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(Uproxx)   Patton Oswalt's wife would prefer he go to strip clubs than play D&D   (uproxx.com) divider line 111
    More: Amusing, Patton Oswalt, internet trolls, Dungeons & Dragons  
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8934 clicks; posted to Geek » on 20 May 2014 at 12:15 PM (9 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



111 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-05-20 10:15:38 AM
Uh, I'd probably rather go to strip clubs than play D&D, and I DM a weekly game.
 
2014-05-20 10:37:51 AM
Whynotboth.jpg
 
2014-05-20 10:41:22 AM
The only time I've ever had fun in a strip club was going with a bi girl who was also into it. Otherwise they're really pretty boring. If I want to look at naked women I can't have sex with, the Internet is free.
 
2014-05-20 10:53:40 AM
d1mxyp5ceukbya.cloudfront.net

Agreed
 
2014-05-20 10:58:02 AM
Either way you REALLY get yelled at when you spill nacho cheese on everything
 
2014-05-20 11:38:22 AM
 
2014-05-20 11:43:40 AM
Trust me on this, ladies. Men will get into a lot less trouble (and spend a lot less money) playing D&D with their friends than going to a strip club.

"Oh, you want to hang out with your friends and eat potato chips and drink beer and use your creativity to imagine you're some group of characters going on adventures, solving mysteries and slaying monsters? That's GREAT. You should do this at LEAST once a week." That's what you say. Your husband will think you are a GODDESS.
 
2014-05-20 12:26:35 PM

Sybarite: The only time I've ever had fun in a strip club was going with a bi girl who was also into it. Otherwise they're really pretty boring. If I want to look at naked women I can't have sex with, the Internet is free.


This
 
2014-05-20 12:26:39 PM

Lando Lincoln: Trust me on this, ladies. Men will get into a lot less trouble (and spend a lot less money) playing D&D with their friends than going to a strip club.

"Oh, you want to hang out with your friends and eat potato chips and drink beer and use your creativity to imagine you're some group of characters going on adventures, solving mysteries and slaying monsters? That's GREAT. You should do this at LEAST once a week." That's what you say. Your husband will think you are a GODDESS.


This.

Last time I went to a strip club it was for a friend going through a break up. I sat in the back and gave no money or interest to the dancers, the way a girl would want her boyfriend acting.  I still had girls randomly rub their breasts against my face to see if I was either shy or not interested.  If you want that and more, let your bf go to a strip club over D and D.
 
2014-05-20 12:27:55 PM

Lando Lincoln: Trust me on this, ladies. Men will get into a lot less trouble (and spend a lot less money) playing D&D with their friends than going to a strip club.

"Oh, you want to hang out with your friends and eat potato chips and drink beer and use your creativity to imagine you're some group of characters going on adventures, solving mysteries and slaying monsters? That's GREAT. You should do this at LEAST once a week." That's what you say. Your husband will think you are a GODDESS.


I agree about the less trouble bit, not so much the money. Though D&D is definitely the cheapest of my tabletop addictions.
 
2014-05-20 12:33:03 PM
His wife sucks. My wife is awesome. I could do either as long as she got her time and attention.

Oh and I'll take this as a chance to pimp a pocast I listen to:

Dungeons and Randomness (#1 rated D&D Podcast on Itunes even)

Lots of pop culture references. Hours and hours of stuff to listen to if you start from the beginning (Epiosde 3 is the best, episode 1 and 2 are guys just dicking around half figuring out how to play).

The people play using a computer program and talking on Skype. It's amusing as hell AND the world that is made up is detailed and interesting. Jason, the DM, is really good at what he does.

Check them out.
 
2014-05-20 12:33:55 PM

Sybarite: If I want to look at naked women I can't have sex with, the Internet is free.


I just saying something stupid to my wife.
 
2014-05-20 12:40:15 PM

Jim from Saint Paul: His wife sucks. My wife is awesome. I could do either as long as she got her time and attention.

Oh and I'll take this as a chance to pimp a pocast I listen to:

Dungeons and Randomness (#1 rated D&D Podcast on Itunes even)

Lots of pop culture references. Hours and hours of stuff to listen to if you start from the beginning (Epiosde 3 is the best, episode 1 and 2 are guys just dicking around half figuring out how to play).

The people play using a computer program and talking on Skype. It's amusing as hell AND the world that is made up is detailed and interesting. Jason, the DM, is really good at what he does.

