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(Metro)   "Hey, I've got a great idea: let's go diving and join the annual sardine run. You know, the one that attracts all the whales"   (metro.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Scary  
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8944 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 May 2014 at 9:57 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



48 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-05-20 07:48:01 PM  
Wow.
 
2014-05-20 09:18:55 PM  
Meh. It's been done.
newlywedlefebvres.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-05-20 09:58:35 PM  
dennisthevizsla.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-05-20 09:59:40 PM  
They are not the hell your whales.
 
2014-05-20 10:05:24 PM  
The grunions are running? Yea-haw! Jethro, run and fetch Granny from the C-mnt pond! We is goin' grunion fishing!
 
2014-05-20 10:08:21 PM  
Where's old Charley Darwin when we need him?
 
2014-05-20 10:13:35 PM  
Hey, I've got a great idea: let's take a five second video clip of a whale ascending with its mouth open, add in fifteen seconds of random shots of the bait ball, then add a minute of bookend ads and pop-overs that don't dismiss immediately when clicked off.

Then let's call it "diver nearly gets eaten by whale".

And host it on a site with more ads!
 
2014-05-20 10:14:40 PM  
Noah was swallowed by a fish, not a whale. Stupid article.
 
2014-05-20 10:18:16 PM  

Empty H: Noah was swallowed by a fish, not a whale. Stupid article.


Not sure if serious.
 
2014-05-20 10:18:29 PM  
media.veryfunnypics.eu
 
2014-05-20 10:18:59 PM  
Let's not and say we did.
 
2014-05-20 10:23:17 PM  
Incredible moment diver is "almost" swallowed by whale.

Blue whales (of which the Bryde's is a family member) cannot swallow anything larger than a beach ball. Many of these "eats lot of little fish or krill" whales have throat openings not much larger than a grapefruit.

So most likely a swimmer accidentally engulfed would be spat out.
 
2014-05-20 10:23:32 PM  
The incredible picture below was taken by the photographer, from Germany, ...

Whale and diver were in South Africa. That's some telephoto!
 
2014-05-20 10:29:04 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: Incredible moment diver is "almost" swallowed by whale.

Blue whales (of which the Bryde's is a family member) cannot swallow anything larger than a beach ball. Many of these "eats lot of little fish or krill" whales have throat openings not much larger than a grapefruit.

So most likely a swimmer accidentally engulfed would be spat out.


media.veryfunnypics.eu
 
2014-05-20 10:31:54 PM  
Don't put yourself on the wrong end of the all you can eat buffet. It will not end well.
 
2014-05-20 10:32:00 PM  
Almost swallowed? If the whale had wanted to swallow him, he would have been swallowed.
 
2014-05-20 10:32:19 PM  
Yeah, but has he made the sardine run in less than twelve parsecs?
 
2014-05-20 10:50:32 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: Incredible moment diver is "almost" swallowed by whale.

Blue whales (of which the Bryde's is a family member) cannot swallow anything larger than a beach ball. Many of these "eats lot of little fish or krill" whales have throat openings not much larger than a grapefruit.

So most likely a swimmer accidentally engulfed would be spat out.


orclover: Almost swallowed? If the whale had wanted to swallow him, he would have been swallowed.


Damn. You guys really know how to ruin a story with facts. Hush now.
 
2014-05-20 11:02:41 PM  

JoieD'Zen: ArcadianRefugee: Incredible moment diver is "almost" swallowed by whale.

Blue whales (of which the Bryde's is a family member) cannot swallow anything larger than a beach ball. Many of these "eats lot of little fish or krill" whales have throat openings not much larger than a grapefruit.

So most likely a swimmer accidentally engulfed would be spat out.

orclover: Almost swallowed? If the whale had wanted to swallow him, he would have been swallowed.

Damn. You guys really know how to ruin a story with facts. Hush now.


Surely you don't expect them to swallow this hook, line and sinker.
 
2014-05-20 11:05:46 PM  
Rainer Schimpf was observing the annual sardine run near Port Elizabeth, South Africa, when he came across the massive creature.

Maybe the whale thought he was a delicatessen.
 
2014-05-20 11:45:42 PM  

Billy Bathsalt: Rainer Schimpf was observing the annual sardine run near Port Elizabeth, South Africa, when he came across the massive creature.

Maybe the whale thought he was a delicatessen.


I first read his name as Schrimpf and throught "Well, what does he expect?"
 
2014-05-20 11:46:31 PM  
thought, damnit. I'm not thrinking very well tonight.
 
2014-05-20 11:48:13 PM  
"Oh look, krill!"
 
2014-05-20 11:52:37 PM  
Tomorrow:  reporter dresses in wildebeest carcass and travels along the great African migration route.

/dnrtfa
 
2014-05-21 12:19:34 AM  
Those whales have a horrible gag reflex. It's best to give them a courtesy tap on the head lest things get messy.
 
2014-05-21 12:29:15 AM  
I hope those divers have been fixed, because they certainly shouldn't be allowed to breed.
 
2014-05-21 12:30:12 AM  
The pictures showed him the 49 foot-long Bryde's whale narrowly avoiding him.

FTFY. Although pretending a human sitting in the water actually could have moved out of the way in time is amusing.

These whales do this stuff with dolphins and sharks clamoring all over the place. Missing a human as well is nothing. They're total professionals.
 
2014-05-21 12:30:28 AM  
Empty H:

Noah was swallowed by a fish, not a whale. Stupid article.


I don't think a requirement of being a hack writer for the Metro is being a biblical scholar or having stayed awake during Sunday school.
 
2014-05-21 12:32:01 AM  

MechaPyx: Don't put yourself on the wrong end of the all you can eat buffet. It will not end well.


