FARK.com: (827122) Man jumps off balcony, impales groin on tree. Will now have hard time getting morning wood

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(Herald Sun)		Man jumps off balcony, impales groin on tree. Will now have hard time getting morning wood (heraldsun.news.com.au)		63
		More: Dumbass

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11160 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Feb 2004 at 11:39 PM | Favorite | share:

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IamGod2u		2004-02-09 06:36:59 PM

I thought it said Dandydong Hospital the first time.

Quick1		2004-02-09 08:15:14 PM

Ow. Ow. OW.

Cloudz641		2004-02-09 09:13:31 PM

Ugh... I cringe at the prospect of getting my groin impaled. Ouch.

Peaceboy		2004-02-09 11:05:06 PM

"He was very lucky because the branch did not hit any of his major internal organs"

I'm sure he was counting his blessings the whole time he hung from the tree by the wangsocket.

Also... we had "Melbourne", "football", "balcony" and "1am", yet the word "alcohol" was conspicuously absent from that article.

NotSoSuperMan		2004-02-09 11:42:10 PM

Why would you add this after a boobies link? WHY?!
Its like "Hey, get really turned on... now feel like someone kicked you in the nuts."

On another note, am I the only one who cant get msn messenger to work tonight? Or am I the only farker who uses MSN messenger?

Golem		2004-02-09 11:42:31 PM

well thats a pain in the ...

Cheesus		2004-02-09 11:44:56 PM

NotSoSuperMan: MSN looks like it's been down for a while.

And I hate getting mental images when I read things. Ow.

skinink		2004-02-09 11:45:41 PM

This isn't even the half of it. For the next month, he'll be pissing splinters.

I heard he landed in a tree full of acorns. Shows you that the guy was clearly nuts.

21-7-b		2004-02-09 11:46:26 PM

where are the naked farkettes in this link

Iis		2004-02-09 11:48:20 PM

ha ha ha, or should I say, he he he....

CanadianCommie		2004-02-09 11:49:49 PM

....

/clutching testicles AS WE SPEAK

rickythepenguin		2004-02-09 11:50:19 PM

I hear the hospital is now soliciting donors for the world's first taint transplant.

heh. I said "taint".

mondestrunken		2004-02-09 11:50:45 PM

Well that's one article I'm definitely not reading...

had_fieldy		2004-02-09 11:52:11 PM

Right in the gooch

Cpu_thrasher		2004-02-09 11:52:50 PM

AAAIIIEEEEEEEEEE!

Muta		2004-02-09 11:52:54 PM

He'll think twice before doing that again.

Chariset		2004-02-09 11:53:03 PM

Isn't it good, Australian wood...

*runs for dear life*

farfromhome		2004-02-09 11:53:07 PM

even though i am female i cringed when i read this line...
"The man had surgery to remove the branch ".......remove the BRANCH? heard it called lots of things but never BRANCH.....

Smile for the Stalker		2004-02-09 11:53:27 PM

shudder....oh, that poor, poor dumbass. i cant even think about this anymore.

Darcius		2004-02-09 11:54:40 PM

Holy farking shiat thats gotta hurt! I mean he had his groin IMPALED!

OW

devilsnight		2004-02-09 11:55:55 PM

Can he still procreate? I hope not; we have enough dumbasses as it is.

choob		2004-02-09 11:56:33 PM

Damn, I hate those straight-up-n-down slivers...

Xellchiri		2004-02-09 11:57:11 PM

MSN is as busted as this guy's nuts...

rickythepenguin		2004-02-09 11:58:40 PM

Isn't it good, Australian wood...

The funny part for me is I was going to make th exact joke you did, but I decided it was to pedestrian and beneath me. So instead, I made a "taint" joke. The world is a funny place.

Ever hear Cornershop's version? They sing it in Hindi or Sikh or whatever. It's essentially the exact same arrangment but in some type of Indian language. It's pretty cool, ol' Ricky gives it two flippers up.

McGriddle		2004-02-09 11:58:45 PM

Hmmm... a branch removed from his twig and berries...