Check them out.


Yup my wife is awesome too, her requirements for the strip club "Don't go alone because that's sad, and don't spend too much, And if you can't find someone to go with you, I'll go"

Her rules for D&D "Don't spend too much on junk food.  If you come home late, I'll be too tired for sex, so that's up to you"  and recently our younger daughter has joined the group so I need to make sure I take her along.  Daddy - Daughter nerd time.
 
2014-05-20 12:41:15 PM

Jim from Saint Paul: His wife sucks. My wife is awesome. I could do either as long as she got her time and attention.

Oh and I'll take this as a chance to pimp a pocast I listen to:

Dungeons and Randomness (#1 rated D&D Podcast on Itunes even)

Lots of pop culture references. Hours and hours of stuff to listen to if you start from the beginning (Epiosde 3 is the best, episode 1 and 2 are guys just dicking around half figuring out how to play).

The people play using a computer program and talking on Skype. It's amusing as hell AND the world that is made up is detailed and interesting. Jason, the DM, is really good at what he does.

Check them out.


Noted for later perusal. Thanks.
 
2014-05-20 12:46:32 PM

SphericalTime: Uh, I'd probably rather go to strip clubs than play D&D, and I DM a weekly game.


True story: the daytime strippers (at least, the white girls) at the club down the street from my apartment play Magic the Gathering when they don't have customers.
 
2014-05-20 12:48:04 PM
IIRC, while he was filming Big Fan, between scenes in the strip club where his character gets his ass kicked by the football player, most of the cast and crew were hanging out with the strippers and getting dances.  Patton, however, claimed a private room so he could watch episodes of the HBO miniseries John Adams on his iPod.
 
2014-05-20 12:49:32 PM

likefunbutnot: SphericalTime: Uh, I'd probably rather go to strip clubs than play D&D, and I DM a weekly game.

True story: the daytime strippers (at least, the white girls) at the club down the street from my apartment play Magic the Gathering when they don't have customers.


The only things magic the gathering is good for is constant revenue for game shops and as a gateway game to better games.
 
2014-05-20 12:56:13 PM
I've never played D&D.  Back in the 80's late 90's when I was a kid, the West Memphis 3 happened and everyone in my part of the country thought it was debil worship.

So, I just didn't care all that much, plus I lived in a really small town pre-internet, so any way of getting together with other like minded nerds was impossible.

My mom was cool enough to buy it for me if I would have asked, but I thought the Ossy Osbourn/Randy Rhodes albumn was going far enough.

It's all so quaint now.   The idea of devil workshp and how stupid it being associated with D & D really is.

But where I'm from even athiests are considered devil worshippers.
 
2014-05-20 12:56:15 PM
To tell you the truth, I wasn't even hungry. But once I see those balls, I just lose it.
whatculture.com
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-05-20 01:01:02 PM
Meh, I'd rather play D&D.
 
2014-05-20 01:14:11 PM

Sybarite: The only time I've ever had fun in a strip club was going with a bi girl who was also into it. Otherwise they're really pretty boring. If I want to look at naked women I can't have sex with, the Internet is free.


you've been going to the wrong strip clubs.
 
2014-05-20 01:16:50 PM

likefunbutnot: SphericalTime: Uh, I'd probably rather go to strip clubs than play D&D, and I DM a weekly game.

True story: the daytime strippers (at least, the white girls) at the club down the street from my apartment play Magic the Gathering when they don't have customers.


All you have to do is walk in with some $2 to $10 Magic Cards and start waving them around. Chicks will be all OVER you!
 
2014-05-20 01:17:34 PM

likefunbutnot: SphericalTime: Uh, I'd probably rather go to strip clubs than play D&D, and I DM a weekly game.

True story: the daytime strippers (at least, the white girls) at the club down the street from my apartment play Magic the Gathering when they don't have customers.


What? I didn't want to know that. Now my boner is confused.
 
2014-05-20 01:19:41 PM

Big Beef Burrito: Jim from Saint Paul: His wife sucks. My wife is awesome. I could do either as long as she got her time and attention.

Oh and I'll take this as a chance to pimp a pocast I listen to:

Dungeons and Randomness (#1 rated D&D Podcast on Itunes even)

Lots of pop culture references. Hours and hours of stuff to listen to if you start from the beginning (Epiosde 3 is the best, episode 1 and 2 are guys just dicking around half figuring out how to play).