That's how I feel any time I go grocery shopping at Walmart and see all those obese people on their electric scooters pulling their carts behind them.
 
2014-05-21 12:34:14 AM  

OhioUGrad: MechaPyx: Don't put yourself on the wrong end of the all you can eat buffet. It will not end well.

That's how I feel any time I go grocery shopping at Walmart and see all those obese people on their electric scooters pulling their carts behind them.


Stop going to Walmart. You're invading their feeding grounds.
 
2014-05-21 12:38:19 AM  
the Donga need food
 
2014-05-21 12:42:35 AM  

bring to a festering boil: Empty H: Noah was swallowed by a fish, not a whale. Stupid article.

Not sure if serious.


I wasn't. I was mocking the article.
 
2014-05-21 12:47:07 AM  
Captain! There be oily salty snacks here!

/and sardines, too
 
2014-05-21 12:48:34 AM  

Danger Avoid Death: OhioUGrad: MechaPyx: Don't put yourself on the wrong end of the all you can eat buffet. It will not end well.

That's how I feel any time I go grocery shopping at Walmart and see all those obese people on their electric scooters pulling their carts behind them.

Stop going to Walmart. You're invading their feeding grounds.


It's the only place I can find a few items....next time I think I'll wear one of those orange reflective safety vests.
 
2014-05-21 01:21:28 AM  
He probably would have been swallowed if he'd remembered to bring the hot pastrami and swiss on rye.
 
2014-05-21 02:07:21 AM  

J. Frank Parnell: The pictures showed him the 49 foot-long Bryde's whale narrowly avoiding him.

FTFY. Although pretending a human sitting in the water actually could have moved out of the way in time is amusing.

These whales do this stuff with dolphins and sharks clamoring all over the place. Missing a human as well is nothing. They're total professionals.


Yes, the whale can do it very easily - as a snorkeler and freediver who works on a boat that does a dolphin watch and snorkel, I can say with certainty that even the seemingly clumsy sea life as better control and more speed than any human in the water. Sea turtles, which seem so silly, can swim FAST. And they can turn on a dime, too. Whales are huge, but they aren't clumsy - they have extreme control.

That said, I'm sure the whale was thinking, "why the hell didn't you get out of the way?!?" The diver only realized what was happening when the sharks scattered - sharks and dolphins get the hell out of the way when whales do their thing.
 
2014-05-21 02:31:03 AM  
Relax, the whale was only baleen him out of a tough spot.

I even groaned as I typed it.
 
2014-05-21 02:42:47 AM  

AltheaToldMe: Relax, the whale was only baleen him out of a tough spot.

I even groaned as I typed it.


It was probably a fluke.
 
2014-05-21 04:15:37 AM  

Danger Avoid Death: AltheaToldMe: Relax, the whale was only baleen him out of a tough spot.

I even groaned as I typed it.

It was probably a fluke.


I hope he doesn't end up whaling on himself. Sometimes puns can be porpoiseful.
 
2014-05-21 06:36:36 AM  

snochick: "Oh look, krill!"


If looks could krill.
 
2014-05-21 06:42:23 AM  

Somebody Else: snochick: "Oh look, krill!"

If looks could krill.


They'd make you walk the plankton for that one.
 
2014-05-21 06:48:43 AM  

Billy Bathsalt: Rainer Schimpf was observing the annual sardine run near Port Elizabeth, South Africa, when he came across the massive creature.

Maybe the whale thought he was a delicatessen.


i.imgflip.com
 
2014-05-21 07:33:02 AM  
South Africa?
I'd probably feel safer among the whales than a night in Jo'burg.


That said, I really miss Cape Town.

/and the mid-winter, night safari
 
2014-05-21 07:34:01 AM  

Qaiwolf: Billy Bathsalt: Rainer Schimpf was observing the annual sardine run near Port Elizabeth, South Africa, when he came across the massive creature.

Maybe the whale thought he was a delicatessen.

[i.imgflip.com image 480x325]


Can't ... stop ... *gasp* ... laughing ...

/you win the internets
 
2014-05-21 10:02:45 AM  

studebaker hoch: Hey, I've got a great idea: let's take a five second video clip of a whale ascending with its mouth open, add in fifteen seconds of random shots of the bait ball, then add a minute of bookend ads and pop-overs that don't dismiss immediately when clicked off.

Then let's call it "diver nearly gets eaten by whale".

And host it on a site with more ads!


Adblock and noscript are your friends.
 
2014-05-21 10:07:17 AM  

Empty H: Noah was swallowed by a fish, not a whale. Stupid article.


Biblical writers didn't know the difference. And Noah wasn't swallowed by anything, except maybe his wife.

/Badom-bom tish!
 
2014-05-21 02:27:05 PM  

Danger Avoid Death: JoieD'Zen: ArcadianRefugee: Incredible moment diver is "almost" swallowed by whale.

Blue whales (of which the Bryde's is a family member) cannot swallow anything larger than a beach ball. Many of these "eats lot of little fish or krill" whales have throat openings not much larger than a grapefruit.

So most likely a swimmer accidentally engulfed would be spat out.

orclover: Almost swallowed? If the whale had wanted to swallow him, he would have been swallowed.

Damn. You guys really know how to ruin a story with facts. Hush now.

Surely you don't expect them to swallow this hook, line and sinker.



Yes, I do.  And stop calling me Shirley.
 
2014-05-21 02:36:20 PM  

StatelyGreekAutomaton: Danger Avoid Death: AltheaToldMe: Relax, the whale was only baleen him out of a tough spot.

I even groaned as I typed it.

It was probably a fluke.

I hope he doesn't end up whaling on himself. Sometimes puns can be porpoiseful.



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