IForgotMyPassword		2004-02-09 11:59:00 PM

As a fellow male all I can say is AAAArgh OW OW OW UUUUhh YOWZA

skinink		2004-02-09 11:59:37 PM

Want to see the most gruesome impaling ? Which is NSFW !?!!? See this on Snopes.com. True story, and it is a head impaling. I think in this case. I'd settle for the tree impaling.

choob		2004-02-10 12:00:32 AM

no.

kid_a		2004-02-10 12:05:01 AM

oh, rad, my msn's down too.

LondonDungeon		2004-02-10 12:05:08 AM

i'm female and that article made me cringe for a good solid 10 minutes.

MikeyFrigginK		2004-02-10 12:09:18 AM

I have never seen a story on Fark that almost caused me pain. I'll be walking around with my hand on my johnson for the rest of the evening. That's not really much different from the way I normally walk around so I doubt nobody here at work will care.

poprocksandsoda		2004-02-10 12:11:43 AM

Who cares about this article. Post more farkettes naked.

Sawabloom		2004-02-10 12:12:37 AM

NoSoSuperMan, messenger is still messed up. I'm glad I'm not the only one having problems. Still, according to the site, everything's operating normally!

Sawabloom		2004-02-10 12:13:14 AM

err...NotSoSuperMan. Sorry, dude...

Lucky the Dancing Irishman		2004-02-10 12:16:41 AM

I know a guy who got a stick in his ass, literally. His nickname was 2B (B=buttholes)

Darkbladedancer		2004-02-10 12:16:47 AM

skinink, I was already reeling from the original article, but man, that just made my nuts jump into my throat. The prospect of pissing splinters is NOT pleasant.

nich0lai		2004-02-10 12:17:33 AM

Hey MikeyFrigginK. Betcha this will cause ya to walk around with yer hand on your bum. Much pain.

http://www.snopes.com/photos/prolapse.asp

Definately NSFW!!!!! (or anything else really)

vassilistring		2004-02-10 12:18:43 AM

So is his junk ok?

DrBenway		2004-02-10 12:29:58 AM

STAND BACK! I'm groin to kill myself!

farfromhome		2004-02-10 12:35:22 AM

hey i am still shakin'........somehow it just doesn't seem right for lack of something better to say

Ouisch		2004-02-10 12:43:29 AM

Several years ago there was a story in our newspaper about this guy who died in a freak auto accident. He was driving on the freeway, when the truck in front of him hit a bump and lost part of its cargo. It was carrying bumper stock or something similar - long, sharp curved pieces of steel. Anyway, the guy drove over one of the pieces, which somehow managed to curve upwards through the floor and driver's seat of his car, pierce him through the groin and hit an artery. He bled to death before the paramedics could get him out of the car.

Hercules		2004-02-10 12:45:51 AM

Why doesn't this have the NSFI tag? Not Safe For Imagining.

If you're male, close your eyes and imagine falling down, seeing a big pointy branch below, and then having it go through your scrotum and your manhood.

Yeowwwwwwwwww!

Wake 'n Bake		2004-02-10 12:46:10 AM

Wow...I was in a good mood, and this ruined it.

spindly		2004-02-10 12:47:01 AM

ohhhhh, WTF was he thinking? Didn't he see the branch before he jumped. IDIOT

Boardhead01		2004-02-10 12:56:53 AM

WHERE IS OUR FARKING DARWIN TAG??!

self_made_hell		2004-02-10 01:06:00 AM

You'd all be doing yourselves a favor by not clicking on nich0lai's or Skinink's links. Curiousity gave the cat nightmares.

rickythepenguin		2004-02-10 01:07:43 AM

WHERE IS OUR FARKING DARWIN TAG??!

On one hand, the guy is alive, so Darwin seemingly wouldn't apply. On the other, it is possible that he actaully did remove his genes from the gene pool, so maybe Darwin would apply.

Judges? Can I get a ruling?

Boardhead01		2004-02-10 01:14:19 AM

You dont have to die to win a Darwin award. As long as you remove yourself from the gene pool you are eligible. Even if this particular guy is able to reproduce we still need a Darwin tag.