The people play using a computer program and talking on Skype. It's amusing as hell AND the world that is made up is detailed and interesting. Jason, the DM, is really good at what he does.

Check them out.

Noted for later perusal. Thanks.


Yep.

If you seem me around, let me know what you think. (No, I don't somehow work for them or anything... just a fan)
 
2014-05-20 01:23:40 PM

Sybarite: The only time I've ever had fun in a strip club was going with a bi girl who was also into it. Otherwise they're really pretty boring. If I want to look at naked women I can't have sex with, the Internet is free.


If I'm already horny and haven't picked up a woman in a bar, how much better am I going to feel after a woman rubs her tits in my face?

Seriously, you can find hookers for not much more than the price of admission and a dance to some of the clubs in London.
 
2014-05-20 01:25:38 PM

Jim from Saint Paul: His wife sucks. My wife is awesome. I could do either as long as she got her time and attention.

Oh and I'll take this as a chance to pimp a pocast I listen to:

Dungeons and Randomness (#1 rated D&D Podcast on Itunes even)

Lots of pop culture references. Hours and hours of stuff to listen to if you start from the beginning (Epiosde 3 is the best, episode 1 and 2 are guys just dicking around half figuring out how to play).

The people play using a computer program and talking on Skype. It's amusing as hell AND the world that is made up is detailed and interesting. Jason, the DM, is really good at what he does.

Check them out.


Drunks & Dragons is a pretty good podcast too. I love using skype or google hangout to play, it's completely revolutionized my ability to waste time with friends.
 
2014-05-20 01:26:32 PM
My birthday party is coming up this weekend.  My wife asked if I wanted to go out to the clubs or the bar and party.

I've got a keg lined up and my group is going to sit around and play drunken D&D for two days straight.  And honestly, that's the way I prefer it.
 
2014-05-20 01:28:29 PM

Raug the Dwarf: My birthday party is coming up this weekend.  My wife asked if I wanted to go out to the clubs or the bar and party.

I've got a keg lined up and my group is going to sit around and play drunken D&D for two days straight.  And honestly, that's the way I prefer it.


MAGIC MISSLE. I WANT TO USE MAGIC MISSLE.
 
2014-05-20 01:29:05 PM
I've played D&D in a lot of places... but never in a strip club.

Hmmmm.
 
2014-05-20 01:29:23 PM
I got over strip clubs very quickly. Went a time or two while traveling on overnights for work, out of town. I was horny and curious and the internet was still just dial-up and low rez and generally unavailable. So I explored it. But it rapidly lost appeal. I mean rapidly.

  The moment that crystalized it was watching two strippers working the floor, near me. They were both table-dancing, fully nude, for 2 guys, sitting side-by-side, one row behind me. I was about twelve feet away, watching them work, and the whole time they were shaking their kiesters in the customers faces, the dancers were having  a conversation between themselves, and the nature of it was so banal, it was exactly like seeing a couple of moms chatting as they changed their babies' diapers, or cleaned some dishes, or sorted laundry together. They were just going on and on, gossiping and rapping, oblivious to their own condition or the customers they were entertaining at the time.  It killed the magic in a way more permanent than any lecture or sermon.  The whole point of a strip club is illusion and fantasy and those gals just made it.... sad. Permanently sad. Never did go back, ever.
 
2014-05-20 01:30:01 PM
www.geocities.ws

"I haven't been to Silk Stockings since they banned me sweatpants."

"Arr"
 
2014-05-20 01:31:02 PM
She's a keeper.
 
2014-05-20 01:32:49 PM

likefunbutnot: SphericalTime: Uh, I'd probably rather go to strip clubs than play D&D, and I DM a weekly game.

True story: the daytime strippers (at least, the white girls) at the club down the street from my apartment play Magic the Gathering when they don't have customers.


The ones at Devil's Point in Portland, Oregon are mostly huge nerds.  A lot of them have tattoos of Ninja Turtles, Transformers, Itchy & Scratchy, The Venture Brothers, Star Wars, etc.
 
2014-05-20 01:33:27 PM
My bachelor party was getting the guys together to drink beer and play Risk.  You might think that's lame, but it was the last time we all got together to do that.  Not too long after we were all married and gone on our separate ways, so it was the last hurrah before real life came knocking.
 
