the curb
-Douche-y McDouchepants walks by
-Doesn't like the kids skating on the sidewalk
-Commits Grand Theft and threatens bodily harm with the stolen skateboard

i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-05-23 06:12:53 PM
FTFA: "Honestly, have you ever been grabbed by the Lord in a way you never thought you would or you could?"

I thought the lord let his employees do all the grabbing.
 
2014-05-23 06:22:21 PM
Typical fundie jackwad trying to use the Bible as an alibi to be a horrid excuse for a biped.
 
2014-05-23 06:25:21 PM

puckrock2000: jigger: Never fark with Hammer.
[tikiloungetalk.com image 346x400]

[i51.photobucket.com image 360x390]


I'm glad to see SOMEone else here knows that there a world that existed before 1990.
 
2014-05-23 06:43:01 PM

jigger: Never fark with Hammer.
[tikiloungetalk.com image 346x400]


ondemandweekly.com
 
2014-05-23 06:46:29 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-05-23 06:50:10 PM
The Lord grabbed him by both moobs to get his attention and said "Verily I say unto thee..."
 
2014-05-23 07:02:31 PM

ArkAngel: I was a little perplexed by the grand theft charge because the skateboard didn't seem like it would be that valuable, but
apparently California law says grand theft applies if you take something directly from somebody.


Yeah - what he did was basically strongarm robbery - and in Cali, that's grand theft at a minimum - he's way lucky he didn't hurt the kid in any way.
 
2014-05-23 07:14:05 PM

jso2897: ArkAngel: I was a little perplexed by the grand theft charge because the skateboard didn't seem like it would be that valuable, but
apparently California law says grand theft applies if you take something directly from somebody.

Yeah - what he did was basically strongarm robbery - and in Cali, that's grand theft at a minimum - he's way lucky he didn't hurt the kid in any way.


So if he had grabbed the board when the kid wasn't on it, it would have been a misdemeanor?
 
2014-05-23 07:26:21 PM
and lo I shall read from Leviticus 2:12.  And the lord sayeth listen to me and the man said ok.  and the man paused and listened but nothing happened so the man cleareth his throat because maybe he got another call or something but then the lordeth then sayeth "you still there" and the man quoth yup.

So the lord proclaimed that there shall be no backside fakies, rail grinders, or goofyfoots.  That those that lay with kickflip or partake of the half pipe shall be smitten with the instrument of their sin.
 
2014-05-23 08:32:51 PM

JerseyTim: Please, Hammer, don't hurt 'em!


Came for this leaving before someone breaks out a pair of Harem pants.
 
2014-05-23 08:40:49 PM
Good to see Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is keeping himself busy while in rehab for his Crack habit.  Cracker ass Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, you crack me up, you asshole.
 
2014-05-23 08:43:05 PM
I"m not positive what "being grabbed by the lord" would be like, but I suspect it might not be a whole lot different from "being pushed by a big fat guy who takes your skate board and swings it at you".
 
2014-05-23 09:15:02 PM
Some kidnapped girls in Nigeria desperately need the Lord's aid, but He's too busy possessing some fat fark in an anti-skateboard rage to help.

Sorry, girls. Maybe next time be white or something.
 
2014-05-23 10:17:11 PM

ArkAngel: I was a little perplexed by the grand theft charge because the skateboard didn't seem like it would be that valuable, but
apparently California law says grand theft applies if you take something directly from somebody.


If you shove someone and then yoink something away that can also be called "using violence", potentially making the charge into felony "strongarm robbery", instead of petty theft.
 
2014-05-23 10:49:54 PM
He can practice throwing imaginary skateboards in prison.Lucky he wasn't in a more urban area, I'd vote for the kid getting stabby.
 
2014-05-24 06:22:23 AM

ArkAngel: I was a little perplexed by the grand theft charge because the skateboard didn't seem like it would be that valuable, but
apparently California law says grand theft applies if you take something directly from somebody.


any criminal record with the words " grand theft" in it are guaranteed to f**k up one's chances for future employment....

/ sounds rather extreme to me.
// if someone, say, did that to my ipod or cellphone, i'd want compensation, but i wouldn't want their lives ruined....
 
2014-05-24 09:54:04 AM
If I were god I would be pretty ticked off about all this shiat being done allegedly in My name...
 
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