2014-05-20 01:35:27 PM

Lando Lincoln: Trust me on this, ladies. Men will get into a lot less trouble (and spend a lot less money) playing D&D with their friends than going to a strip club.


You're ignoring the fact that D&D is a gateway drug to playing Warhammer 40K, and  that addiction will cost you more than a dedicated cocaine habit.
 
2014-05-20 01:35:56 PM

LikeALeafOnTheWind: Sybarite: The only time I've ever had fun in a strip club was going with a bi girl who was also into it. Otherwise they're really pretty boring. If I want to look at naked women I can't have sex with, the Internet is free.

you've been going to the wrong strip clubs.


Me too then, because sitting with a bunch of other guys on sniffers row and throwing dollars to see naked ladies is fun the first couple of times, but then it's really boring.  Once after a few minutes I started watching one of the TVs that were on the wall and the stripper said 'What the hell, my pussy is over here'.  It's like yeah, it's there, but unless you start doing tricks with it my attention span has moved on.
 
2014-05-20 01:37:02 PM
I like Patton Oswalt's character on Agents of Shield.
 
2014-05-20 01:37:12 PM

Ika7734: Her rules for D&D "Don't spend too much on junk food.  If you come home late, I'll be too tired for sex, so that's up to you"  and recently our younger daughter has joined the group so I need to make sure I take her along.  Daddy - Daughter nerd time.


That's legitimately awesome. You win father of the year, in my book. Out of curiosity, how did you introduce her to the game?
 
2014-05-20 01:39:47 PM

Jim from Saint Paul: likefunbutnot: SphericalTime: Uh, I'd probably rather go to strip clubs than play D&D, and I DM a weekly game.

True story: the daytime strippers (at least, the white girls) at the club down the street from my apartment play Magic the Gathering when they don't have customers.

All you have to do is walk in with some $2 to $10 Magic Cards and start waving them around. Chicks will be all OVER you!


The cards aren't collectible when they're folded in half.
 
2014-05-20 01:45:05 PM
People underestimate Patton Oswalt's wife at their peril.
 
2014-05-20 01:45:39 PM
I just role play a wizard while at strip clubs.
 
2014-05-20 01:45:52 PM

soseussme: Jim from Saint Paul: likefunbutnot: SphericalTime: Uh, I'd probably rather go to strip clubs than play D&D, and I DM a weekly game.

True story: the daytime strippers (at least, the white girls) at the club down the street from my apartment play Magic the Gathering when they don't have customers.

All you have to do is walk in with some $2 to $10 Magic Cards and start waving them around. Chicks will be all OVER you!

The cards aren't collectible when they're folded in half.


Bet you some of them wouldn;t even fold them.
 
2014-05-20 01:49:24 PM
If you've never had fun at a strip club go to Saaphire's in Vegas. Was sucking on titties right in the middle of the damn floor.
 
2014-05-20 01:50:28 PM

chewielouie: I like Patton Oswalt's character on Agents of Shield.


I assume he is the first revealed LMD.
 
2014-05-20 01:51:28 PM

keepitcherry: If you've never had fun at a strip club go to Saaphire's in Vegas. Was sucking on titties right in the middle of the damn floor.


... yummy?
 
2014-05-20 01:57:42 PM

Sybarite: The only time I've ever had fun in a strip club was going with a bi girl who was also into it. Otherwise they're really pretty boring. If I want to look at naked women I can't have sex with, the Internet is free.


This. I have been a couple times but I just don't see the value.
 
2014-05-20 01:58:46 PM
Sybarite: they're really pretty boring. If I want to look at naked women I can't have sex with, the Internet is free.

this is exactly what i tell people when the subject comes up!
 
2014-05-20 02:00:45 PM
I had weird looks at my job when I commented that I rather play D&D than go to a strip club...
 
2014-05-20 02:01:57 PM

bungle_jr: Sybarite: they're really pretty boring. If I want to look at naked women I can't have sex with, the Internet is free.

this is exactly what i tell people when the subject comes up!


The Internet has an open-ended monthly subscription cost...

Binoculars are a one-time investment.

Garage sale binoculars are the cheapest boob-goggling device araound!
 
2014-05-20 02:05:37 PM

James Rieper: My bachelor party was getting the guys together to drink beer and play Risk.  You might think that's lame, but it was the last time we all got together to do that.  Not too long after we were all married and gone on our separate ways, so it was the last hurrah before real life came knocking.


media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com
 
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